They first woke up around two in the morning, with the sound of rain washing over the mountains like an ancient concerto. The hotel’s 24-hour room service satisfied their rumbling stomachs, and the time that followed remained as hazy as the indistinguishable day and night outside their window.
Xun Xun woke up the second time to a phone call around noon the next day. The phone, set to vibrate, buzzed on the bedside table. She struggled to move Chi Cheng’s leg that was draped over her, picked up the phone, and upon seeing “Zeng Yu” on the screen, came to her senses completely. She got out of bed naked, gathered her clothes, and tiptoed into the bathroom.
“Why did it take you so long to answer?” Zeng Yu, whose patience was always limited, rattled on, “I must have drunk fake alcohol; my head is killing me. But before I die, I must use my last breath to remind you – do you not remember who that young man beside you is? You must have met before. Three years ago, when I just returned to China, didn’t I force you to get a gym membership? He was that assistant trainer at the gym who trained me once – the one I told you about, the ‘Screw Your Grandpa’ guy!”
With Zeng Yu’s emphasis, Xun Xun had a vague recollection, but it wasn’t about Chi Cheng himself – it was only about Zeng Yu’s “Screw Your Grandpa” story.
It turned out that Zeng Yu, having spent too long in the imperialist America, returned to China with signs of “excess nutrition.” To achieve quick body-shaping results, she specifically hired a personal trainer at the gym. Once, when her trainer had an emergency, they sent a young assistant to guide her instead. Zeng Yu had always shown “extra care” to good-looking young men, and seeing this young assistant looking youthful and naive, she couldn’t help but tease him playfully.
She probably asked something like “I hired a professional fitness trainer, but you look so thin – are you up to it?” while taking the liberty to feel his chest under the pretense of checking his muscles. The young assistant, who was helping her stretch at the time, responded with a forced smile, “Whether I’m up to it or not, you’ll find out soon enough.” Then he pressed down on her shoulders…
After Zeng Yu let out a painful cry, she immediately blurted out a phrase she’d learned from her ex-boyfriend from Beijing – “Screw your grandpa!”
The young assistant didn’t release her immediately. Instead, he laughed and said, “My grandpa died long ago. If you want to find him, let me loosen your muscles some more.” Then he gave her another firm stretch.
According to Zeng Yu, she walked with a limp to interviews for a week afterward, almost worried that her precious leg was permanently damaged. She wanted to file complaints until he was fired, but when she found the gym owner, that sly businessman said the assistant was only part-time and had already quit. Additionally, Zeng Yu realized she had started the trouble herself, so she had to let it go, though she vented her frustrations to Xun Xun.
Xun Xun’s gym visits were purely to accompany others and kill time after work. She usually just used the treadmill and attended aerobics classes. Though the gym wasn’t large, it was indeed filled with handsome trainers. Xun Xun had vaguely heard about some romantic gossip from Zeng Yu some senior female members had “close private relationships” with male trainers, which explained why such a modestly equipped small gym could attract so many female members, particularly wealthy middle-aged women.
But these insider stories were mostly rumors, quite distant from ordinary white-collar workers like Xun Xun. Besides, she wasn’t interested in those trainers with their muscular builds or flexible waists, except for one trainer surnamed Wen. He had guided her through equipment usage several times, was humble, had a sincere smile, and looked very much like Bae Yong-Joon in his prime, leaving her with a deep impression. As for Zeng Yu’s “Screw Your Grandpa” fellow, Xun Xun had no idea what he looked like. She only found it amusing at the time – if Zeng Yu’s “insider information” was true, this “chaste” man was either untainted by the muddy waters or had immediately recognized that Zeng Yu couldn’t afford his price.
“I felt he looked familiar when I first saw him, but he’s changed his style, looking more presentable now, so I didn’t recognize him right away. Do you think he remembers you, or is it just a coincidence? You didn’t have much interaction back then; you were interested in Wen Tao’s type.” Upon mentioning “Wen Tao,” Zeng Yu’s scattered thoughts drifted thousands of miles away, and she laughed suggestively, “You couldn’t have forgotten Wen Tao, right? I was so good to you, did everything I could to help, but you missed the chance yourself. Can’t blame me for that… Hello? Is there something wrong with the phone? Are you listening?”
“…” Xun Xun went along with it, hastily saying, “Huh? What did you just say? I’m not in the city right now, the signal isn’t great. Let’s talk later.”
She hung up and waited a while before quickly washing herself. When she left the bathroom, Chi Cheng showed no signs of waking, sleeping soundly with his back to her.
