Between her lips and nose was an extremely bitter taste. Her cheeks were being gently patted, and her whole body ached with fiery, sharp pain. Suzhen uncomfortably slowly opened her eyes.

Everywhere were hazy lights and shadows. Among the light and shadow, a face appeared and disappeared. Had much time passed? Her heart felt heavy, as if punched hard by something. “Are you dead too? Why are you also here…”

“Li Huaisu, I’m not dead, and you… aren’t dead either.” The heat in his eyes dimmed slightly. He was silent for a moment before slowly answering.

In an instant, something in her mind snapped taut, then suddenly broke!

Ignoring the dizziness and pain throughout her body, Suzhen almost instinctively reached out to prop herself up. Where her hand landed was surprisingly thick, soft bedding. She paid no attention to this, only struggling to sit up with all her strength.

“Don’t move!” The person gripped her shoulders with both hands, his voice slightly stern.

She looked into his deep, hoarse eyes, and he looked deeply back at her.

As if both were silenced or frozen in place, for that moment, neither spoke.

“Aluo woke up early, so you spared me?” Finally, she spoke first, her voice hoarse and weak from her injuries, but her tone was calm, without much joy or sorrow.

“She didn’t wake up early. I had Xuan Wu give you a feigned death drug.” He laughed self-mockingly. “You used feigned death medicine, and so did I.”

Suzhen trembled slightly, but this movement pulled at the wounds on her waist and back, making her hiss involuntarily.

“Don’t move around.” His fingers gripping her shoulders tightened.

“Let go.” She looked up at him, her eyes holding an almost coldly indifferent calm.

Not angry or stern, yet it seemed to carry some power that made Lian Yu slowly release his hands. As if he were the subject and she the ruler.

“Your Majesty, though my brother didn’t die, he was struck by many swords from you brothers at the time and already circled the gates of hell. I hope you can consider Li Huaisu’s suggestions—when one person commits a crime, let one person pay. Why must innocent people suffer? I was by your side for so long and didn’t kill you, did I?”

Suzhen was a very fair person. Since she hadn’t died, she no longer used herself to beg for Feng Shaoying’s life.

Lian Yu felt his heart clench and spasm at her words, even breathing caused stabbing pain.

He had always loved her and never stopped.

He had always felt sorry for her and never stopped.

But this heartache, after reading the letter, became unstoppable—no longer something he could control.

“The Feng family’s crimes—I announced publicly during the day that they’re written off and won’t be pursued further.” He looked at her and said quietly: “Whether you believe it or not, I never really intended to kill your brother at all costs.”

Suzhen first showed a trace of joy in her eyes, then smiled and responded sarcastically: “Lian Yu, I thank you for being willing to spare my brother, but saying you never thought of taking my brother’s life—isn’t that ridiculous?”

“Wasn’t the decree to execute the entire Feng family issued by you? If not you, why would you personally lead people to hunt them down after receiving news that the remaining party had escaped? That time we met at the inn, you were returning from trying to kill my brother when you encountered the ambush. I was so foolish to actually save you then.” She looked at him and smiled as she asked, no longer with love or hate, but still with grievance and resentment.

“Why won’t you admit it even now? Or do you think continuing to hide this from me, watching me like a fool talking about clearing our name, falling in love with my enemy, then being abandoned by him—is that amusing?”

She still wasn’t agitated, didn’t shout, didn’t scream, didn’t fight or struggle, but the look in her eyes was colder, accompanied by tears, gradually becoming weathered and aged.

Lian Yu sat at the bedside, looking at the short distance between them, his stomach cramping painfully, just like many years ago when he’d gone hungry for days.

“The situation then was very complex. I originally planned to tell you everything when your clearing deadline arrived.” He said.

“Complex? Complex enough that you were actually the good person and I wrongly blamed you? Lian Yu, back then you thought he killed your mother—this is the truth I learned during my case investigations. Also, you said he secretly released Prince Jin’s posthumous child. Someone like you wouldn’t kill him to vent your hatred, yet you damn well still had relations with me…”

“Did you ever think about my feelings? I’m also human—it’s not only your Aluo who’s precious.” She asked through falling tears.

How much she had loved before was how much she hated now.

