◎Don’t say he’s dead◎

Luo Wanqing walked out of Xie Heng’s room and went straight down the mountain to find Zhang Yiran.

Zhang Yiran had returned to his room and was still angry. When Luo Wanqing entered, she smiled and said, “Lord Zhang.”

“Commander Liu.”

Zhang Yiran suppressed his anger and stood to bow. Luo Wanqing sat beside Zhang Yiran, poured herself a cup of tea, tilted her head to look at Zhang Yiran, and asked curiously: “Is Lord Zhang still angry?”

“No.”

Zhang Yiran turned his head away and said sullenly, “Department Head Xie has his considerations. This official has nothing to be angry about.”

“So you are angry then.”

Luo Wanqing nodded, already understanding.

Regarding men saying one thing while meaning another, she could now identify it quite skillfully. Relatively speaking, Zhang Yiran was still rather inexperienced in this regard.

Zhang Yiran was seen by Luo Wanqing at a glance and pressed his lips together without speaking.

Luo Wanqing held her tea cup and thought for a moment, then explained gently: “Lord Zhang, the Supervision Department was established for His Majesty after all. Young master also has his difficulties.”

“I know.”

Zhang Yiran heard her persuasion and took a deep breath: “But His Majesty should think of the people, and officials should plead for the common folk. Now they, one after another…”

As Zhang Yiran spoke, he couldn’t help but feel bitter: “What exactly are they doing?”

“Lord Zhang needn’t think too much about it,” Luo Wanqing said, seeing Zhang Yiran’s distress and trying to comfort him. “In this world, there is yin and yang, good and evil. Good and evil are each person’s cultivation. There’s no need to torment yourself over others’ moral corruption. Right now, Lord Zhang should think about what you should do next.”

Listening to Luo Wanqing’s words, Zhang Yiran gradually calmed down.

Luo Wanqing observed Zhang Yiran’s expression and analyzed: “Now Lord Zhang already knows that His Majesty is unwilling to move against the Zheng family, let alone the Third Prince. What does Lord Zhang plan to do?”

Zhang Yiran remained silent. He pondered for a long time before speaking slowly: “Even if this case is overturned and it’s confirmed that Zheng Pingsheng perverted justice for personal gain, according to those ministers’ usual practice of ‘offsetting merits against faults,’ at most he would just retire to his hometown or retreat to an idle position. For the Zheng family, this wouldn’t be an unacceptable result.”

Just like the current Xie family, where the family head Xie Xiuqi also held the title of Grand Tutor while living in seclusion at home, rarely going out once in a long while, but this didn’t affect the Xie family’s descendants being spread throughout all the ministries.

“So right now, His Majesty’s greatest consideration regarding this case is face. He wants to protect the Third Prince, and the root lies here. The Third Prince was originally the Li family’s glory. If he were tainted by this matter, then his voluntary service as a hostage years ago would become a joke.”

As Zhang Yiran spoke, he gradually formed a plan in his mind, and his eyes slowly brightened: “So we might as well use momentum to pressure people, forcing His Majesty to have no choice but to handle this case!”

“What does Lord Zhang mean?”

Luo Wanqing probed, and Zhang Yiran said somewhat excitedly: “When I was studying in the past, I made many friends at the academy. Now they’ve all returned to various places to become teachers. I can write an article about this matter and ask them to post it on the notice boards in each county. Students, by nature, love to discuss affairs. As long as they pay attention, it will spread soon.”

“Lord Zhang isn’t very old, is he?” Luo Wanqing listened with some curiosity: “You seem to know quite a lot of people?”

“My age isn’t great,” Zhang Yiran answered honestly, “but I skipped several grades, and knowing some people at each level, it added up to quite a lot.”

Luo Wanqing understood and nodded somewhat enviously, then thought and said, “Actually, you just need to write the article well. As for posting it on notice boards, I’ll have the Supervision Department do it—it’ll be faster.”

The Supervision Department had offices set up in every prefecture and county. If she sent word down to all prefectures and counties, it would be much faster than Zhang Yiran finding people.

But she had heard of Zhang Yiran’s ability to write articles. This article would ultimately still need to be written by him.

“Xiniang is willing to help?”

Hearing Luo Wanqing’s words, Zhang Yiran was somewhat surprised. Luo Wanqing was asked this and felt somewhat confused, instinctively saying: “If you didn’t think I would help, why would you tell me so much?”

