In the blink of an eye, it was late October, two months since Sun Jingfei’s divorce. These two months had been extremely frustrating.

Thinking she was finally free, she eagerly rushed toward a better life, and then… she slept with two young studs one after another.

Good god, after sleeping with them she began questioning her existence, sending WeChat messages cursing at Sun Jingcheng, saying men were useless! Saying men were nothing but pretty pillows with no substance!

Let’s talk about the first one: that thick-browed, high-nosed post-’95 young stud. The two chatted for over half a month, and when the atmosphere seemed right, they arranged to meet.

After bathing, she first sat on the edge of the bed watching him perform magic tricks for a while, then martial arts… finally he flexed his biceps, showing off how great his physique was!

Enough with the bullshit already—did you think I’d bother with you if you didn’t have a good body? But as a civilized person, she knew she couldn’t say this out loud, so she tactfully urged him to expend his energy where it should be expended.

Then he bathed, got into bed, there was enough foreplay, but—unexpectedly it was over in three minutes.

……

He offered the following explanation: first time jitters, the second time would be when he really performed! Then he said she was a so-called “legendary treasure,” saying her terrain was like layers of peaks and ridges that ordinary men couldn’t handle.

Sun Jingfei maintained her smile, willing to give him a second chance.

The second round was better than the first—by one minute.

Walking out of the hotel and looking up at the blazing sun overhead, she took out her phone and deleted him.

Now for the other young stud: someone she met at the gym, they’d taken a combat aerobics class together. This person was eloquent, humorous and witty in his words and actions, with very satisfying physical attributes.

After chatting purposefully for a month, great, time to meet up? The two bathed, got into bed, and just as Sun Jingfei placed the prepared condom under the pillow, this young stud pulled out a book—a thick one at that—with “Confessions” written on it, a world literary masterpiece by the French writer Rousseau.

He lectured Sun Jingfei about human rights, about dignity, about a writer’s wandering life in exile, about his desolate circumstances in old age. When he reached emotional passages he choked up several times, eyes brimming with tears, his feelings so sincere that Sun Jingfei felt too embarrassed to yawn. Just when she thought the entire night would pass this way, he slowly recounted his own unfortunate background—his mother left him early, and his father single-handedly raised him… As he spoke, he closed the book, lay down with eyes closed in her warm embrace, taking her hand to gently stroke his own hair.

……

At the break of dawn, Sun Jingfei walked out of the hotel with heavy steps. What sin had she committed? When the autumn wind blew, she felt utterly deflated and began reflecting on herself—had she been too idle these past six months? Leading her brain to rust, causing her to waste time playing around with these stinking men, when it wasn’t even as enjoyable as playing by herself! She resolved to turn over a new leaf and seriously think about how to pursue her career!

Just as she was lamenting along the roadside about spring passing and autumn arriving, Jiang Jin drove up and stopped at the intersection. The two made eye contact, and neither acknowledged the other.

They hadn’t been in contact for over a month.

Two months ago they’d arranged to meet, but she had her period so it didn’t work out. A week later Jiang Jin arranged to meet again, and this time it happened. In all honesty, it was quite pleasant—he didn’t pull any of that unnecessary nonsense.

Afterward they also chatted on WeChat, occasionally met for meals, no different from usual… If there was any difference, it was probably an invisible layer of flirtation in their exchanges, with occasional sentences that felt like they were engaging in romantic banter.

But once when she was having dinner with the first young stud, they ran into each other and naturally greeted one another without feeling anything was amiss. But after parting she received a WeChat from Jiang Jin: “Who’s that?”

She answered honestly: “Kind of my boyfriend.”

Then he asked: [“Is he or isn’t he? What does ‘kind of’ mean?”]

She replied efficiently: “He is.” If he could withstand testing in all aspects, she intended to develop it into a stable relationship. She wasn’t considering marriage, but didn’t reject dating.

At the time he replied: “Understood.”

From then on the two stopped contacting each other.

Seeing him come down to buy cigarettes, Sun Jingfei politely nodded at him in greeting. Jiang Jin had already walked past her but turned back to greet her, “So early?”

Sun Jingfei said: “Not early anymore, it’s already six o’clock.”

……

“I just saw you come out of the hotel?”

Sun Jingfei glanced at the hotel behind her, “Yeah, you just came out too?”

……

“I just came from the hospital, my father’s sick.”

“Oh. Is it serious?”

“Colon cancer.”

……

“Oh.” Sun Jingfei urged him, “Then you go take care of things! We’ll chat later.” She was also eager to end this awkward conversation.

Five minutes after they parted, Sun Jingfei received his WeChat: “Was that your boyfriend at the hotel?”