Her hands on her knees twisted white with tension. Lian Yu wanted to embrace her, wanted to apologize, but the intense hatred in her eyes made him afraid—he feared she would hurt herself.

He knew the pain in her heart. After reading the letter, he understood what tremendous torment she had endured recently.

He wanted to tell her that his heart ached—truly ached as it never had before, more than any life-and-death experiences.

He gripped his hands tightly, trying his best to explain things clearly.

“That day, after learning of Princess Jin’s whereabouts, we knew your father had interfered back then—he was one of Prince Jin’s remaining supporters. The Empress Dowager said to immediately send people to kill him, but I wanted to consider it further. Even though I believed then that your father killed my mother, I had reviewed his files and knew that since taking office, he had saved 328 wrongful imprisonment cases and 405 lives. This isn’t a small number—I intended to spare his family.”

“Actually, whether establishing women’s schools or abolishing collective punishment, I had such thoughts early on. Some matters were just accelerated by your arrival and put on my agenda. But whether to start abolishing collective punishment with the Feng family—I usually decide quickly, but then I hesitated. With the overall situation unstable, rashly abolishing such harsh punishment might not be enough to deter rebels nationwide.”

“I wrote two papers regarding the Feng family’s fate—one for executing your entire family, another for exiling your whole family to the frontier.”

“I didn’t know whether to sentence your family to life or death, but I knew I had to decide quickly. I told Mother and Minister Yan to give me one more day to decide. That morning, Minister Yan came early to the imperial study to find me. I hadn’t arrived yet, but Yan Da discovered the death sentence on my desk.”

“Though he wasn’t close to your father, he always respected your father’s character. Knowing that once I decided, I wouldn’t be soft-hearted, he wanted to plead with Mother for your family’s lives while I was away. But Mother, fearing I’d change my mind, only explained the stakes and persuaded him to immediately handle the matter. Actually, I hadn’t decided that night. Troubled, I swept my hand across the desk, accidentally knocking the life sentence to the floor while the death sentence remained on the desk.”

“As for your brother… Later, knowing the killing was done, Li Huaisu, I was never a soft-hearted person. I knew I had to eliminate all threats. After receiving news from Yan Da about your brother’s escape, I personally led people to pursue him.”

“But I heard Yan Da say that your father would rather die than implicate the informant Fu Jingshu or kill the people we sent. Remembering the lives he had saved under his judgment pen, when I could have killed your brother with the final sword, I changed my mind and only kicked the severely wounded him off the cliff into the sea.”

“Life and death would be left to heaven’s will.”

Hearing his bitter laugh as he finished, Suzhen’s whole body trembled, as if the initially incomplete pieces were slowly coming together to form a near-complete picture.

But should she believe what he said?

Was the Feng family matter mostly heaven’s cruel joke?

If this was fate, what was heaven’s way trying to accomplish?

To make her complete a long journey to his side? To make him promote women’s education and abolish collective punishment?

Should she believe it?

But after so many events, so much scheming and deception, she dared not believe again.

What was power? It was lonely isolation, the cold of high places, but also supreme authority to command the world and direct the realm.

Even if this was the truth, her parents still died at the hands of ruthless Xiao’an, indirectly by his hand. Even if she could understand that from his position, this was a power game where everyone moved according to rules on their own board—only victory or defeat, never right or wrong.

But how could you possibly be with an enemy? Would you just forgive his mother? The late emperor was dead and could no longer be avenged, but his mother still lived in this world—that iron-willed, heartless woman!

And he could actually make a three-year pact with her.

If he lied about even this, how could she believe his current words?

“Everything I said above is true. Li Huaisu, I love you in my heart—love you very, very much. I won’t lie to you.” Lian Yu saw the mocking smile in her eyes, understood her thoughts, slowly stood up, and raised his right hand.

That was the gesture of an oath.

An emperor’s oath? But Suzhen only found it blinding.

She shook her head: “Lian Yu, why bother saying it wasn’t because Aluo woke up early that you spared my life? Don’t try to beautify yourself like this—you don’t love me that much. That night on Qixi, you deceived me, took me, treating me as Aluo’s substitute—that’s your love.”

“You seem to have done quite a lot for me—substitution in the beginning, guilt after separation. That’s all.”