This question stumped Zhang Yiran. He hadn’t realized he had said so much.

The two stared at each other blankly for a moment, then both laughed. Luo Wanqing coughed lightly and said while suppressing her smile: “Lord Zhang, in the future you must still be careful and cautious. You can’t be so rash.”

“I know,” Zhang Yiran laughed heartily, “but since it’s Xiniang, I don’t feel there’s anything wrong with it.”

“Back to the main topic,” Luo Wanqing straightened her expression and said seriously, “Since I came to discuss this with you, I naturally plan to help you to the end. In some time, I’ll be promoted to Chief of the White Tiger Division. Once I officially take over the White Tiger Division, I’ll formally manage the Supervision Department’s entire communication network. If there’s anywhere you can use me, please speak up, Lord Zhang.”

Hearing this, Zhang Yiran’s expression became more serious, and he thanked her earnestly: “Thank you very much.”

“During this time, I’ll continue to keep Fang Zhi, Fang Yuan, and Fang Shun by your side. If anything happens, you can have them notify me. I’m watching Jiqing’s side. Is there anything else Lord Zhang needs me to do?”

Luo Wanqing asked directly, and Zhang Yiran didn’t beat around the bush either. After thinking, he considered and said: “Since Xiniang is willing to help, I won’t be polite either. Xiniang mentioned earlier that you confirmed Uncle Luo could read—would it be convenient for the Supervision Department to help find Uncle Luo’s past handwriting in Jiangnan? To be honest,” Zhang Yiran pondered, “when I investigated this case in Jiangnan, Uncle Luo indeed left no traces that could prove he could read.”

“I understand.”

Luo Wanqing nodded, then said: “I already had people investigate this earlier. Now I’m just waiting for the results.”

“That’s excellent.”

Hearing this, Zhang Yiran immediately smiled, feeling all his earlier worries swept away. His spirits lifted as he said: “Then that’s what we’ll do! We’ll let everyone know about this matter, forcing His Majesty to have no choice but to handle this case. Then we’ll wait for Jiqing to be willing to testify. If he’s unwilling, we’ll investigate further, starting from Uncle Luo’s handwriting. As long as it’s a wrongful case, there must be flaws. As long as there are flaws, we’ll investigate them thoroughly!”

“Good!”

Luo Wanqing was infected by Zhang Yiran’s enthusiasm and couldn’t help but smile too. Suppressing her emotions, she said quite seriously: “Lord Zhang, I’ll walk this path with you to the end.”

“Thank you very much.” Zhang Yiran raised his hand in a virtual salute and smiled: “This official will certainly not disappoint Commander Liu’s expectations and will seek justice for the Luo family.”

Hearing this, Luo Wanqing couldn’t speak for a moment. She felt some emotion surging in her heart.

She looked at the young man before her who had a smile on his face but an exceptionally serious expression, feeling like watching the morning sun slowly rise.

She quietly watched Zhang Yiran, and Zhang Yiran couldn’t help but ask strangely: “Xiniang? What’s wrong?”

“Oh,” Luo Wanqing was called back to her senses and explained in a flustered manner: “Nothing, I just suddenly felt…”

Luo Wanqing paused, and after a long time, she slowly spoke. As she spoke, she felt a kind of sourness slowly spreading in her heart: “I felt that if there were more people like Lord Zhang in this world, that would be good.”

Hearing this, Zhang Yiran smiled indifferently and only said: “In this world, besides me, isn’t there also Xiniang? That’s already one more.”

Luo Wanqing was stunned for a moment, then reacted and nodded: “Yes, there’s already one more—me.”

Saying this, Luo Wanqing didn’t chat with Zhang Yiran anymore and stood up: “Alright, I won’t chat idly with Lord Zhang anymore. I’ll have Fang Yuan come to receive you. I need to go handle some business first.”

“Seeing off Commander Liu.”

Zhang Yiran stood and bowed.

Luo Wanqing came out of Zhang Yiran’s room and briefly calculated the current situation, forming a general direction in her mind.

She first went to release Jiqing. Before leaving, Jiqing was still somewhat hesitant, asking if he could stay at the Supervision Department a little longer.