What a nuisance, why not ask in person but send a WeChat instead? She didn’t want to say much, only replying: “Already broken up.”

After a while, he sent another message: “How about we try dating?” Then immediately retracted it.

But he retracted it too late—Sun Jingfei had already seen it.

She sat at a roadside breakfast shop, drank a bowl of soy milk, ate a plate of pan-fried buns, and replied: “If it’s dating not aimed at marriage, then let’s date. During this time neither of us should mess around. If it’s aimed at marriage, pretend I didn’t say anything.”

Then another message: “We’re both getting on in years, and we’ve each had a marriage before, so we understand how it works. Stay together if compatible, part if not—just make it enjoyable for both parties physically and mentally.”

The other side quickly replied: “Alright. We’ll do as you say.”

Sun Jingfei didn’t reply again.

The other side asked: “Want to go out for dinner tonight?”

Sun Jingfei replied: “Today’s Sunday, I have to pick up my son from my ex-husband’s house this afternoon.” Then another message: “I’m free tomorrow at lunch.”

The other side replied: “Alright, tomorrow at lunch.”

Sun Jingfei asked: “Will you be around here for a while?”

The other side replied: “Five days a week here, the other two days I have to go back to town.” Then sent a location: “Where I live. I live there alone.”

Sun Jingfei replied: “Mm.”

After sending that she drove back to the clinic, with breakfast she’d bought for the kids in the car. Other people’s children woke up early on school days and slept until eight or nine on weekends. Their family woke up early on weekends… crying they were starving to death, but on school days if no one woke them, they could sleep with their butts sticking up until noon.

Mother Sun and Sun Youping sat at the clinic entrance, both wearing thin outer jackets, sorting through Chinese chives. A neighbor was also sitting there chatting about family matters.

From far away you could hear the neighbor boasting proudly, saying her son was getting divorced but wasn’t suffering any losses at all! She instructed Mother Sun that if her son wanted a divorce, first have him quietly transfer marital assets out, put the house under his own name too, and as for children, if the wife wanted them give them to her, then her son could turn around and marry someone young and have more children! She shared several strategies for maximizing benefits from marital assets.

Mother Sun and Sun Youping exchanged glances, neither responding.

The neighbor continued eloquently, saying that in divorce nothing matters, only money clutched in your palm matters most! She said her second uncle’s forty-something son got divorced, then married a twenty-something woman—why? Wasn’t it because he had money! With money you can marry whoever you want at whatever age, without money you’ll be a bachelor your whole life…

Mother Sun’s sharp eyes spotted Sun Jingfei returning with breakfast and she shouted loudly toward the clinic: The food’s back! Her voice was so booming it startled the neighbor.

Sun Jiarui was the first to rush down, urgently calling out: “I want to drink spicy soup…”

“Auntie, I also want to drink spicy soup.” Sun Yuyan also gathered around her clamoring.

“There’s tofu pudding and eight-treasure porridge, no spicy soup.” Sun Jingfei said.

“I want to drink spicy soup…”

“I also want to drink spicy soup…”

How could they not recognize the situation? Sun Jingfei emphasized once more, “Drink either tofu pudding or eight-treasure porridge. Don’t drink, then there’s nothing!”

“Then I’ll just eat pan-fried buns…”

“Me too…”

The two took the two bags of pan-fried buns and went upstairs, leaving Sun Jingfei holding the eight-treasure porridge and tofu pudding.

Mother Sun scolded her, “I specifically told you to buy spicy soup…”

Sun Jingfei had her reasons, “Spicy soup is too spicy, tofu pudding is nutritious.”

“Look how particular you are now.” Mother Sun said: “When you were little you ate everything except nutritious food.”

……

Sun Youping urged her to go drink the tofu pudding, saying he’d drink the eight-treasure porridge. After speaking he took a broom and dustpan, swept up the leftover vegetable leaves, then washed his hands and started playing the eighth set of radio calisthenics. After exercising, he went back upstairs to drink the eight-treasure porridge, then came downstairs to officially open the clinic.

Upstairs the grandchildren clamored, mouths full of this meal’s pan-fried buns while inquiring about the next meal, “Grandma, what are we eating for lunch?”

“Eating Chinese chive and egg dumplings.”

“Don’t want that, I want to eat hot pot.”

“Me too, I want to eat hairy crabs.”

“I want to eat stars!” Mother Sun replied to them.

Sun Jingfei returned to Mother Sun’s room to catch up on sleep. After sleeping for about two hours, she was awakened by the sounds of children playing in the residential complex outside the window. Rubbing her eyes, she saw her mother sitting with her back to her at the head of the bed, and asked in a hoarse voice: “Mom, what time is it?”