She said each word forcefully, and each effort pulled at her wounds, making her remember more deeply the pain he had personally given her, past and present.

Looking at her pale face, he stood like a clay statue by the bed. Every word she spoke was like the sharpest knife, stabbing into his heart, cutting away his flesh piece by piece.

Lian Yu wanted to go hold her tightly and tell her it wasn’t like that.

But all he could do was step back several paces, tightly suppressing all his pain and irritability. He truly feared hurting her again. All he could do was slowly, word by word, speak to her.

“I never treated you as Aluo’s substitute,” he tightly gripped his hands that wanted to touch her. “When I deceived you then, I indeed had my own selfish motives.”

He licked his slightly dry lower lip: “I wanted to use these three years to eliminate treacherous officials and lay the best foundation for Great Zhou’s prosperity. I wanted to use three years to deepen the feelings between us. When the time came, if you could forgive me, I would spend this lifetime cherishing and loving you.”

“If you,” he paused, smiling slightly, “if you cannot let go, I would arrange everything for you, then give you this life.”

“Give you this life.”

In Suzhen’s mind, this phrase echoed repeatedly—once, twice… perhaps three, four times, perhaps more.

This was truly the most beautiful love words in the world—a great nation’s sovereign willing to give you his life.

But could an emperor really give his life to a woman? Even a foolish ruler wouldn’t, let alone one supremely intelligent.

She almost immediately smiled: “When Aluo died initially, you were just a passionate youth, yet you didn’t commit suicide to accompany her. As for me, with my worthless life—now that you hold the realm, you’d die for me?”

“Lian Yu, don’t you find it amusing when you say such things?”

“You don’t believe it? I don’t believe it either. But this is what I think, so that night I took you. Li Huaisu, if I’m risking my life after three years, taking your body doesn’t seem excessive.”

“I know that keeping you pure so your future husband could… would be best for you, but I couldn’t do it. I can’t give up even life for you yet want nothing. I’m only human, not a god. I want you for this lifetime—even if you hate me, you must remember me forever.”

He stood by the bed, raising his eyebrows as he spoke lightly, his usually cold, deep eyes holding an unprecedented lonely despair.

Suzhen didn’t speak for a moment. This was something she had never considered. She knew that in Minzhou, he turned back regardless of everything to retrieve her from Quan Feitong’s hands. When she was captured by “assassins,” he would rather agree and injure himself severely. But perhaps, deep in her heart, she always felt he was confident—from their first meeting, he could always turn the tables in crisis.

He would live well.

So for that instant, her heart still ached, forgetting to think.

But the scene before her “death” when he held Aluo in heartbroken despair, everything she had experienced these days, flowed through her mind like vivid paintings.

She didn’t understand why he was telling her all this tonight.

But what was the point?

Not to mention the family hatred between them that couldn’t be crossed—even between him and Aluo lay thousands of mountains and rivers she couldn’t traverse.

She rarely spoke against her heart in life. What she thought, she said to him.

Somehow, later on, without sarcasm or anger, she just asked him quietly.

Lian Yu didn’t speak.

Before, occasionally late at night, he would bring Xuan Wu to stand atop the palace walls, gazing at stars and moon, overlooking the capital. The silent heaven and earth made him feel desolate, feeling wronged.

But he was a man, and men should stand upright between heaven and earth. No matter how heavy the burden, if it should be his to bear, no matter how much suffering, he could only swallow it himself.

Killing the emperor to save his mother, whether to kill his birth father, the entangled grievances between birth mother and adoptive mother, whether to kill Murong Jinghou, how to choose between her and Aluo—each choice was like standing on a bright blade edge, pushing him to difficult extremes.

The choice between Aluo and her was especially so.

When Aluo returned, he was ecstatic, but simultaneously knew he would face the most painful choice of his life. However, he absolutely couldn’t wrong either of them!

So, unable to keep both and enjoy such fortune, that night of violence toward her was his most regrettable night.

But seeing her injured hand, seeing her heartbroken despair when she went mad with excitement at his reunion with Aluo, he couldn’t control himself. He feared he would ultimately lose her. Various intense, complex emotions mixed together—it was release, possession, and declaration, telling himself she was still there.