He probably knew himself that once he left the Supervision Department, his life would be in danger. He was quite reluctant to leave the Supervision Department. Luo Wanqing leaned against the wall and looked at him with a smile: “Clerk Ji, the Supervision Department doesn’t keep idle people. Since Clerk Ji can’t say anything, don’t stay, alright?”

Jiqing was choked speechless by her. After holding back for a long time, he finally boldly stepped out of the Supervision Department. Luo Wanqing watched him leave and didn’t forget to tell him: “Clerk Ji, if you change your mind, remember to come back!”

Hearing this, Jiqing walked even faster.

After Jiqing left, Luo Wanqing returned to the White Tiger Division and began sitting down to look at the mountain of paper slips.

The White Tiger Division had to process various intelligence messages sent from all over the country every day, filtering layer by layer for important messages before reaching the White Tiger Chief, who would then select essential items for Xie Heng to review.

This task was now gradually shifting from Baili’s hands to hers. Her daily routine was looking at countless miscellaneous messages.

Small matters like this official planting a fortune tree at home or that official hanging an extra green lantern—she had to see them. Big matters like this official writing poetry to secretly mock the emperor, or that official secretly making weapons—she also had to see them.

Sometimes, she might even know about the existence of illegitimate children before their biological fathers did.

She worked at the White Tiger Division, looking at messages all afternoon, then heard a servant’s voice from outside: “Commander Liu, there’s a message from Jiangnan.”

Saying this, the servant brought up a bamboo tube. Luo Wanqing took the tube, opened it to look, and found it was Qin Huaiyu’s handwriting, which read: “Luo Qushu’s business dealings were all sealed with the shop’s official stamp and supplemented with the manager’s signature. No handwritten documents were left behind. The Luo residence has been purchased and is heavily guarded, making it difficult to search.”

Seeing this statement, Luo Wanqing pressed her lips tightly. She vaguely sensed that Li Guiyu seemed to be planning something, and the breakthrough point seemed to be right here.

She could now dimly sense the general state when Xie Heng and Li Guiyu made their moves. They must be using certain things they controlled to force you toward a certain outcome.

Right now, she couldn’t grasp what Li Guiyu was planning, but she knew this must be something he would use.

If her father’s handwriting couldn’t be found in Jiangnan, where could it be found?

Luo Wanqing thought for a moment and had an answer. The closest place would be the letter her father had given her.

But this letter couldn’t possibly be shown to others. So now the most likely thing to prove her father’s handwriting was…

A thought flashed through Luo Wanqing’s mind about the marriage contract she had Xie Xiuqi sign last night, and she suddenly realized it was actually the marriage contract in Li Guiyu’s hands!

Her father used the business seal for outside matters, but surely he wouldn’t use a seal for her marriage arrangements?

Luo Wanqing thought about this and couldn’t help but turn to look out the window.

After a busy day, it was already afternoon. Early spring days still grew dark very early. Today seemed like it would rain, with overcast skies and thunder rumbling faintly in the distance.

Luo Wanqing listened to the thunder and turned to look out the window. Soon, she heard a servant knocking at the door: “Commander Liu, the Third Prince has sent a visiting card.”

Hearing this, Luo Wanqing’s expression turned slightly cold, but after thinking, she still extended her hand: “Bring it over.”

The servant came forward as instructed and handed the visiting card to Luo Wanqing.

Luo Wanqing opened it and saw Li Guiyu’s elegant yet sharp handwriting stating:

“I wish to invite the Commander to a gathering to view old objects together.”

Seeing this sentence, Luo Wanqing’s heart chilled, yet she also had a feeling this was expected.

She thought for a moment, then raised her hand to light the letter over the candle flame and threw it into the fire basin, then walked straight out.

Passing through the Supervision Department’s winding corridors, Luo Wanqing walked to the front hall. From far away, she could see a person standing at the front hall entrance. He wore a fox fur brocade cloak, a jade crown on his head, and a young man stood at his side, facing away from the Supervision Department’s main gate, looking at the sky outside.

Luo Wanqing stepped forward to the door and spoke coldly: “Third Prince.”

Hearing her voice, the young man turned around, revealing that gentle and handsome face, and bowed gently: “Commander Liu.”

He wore a sky-blue cloak over white undergarments with blue-threaded cloud patterns, layer upon layer, extraordinarily magnificent, dressed formally for this visit.