“Only ten o’clock, sleep a bit more.” Mother Sun wore reading glasses while fixing a school uniform zipper, “I chased them all out to play, they’ll probably come back at mealtime.”

Sun Jingfei looked at the white hair on the back of her mother’s head, leaning her body against her sturdy back, “Making vegetarian dumplings for lunch?”

“Eat some vegetarian filling, your dad wants it.”

“Okay, I’ll roll out the wrappers for you.”

Mother Sun began chatting about family matters, first bringing up the fourth child and Zhou Yu, saying at Mid-Autumn Festival the second child sent over two boxes of hairy crabs and durian, “The fourth child called me separately, telling me to save a few crabs and some durian for Zhou Yu, she doesn’t love other things, just loves these two.”

“That day after work he came and steamed all sixteen, first peeled two for your dad and brought them down with warmed rice wine, then peeled two for me and insisted on watching me finish eating. He peeled half of the rest for the children, and took the other half to school for Zhou Yu who was on duty.”

“He’s never peeled crabs in his whole life, afraid of cutting his hands. Your dad and I don’t like eating crabs because we find peeling them troublesome, and if you don’t peel them well you end up throwing away more than you eat.” Mother Sun fixed the zipper, saying slowly: “I said the fourth child is the most thoughtful of all you siblings, and you weren’t happy about it. That night he peeled crabs with Ke Yu, and while peeling he said a lot to Ke Yu, saying things about cherishing mom… he said a lot I couldn’t understand, but I thought it made a lot of sense. Even Ke Yu listened without saying a word.”

“If he becomes a father in the future, he’ll be more responsible than any of you, and far better than me.” Mother Sun adjusted her reading glasses, addressing her: “Just like what you said that day, parents with insufficient abilities simply can’t guide their children to success. What you said wasn’t wrong… but it was too absolute, as if you were saying that because we’re uneducated we’re unworthy of being parents.”

“According to your logic, then those who are deaf, mute, blind, lame, disabled, and poor too… none of these people should have children? The country doesn’t have such regulations! I merely said a few extra words about the fourth child not becoming greatly accomplished, and you choked me with a whole lecture, but I haven’t seen the fourth child complain that your dad and I lack ability!”

“When did I ever say that?” Sun Jingfei felt utterly baffled.

“Last year on the twenty-eighth of the twelfth lunar month, when you were cleaning the range hood.”

……

Sun Jingfei originally wanted to retort: You really love to overthink things, I forgot about this ages ago, it’s been nearly a year and you still remember I said it while cleaning the range hood?

But she didn’t say it. She suddenly realized that if her mother could remember this so clearly, those words must have deeply hurt her heart at the time. She fell silent, not knowing what to say, and Mother Sun changed the subject, “Seeing the fourth child and his wife getting better and better, your dad and I are happier than anyone, we even sleep soundly.”

“We don’t worry about the second child and his wife—they’ve been through a lot, even if they argue every day your dad and I don’t worry; as for the fourth child, they only dated for a year before marrying, so they only have four or five years of affection, and he’s used to being self-centered, so originally I worried about him most… but now I’m completely at ease; your sister-in-law is still young, she’ll make her own decisions later; as for you I don’t worry anymore either, you’re almost forty, Ke Yu is already this grown up, and he’s both sensible and soft-hearted, so in the future when you’re old you’ll have someone to rely on, so whether you remarry or not I won’t pressure you.”

“But you also can’t be too unconventional, people live for face, trees live for bark. People should still live with some standards, cherish their reputation, so in the future Ke Yu can marry a good wife. If you mess around, others will say look at how his mother is, how could a child raised by her be any good?”

“To sum it all up, raising the next generation is all about teaching by example, if the upper beam is straight the lower beam naturally can’t be too crooked. The leader must set an example, only then can the family be led well… you all keep saying this world isn’t good in this way or that way, just like your dad says, many things are rooted issues, if parents could all teach their own children well, when they grow up naturally the world would become better…”

Sun Jingfei slowly rested her head in her mother’s embrace, listening silently. Mother Sun saw a white hair on her head, put down the school uniform in her hands, and plucked it out for her, then carefully searched bit by bit. Her mouth continued speaking, “You still need to find a good livelihood, or learn some hobby, in the future when you’re old your days will be much more comfortable.”

“In our time we didn’t have the conditions, now that we’re old besides taking care of grandchildren, we can’t do anything else. Your dad can still treat patients, what can I do? If I talk too much you all find me annoying.”

“If you learn something, in the future when you’re old and no one’s with you, you won’t be too lonely. Like the shopkeeper’s wife upstairs from us… after her husband died she wanders the streets like a ghost every day, it’s so pitiful to see.”