(III)

The first me was foolish.

The second me was weak.

When I saw the stories of the first two versions of me in a serialized manga for girls at the newsstand, I perceived with absolute clarity that parallel spacetimes do exist. They are me—more incompetent versions of me in parallel worlds.

They are similar to me, yet not entirely the same. I don’t possess their memories; they have experienced things I haven’t yet. We each have our own worlds, unable to perceive each other’s existence. Therefore, I call their spacetimes “parallel spacetimes.”

In easily overlooked scenes of daily life, I happened to read about my own stories in two other parallel worlds. This seemingly random method of discovery matched what the “me” from the previous chapter described.

And when I finished reading their stories, the sense of déjà vu I experienced—I believe that is how information can be transmitted between non-interacting parallel worlds.

**Parallel spacetimes are different from each other. The subtle differences in my growth process lead to different personalities in each version of me.** I recorded this sentence in bold—it’s a key point.

The first to begin recording, the first me: She apparently wasn’t told by her mother that her “father” wasn’t her biological father. She had expectations of who she thought was her biological father, and thus harbored resentment. When helpless, she chose to seek him out, didn’t receive the response she deserved, and ultimately disaster resulted.

Next came Chapter Two, the second me: Like me, she knew I had no relatives to depend on; the proportion of her writing devoted to family was small, and like me, she held no illusions about receiving help from relatives. Her grandmother lived until her third year of high school…

But my grandmother was devastated after Grandfather’s death and passed away less than a month later.

I live alone. The only person I need to consider is myself.

According to the final information from the second me: The disaster of July 17th occurred, and she didn’t survive.

She described being engulfed by some indescribable energy. Related to this energy was a girl that the boy she liked had a crush on—that girl had obvious peculiarities about her.

Why could that girl accurately predict the future disaster? Did she also perceive events from other spacetimes? If she possesses more information than me, could she be the source of the “chaotic energy”?

Following the previous recording method, I will clip out the stories of “my previous two selves,” paste them into a new notebook, and continue writing my third chapter afterward.

To keep information concise and maintain secrecy, I’ll use pseudonyms from now on.

The boy I like, pseudonym Xiao Jin.

The class president from the neighboring class he has a crush on, pseudonym Xiao Lan.

I don’t know what personality Xiao Lan has in other spacetimes. Here, in my view, she doesn’t deserve Xiao Jin’s affection at all.

Every school has that type of robot who only knows how to study, a bookworm—that’s what she is.

Turning a deaf ear to everything outside, attending and leaving class on time every day, without personality, living like a walking corpse. She doesn’t communicate with people, staring at the rain every day in a daze, her eyes filled with a lifeless, hollow emptiness.

I see new wounds constantly appearing on Xiao Lan’s arms. Is she deliberately harming herself? I despise her behavior.

If you had a paralyzed relative who had yearned to live for many years, I think you’d be like me, looking down on this type of person who is in the bloom of youth yet doesn’t cherish their own life.

I made up my mind to steal Xiao Jin away from her.

Comparing appearances and academics, I definitely can’t surpass Xiao Lan. But I know my advantage lies in: In Xiao Jin’s eyes, I’m the female classmate everyone bullies. He won’t ostracize me like the others do. As long as I’m pitiful enough, he’ll extend a helping hand to me.

So if I want to, I can create opportunities to spend time with him myself.

For group assignments, my classmates refused to group with me. I watched coldly.

They hate me, but this can’t harm me in any way—I hate them too.

The teacher asked Xiao Jin if he’d team up with me, and he casually agreed. After groups were assigned, he turned to look at me. I lowered my eyes in time and wiped the corner of my eye with my sleeve.

While working together on the assignment, Xiao Jin asked if I had cried during group selection. I nodded and said softly, “The classmates don’t like me and won’t play with me. They think I have a strange smell.”

Looking up at him again with tears in my eyes: “I can’t smell anything strange on myself. Can you help me?”

Xiao Jin looked troubled. I proactively extended my wrist under his nose.

“Please.”

After smelling, he said honestly, “I don’t smell anything weird. Um… there seems to be a slight scent of little oranges.”