Luo Wanqing looked calmly at the person before her and said directly: “What does Your Highness want me to see?”

“If the Commander didn’t know, you wouldn’t have come out.” Li Guiyu didn’t say explicitly, but confirmed Luo Wanqing’s guess.

Luo Wanqing was silent for a moment, then looked up and stared at Li Guiyu: “What do you want, Your Highness?”

Li Guiyu smiled. He turned to look at the rain outside and said calmly, “Though there’s wind and rain today, I’ve reserved a spot at Zhenzhu Tower. Listening to rain from the pavilion is also quite elegant.”

“What do you want?”

Luo Wanqing frowned, her tone somewhat impatient.

Li Guiyu paused, then looked up at Luo Wanqing, his expression somewhat colder: “I said I just want to invite the Commander for a meal.”

“Just a meal?”

Luo Wanqing was somewhat puzzled.

Li Guiyu nodded: “It’s not anything important either.” Li Guiyu smiled, seeming to thoroughly understand what Luo Wanqing wanted. “What harm is there in letting the Commander see the contents?”

Luo Wanqing listened to this, thought for a moment, then smiled and nodded: “Very well, I naturally must attend the Hongmen Feast that Your Highness has arranged.” Saying this, Luo Wanqing headed outside: “Let’s go.”

Luo Wanqing quickly walked outside, passing by Li Guiyu’s side.

Li Guiyu waited for her to go ahead, then took steps to follow behind her at a measured distance.

Luo Wanqing glanced at his behavior and didn’t bother with it, only thinking about how going out with Li Guiyu now served two purposes: first, to confirm whether that marriage contract had her father’s name on it, and second, she needed to probe Li Guiyu’s mouth to discover what exactly he wanted to do and what relationship the Wang and Zheng families had with him.

At the palace banquet, asking Luo Wanqing for posthumous honors was definitely an act that would offend the Zheng family, yet he also said he had told the Zheng family he would protect her. How did he manage to make the Zheng family tolerate him so much?

Getting information from Li Guiyu’s mouth wouldn’t be easy, but she had to try.

If he could repeatedly come to her to probe for information, why couldn’t she use his methods against him?

But going out with him presented one huge problem.

Luo Wanqing looked back at the rear mountain, thinking of the person sitting inside, and felt somewhat anxious.

She had just barely managed to appease him last night, and today she was going out to dinner with Li Guiyu again. Logically speaking, it made sense, but Xie Heng was not a reasonable person.

But thinking about it, Xie Heng wasn’t truly unreasonably tyrannical either. What he sought was just sincerity. As long as she could explain her intentions clearly, he probably wouldn’t mind.

Luo Wanqing comforted herself this way, gathered her courage, took a deep breath, and led Li Guiyu out of the Supervision Department’s main gate. Just as they stepped out, they encountered Xie Heng’s carriage stopped right at the entrance.

Luo Wanqing quickly stopped in her tracks. Xie Heng happened to lift the curtain and emerge from the carriage, turning his head to see Luo Wanqing and Li Guiyu standing one behind the other at the entrance.

Luo Wanqing fell silent and began secretly cursing Li Guiyu for not checking the almanac before going out.

Xie Heng stared at Luo Wanqing and Li Guiyu, slightly frowning.

Li Guiyu also knew that appearing so suddenly at the Supervision Department might be somewhat improper toward Xie Heng, so he quickly raised his hand and bowed: “Department Head Xie, today this humble one has urgent business requiring Commander Liu’s help…”

“Going out?”

Xie Heng completely ignored Li Guiyu, only staring at Luo Wanqing. Luo Wanqing felt her scalp tingle under his gaze, but she absolutely couldn’t show any flaws in front of Li Guiyu or reveal any clues that would make Li Guiyu suspect the relationship between Xie Heng and herself. So she could only steel herself and say: “Yes, this subordinate is going to help the Third Prince take a look at something.”

She was talking nonsense, but Xie Heng didn’t expose her either. He only nodded as if she were just an ordinary subordinate and casually responded: “Mm.”

Luo Wanqing breathed a sigh of relief. Li Guiyu said gently, “Commander Liu, shall we go?”

Luo Wanqing nodded and led Li Guiyu down the steps.

The two walked toward Li Guiyu’s carriage while Xie Heng walked toward the Supervision Department. She didn’t dare look at Xie Heng, and Xie Heng didn’t look at her either. The two seemed like unrelated strangers, only brushing past each other for an instant.

