Xun Xun only remembered that it was her twenty-sixth birthday that day. At twenty-six, Zhao Xun Xun had been working for three years, living with her divorced and remarried mother, working nine-to-five, going to work, coming home, coming home, going to work… Just as Zeng Yu had said, she was a life robot, programmed to live each day methodically and without error.
A few days before her birthday, Xun Xun’s long-out-of-contact biological father called her. The professional con man gleefully told his daughter that he had come into some unexpected wealth and had come to his senses. After deceiving people for half his life, he couldn’t do it anymore. From now on, he would leave his old profession behind and use that money to start a small business, living the rest of his life honestly.
Xun Xun received the call in the morning, and before she could understand what it meant, news came in the afternoon that her father had died in a traffic accident on the street.
Sister Yan Li drew a clear line, refusing to have any further connection with her ex-husband. As the only daughter, Xun Xun had no choice but to handle her father’s funeral arrangements. The traffic police handed over all of her father’s belongings to her, including an old envelope containing fifty thousand yuan. Xun Xun didn’t know where this money came from, but it must have been the windfall her father had mentioned, which had now naturally become her inheritance.
She took out ten thousand yuan to arrange her father’s funeral and walked into her twenty-sixth year with the remaining forty thousand. Zeng Yu, who had recently returned from studying abroad, celebrated her birthday and asked about her birthday wishes. Xun Xun suddenly realized she had no wishes. Wishes were beautiful things that transcended reality; all she had was a predictably bland life ahead. Sister Yan Li had already picked out her “ideal match,” and the day after her birthday, she was scheduled to meet her mother’s choice for “best husband material.” She had seen the man’s photo and heard things about him. He was a very reliable man with impeccable credentials, family background, age, profession, appearance, and personality. She couldn’t think of any reason to refuse. It was entirely possible that after meeting the next day if the man approved of her, Xun Xun would likely enter into marriage with him and begin the second chapter of her ordinary, safe life.
Although Sister Yan Li repeatedly emphasized that this matter must be kept secret from Zeng Yu and her aunt, Xun Xun completely confessed this “man-stealing” act to Zeng Yu. Unexpectedly, Zeng Yu didn’t care at all, and in the end, it was Xun Xun who felt an involuntary disappointment in the other’s magnanimity and acceptance. Perhaps deep in her subconscious, she had hoped for Zeng Yu’s opposition and obstruction, even though she knew that man wasn’t a bad choice.
Zeng Yu seemed to see through something and, as if wanting to stir up trouble, asked Xun Xun if she would truly have no regrets about living such a peaceful, uneventful life.
Xun Xun didn’t answer immediately. She inexplicably thought of her recently deceased father. Throughout her life, Xun Xun hadn’t lived with her father for many days, and when he disappeared from this world, she hadn’t shed a single tear, only feeling melancholy. He had spent his entire life cheating and deceiving, never doing anything good, and the one time he wanted to change the trajectory of his life, the King of Hell came for him. Life was thoroughly absurd.
Xun Xun wondered what words would be left on her epitaph if she were to die at this moment. In twenty-six years, she hadn’t done anything she shouldn’t have, nor had she done anything she particularly wanted to do. She hadn’t experienced great sorrow, nor had she experienced particular joy. A woman’s greatest concern was emotions, yet whether it was first love, painful love, lost love, or secret love… nothing had ever happened to her. If she died, she would vanish from this vast world like an ant or mayfly. Perhaps only one sentence could express it: “There was nothing to say.” This was Zhao Xun Xun’s life.
Zeng Yu couldn’t understand how a twenty-six-year-old woman had never truly felt anything for anyone. She said if it were her, she would at least find someone to love passionately while youth was still on her side.
Xun Xun asked naively: How to love? And where to find someone to love?
Zeng Yu scratched her head and mischievously mentioned Coach Wen Tao from the gym, saying, “Don’t think I haven’t noticed you have feelings for him.”
Xun Xun did have good feelings toward Wen Tao, but they were limited to just that. This type of tall, handsome, introverted, and serious man easily gave people a sense of security. However, she had never thought of him that way; they barely even exchanged greetings, and at the gym, Wen Tao was never short of admirers of various ages.
“If you like him, leave it to me. I can figure something out,” Zeng Yu immediately saw potential when Xun Xun didn’t deny it.
“You’re not even that close to him. How would you figure something out?” Xun Xun thought Zeng Yu was just joking.
Zeng Yu winked, “I might not be close to him, but someone else is.”
“Who?” Just as Xun Xun asked, she quietly understood Zeng Yu’s meaning and froze, frowning as she said, “He couldn’t possibly be that kind of person!”
