In the end, Yang Wan didn’t press Deng Ying for answers.

They ate together, and Deng Ying heated bath water for Yang Wan, who soaked alone in the tub for a long time.

When she came out, Deng Ying’s face was still red.

Yang Wan didn’t say anything, just sat with Deng Ying on the bed.

After her bath, she had removed her outer garments, wearing only her undergarments, comfortably wrapped in the bedding.

Deng Ying, however, still wore his official robes due to his restraints. He refused to remove his shoes, sitting perfectly straight at the edge of the bed. Yang Wan hugged her knees and leaned against his shoulder, resting quietly with closed eyes. Outside, the rain grew heavier, knocking against the windows with a cold sound.

Yet the colder it got outside, the warmer the charcoal fire felt inside, and the softer the bedding seemed.

Though the humble room was narrow, it was enough for Yang Wan to curl up in.

Yang Wan thought of a Japanese anime – “Weathering with You.”

In the rain outside, the protagonists fled from pursuing police, unable to afford a cheap inn, so they spent all their money to stay in a warm luxury hotel instead.

Bathing, eating, singing karaoke…

The colorful bath lights in the tub, chicken pieces in the fridge, fried noodles, and curry. When the girl’s brother asked what to eat, the boy said to eat it all, so the brother called out to his sister in the bath, “Tonight’s dinner is very rich!” The sister laughed and replied that she looked forward to it.

They played until very late, trying to experience every bit of warmth the hotel had to offer.

They didn’t want to sleep, as if staying awake would keep the warmth from cooling and tomorrow from coming.

Yang Wan felt the same way now.

She hoped the rain outside wouldn’t stop, trying to hold onto every moment of feeling, though she knew clearly that time was constantly slipping away.

“Deng Ying.”

“Yes?”

“Should we… do something?”

As soon as she asked this, Deng Ying’s body stiffened.

Yang Wan leaned against him and laughed softly, “Let’s apply the medicine.”

She crawled out from under the covers, kneeling on the bed to reach for the ointment at the bedhead.

Deng Ying watched her arched back, her undergarments clinging to her spine as she moved.

Her slightly curled toes touched against his leg, and worried she might be cold, he hurriedly covered her feet with his sleeve.

“What are you getting? Let me get it, you just bathed, you need to stay warm.”

Yang Wan turned back with a smile, “I brought several kinds of medicine, you wouldn’t know which one to get. Let me find them and apply some on you first, then I need to put some on myself too.”

She gathered the various bottles and jars onto the bed, bent her knees to support Deng Ying, and carefully applied medicine for him on the lamplight, checking his feet as she went.

“There’s medicine for your feet too, take off your shoes.”

Deng Ying removed his shoes and socks, slowly lifting his legs onto the bed.

The remaining chains hung down from the bed, swaying gently, clinking against the wooden frame with a lonely sound.

Embarrassed, he tried to hold them still with his hand, unconsciously tucking his feet under his robe.

Yang Wan didn’t look away from these movements, only saying softly, “How absurd.”

“What?”

Yang Wan held his wrist, speaking quietly: “You know, and this dynasty, it’s all so absurd.”

She pressed her lips together before continuing: “These restraints aren’t meant to bind a criminal, they’re meant to humiliate you, to put on a show of ‘justice’ for the emperor, to display before the entire court.”

Deng Ying relaxed his fingers, “I’m fine…”

Yang Wan interrupted him: “How can you be fine? You’ve always had words you couldn’t say.”

This was a double-meaning statement.

Deng Ying removed his wrist from Yang Wan’s knee.

They sat facing each other on the bed, both hugging their knees and Deng Ying coughed softly.

“As one awaiting punishment, I am unclean. How could I say… inappropriate things to Wanwan?”

“If you think it’s inappropriate, why did you learn it?”

Deng Ying pressed his lips together, “I couldn’t help myself…”

After speaking, he coughed several times, placing both hands in Yang Wan’s, “I’m afraid of hurting you, of making you uncomfortable. I’m afraid that in the future when you’re no longer willing to hold my hands and teach me, I won’t know how to make you…”

“Silly, who taught you? What did they teach you?”

Deng Ying gently turned aside to avoid Yang Wan’s gaze.

Who could he learn from? The people in the Ceremonial Office would visit brothels and temples, wandering women served the eunuchs outside South Lake, and the office would gather to discuss how to please women. Deng Ying had heard much, and thinking of Yang Wan’s body, he wished he could lock his hands away forever.

Until he happened to find a book in Chen Hua’s room in the Mixed Hall Office.

It was a forbidden palace book that Chen Hua had always hidden carefully, but one night, drunk, he had left it openly on his desk after reading it, where Deng Ying had picked it up while visiting on business.

Chen Hua was terrified, immediately falling to his knees before Deng Ying, trembling all over.

“Supervisor, I’ll admit my crime and accept punishment, but please spare my life!”

Deng Ying said nothing, sitting on Chen Hua’s couch and opening the book.

“Supervisor… ah…”

He simply knelt before Deng Ying, slapping his face.

Deng Ying pressed down the pages, “What are you doing? Stop.”

Chen Hua cried, “Without your pardon, this servant dares not stop.”