“Oh!” I took out some tangerines from my bag. “Yes, I brought little oranges as a snack. Do you want some?”

Xiao Jin shook his head. “No need, it’s too much trouble.”

“It’s no trouble. Here…” I peeled it in a few quick movements, the orange peel cradling the flesh. I held it out to him. “Thank you for being willing to work with me.”

The orange was already peeled—he could only take it and eat it in one bite.

After this group project, Xiao Jin was stuck with me.

“No one is willing to stay. Today I have to do classroom duty alone. Can you stay with me?”

“Last time the teacher explained a problem, I didn’t write down everything. Can you lend me your notes to look at?”

I found various reasons to approach him. Sometimes he’d help; when it wasn’t convenient, he wouldn’t.

Gradually, as the number of times I borrowed things from him increased, lending to me became his habit.

Once, I borrowed his class notes that he needed to do homework that evening. He’d have to wait until I finished writing and took the notes back before he could go home.

I gripped my pen, working hard to copy everything down.

A prominent notification came through on the phone sitting on the desk.

I asked him to help me dismiss the notification, successfully letting him see the birthday greeting that popped up in the phone’s software settings.

“Today is your birthday?” He was surprised.

After receiving my affirmative answer, he wished me, “Happy birthday. You can eat cake tonight.”

“Thank you. All my relatives at home are gone. I’m all alone now. Tonight, I won’t have any cake to eat.”

Actually, today isn’t my birthday at all. This was just an excuse I found to get closer to him.

But after saying that sentence, I felt empty inside and actually felt truly lonely. The words I’d planned to say next, inviting him to celebrate my birthday with me, became unspeakable.

Yet he picked up my words: “There’s a newly opened cake shop near school. Want to go try it?”

Xiao Jin and I went to that cake shop.

Beautiful birthday cakes were displayed in the window, tempting strawberries decorating the top. I glanced at it, then went to look at other small cakes.

I picked a palm-sized tiramisu. Xiao Jin said, “That’s too small, right? It doesn’t look like a birthday cake, more like a dessert.”

Taking the opportunity, I said to him, “Then I’ll buy that big strawberry cake, but you have to help me eat it.”

He agreed.

After buying the cake, the shop clerk asked us what blessing to write on the cake. I hemmed and hawed. Xiao Jin couldn’t stand it, took the clerk’s paper and pen, and wrote a birthday wish for me.

This is the third spacetime where I’ve fallen for Xiao Jin.

I lit my birthday candle. Behind the candlelight were his smiling eyes.

Kind and warm, with a soft heart—this boy is like a beam of warm winter sunlight. I’m still that little mouse, squinting at him, extending my dirty little paws, wanting to touch him.

I didn’t make a wish.

I devoured that delicious cake, stuffing it into my stomach; the chocolate strip with my name written on it, I saved to eat last.

The chocolate was so sweet it made me dizzy. I indulged in the happiness I’d deceived my way into.

Under my utmost efforts at interference, the intersection of Xiao Jin and Xiao Lan’s lives decreased.

Xiao Lan showed no abnormalities, mechanically going to and from school every day, not going around advising people to leave town as described in the second spacetime.

And I filled the gaps in Xiao Jin’s after-school life…

“After school, can I go watch you play ball?”

Xiao Jin scratched his head. “Anyone can go to the field. Go ahead.”

“But I just want to watch you, not really watch the ball… Oops, I let that slip.”

I know my little scheming tricks are very low-level, and my acting is terrible.

But you know what?

It seems to be working a little bit.

On the third mock exam, I buried my head in studying but still didn’t test well.

Xiao Jin’s score was higher than mine. Surprisingly, he chose me as his deskmate.

I gave Xiao Jin little oranges every day.

He didn’t necessarily eat them every day, but I definitely gave them every day.

Could it be that my spacetime has already diverged from the previous two spacetimes?

The college entrance exam results came out. Sigh, I did somewhat poorly. If there’s another me in another spacetime, if you see my information, I suggest you memorize by heart those last three practice sets our homeroom teacher distributed.

