Is it difficult?

Yes, it is.

But how does this difficulty compare to the pain of being estranged from one’s children?

Dou Zhao recalled the myriad experiences of her previous life, a flicker of bewilderment passing through her eyes, while her heart was filled with more bitterness.

This parting might mean she and Song Mo would never have the chance to meet again.

Some things are better said clearly.

Dou Zhao didn’t want to leave Song Mo with regrets or pain.

Just as she had experienced in her previous life, being separated from her mother by death and unable to understand the reasons, she would often unconsciously speculate about her mother’s death, wondering if it had anything to do with herself. If Song Mo were to leave like this, in the years to come, when he thought about this incident, he would surely, like her in the past, be haunted by it for life.

She asked Song Mo, “You’ve been practicing martial arts since childhood. Did you find it difficult?”

Song Mo was somewhat surprised but thought for a moment and answered sincerely, “I didn’t find it difficult!”

“But watching you train in the depths of winter and the height of summer, we thought it looked very hard,” Dou Zhao continued, “Why didn’t you find it difficult?”

Song Mo pondered, “Perhaps because I believe in ‘reaping what you sow,’ so I didn’t feel it was difficult?”

“You started managing Yizhi Hall at such a young age. Did you find that difficult?”

Song Mo smiled, “I’m the heir of Duke Ying’s household. Managing Yizhi Hall is part of my duties. How could I find it difficult?”

Dou Zhao said, “Then after falling out with your father, you consistently had the upper hand. You must have felt quite pleased with yourself?”

Song Mo was taken aback.

Without waiting for his response, Dou Zhao continued, “I heard from Mr. Chen that since the Duke confined the Second Young Master to the main house to study, you’ve rarely seen him. Does that make you feel sad?”

Song Mo’s eyes widened, but he seemed thoughtful, vaguely understanding her meaning.

“That’s why I don’t find managing the household difficult,” Dou Zhao smiled at him. “We deal with problems as they come. It’s always the same issue, and even if mistakes are made, we find ways to remedy them. Playing the balancing act with the people in the East Mansion isn’t difficult either. They’re my blood relatives, just as I am theirs. If they respect me an inch, I’ll respect them a foot. Even if they might let me down, it’s only momentary heartache, and I’d only blame myself for misjudging people.”

She turned her head, gazing at the dappled shadows on the ground, and spoke softly, “When I was young, I always felt lonely without parents or siblings. As I grew up, I especially hoped for a companion, someone who would treat me well even if everyone else abandoned me. So even though I knew he had his faults, I was still willing to stay with him.” At this point, she smiled faintly at Song Mo, “Besides, I’m not without faults either. While I’m tolerating others, perhaps others are tolerating me too. But having someone by your side is always better than being alone, isn’t it?”

She must be referring to Wei Tingyu, Song Mo thought.

In the moonlight, her smile appeared so pale and thin, like an invisible hand tightly gripping Song Mo’s heart, making it hard for him to breathe.

“But blood ties are different,” Dou Zhao murmured, “Connected by flesh and blood, sharing the same breath… No matter what, it’s impossible to sever.” The faces of her children had long blurred in Dou Zhao’s memory, but the feelings of sorrow and joy they had given her remained etched in her heart. “When they hurt, you hurt; when they’re happy, you’re happy. You feel it in your bones. No matter where you go, no matter where you are, as long as you remember, you can never let go.”

Song Mo was deeply shocked.

Dou Zhao was afraid!

She was afraid of getting married!

What could have made her think this way?

Was it her birth mother’s death?

Or Dou Ming’s substitution in marriage?

Or perhaps the role the Ji family played?

He remembered that Dou Zhao and Ji Yong had grown up together!

This Dou Zhao made his heartache.

He thought of Chen Qushui, Duan Gongyi, and Suxin around Dou Zhao… Was this why she was surrounded by such skilled individuals?

He even recalled his father’s coldness towards him.

Song Mo seemed to return to that cold night, to that night as warm as spring, lulling one to sleep, yet closing one’s eyes meant facing the yellow springs of the underworld!

He couldn’t help but grab Dou Zhao’s hand and said, “Since you knew that if you were seriously ill, my father would certainly break off the engagement to save face, why didn’t you use this strategy before meeting me?”

Song Hei’s expression was very serious, surprising Dou Zhao.

“Is it because you thought that if you left this matter to me, I would surely give you a satisfactory resolution?” Song Mo asked solemnly.

Dou Zhao nodded.

That was indeed what she had thought.

No one knew Song Mo’s capabilities better than her.

If Song Mo could trick Song Yichun into proposing marriage to her in just a few days, he would certainly have a way to dissolve the engagement while allowing her to emerge unscathed.

Dou Zhao’s response made a strange light flash in Song Mo’s eyes.

“Then can you trust me once more, like you did before?” He looked at Dou Zhao earnestly, “Why don’t you marry me instead? Even if I’m not the best, I can still protect you completely!”

Dou Zhao was stunned.

She had already spoken so frankly, yet Song Mo still wanted to marry her?

Of course, she wasn’t conceited enough to think Song Mo had fallen for her.

Dou Zhao still remembered what kind of women Song Mo had around him in her previous life!