Xun Xun sat dazed on the edge of the bed. Her sense of familiarity with Chi Cheng was like the embers of fireworks after they hit the ground – scattered spots that extinguished before she could catch them. The uncertain memories were confirmed by Zeng Yu’s call. The gym three years ago… she should have known – in this world, there’s no love or hate without reason.
Xun Xun finally stood before the giant door of truth. The truth was like a beast locked behind the door, so quiet that her heart was filled with fear. It took great determination for her to slowly turn around and face the man with whom she had spent such an intimate night.
The rain had lessened, but the afternoon room remained dark without lights on. He curled up, wrapped in blankets, showing only his black hair at the back of his head and half of his striking profile.
Three years ago, on a morning in an equally dark room, with the same confusion and disorder. Back then, she sat in the same position on the bed’s edge, but out of intense shame, she never dared to look at his face until she left after putting down her things.
Now, Xun Xun suddenly noticed a wallet on the pillow where she had been sleeping. It was Chi Cheng’s usual wallet – had it fallen from his clothes during yesterday afternoon’s rush? But she hadn’t noticed it when she got up. She picked up the wallet with some confusion.
The wallet was quite heavy. Xun Xun opened it to find cash and cards all present, but what captured her complete attention was a photo in the center. The woman standing in front of a crowd, staring blankly ahead – who else could it be but her? In the photo, Xun Xun was wearing the same outfit she had on when she “first” met Chi Cheng at the airport. At that time, Xie Pingning must have been standing not far from her, both of them waiting for their aunt and uncle with their thoughts.
What state of mind was Chi Cheng in when he secretly took this photo? Xun Xun felt like a naive deer, standing unknowingly before a lurking predator. Anxiously, she pulled out the photo for a closer look, only to discover there was more to it.
Hidden behind the airport photo was another photograph, and to Xun Xun’s greater surprise, it was also of her, though with a younger face. If she wasn’t mistaken, this ID photo was from three years ago.
A man carrying two photos of the same woman from different periods in his wallet, and for such a long time, she never remembered who he was – it’s hard to say who was more pitiful.
Just then, Xun Xun heard movement as he turned over. She hurriedly tried to put the photos back, but it was too late. As she turned her head, she saw Chi Cheng lying on the bed facing her, propped up on one arm, watching her actions with great interest.
“Oh, it’s like this – I saw your wallet had fallen on the bed and wanted to pick it up for you,” Xun Xun explained uncomfortably. After all, looking through someone’s personal belongings without permission wasn’t honorable, especially something as sensitive as a wallet.
Chi Cheng showed no surprise at all and pushed the wallet back in front of Xun Xun after she put it down.
“You’re interested in the wallet? Perfect, I was planning to give you everything inside anyway.”
“What?” Xun Xun didn’t immediately grasp his meaning.
“Sometimes I really can’t figure out just how skilled you are at playing dumb,” Chi Cheng said thoughtfully.
Xun Xun looked at the wallet and said anxiously, “I don’t understand… I don’t understand what this has to do with us now?”
He sat up cross-legged on the messy bed.
“Haven’t you always wanted to know when I first saw you? Don’t you remember anything at all?”
“At the gym? Your cousin Zhou Ruisheng’s gym?”
“You finally remember who I am? But I have to say, wrong answer!” The pure white sheets and his messy short hair made him look even younger and more innocent. Facing Xun Xun’s confusion, he laughed, “Actually, it was in front of the gym! Let me help you remember. The sun was strong that day, and I was making a phone call to my father at the entrance of Zhou Ruisheng’s gym. My mother’s illness was in its final stages then. After their divorce, I had sworn to act as if he didn’t exist, but that time I pathetically begged him again, asking him to come see my mother one last time for the sake of their past marriage – no matter how much she hated him, she wouldn’t be at peace leaving without seeing him. But my father said he was in a difficult position, his new wife had just given him a baby brother, and they needed him too. He said he could send me money, but he definitely couldn’t come. I stood by the road cursing him with the most vicious words, and even after he hung up, I kept cursing… That’s when a woman walked past me and kept looking back at me. I thought she was just boy-crazy, but suddenly she rushed at me, pushed me so hard I almost hit the wall, and shouted ‘Dangerous!’ I thought I must have been about to be hit by a passing car, or something was falling from the sky, but nothing happened! After all that, she stammered that standing on a manhole cover while making phone calls was very dangerous.”
“That person was me?” Xun Xun wasn’t very sure. She had indeed “rescued” someone from a manhole cover before, but the process might not have been as dramatic as he described.