“What if he is?” Zeng Yu leaned closer to Xun Xun and teasingly asked if she dared.
They had both had a bit to drink at that time, and Xun Xun’s head was fuzzy. For some reason, that pathetic epitaph kept spinning in her mind like a screensaver. Tomorrow she would still go to that awkward blind date; she was an obedient daughter who never wanted to disappoint her mother. But she had followed the rules for twenty-six years and would continue to be a well-behaved person in the future. Just this once, just this evening, unruly thoughts burned through her like alcohol.
She didn’t say anything, just finished her remaining red wine.
Zeng Yu looked at Xun Xun, somewhat surprised.
You see, when the most cautious people finally let go, they become more wild than ordinary people. Like an untrained handwriting, its first stroke always goes outside the lines. Because they’ve never tried before, they don’t know where the boundaries lie.
After dinner, Zeng Yu said she had another activity and dragged Xun Xun to another gathering spot. There, Xun Xun was surprised to find many familiar faces, not only female members she often saw at the gym but also several young male trainers she recognized. The group of men and women mixed drinking, playing drinking games, and joking around ambiguously, with one or two couples already cuddling in corners.
Zeng Yu appeared quite familiar with several of the women, which didn’t surprise Xun Xun. Zeng Yu loved excitement and was good at socializing; she knew people everywhere. She pulled Xun Xun to sit in a corner. Witnessing such a chaotic and decadent scene for the first time, Xun Xun blushed and felt uncomfortable. Only then did she believe the rumors about some fitness trainers’ “second profession” were true. During the day, they professionally guided those flabby women to work up a sweat at the gym, and after nightfall, they accompanied them in consuming excess calories in another way – as long as there was someone to make the connection, and as long as there was money.
Xun Xun didn’t know anyone and felt awkward, wanting to escape after sitting for just a short while, but that’s when Wen Tao finally arrived. He greeted Zeng Yu and then deliberately sat down between her and Xun Xun.
At first, he just exchanged polite small talk with Xun Xun. She was so nervous she almost bit her tongue trying to answer the simplest questions, embarrassed enough to want to dig a hole and crawl into it. However, Wen Tao remained patient and gentle throughout. He offered to teach Xun Xun how to play dice, and she gladly agreed. What followed was loss after loss, drink after drink. She had never drunk so much alcohol before and had no idea what her tolerance was. She only knew that her nervous feelings gradually disappeared into thin air, the voices around her became increasingly muffled, and the human figures began to overlap with the lights.
Zeng Yu, who had been sitting beside her, had disappeared somewhere, and everything seemed very quiet for a while. She couldn’t remember when the dice game ended. Xun Xun seemed to have slept soundly in a warm embrace, without nightmares, without terror, without thieves suddenly breaking in, tomorrow woven together by countless uncertainties. Then she woke up or perhaps drifted into an even more wonderful dream, where someone held her hand and spun in circles in a fantastic mirage. She spoke, kept speaking, yet couldn’t hear what she was saying. She only knew there was someone beside her who wouldn’t interrupt, wouldn’t cut in, just listened. Someone said he had an upside-down city where only he lived, and now he offered this city with both hands if only she would believe.
They nestled and intertwined in this city, skin against skin, and Xun Xun felt unprecedented happiness and ease.
All of this came to an abrupt end when Xun Xun slowly opened her eyes to see a white ceiling. Her city vanished with the light and shadows, crumbling like loose earth. All the beauty disappeared into nothing, leaving only waves of nausea and severe headaches. She woke up naked in a strange bed, beside an equally naked man, or rather, a “boy.” He lay facing away from Xun Xun, curled up like a child in deep sleep, and what terrified her even more was that he wasn’t anyone she knew.
Xun Xun rolled out of bed, accidentally stepping on clothes thrown on the floor – a T-shirt with her gym’s logo. She couldn’t believe she had done such a crazy thing as seeking pleasure through paid companionship, like a pathetic woman exchanging money for a young man’s body, yet that was exactly what she had done.
As some rationality returned to her body, Xun Xun sat on the edge of the bed. She could be certain that the person beside her wasn’t Wen Tao. This realization was good in that it saved her from the awkwardness of sleeping with someone she barely knew, but more tragically, she couldn’t imagine what consequences might follow from having relations with someone whose background she knew nothing about.