After the college entrance exam, Xiao Jin and I wouldn’t be at the same school anymore. I asked him to come to the school auditorium the weekend after results came out—I had something to tell him.

Regardless of how he’d answer, I wanted to confess to him once before we each went our separate ways.

To be honest, my life had been so full that I hadn’t paid attention to Xiao Lan’s movements for a long time.

The day results came out, I unexpectedly ran into her at the town’s big supermarket.

She had large and small bags slung over her shoulders, her shopping cart stuffed full of items.

This behavior… was she hoarding supplies?

Could it be that Xiao Lan still foresaw that a disaster would occur in the future? She’s not going around advising people like last time, but still possesses this ability?

I suddenly had a chilling speculation.

Is it possible that: The Xiao Lan here and the Xiao Lan from the previous spacetime are the same person?

Thinking even more carefully, if a disaster also occurred in the first spacetime…

Then could the Xiao Lans from all three spacetimes all be the same person?

How terrifying. What is she?

I can’t imagine what I’ve gotten myself caught up in.

Fortunately, my date with Xiao Jin was before July 17th. If the situation becomes uncertain then, I’ll still have a chance to escape the town together with him.

Sunday night when college entrance exam results were released.

The rain fell especially heavily, the entire school seeming submerged in water.

I thought Xiao Jin wouldn’t come, and waited for him by the window.

I noticed a familiar figure running wildly around campus.

—Why did Xiao Lan also come to school?

With such heavy rain, the school was almost completely flooded.

—What is she running around for? She seems to be heading this way?

As I was thinking this, someone tapped me from behind.

It was Xiao Jin.

He startled me.

His hair was wet, and his tone held worry. “Are you foolish? The rain is about to flood the whole town, and you still dare go out? I called you but you didn’t answer. I thought maybe you’d be waiting here. I figured you couldn’t be that stupid, but came to check anyway, and you’re actually really here.”

“I had an appointment with you. I was afraid I wouldn’t have a chance to see you, so I went out in the heavy rain.”

Taking out a handmade plush charm from my bag, I held up the smiling face of the cartoon little orange and said to Xiao Jin, “I needle-felted this little orange for a long time. I want to give it to you. I wish you acceptance into your dream university.”

“You could send it later too.” Xiao Jin accepted the plush little orange.

Feeling shy, I couldn’t bring myself to confess. I changed the subject and asked which university he planned to attend.

He answered, “That girl who lives across from my house has pretty good grades. The university she seems interested in looks pretty good. I might also…”

—Xiao Lan again.

I don’t want to hear him mention another girl!

My fingers twisted around the hem of my clothes as I sullenly interrupted him: “Don’t like her anymore. Like me instead.”

“Huh?” Xiao Jin was stunned.

How much I want to possess the determination to grow up properly! Therefore, gathering all my courage, I told him loudly, and told myself:

—After I grow up, I’ll be smarter and more beautiful than the girl he likes!!!

I thought I said it very loudly, but perhaps my volume wasn’t actually that loud after all.

Xiao Jin didn’t answer for a long time.

In his silence, I knew my confession had failed.

I sighed, unable to face him anymore.

The sound of wind and rain roared.

I turned and left, tears streaming down my face.

He didn’t chase after me. Perhaps we’ll never see each other again.

The next day, I packed my luggage and also sent Xiao Jin a final text message, telling him to flee the town.

It was too late.

Everyone was too late.

Flash floods erupted, all roads out of town were destroyed, and we were trapped.

A massive landslide occurred near the town. The water downstream was cut off, and once the river water reversed flow, the entire town would cease to exist.

The whole town descended into chaos.

People scrambled to seize supplies everywhere—everyone wanted to survive.

What should I do? I don’t know.

I don’t want to give up hope of living. Though it’s despicable, I know who has supplies…

I can only write up to here.

I think I’m not in one of only two, or the final spacetime that can see “information from other worlds.”

If I survive, I’ll continue writing my story.

If I can’t survive…

Then I hope my words can remain.

That this spacetime, this version of me, existed in the universe.

At seventeen, I once possessed a birthday cake that belonged to me.

Goodbye, Xiao Jin.