Deng Ying closed the book, closed his eyes to compose himself for a moment, then looked down at Chen Hua: “Why do you read such books?”

“This servant deserves death, shouldn’t have read it…”

“Master Chen, I have no intention of punishing you. Speak properly.”

Chen Hua finally stopped crying in surprise.

Deng Ying pointed to the spot across from him, “Get up and sit down to talk.”

Chen Hua hesitantly stood up, wringing his hands as he sat before Deng Ying, “Will the Supervisor truly cover for this servant?”

“Yes.”

Deng Ying put down the book, letting out a soft breath, “I…”

“This servant understands.”

Chen Hua interrupted him, “Supervisor, you have always been merciful to us.”

At these words, Deng Ying had nothing else to say, as he didn’t know how to explain the absurd stirring in his heart at that moment.

“You and Assistant Song…”

“No! Absolutely not! This servant has never done anything improper with Assistant Song!”

The words “improper conduct” pierced straight into Deng Ying’s heart.

Chen Hua, unaware of Deng Ying’s thoughts, continued honestly explaining himself.

“Supervisor, don’t laugh at me… ah… I’ve thought about Yunqing for a long time, but I dare not do anything to her. No, what could I even do? I don’t even dare mention anything to her. She’s an inner palace official who can leave the palace in the future. If she keeps herself pure, she might meet a good person outside and live happily for the rest of her life. If I were to hurt her… wouldn’t I go to hell?”

As he spoke, he gripped his pants at the knees tightly.

“She never lets me enter her quarters. I’d never even seen her in light clothing, but I just couldn’t help myself. Yes, I’m in complete down there, but I know that someone like me if I’m thoughtful enough, careful enough, gentle enough, there are still ways to make her happy. But Supervisor, I truly only think about it and learn in secret. I deserve death, I truly deserve death, but Yunqing is a proper girl, she…”

He spoke incoherently, only hoping Deng Ying would believe in Song Yunqing’s character.

Deng Ying’s hand rested quietly on the book. He wanted to say something to Chen Hua but didn’t know how to begin.

The cold daylight fell quietly on his hands, those fingers that had once taken Yang Wan’s body, touched the warm spring waters of her lower regions. Yang Wan hadn’t made him grovel below like the eunuchs in the book; she had kept his undergarments on, lying herself on the table, leaving space for him to stand before her.

He had met Yang Wan; Chen Hua had met Song Yunqing.

They shared the same shameful understanding of this matter, but Deng Ying had never been hurt – Yang Wan protected his dignity like protecting a snowflake.

Yet he couldn’t help but wonder: was Yang Wan truly satisfied?

“Little Ying, what are you thinking about with such red ears?”

Yang Wan’s words pulled Deng Ying from his thoughts. Only then did he realize Yang Wan was holding his hand, looking worried.

“Did you read some messy books?”

“Yes…”

“Who gave them to you?”

“…”

Deng Ying couldn’t betray Chen Hua, so he opened his mouth silently, only lowering his head.

“Don’t read such things randomly.”

Yang Wan stroked Deng Ying’s burning face, and he quickly said, “I didn’t read those to hurt you, Wanwan, you know I would never.”

“I didn’t say that’s what kind of book you read.”

Yang Wan looked at Deng Ying, “I’m afraid you read the kind about serving…”

After saying the word “serving,” she found she couldn’t continue either.

Her shoulders slumped as she sat down dejectedly.

She felt such pain for the man before her. Her love contained no contempt for his incompleteness, but Deng Ying’s love for Yang Wan always carried self-deprecation.

“Wanwan.”

“Yes?”

“Did I make you angry by doing something wrong?”

His expression was somewhat panicked, his hands in Yang Wan’s embrace uncertain.

Yang Wan quickly composed herself, trying to comfort him, “No, you’re just very silly, you know? Those things are like the restraints on you, meant to discipline you. You can’t treat them as texts for self-recognition.”

She had inadvertently used academic terminology, and after speaking, couldn’t help but bow her head in self-reproach, “What am I saying…”

Deng Ying looked at Yang Wan helplessly, that gaze making Yang Wan once again feel how advanced civilization whipped at Deng Ying’s inner order.

She quickly hugged the uncertain Deng Ying.

“It’s okay, I’m not blaming you for looking at those things.”

Deng Ying looked down at Yang Wan leaning on his shoulder, softly admitting his mistake, “I’m sorry Wanwan, I won’t look anymore.”

Yang Wan shook her head, “It’s not your fault, that book isn’t anything special. I just want to tell you, only when you stop seeing yourself as a criminal can you happily do such things to me.”

Deng Ying lowered his head, “Wanwan, I am willing now.”

“I won’t allow it now. Little Ying, you’ve always been so smart, why are you being so simple now?”

“Alright, Wanwan, I’ll stop talking about it, don’t be angry.”

He spoke while stroking Yang Wan’s back.

Yang Wan lay on Deng Ying’s shoulder, speaking softly: “I’m not angry. Don’t rush, let’s take it slow, okay?”

Deng Ying made a soft sound of agreement, “Wanwan.”

“Hmm?”

“Why are you… different from Assistant Song?”

Yang Wan didn’t answer, but pinched Deng Ying’s earlobe and softly told him: “Come, lie down.”