Later, he secretly went to see Aluo.

Aluo told her maid that she had climbed mountains and crossed waters, waiting for years to return to his side. If they couldn’t be together, she would rather die.

In that instant, he understood he couldn’t abandon her—this girl who had waited by his side for years, who risked her life to follow when he went to save another girl!

Undoubtedly, he could promise her lifelong wealth and find her another suitable husband, but that wasn’t what she wanted—it would only force this childhood sweetheart to death again!

In this world, what could truly repay emotion was only emotion.

Not any worldly possessions.

And that girl who came quietly to clear her name and took root in his heart—her roots were in his heart, but his roots probably hadn’t extended into her heart yet. It was his reckless love that made her slowly sink. Then during these three years, he would continue protecting her in officialdom, helping her realize her ambitions. After three years, he would still give her his life.

He forced himself not to look at her again and refused her private meetings, except for that time Zhu Que brought the bloodied jade. Only after meeting, he never imagined she would wound him with a blade. She was always so clear in love and hate. Though angry, after she left hastily and drowned her sorrows in wine, he only felt heartache. After she was wounded by the Prince of Zhennan’s wife, he knew her body had serious problems and kept this in his heart. After she vomited blood at the palace banquet, he couldn’t bear it anymore and secretly ordered medicine in her meals to heal her body. Even if careless discovery might expose him, he couldn’t care.

He couldn’t let her body deteriorate further. He also sent people nightly to treat her with steamed medicine when she was drunk, until the new champion’s parade. Fearing she’d hear news and go out to watch the excitement, even knowing he ultimately couldn’t hide it, he still sent a female guard to drug the sleeping her, not wanting her to see and be saddened in person.

However, all this was inadvertently disrupted by Lian Xin. Seeing her again at the parade, he really wanted to severely punish this sister!

But human plans couldn’t match heaven’s—this was just the beginning. Later, she decided to marry Quan Feitong.

He schemed to bring her back.

He told her Quan Feitong would rebel sooner or later and she couldn’t be with him. But even he couldn’t say clearly whether this was truly for her good or just his own excuse.

He had never stopped loving her.

Perhaps to punish his inconsistency, she then gave him the most painful blow of his life…

In the snow, seeing her poison Aluo like that, he was angry and hateful, using severe punishment to force her to hand over the antidote. But in his heart, he knew what a stubborn person she was. He knew she wouldn’t hand over the medicine. In pain, he still spared her. Before releasing her from the cellar, he secretly instructed the punishment servants to cooperate with the drug’s effects and stop at forty or fifty strokes, though the harsh beating was real.

He hated her for harming Aluo to death, yet deep down still favored her. She was like poison—you thought you were fine, but it had already invaded your organs and taken your life.

Later, Aluo suddenly woke up, and then her letter… caught him off guard again.

It turned out her love was never less than his, and her grievances never less than his.

She could pledge life and death, could swallow all grievances and pain alone.

He couldn’t imagine her state of mind when calmly preparing those things, or when seeing him tightly holding Aluo before losing consciousness.

Before him now, her face that seemed no longer caring made him clench his hands deadly tight, his whole body’s muscles seeming ready to explode. His heart held too much pain, but he didn’t want to explain anymore. A strange emotion surged from his heart to his throat—like melting snow, ice-cold, yet like fire, clear and bright, burning his whole body with pain. All words became only that silent sentence in his mind.

She could kill him, but he would never let her go again.

His eyes reddened as he slowly approached her.

The three-year pact… Suzhen closed her dry eyes. Perhaps what he said was true, but her dead heart wasn’t false either. Her not killing him didn’t mean she would shake hands and make peace with him. They could never go back. No matter how good he was, he was no longer her fortune.

She wanted to respond with something, but in the end, she only struggled to gather her spirits and got off the bed to put on shoes.

Supporting herself on the railing and enduring the pain, she said: “Lian Yu, thank you for not beating me to death and even considering my suggestions, sparing my brother. I’m leaving. Rest assured, once I leave this time, I won’t appear before you again, won’t trouble Aluo anymore. I sincerely wish you two happiness. Between us, there’s no longer a three-year pact—from now on, everything is written off.”