At night, Chi Cheng kept complaining about feeling cold. Xun Xun went to check on him in his bedroom, where he was already wrapped in a thick quilt with a blanket on top. She had him take his temperature, then went to the living room to get his medicine. Just as she finished pouring hot water, she heard him dramatically lamenting that he had a fever.
Xun Xun checked the thermometer and said, “It’s just a low fever, barely 38 degrees. Take the medicine and get some sleep, you’ll be fine.”
Chi Cheng accused her of not caring whether he lived or died. With a feeble voice, he kept asking Xun Xun to make ginger tea one moment and fetch an ice pack the next, frequently mentioning how his mother used to take care of him this way when he had a cold. Xun Xun complied with his requests without argument, but he pressed his luck by asking her to stay with him.
Xun Xun wasn’t falling for it and prepared to return to her room after he took his medicine. Disappointed, Chi Cheng asked, “Is this how you’d treat Xie Ping Ning if he were sick?”
“Xie Ping Ning isn’t nearly as demanding as you,” Xun Xun replied.
“How am I demanding? Just sit by my bed for a while.” When he saw Xun Xun wasn’t moving, he took her hand and pulled it under the covers, placing it on himself.
“What are you doing?”
“Don’t get the wrong idea. I just want you to put your hand on my stomach. Keeping the stomach warm all night cures any cold or flu.”
“Do you think I’m stupid enough to fall for that?”
Chi Cheng brazenly claimed, “It’s my mother’s secret remedy.”
Xun Xun pulled her hand away and stood up, tired of his nonsense. “How could I compare to your mother?”
Seeing her patience wearing thin, Chi Cheng quickly dropped his playful act and said with blinking eyes, “Don’t be upset, I was just teasing you. You’re much better than my mom. After she divorced my dad, she became unstable, like she’d lost her soul. She had no time for me then.”
“You’re quite the storyteller. Did you make up that secret remedy too?”
Chi Cheng replied, half-truthfully, “How harsh to call it made up – it was at least a beautiful wish. Long ago, I had a bad cold. In the middle of the night, my blanket fell off the bed, and I was too weak to pick it up. I wanted to call for my mom, but I heard her crying in the next room, cursing my dad. I lay there with my stomach getting cold, thinking if only someone were there to warm my stomach, no illness would be scary.”
Xun Xun laughed, “Why don’t you submit this to ‘Zhiyin’ magazine? At least make your story believable. Don’t you have hands? Couldn’t you warm your own stomach?”
Chi Cheng shamelessly grabbed her hand again. “My hands are too cold, yours are just right. Give me a few more seconds, I’m about to fall asleep. If I don’t respond when you call, you can leave me alone.”
Xun Xun resigned herself and sat quietly. His breathing gradually became steady.
“Chi Cheng?”
“Almost asleep.”
A few minutes passed.
“Hey?”
“Hmm?”
…
“Silly?”
“Not as silly as you.”
Xun Xun sat between the bed and nightstand, listening to the clock’s ticking, which had a hypnotic effect. Her eyelids grew heavy, and when she could no longer stay awake, she tried to carefully withdraw her hand. But as soon as she moved, Chi Cheng’s grip tightened.
“You never intended to sleep properly,” she realized.
“I don’t want to sleep too deeply,” Chi Cheng turned and hugged her. “Besides, I can’t sleep. I’m still cold.”
“The fact that you can move around proves you’re not dying.”
“Even if I were having my final revival before death, I’d gather my strength if you were willing.”
Xun Xun was speechless, realizing he could always steer any conversation back to this topic.
She sighed in resignation, “Is that all you think about?”
“There are other things, but priorities matter. When you sit beside me, talking and getting me water, you still seem like an illusion – hollow, as if my hand could pass right through you.”
Xun Xun looked down warning, “If your hand can pass through, what’s that on my chest?”
“Xun Xun, I’ve given you plenty of time. What are you trying to prove?”
“You’re starting to sweat. Don’t overthink things. You’ll feel better soon,” Xun Xun said while subtly breaking free.