But in that instant of brushing past, his wide sleeve with its silky texture slid across the back of her hand, and a silver chain somehow fell into her hand without anyone noticing.

The moment Luo Wanqing touched the chain, her entire body tensed. Li Guiyu almost simultaneously noticed her stiffness and instinctively glanced at Xie Heng walking into the Supervision Department, asking softly: “Miss, are you feeling unwell somewhere?”

“Nothing.”

Luo Wanqing nervously gripped the anklet with its small bell, afraid it would make any sound. Hearing Zhuque’s voice behind them asking, “Young master, what are you smiling about?” she felt secretly annoyed.

She maintained a calm expression and followed Li Guiyu into the carriage, then inquired with perfect composure: “Where are we going now?”

“Miss didn’t listen carefully to what I said,” Li Guiyu said as they sat in the carriage. He took the main seat while Luo Wanqing chose a position farthest from him. He continued: “I just said I reserved a spot at Zhenzhu Pavilion.”

Hearing Zhenzhu Pavilion, Luo Wanqing was startled, then immediately said: “Change to somewhere else.”

Li Guiyu was somewhat puzzled. Luo Wanqing said coldly: “That’s where I celebrated Cui Heng’s birthday.”

Hearing this, Li Guiyu’s expression changed slightly. However, this emotion flashed by instantly, and he forcibly suppressed it, nodding: “Alright.”

He then called out, “Zitang, go to Jubao Tower.”

The carriage changed direction. The two people sat in the carriage, making the entire compartment seem particularly quiet.

After a moment, Li Guiyu chuckled softly with some helplessness: “I never thought there could be a day when I could sit peacefully with Miss.”

“This isn’t called sitting peacefully,” Luo Wanqing reminded him. “This can only be called mutual probing.”

“Miss is probing me, I know,” Li Guiyu said, listening with curiosity: “But what does Miss think I’m probing you about?”

Luo Wanqing listened, then looked up at him: “You’re testing whether Cui Heng is dead.”

Hearing this, Li Guiyu’s eyes moved slightly. After a moment, he laughed softly: “Miss is cleverer than I thought.”

“Test if you want,” Luo Wanqing looked away, “just don’t cause me trouble.”

“What counts as causing Miss trouble?” Li Guiyu asked knowingly.

Luo Wanqing frowned irritably: “What you did at the palace banquet—what would you call that if not causing trouble?”

“Miss, this isn’t causing trouble. I’m just setting things right.” Li Guiyu’s tone was calm. “Luo Wanqing is my wife, so she should rightfully and openly come to my side for all the world to know.”

“Don’t make exploitation sound so romantic.”

Luo Wanqing looked up at him sternly: “You just want to use Luo Wanqing to show loyalty to His Majesty, demonstrate deep feeling to the world, and show the scholarly officials that you have no prejudice about birth status. Killing three birds with one stone. If Zheng Biyue hadn’t died, Luo Wanqing’s memorial tablet would probably still be hidden in some dark corner where it couldn’t see the light.”

Li Guiyu didn’t speak. However, after a long time, he chuckled softly: “Think whatever you want. The result is the same anyway.”

Hearing this, Luo Wanqing frowned: “What do you mean?”

“In any case, you’re going to marry me and enter Prince Guang’an’s mansion.” Li Guiyu’s tone was indifferent. “It doesn’t matter what you think my reasons are for marrying you. As long as you’re still by my side, that’s enough.”

“The sky is just raining, it’s not dark.” Luo Wanqing looked at him coldly. “Are you starting to dream already?”

“Miss’s way of speaking has become increasingly interesting.”

Li Guiyu chuckled: “You must be living quite well at the Supervision Department?”

“Naturally quite well,” Luo Wanqing said calmly. “You’re so certain you can marry me? Marrying Luo Wanqing is no problem, but Liu Xiniang…” Luo Wanqing smiled mockingly, “Do you think Department Head Xie would let the Chief of the White Tiger Division go to your back courtyard to embroider flowers?”

“Since I want to marry, naturally, I’m marrying Luo Wanqing.”

Li Guiyu spoke with certainty. Luo Wanqing felt confident in her heart and continued probing: “You plan to expose me? You have no evidence. The Department Head won’t believe you, and no one dares believe you.”

