Li Biran was intelligent and quick-witted, managing fairly well in middle school. Though he hadn’t given his studies his all during middle school, he still cared somewhat. Then during the middle school graduation exams, he performed exceptionally well, scoring high enough to enter this excellent private high school, often called a “noble school.”

The tuition and living expenses were very expensive. Although his parents worked out of town, they gritted their teeth and said: “Let him go.” Everything was for their child’s future, after all. Now that their child had shown promise by testing into such a good high school, even if it meant using up a large portion of their savings, they would let him attend.

However, it wasn’t until he had lived at the new high school for a while that Li Biran understood what it meant to put on airs beyond one’s means.

At his previous district high school, while not exactly a notable figure, he had at least been somebody. But here, what was he?

Most of his classmates came from wealthy or powerful families. Their parents were either officials or successful business people. These people would buy trendy shoes worth thousands without batting an eye. They’d get every new iPhone model. Sometimes Li Biran would sit at his desk, listening to his deskmate chat with others:

“Did you get the iPhone XS?”

“I bought two, one for myself and one for my sister.”

“But I want to try the Huawei P20 too, it looks nice.”

“Sure, sure, I’ll buy one to try too. If I don’t like it, I’ll give it to my aunt.”

…

Li Biran suddenly felt the almost-new iPhone 8 in his pocket burning his hand.

That day after returning home, he called his parents: “Mom, I want a new phone.”

His mother paused, asking, “Didn’t we just get you one last year?”

Li Biran said, “All my classmates have new ones! On the iPhone XS, everyone has one. Why won’t you buy me one?”

His mother asked quietly, “How much is it?”

“About ten thousand yuan.”

“…”

Of course, his mother didn’t buy him a new phone, and when his father found out, he berated Li Biran over the phone: “We’ve spent years of savings to let you attend this high school. Instead of studying hard, you want a new phone. Where do you think we get that kind of money? How thoughtless!”

After hanging up, Li Biran felt a fire burning in his chest, feeling utterly worthless. He felt angry, primarily at his parents who seemed cold to him, but vaguely also at himself and everything around him—at Xie Huifang, at that place that wasn’t his home, at school, at those unfamiliar classmates who seemed to live in another world entirely.

Not to mention after the first assessment test upon entering school, Li Biran ranked among the bottom ten in his class. He had previously thought those privileged children would surely be incompetent and had secretly studied before the test, hoping to make a dramatic showing, but the result had slapped him in the face. He even felt the teachers’ gazes were much colder toward him than toward those students with good grades and family backgrounds…

Heh… don’t fucking look down on me.

Li Biran increasingly disliked going to school. He couldn’t connect with those people at all. As the first year of high school was ending, he felt increasingly estranged from his classmates. That feeling of estrangement was like sinking into a quagmire, slowly, deeper and deeper. You watch it happen, powerless, only able to gradually become rigid and numb.

As his grades declined and he increasingly skipped classes and violated rules, his parents’ scolding and disappointment grew. As for Xie Huifang, Li Biran felt she increasingly liked to give orders and treated him less and less like a person. Controlling everything, watching his every move, like an excited middle-aged female spy, seemingly hoping each day to find new evidence that “this child is truly disobedient and hopeless.”

Li Biran spent more and more time at internet cafes. Whether at school or at that so-called “home,” everything felt like a prison to him.

“Damn, I’ll kill you.”

“Want to die?”

“I want to kill someone.”

…

Such words were commonly spoken by youths and even adults at the internet cafe. Even those privileged children at school could casually say such things. Li Biran would sometimes say them while gaming at the internet cafe. Speaking such words felt good somehow.

And often, when a youth’s mind was clouded with anger, there would be confused, indefinable impulses to do something, to break free from this fucking adolescent life.

—

Liu Ruyu had always loved reading since childhood—comics, newspapers, textbooks, even dictionaries—he could quietly read any of them for an entire afternoon. He especially loved detective novels, where the protagonists were clever, cunning, and righteous, always in control of the situation.

That was a life very, very far from his own.

He had lived with an uncle since childhood, without parents. They had passed away when he was very young. He heard they had died while working away from home. In his memory, he had lived with his grandfather for two or three years, then his grandfather also died. So he lived with his uncle.

His uncle and aunt ran a small livestock farm in the village, but it never did as well as others, earning little and sometimes even losing money in some years. The couple often played mahjong, sometimes gambling away thousands of yuan, and would beat their children. Liu Ruyu would stand silently in the corner at such times, but he would still get beaten.

Their children were older, attending high school in the county town as boarding students. Liu Ruyu was still in middle school in the township, living with them. Sometimes when his aunt was busy gambling, she’d just buy ten packages of noodles for the house. Without any meat, just oil, salt, and sauce, for several months, Liu Ruyu would come home from school and cook noodles for himself.

His clothes were school uniforms, worn year-round. He washed them himself, keeping them clean and tidy. With no money for books, he could only borrow from classmates, until he heard about e-books. He spent half a year collecting recyclables to buy the cheapest phone he could find.

His uncle saw the phone: “Where did you get this?”

He answered: “From selling water bottles.”

His uncle’s eyes widened as he took the phone, saying: “Not bad, you’re growing up, able to earn money now.” After looking at it for a while, he pocketed it: “Study hard, this… I’ll confiscate it for now, children shouldn’t play with phones.”

Liu Ruyu stood there for a moment before walking back to his room.

Houses weren’t scarce in the countryside; he had a very small, dark room to himself, never properly renovated, with gray walls and cement flooring. He sat silently on his bed for a while, his tightly clenched fists slowly relaxing.

Months later, when he was graduating from middle school, one day his uncle and aunt prepared a relatively lavish meal, and his uncle even poured him a cup of rice wine.

His aunt smiled her usual fake smile, like an extremely vulgar flower, saying: “Our Ruyu has grown so big now, even able to earn money to buy a phone, so capable.”

His uncle clinked glasses with him, appearing generous: “Cheers!”

Liu Ruyu held his small wine cup and drank it all in one gulp.