Chi Cheng glumly covered his face with a pillow. “You can go. Animals have it better than humans – at least they know to find a mate for winter.”
Xun Xun tucked him in, turned off the light, and left his room.
Finding a mate isn’t difficult, but would animals who cuddle through winter still recognize each other in spring?
As the saying goes, illness strikes like a landslide but leaves like pulling silk. Chi Cheng’s cold didn’t improve as quickly as expected. Though his fever broke, he remained dizzy and congested, listless like a ball of cotton candy. To Xun Xun, this had its benefits – the powerful cold virus temporarily overcame his perpetual horniness, giving her two peaceful days free from his advances.
Despite trying to avoid it, Xun Xun inevitably ran into Sun Yi Fan at work. They met in the elevator, where he smiled and greeted her as if the incident outside Yan Li’s apartment that night had been purely her imagination. Xun Xun smiled back, thinking to herself that she still had much to learn about being worldly and sophisticated.
That morning, while checking accounts, Xun Xun again discovered that Chen Zhou had approved Sun Yi Fan’s shipping order. Usually, the company would stop shipments by this time, and distributors wouldn’t place orders either. But since Sun Yi Fan was in charge of this order and was the sales supervisor, with Chen Zhou handling the finances, nobody except Chi Cheng could really question it.
Xun Xun didn’t know Sun Yi Fan’s purpose in shipping so frequently, but she was certain it wasn’t just to pad the company’s performance. This shipment was substantial, and she grew worried, primarily for Chen Zhou, who was blinded by love.
Though Xun Xun generally believed in minding her own business and watching her words, after careful consideration, she decided to speak up just this once.
Taking advantage of Old Wang’s absence, she carefully said to her immediate superior, “Sister Zhou, I remember that Manager Li from Ji Shun hasn’t settled his payments in a long time. Is it appropriate to send such a large shipment before the new year?”
Chen Zhou glanced up at Xun Xun and said, “I know what I’m doing.”
Xun Xun had to swallow any further comments. The branch office still had some inventory, and since the distributor was local, the shipment would likely go out by afternoon at the latest. She tried to convince herself this wasn’t her concern, and that rashly exposing it would have unknown consequences but would definitely implicate Chen Zhou, which she didn’t want.
Her natural caution and pessimism troubled her, making it difficult to focus all day.
Coincidentally, just before the end of the workday, Chi Cheng called the finance department saying he couldn’t find the reports previously sent to him. Chen Zhou sent Xun Xun to deliver another copy.
Xun Xun entered Chi Cheng’s office and handed him the report, saying quietly, “Don’t tell me you didn’t know the previous copy is on your desk at home.”
Chi Cheng was packing his briefcase and looked up with a smile, “I called you here just to tell you I won’t be having dinner with you tonight. Head home by yourself after work.”
“Oh,” Xun Xun responded. She had picked out his gray and pink checkered tie today, and his jacket hanging on the chair was just back from the dry cleaners downstairs yesterday. She had already planned tonight’s menu. In just a few days, their lives had become so intricately connected – the thought actually startled her.
Chi Cheng found her dazed expression amusing. “Does missing one dinner with me leave you so devastated that your soul leaves your body?”
He started coughing as he laughed. Though his cold and congestion had improved over the past few days, his throat was still inflamed, causing occasional coughs. Xun Xun noticed his nose was still slightly red and dark circles had formed under his eyes, knowing this cold had really worn him down. In this weakened state, it was no wonder Sun Yi Fan had managed to make moves right under his nose.
Xun Xun suddenly became anxious and blurted out, “Do you know that Sun Yi Fan has been continuously shipping goods to distributors who are already over their credit limits?”
She thought that if something went wrong and upper management came down hard, even being the boss’s son might not protect him from his father and stepmother’s anger. They might send him to another location or back to America, and her decision to finally settle in this city would be for nothing.
Chi Cheng finished organizing his things and smiled, “I should take a photo of you right now. I love seeing you worry about me.”