“I indeed have no evidence.” Li Guiyu didn’t deny it either. He only looked at Luo Wanqing, his gaze gentle yet nostalgic, saying slowly but with certainty: “But you will tell everyone.”

Hearing this, Luo Wanqing’s heart chilled slightly: “I’ll tell everyone? Why would I want to seek death by my hand?”

Li Guiyu heard this but didn’t answer. He only poured tea for Luo Wanqing and said softly, “Will you drink?”

Seeing he wouldn’t answer further, Luo Wanqing thought and changed her question: “Why go to such great lengths to marry me?”

Li Guiyu’s movements paused. Luo Wanqing continued analyzing: “What benefit do you get from marrying me? Or is it that you don’t intend to marry me, but want to force me to confess, then use this as an excuse to target young master…”

“Miss.”

Li Guiyu interrupted her, seeming somewhat unable to bear it. He lowered his eyes, looking at the tea cup in his hands, and said with difficulty: “When did my marrying you become something worth asking ‘why’ about?”

Hearing this, Luo Wanqing paused slightly. She thought for a long time before saying slowly, “Li Guiyu, I made it very clear that night on Liufeng Island. You were able to let Luo Wanqing go to Lingnan in the past—why can’t you now?”

Li Guiyu didn’t speak.

Luo Wanqing continued: “I know your temperament. You’ve never been able to tolerate flaws in white jade. Now that my heart only holds Cui Heng…”

“You gave me that mooncake.”

Li Guiyu seemed completely unwilling to hear her say these things and quickly interrupted. He didn’t even organize his words, saying somewhat chaotically: “I’ve thought about the questions you asked countless times myself. Before entering Liufeng Island, I thought the same way. I could let Luo Wanqing die once, so I could kill Liu Xiniang a thousand times. But…”

Li Guiyu gripped the tea cup involuntarily tighter: “You carried me on your back for the entire journey, treated my wounds, gave me mooncakes… Miss, after experiencing bitterness, eating something sweet makes all sensations double, and the fear of loss doubles too.”

“But that mooncake contained sleeping medicine.” Luo Wanqing exposed him, saying calmly: “Carrying you was under threat of your Mother-Child Gu, and applying medicine was to infiltrate sleeping drugs into your wounds. All my kindness toward you was to kill you.”

“But those were still the happiest days since I came to the Eastern Capital.”

Li Guiyu stated this calmly.

Luo Wanqing couldn’t help but be stunned.

Li Guiyu turned to look at the rain outside, his pale face full of deathly silence: “Miss, you said I can’t tolerate flaws in white jade, but that was seventeen-year-old Jiang Shaoyan, not Li Guiyu. From the moment Cui Heng died and you returned the dagger to me, I realized it wasn’t like that. Compared to losing you… What does it matter if white jade has flaws? Don’t say he’s dead…”

Li Guiyu stopped speaking and didn’t continue.

After a long time, he finally said: “During those days when I returned from Jiangnan to the Eastern Capital, I kept thinking—what should I do? On Liufeng Island, I tried everything. I didn’t want my life, I didn’t want anything, but I still lost. What could I do? Finally, I understood. Since you’re the enemy’s daughter anyway, I have no guilt. So I’ll use the rest of my life, by any means necessary, to steal back what remains of you. Whether it’s your person, your heart, or anything else—”

As Li Guiyu spoke, he turned to look at Luo Wanqing and smiled gently: “Like today, although you were forced to come by me, you’re here,” Li Guiyu’s eyes curved in a smile, “and I’m very happy.”

Author’s Note:

[Mini Theater]

Luo Wanqing: “Going to gather intelligence. Wonder if Xie Heng will be angry. Maybe I should avoid him.”

Runs into him head-on at the door.

Luo Wanqing: “…”

Xie Heng: “Where are you going? Going on a date? No problem, go ahead, go ahead. Take the little chain I gave you, pull up your collar, and remember what happened last night. I’m forever your beloved legal wife. Love you~”

Luo Wanqing: “…”

Luo Wanqing: “Don’t need the intelligence anymore. Going home.”

Li Guiyu: “???”

Luo Wanqing: “My back hurts. Can’t go.”

[Mini Theater 2]

Li Guiyu: “Don’t say he’s dead… If he were alive, maybe I could accept that, too.”