At that time, he was unorthodox and arrogant, without elders to restrain him, and even those women couldn’t win his heart enough for him to marry them. As for herself… not to mention that she was a year older than Song Mo, her personality, having become noticeably subdued after experiencing so much, was only good for keeping accounts and managing household affairs, or tending to crops and flowers. She was far from being witty or humorous, and couldn’t even be considered gentle and virtuous.

She blurted out, “Why?”

Why?

Song Mo pondered for a moment.

Yes, why indeed?

Although Dou Zhao’s experiences were pitiable, she wasn’t a weak person. On the contrary, she had become more resilient, more decisive, and more resolute because of them. What did he have to worry about?

The autumn night wind blew, rustling the leaves, and bringing a bone-chilling coolness. But because of Dou Zhao beside him, because of having such a person to share intimate conversations with, that bone-chilling coolness became negligible.

“Didn’t you say having someone by your side is always better than being alone?” He smiled, “Rather than letting my father dictate my marriage, why not marry you? At least we can talk to each other. We might as well keep each other company.”

“Ah?!” Dou Zhao’s almond-shaped eyes widened as she thought of the estrangement between Song and his father.

For a moment, she seemed to see Song Mo again, who, despite being surrounded by attendants, wore a lonely expression and cut a solitary figure.

In reality, their situations were so similar.

A faint sadness welled up in Dou Zhao’s heart.

Under the eaves, the light from the large red lanterns cast a rosy glow on the ground, and the chirping of unknown insects could be heard in the courtyard.

Song Mo said softly, “Dou Zhao, you might as well think carefully about what I’ve said. Rather than struggling so hard in the Dou family, why not come to Yizhi Hall? At least Chen Qushui, Duan Gongyi, and the others can openly stay by your side.”

Dou Zhao remained silent.

Song Mo bid farewell, “I’ll await your response!”

Dou Zhao didn’t sleep all night.

Perhaps it was because Song Mo from her previous life had left too deep an impression on her.

No one’s abilities made her feel as reassured as Song Mo’s, and no family intimidated her as much as Duke Ying’s household.

But Song Mo’s words made sense.

Rather than struggling so hard in the Dou family, not knowing when she might be able to rise above it all, why not marry into Duke Ying’s household?

She also wouldn’t have to hide and conceal things as she did now.

Should she go, or not?

When Song Mo said he’d await her response, did he mean waiting for her to spread rumors about having a serious illness so he could take the opportunity to dissolve their engagement? Or was he waiting for her answer before taking steps to dissolve their engagement?

Dou Zhao felt as if she were standing at a crossroads.

Marrying into Duke Ying’s household meant facing foreseeable difficulties.

Staying with the Dou family meant facing predictable hardships.

Was there no third path for her to take?

For the first time since her rebirth, Dou Zhao found herself in a daze, unable to make a decision.

She only wished that time could freeze at this moment, allowing her to make up her mind before the sun rose and the moon set again.

Meanwhile, Song Mo stood by the moon window in his study, letting out a long sigh.

It had been three days, and there was no movement from the Dou family.

There were no rumors about Dou Zhao having a serious illness, nor were they pressuring the Song family about the marriage.

Painting the rooms, preparing the new house, sending out invitations, setting up the accounts… all the wedding preparations were proceeding smoothly.

Upon receiving the invitation, Dou Ming rushed to Jing’an Temple Lane.

“Is it true that my sister is engaged to the heir of Duke Ying’s household, Young Master Song Yantang?” she asked Dou Shiyingwith disbelief.

“Is there any doubt about it?!” Having resolved his eldest daughter’s marriage, Dou Shiying was in high spirits and seemed to have become ten years younger. Thinking of what his second daughter had done to his eldest, he instructed Dou Ming, “When you prepare the dowry for your sister, make sure to give a generous gift. You and the Marquis of Jining must remember to come back for the wedding feast!”

Dou Ming was displeased but, remembering her father’s recent anger towards her dared not show it. Instead, she clung to Dou Shiying’s arm and whined, “Don’t always call him ‘Marquis of Jining.’ He’s your second son-in-law! His courtesy name is Peijin.”

Dou Shiying didn’t joke around with her as usual. He merely nodded absently and said seriously, “You’re a married woman now. You should carry yourself with dignity. How can you still be clinging to my sleeve and acting coy?”

Dou Ming pouted and said playfully, “But I miss you, Father!”

Faced with such a daughter, Dou Shiying shook his head and sighed, his expression softening slightly.

Dou Ming then asked Dou Shiying, “How did Duke Ying’s household come to choose my sister? I heard that the young heir is a year younger than her, and he’s bloodthirsty, not even sparing his guards…”

“Stop this nonsense!” Dou Shiying scolded her angrily, “How can you gossip about your sister like some common market woman, spreading baseless rumors!” He continued, “I asked Duke Ying about this matter, and he said there was no such thing. You’re Shou Gu’s sister, don’t let me hear such talk again!”

Dou Ming was unconvinced and was about to say more when Gaosheng came in to report, “Sir, Mr. Cai and Mr. Xu from the Hanlin Academy are here.”

Dou Shiying’s expression eased slightly. After admonishing Dou Ming with a few words about “never doing this again,” he straightened his clothes and went to the reception hall.

Dou Ming couldn’t help but stamp her foot in frustration before turning to go to the side room where Wang Yingxue was confined.