“I’m not in the mood for jokes. Sun Yi Fan told me he plans to leave the company. Don’t you think that’s suspicious?”
“Seems he’s quite open with you. Perhaps there are real feelings involved.” Chi Cheng put on his coat. “I’d rather not hear you mention him all the time.”
“Sigh, did you even listen to what I said? You’re talking nonsense.”
He walked toward the door, passing by her, and quickly squeezed her palm.
“How could I not listen to what you say? We’ll discuss it later, okay? I have an appointment and need to leave now. You don’t know this, but Old Li from Ji Shun has quite a temper.”
He hurried out, leaving Xun Xun staring thoughtfully at the newly printed report.
When Xun Xun returned to the office, Chen Zhou told her her phone had been ringing constantly. Xun Xun checked the call log and saw it was Zeng Yu. Just as she was about to call back, her phone vibrated again. It wasn’t Zeng Yu or “Dimples Long Lashes,” but Xie Ping Ning, whom she thought she’d never interact with again.
Xun Xun asked what he wanted. Xie Ping Ning countered, “Have we reached the point where you don’t want to hear my voice unless I need something?”
Xun Xun said, “But I assume you do need something. You’re not the type to make pointless calls.”
“Is that a compliment?” Xie Ping Ning laughed bitterly, then after a pause asked, “Xun Xun, are you really with Chi Cheng now?”
“What are you trying to say?” Xun Xun walked out of the office to take the call somewhere private.
“Forgive me for saying this, but something about Chi Cheng has always seemed strange to me. Don’t misunderstand – I’m not trying to slander him. To be honest, seeing you together makes me feel somewhat lost. Maybe I’m selfish, but since things have come to this point, I genuinely want what’s best for you.”
“Ping Ning, you don’t need to say these things.”
“When I was still with Jia Quan, she told me some things about Chi Cheng. It turns out they only knew each other for about a month before becoming a couple, and they didn’t meet through proper channels. Jia Quan likes to party – she said that day she was feeling terrible and went clubbing with friends, drinking quite a bit. Chi Cheng was sitting at the next table, and Jia Quan’s friend was interested in him, so she invited him over for drinks. Unexpectedly, Chi Cheng showed interest in Jia Quan instead, got her contact information that night, and soon called to ask her out. He had good prospects, so Jia Quan was interested too. At first, she thought he was just playing around, but when marriage came up jokingly, Chi Cheng didn’t object. She thought she’d struck gold and committed herself to the relationship. She even came back here because Chi Cheng planned to develop business here, but then he suddenly changed his attitude, caused all that trouble, and now he’s involved with you.”
After a long pause, Xun Xun said, “Are you suggesting that Chi Cheng destroyed both your marriage and your romance? Were there no problems between you and Shao Jia Quan?”
Xie Ping Ning was speechless, then continued, “That’s not what I meant. Like I said before, we’re both at fault for the divorce, but without Chi Cheng, we might not have ended up this way. He might just be playing around with different women without any real sincerity. I’m worried you’ll get hurt and deceived.”
His subtext was clear – if Chi Cheng could so easily dismiss Shao Jia Quan, what about someone like Xun Xun who wasn’t even his type? Once the novelty wore off, he’d tire of her. Xun Xun wasn’t afraid of others thinking this way, as she had the same doubts herself, but after hearing Xie Ping Ning’s words, she felt the key issue lay elsewhere.
“You mentioned Shao Jia Quan was upset when she met Chi Cheng. Did she tell you why?”
“Yes, she did. It was during my grandmother’s 80th birthday. She called to send her wishes, and I happened to answer the phone. We talked for a while, and my mother overheard. Soon after, she had someone send Jia Quan a package of local specialties, saying it was for memories. Inside were many family photos, including our wedding picture. She’s straightforward – although she knew I was married, having my mother so blatantly put those photos in front of her like that as if warning her off, was too much for her to take…”
“Are you saying she might have had our photos with her the day she met Chi Cheng?” Xun Xun’s heart skipped a beat.