When Xun Xun was young, she once went grocery shopping with Sister Yanli. As Yanli walked along scolding her, Xun Xun suddenly noticed an unusual silence – Yanli’s nagging had stopped and she had vanished from beside her. Later, hearing calls from underground, she discovered an overturned manhole cover nearby. Yanli had been so focused on talking that she wasn’t watching where she was going and had fallen straight into the sewer. Fortunately, the water wasn’t deep at the time, so Xun Xun got back a living mother, but even so, the rescued Yanli was badly injured, and elementary school student Xun Xun had to care for her at the hospital for nearly half a month. Therefore, even now, Xun Xun couldn’t understand how anyone could stand on a manhole cover to make phone calls – when cars passed by, the cover would clang and vibrate. Didn’t they fear disappearing from the face of the earth at any moment?
Was that how she first offended him? Xun Xun said nervously, “I didn’t know you were angry then…”
“I was angry then, but suddenly I wasn’t anymore, and even found it a bit funny! I still remember you were wearing a blue bag across your body, your hair tied like this…” As he spoke, he reached out and gently lifted the ends of Xun Xun’s hair to demonstrate. She remembered those hands on her body last night, and the skin on her neck where he touched raised in goosebumps.
“You walked past me, then foolishly looked back again, as if worried I might change my mind and go back to the manhole cover to seek death. But you nearly stepped on one yourself, and jumped over it like a kangaroo in fright.”
“Why a kangaroo?” Xun Xun guessed he would say “because kangaroos are the most foolish.” She thought herself quite foolish imagining that scene.
But Chi Cheng said, “Because you were carrying a bag…” He lowered his head with a smile, then added, “Actually, it’s because I like kangaroos.”
“Hm?”
He ignored her question and continued, “I begged my cousin to let me work at his gym. I was going to graduate in half a year, and even though my mother wasn’t around anymore, I didn’t want a penny from my father. I knew you were a member of my cousin’s gym. That day, when I was cleaning, you came out of the changing room, I smiled at you, and you smiled back. I thought you remembered me, but the second time we met, you walked past me again as if you didn’t know me at all.”
Xun Xun smiled bitterly, not knowing what to say. Given her way of dealing with people, she would never deliberately offend anyone, and whenever someone smiled at her, whether she knew them or not, she would smile back. At that time, Chi Cheng was a stranger to her, and even now, what he described had left no trace in her memory.
“It didn’t matter at all that you didn’t know me. I didn’t dare have any inappropriate thoughts then. But I suddenly realized that besides hating my father and worrying about my mother’s illness, I had someone and something I wanted to think about. You don’t know how ridiculous I was – I voluntarily offered to work night shifts at the gym, spent half the night going through member files until I found yours, learned your name, and even took down your photo. Zhou Ruisheng caught me and nearly killed me with his scolding.”
“Is that the photo in the wallet?”
“What do you think? I remember you would come to exercise every Wednesday night and Saturday afternoon, though sometimes you’d skip Saturdays when you were lazy. When I didn’t have classes, I’d help at the gym. Zhou Ruisheng had me assist the personal trainers and do odd jobs. I could often see you through the glass door – during aerobics, you always stood in the last row, just smiling foolishly when you couldn’t keep up with the rhythm. You never used proper weights on the machines, always used locker number 22 because it was in the corner and you could add your small lock. You never drank water others offered you, always carried your ID card, and had a habit of keeping money in various places in your bag… For half a year, we saw each other twice a week. You spoke to me exactly twice – once to say standing on the manhole cover was dangerous, and once to say ‘thank you’ when I adjusted equipment for you.”
“I didn’t know… I’m sorry, I didn’t know any of this back then.” As he narrated, Xun Xun wracked her brain trying to remember what happened at the gym three years ago. All those details were accurate – she remembered the embarrassment of not keeping up with aerobics, remembered the corner locker, but she didn’t remember him. Her only memory of him was limited to that messy morning.
Chi Cheng said, “I don’t want you to apologize. Back then I had nothing, didn’t even know if I could graduate successfully, could only get by doing odd jobs at my relative’s shop – what right did I have to expect you to notice me? If one day you had suddenly stopped coming, or if I had left Zhou Ruisheng’s gym, you would have remained just a woman who spoke to me twice, and I would still be grateful to you even now. No matter how difficult life was, there were at least two days a week worth looking forward to. Xun Xun, you were a daydream I had. I would rather spend my whole life in foolish fantasy than have you give me one night of hope, making me believe that dreams really can come true, only to wake up the next morning to find nothing beside me except money!”
Xun Xun clutched the corner of the bedsheet and buried her face in it.
That was the most outrageous thing she had ever done in her life, and even though she regretted it as soon as dawn broke, the trajectory of her life had already silently changed. Afterward, she never dared to think about it or want to remember it, and what was worse, even without deliberately avoiding it, the fragments she could remember were very limited – she often couldn’t distinguish whether it was a dream or something that had happened. The alcohol had burned her memories into pieces.