At this point, Xun Xun felt regretful, guilty, confused, and panicked. She didn’t know how much a night of spring passion cost, or how to completely end this matter. She put on her clothes with the smallest possible movement, never finding the courage to look at him again. Before leaving, she thought and thought, and finally, while her head hadn’t completely recovered from the alcohol’s influence, she took out the windfall left by her father after his death and quietly placed the old envelope by his pillow. If not forced by life into desperation, no one would willingly sell their body. That money wasn’t originally hers anyway, so let it go to someone who needed it more. This was all Xun Xun could remember.
After the incident, Xun Xun spent several months in constant fear – at times worried that the person would come to blackmail her with her privacy, at other times afraid she had left evidence that would make her a target of police anti-vice operations. She couldn’t eat or sleep properly, going through her days in a daze, letting Sister Yan Li lead her like a puppet to blind dates, then absent-mindedly eating, dating, watching movies… She felt she was a bad woman, believing her date could spot something unusual in her every glance and gesture. However, nothing happened. She never returned to the gym, never saw Wen Tao again, and that young man never appeared. No sword of justice emerged to strike her down – no one knew what had happened that night, including Zeng Yu.
When Zeng Yu left that night, she believed Wen Tao would take care of Xun Xun. Later, unable to resist her gossipy nature, she tried to probe Xun Xun about the details of that night. Xun Xun insisted that Wen Tao hadn’t been with her at all, that she had spent the night alone in a hotel in a confused state. Zeng Yu certainly didn’t believe it, but soon afterward learned through others that Wen Tao had indeed gone to meet another woman that night. Because of this, Zeng Yu felt guilty toward Xun Xun and was troubled by it for a long time.
That transgressive incident was like a drop of water falling into the hot sand, evaporating before touching the ground. The spring dream left no trace, and its complications were beyond her imagination. Time wouldn’t give her the truth, and she didn’t want to seek it. The moments from waking to leaving gradually blurred, but the chaotic cloud-like fantasies took root and spread in her heart. Xun Xun became increasingly confused, to the point where she gradually couldn’t distinguish whether that night and the following morning were real or just a dream – perhaps just the fantasy of an ordinary woman after excessive drinking.
It was then that Xie Ping Ning, who had been neither warm nor cold toward her since their blind date, suddenly proposed marriage. Xun Xun accepted his engagement ring and vowed to let those strange thoughts fade completely from her life, to be a good wife from then on, and to live the rest of her life without incident. She was no longer afraid that her epitaph would proclaim the blandness of her life; in her view, reaching old age without storms or waves was perhaps a kind of fortune. But she overestimated time’s power to erase the past. After just three years, what she had cast aside returned to her in an even stranger way.
Chi Cheng coldly observed the changes in Xun Xun’s expression and slowly reached out to touch her arm. When Xun Xun shrank back, he smiled.
“You say you don’t remember, but I feel your body saying: long time no see. Xun Xun, in these three years, haven’t you ever missed our ‘spectacular’ night?”
Xun Xun spoke with difficulty: “How did you… I clearly remember it was…”
“Oh… you’re still thinking about Wen, aren’t you?” Chi Cheng’s face showed contempt and mockery. “Let me tell you the truth. Your good friend called my dear uncle, specifically requesting Wen Tao to ‘celebrate your birthday’… What’s with that expression? Did you think he was unaware of these transactions? What a joke! Not only did he turn a blind eye, he was the biggest procurer, taking a cut from every transaction he arranged. If not for this income, that worthless little gym would have closed long ago. Zhou Rui Sheng is the type who’d do anything for money. When business came knocking, he naturally agreed and sent Wen Tao out. At the time, Wen Tao was the gym’s star trainer; he already had his connections. After Zhou Rui Sheng took his cut, the clients he introduced weren’t very profitable, so Wen Tao had little ‘work enthusiasm.’ Though… it’s possible he just wasn’t interested in you.”
As he spoke, he ran his suggestive gaze over Xun Xun’s body, making her feel utterly humiliated. Chi Cheng continued in a sarcastic tone: “Anyway, Wen Tao only agreed to cover for you to avoid offending Zhou Rui Sheng. I guess he figured since he was free anyway, he might as well ‘handle’ your business, but midway through, his regular client called demanding he come immediately – of course, he’d abandon you. At least he had a conscience, worried about leaving a young woman in such a place. Without Zeng Yu’s number, he called the middleman Zhou Rui Sheng, saying he had urgent business and had to leave, asking Zhou Rui Sheng to clean up the mess.”
He paused here, his expression turning somewhat ugly, but then suddenly changed the subject.
“At that time, my mother was barely hanging on to life, but even at that stage, she was still delusionally hoping my father would have a change of heart. She wouldn’t listen to anything I said, her mouth and mind full of their old memories together. She had completely lost her reason, even believing a street charlatan who said my father was bewitched by another woman, and that through certain rituals, he could be brought back to his senses and return to her. In that final month, she was nothing but skin and bones, rolling in pain, but she wouldn’t use good medicine. Behind my back, she gave her last fifty thousand yuan to that con man as payment for the ritual.”