“It’s possible, what? Could it be…”
Xun Xun quickly interrupted, “Don’t speculate. I didn’t say anything.”
“Xun Xun, I advise you to be careful and leave him early. He’s not someone you can rely on for life.”
“Thanks for your advice,” Xun Xun replied distractedly.
After ending the call with Xie Ping Ning, she stood there dazed until she heard someone laugh behind her, “I wondered who was standing here – it’s Xun Xun! Off work already but still here – planning to work overtime?”
Zhou Rui Sheng’s smile seemed permanently fixed on his face with super glue, never disappearing. Seeing Xun Xun’s silence and noting they were alone, his smile took on a knowing and understanding quality.
“Listen to me – this is all family here, why so formal about overtime? Chi Cheng’s out, why not come have dinner at your mother’s house tonight? She misses you.”
When Xun Xun remained silent, even Zhou Rui Sheng, a master of reading people and smooth-talking, felt awkward and said with a forced smile, “Well, I won’t bother you then.”
“Wait.” Xun Xun suddenly called after him.
“I knew you weren’t hard-hearted. Your mother…”
“Director Zhou, I’d like to ask you a few things about Chi Cheng.”
“About that…”
Xun Xun knew that with his cunning, he must be weighing whether she was looking for dirt on Chi Cheng or simply acting on a woman’s natural desire to know everything about her lover.
“It’s nothing major, but you’re Chi Cheng’s only relative here, so you must know him best.”
“Not at all, though I did watch him grow up.”
“Chi Cheng’s mother has passed away – why did he come back here?”
“Shanghai is his stepmother’s territory; he couldn’t stay there long. Wasn’t it perfect timing with the branch office opening here? I was ready to enjoy retirement, but seeing him struggling alone, I came specially to help.”
“Then… you must know his previous girlfriend?”
Zhou Rui Sheng laughed it off, “Girlfriend? Come on, Xun Xun, what young man doesn’t have girls coming and going? But those weren’t real girlfriends. If you ask me, you’re the only one who could make him settle down. Now that you’re together, it’s wonderful, wonderful!”
Xun Xun frowned, “What? Even Shao Jia Quan was discussing marriage with him – how was she not a girlfriend?”
“Who?” Zhou Rui Sheng looked completely puzzled.
From his expression, he seemed to have never heard of Shao Jia Quan. Though Zhou Rui Sheng wasn’t honest, his confusion appeared genuine. If he wanted to cover for Chi Cheng, he could have easily said Chi Cheng was just playing around with Shao Jia Quan – there was no need to pretend ignorance, which would be easily exposed.
If Chi Cheng had never mentioned Shao Jia Quan to Zhou Rui Sheng, did that mean the “former fiancée” was a lie from start to finish?
“Does Chi Cheng talk about me to you?”
Zhou Rui Sheng, misinterpreting Xun Xun’s confusion for shyness, answered with a smile, “You’re selling yourself short. Though that kid Chi Cheng has a difficult temperament, his feelings for you are genuine. Even this old man can see it clearly – how can you not understand?”
“Could you tell me when he first mentioned me to you?”
She immediately regretted her directness. As expected, Zhou Rui Sheng hesitated, clearly becoming more guarded, and his subsequent response was far more cautious.
“Well… look at my memory, getting worse with age. You should know how he treats you – there’s no need for outsiders like me to speculate. Oh my, I just remembered I have some matters to attend to. I’ll go now – are you sure you don’t want to visit home?”
Xun Xun remained silent, watching Zhou Rui Sheng turn away.
“Don’t deceive her!” she suddenly called out to his retreating figure. Seeing him stop, she added softly with difficulty, “Her life hasn’t been easy… be good to her.”
Zhou Rui Sheng gave a slight bow in acknowledgment. “Of course.”
After he left, Xun Xun stood alone, pressing her hand against the building’s floor-to-ceiling glass wall. From the thirty-third floor, the entire city and the tinted half-sky seemed to be cradled in her palm. She searched her mind desperately, but the more she thought, the more confused she became.
What kind of person was Chi Cheng? And why had he come? Xun Xun felt as if she were surrounded by dense fog. To her, the fog was more frightening than darkness – light could penetrate the darkness, but fog could only be waited out. The path ahead was indistinct, and she dared not take a step forward, not knowing whether paradise or a cliff awaited.
Xun Xun wasn’t someone who easily gave trust or made decisions. If she was willing to take a gamble, it was only because she had calculated the odds in her favor. Previously, these odds came from Chi Cheng’s sincere feelings – he might be unreliable in everything else, but at least he loved her. This was the only conclusion she had reached after much hesitation. Just as she had decided to place her bet, wagering that this bit of true love could buy half a lifetime of peace, she suddenly realized how deceptive this misty city was.
Could everything be fake?
Was it fake when he pointed at her nose and said “The one who stays to argue is the one who loves”?
Were his red-rimmed eyes after their arguments fake?
Was his anxious joy upon seeing her fake?
Were his hands that wouldn’t let go even in sleep and his childlike dependency also fake?
Then what was real?
If everything worth remembering, everything that touched the heart was illusory, and only bleakness and desolation were real, how pitiful must those who lived their entire lives in reality be?
When Xun Xun finally came to her senses and remembered to call Zeng Yu, most of the company staff had already left. Zeng Yu said it wasn’t anything important, just that Sister Yan Li had called her in the morning, exchanged pleasantries, and invited her over for dinner.
“You know we’ve never had much to talk about, and she wouldn’t invite me to dinner without reason. It’s obvious – she’s counting on you being there if I go. Despite our arguments, she still remembers you’re her only daughter, even if she’s too stubborn to admit it. Just tell me – do you want to go back? Give me an answer, and I won’t have to join that awkward gathering,” Zeng Yu said straightforwardly over the phone.
Xun Xun forced a laugh, “Maybe she genuinely wants to spend time with you!”
“Spare me,” Zeng Yu chuckled. “Don’t blame me for being disrespectful. To be honest, I don’t have time right now. This young lady is busy after work.”
“Is Lian Quan back?” Xun Xun could tell from her tone and was happy for her.
Zeng Yu said, “Why bring him up? That chapter is closed. I have a new companion now, I’ll introduce you sometime.”
“What? Did you break up with Lian Quan? Why?” Xun Xun felt she couldn’t keep up. Lian Quan had been the most compatible among all the men in Zeng Yu’s life. Xun Xun had high hopes for them, thinking Zeng Yu had finally found her true love, though she wouldn’t admit it.
Zeng Yu’s voice sounded nonchalant. “‘Breaking up’ only applies to couples. What were we? Just a fleeting affair – it ended when it ended.”
“What’s the point of lying to me?” Having grown up together, they knew each other too well, and Xun Xun immediately saw through Zeng Yu’s deception. “Did he bring it up first?”
Initially, Zeng Yu complained that Xun Xun was being nosy and suspicious like all housewives but finally admitted dejectedly, “Actually, neither of us mentioned breaking up. He was gone for so long, and I even made a ‘business trip’ excuse to visit him once. It was the same as always – being together was just about one thing, but who could keep taking such long flights just to sleep with a man? Later, I stopped going. I called a few times, but he was always busy. I didn’t want to call anymore – didn’t want others thinking I was desperate. Men are everywhere, aren’t they?”
“He never called you?”
“It’s not that he never called. Always said he was busy with work. I’m not his girlfriend – could I check up on whether he was really busy? I could only say, ‘Just focus on your work then.'”
“You dug your own grave by drawing such clear boundaries! You insisted on being just ‘friends with benefits,’ but when you developed feelings, why didn’t you just say so?”
“How could I say it? Xun Xun, you know I’ve been hurt too many times by taking things seriously. So from the start with Lian Quan, we agreed to be just physical partners – no one gets serious, and no one takes responsibility. Now he’s keeping his promise, and I should suddenly say I’ve developed feelings and changed my mind, that I want to marry him? Wouldn’t that just make me a laughingstock?”