Xun Xun’s shocked cry gave Chi Cheng a kind of mad satisfaction, and he spoke faster.
“Of course, you can guess what happened – once the con man had the money, he couldn’t care less about her survival. The hospital was demanding payment, threatening to withhold even morphine, and I was so desperate I thought of borrowing money from Zhou Rui Sheng. He agreed to lend me three thousand yuan for the emergency, and I was grateful to him like he was a Buddha. Who knew his money wouldn’t come so easily? After Wen Tao stood you up, he worried about ruining his reputation. Unable to find anyone else, he set his sights on me, knowing full well I had feelings for you, yet still pretentiously asked me to help by taking a drunk female client home from a friend’s club. That shameless bastard! When my parents were in business together, he was like our family’s dog. Even after my mother’s divorce, she took out her private savings to lend him money to open the gym. He was raised by my maternal grandparents and was my mother’s only relative from her family, yet for just three thousand yuan he sold me out completely! And I was even more stupid, thinking heaven felt sorry for my bad luck and had dropped a perfect gift in my lap, even one to my taste.”
“You…”
“What about me… Isn’t that obvious? Who else woke you up from that wretched place? You were vomiting like a mess, who cleaned you up and took you to a hotel to rest? The whole way there you were like a mad woman, laughing and crying, telling your life story from beginning to end. Oh, and I almost forgot to mention, the way you pulled me to bed, so hungry for it… tsk tsk. And what you promised me that night, you say you don’t remember? I was so happy, never been that happy in my life, so happy I didn’t even think about why Zhou Rui Sheng would suddenly care so much about my interests, or why the woman I liked would throw herself at me so eagerly! Damn it all, you were all treating me like a gigolo!”
Chi Cheng’s face turned bright red, veins pulsing at his temples. He had always seemed so carefree about everything; Xun Xun had never known he harbored such deep anger.
“I won’t say more about the rest, I just want you to imagine. If you were me, waking from a beautiful dream to find cold sheets, the person gone, leaving only a thick stack of money by the pillow – and the most insane part was that it was in my family’s old envelope! Tell me, what would you think in my place? Well done, using the money that conned my mother out of her life-saving treatment to buy her son – was it because the money came so easily that you could be so generous? Or is it your habit to pay forty thousand for one night with a man!”
“Please, I beg you to stop.” Xun Xun covered her ears, her face ashen. “Is this why you sought me out after three years?”
“I never expected my memory would be so good. Your wedding photos were ugly, yet I recognized you at first glance. But I knew you didn’t remember me. Three years ago, I took the money you ‘rewarded’ me with to confront Zhou Rui Sheng, and he admitted to your arrangement. Guess how shameless he was – seeing the money I threw in his face, he still dared say by custom he should take a fifty percent cut. If not for thinking of my mother still in the hospital, I would have hit him harder and killed him. I went to the hospital to clear the medical debt. My mother passed away not long after. After seeing her off, the first thing I did was try to find you for answers – I still believed your drunken words then! Finally found Professor Zeng’s house, just in time to see you leaving happily for a date. You walked right past me, got into the car waiting for you, never once glancing my way. After your car drove off, your mother was gossiping like a busybody to everyone she knew about how you’d caught a rich husband. When we were in bed together you said I was the person who understood you best, said you’d never been so happy, but after waking up you couldn’t even recognize my face!”
Everything he said was true; Xun Xun had no defense. She could only say plaintively: “That money was indeed what my father swindled from your mother. He was wrong and paid the price. I knew nothing when I gave you the money. Even if I wronged you, what do you want me to do?”
Chi Cheng stroked her hair as she trembled uncontrollably beneath his hand.
“I don’t want you to do anything. We don’t have a deep blood feud. I know my mother’s death had nothing to do with you, and there’s nothing wrong with you having one wild night before marriage, especially since you returned my mother’s money – without it, I couldn’t have even claimed her body from the hospital. Someone else might forget after three years and consider it settled. But I never forgot, do you know why? Because I liked you so much, that’s why I hated you even more. From the moment you drove past me in Xie Ping Ning’s car, I told myself that someday I would also leave money by your pillow after one night! I wanted you to come to me willingly, to let your imagination run wild, then wake you up to let you taste what that feels like!”
Every move in his game had been calculated for this moment. While she had tried countless ways to protect herself, she had unwittingly walked right into his trap, exactly as he had planned.