“What’s more important – being laughed at or being happy?”
Zeng Yu raised her voice teasingly, “People change after three days apart – are you still the same cautious Zhao Xun Xun? Now that you’ve found yourself a younger man, you’re encouraging me to take risks too?”
Xun Xun blushed at her words, “What younger man? I’m just saying that staying put isn’t necessarily safe – earthquakes, landslides, getting hit by a vase – what’s meant to happen will happen.”
“Enough, I don’t want to be scared into buying insurance. I’m not as hung up on him as you think. So what if I developed feelings? What adult doesn’t have their heart flutter now and then? I have a new boyfriend now, and I have feelings for him too. I need to go change clothes and prepare for my romantic date.”
Xun Xun shook her head, unsure if Zeng Yu was as carefree as she claimed, but hoped she was. Love is like drinking – too strong and you fear excess, too weak and it feels bland. You never know who will abandon their cup first.
Zeng Yu was afraid of getting drunk, while Xun Xun was like someone used to drinking water who suddenly encountered strong liquor and reluctantly downed half a glass at once. Death by intoxication would be fine, but the worst was swaying in uncertainty, not knowing whether to finish the remaining half.
Both Zhou Rui Sheng and Zeng Yu had mentioned Sister Yan Li. Just as Sister Yan Li had only one daughter, Xun Xun had only one mother. After angrily leaving home that night, she had thought about Sister Yan Li. Though she wasn’t ready to return home and face Sister Yan Li and her constant companion Zhou Rui Sheng, she knew mother and daughter couldn’t remain estranged forever.
After careful consideration, she called home. Upon hearing her voice, Sister Yan Li couldn’t help but complain, either about her temper or about forgetting her mother once she’d grown independent. Xun Xun restrained her temper and let her vent. Finally, Sister Yan Li caught her breath and said, “Don’t think I don’t know you’re living with Chi Cheng. Listen, even if you marry him, you can’t avoid me as your mother-in-law. I’ve seen more men than you have; don’t get fooled blindly. The most important thing is to secure him early and make him marry you, and then everything else can be discussed. I don’t want to see you follow my old path.”
Whether pleasant to hear or not, this was Sister Yan Li’s way of showing concern. Xun Xun then asked if Zhou Rui Sheng was treating her well. Sister Yan Li’s response was full of feminine sweetness, praising Zhou Rui Sheng for being considerate and clever, better at making her happy than Professor Zeng had been.
Xun Xun thought that at her mother’s age, perhaps nothing was more important than “happiness.”
Both ends of the line fell silent for a moment before Sister Yan Li casually asked, “You’re not short on money now, are you?”
At first, Xun Xun thought she was concerned about her having enough money to live on, but before she could feel touched, Sister Yan Li continued, “I know you’re still holding onto some money – was it from that Xie fellow when you divorced?”
Sister Yan Li had searched through her personal belongings again while she was at work. Xun Xun suppressed her anger and asked what she wanted to say.
Sister Yan Li scoffed, “You think I want your money? Who am I? I’m your birth mother! I’m just reminding you that only the stupidest people keep money in the bank these days – it’s dead money, losing value the longer you keep it, understand? Young people are so rigid, not as flexible as this old woman.”
The “money” Sister Yan Li referred to was Xun Xun’s “rock bottom fund,” which she wouldn’t touch unless desperate.
Xun Xun firmly told Sister Yan Li, “I give you my salary, but don’t worry about that money.”
“I’m not even thinking about saving for retirement yet, but you’re already preparing. Now you’re with Chi Cheng – as they say, ‘marry a man, get clothes and food.’ He has plenty of money, what won’t you have in the future? Why hold onto that little bit of money?”
“Don’t talk about this. His money is his – we’re not at that stage yet. Mom, you don’t have much financial sense either, haven’t you paid enough tuition fees in the past? Just be content with what you have.”