Fu Xueli hoped this question she asked sounded natural.

There was a brief moment of silence.

“Every time you take the initiative to come find me, you put on an appearance like you don’t want to talk to me. What exactly do you want?” she asked, puzzled.

Xu Xingchun paid no attention, leaning against the wall, lowering his head to light a cigarette.

His shoulder line was smooth, extending along the side seam of his clothes in straight lines—slightly damp white shirt, black leather jacket.

In a swirl of smoke, he stared at her with a presence that seemed there yet not, actually possessing an indescribable handsome danger.

On the balcony were natural wood tables and chairs, warm yellow light strips embedded in the walls. Fu Xueli reminded herself over and over in her heart—she couldn’t be seduced by beauty, she must hold on, must hold on.

Must hold herself back.

In the end she still couldn’t help it. She walked two steps closer to him, her hands quick for a moment, reaching to snatch Xu Xingchun’s cigarette.

He didn’t resist.

Fu Xueli was barefoot, just reaching his chin. She could only look up to see Xu Xingchun’s eyes.

“Xu Xingchun, what are you putting on airs about?” She looked up, asking seriously, seeming very puzzled.

The cigarette burned down to half a stub was casually discarded by her to one side. He remained unmoved, his black jacket slightly open, the shirt inside also half-wet. His neck looked so good she wanted to tilt her head up and bite it.

Xu Xingchun raised his hand and turned off the wall light beside them.

Fu Xueli slightly stood on tiptoe, opening her arms to circle around his neck. In a very, very soft voice, she asked by his ear, “You clearly can’t let me go, right? That’s why you take the initiative to come find me again and again. You simply can’t control yourself, can you, Xu Xingchun?”

His whole body tensed up. Without saying a word, it was as if some embarrassing secret had been exposed.

Fu Xueli pressed her head against Xu Xingchun’s chest. Somehow, she suddenly felt a bit nostalgic. It had been so long since she’d seen him smile.

Other people didn’t know how good Xu Xingchun looked when he smiled.

When she was young she was extremely hateful, often playing pranks to tease him. When they were alone together, Xu Xingchun usually wouldn’t get angry—occasionally he would show her a helpless smile.

When he smiled deeply, there were shallow dimples by his cheeks. Without looking carefully, you could already be intoxicated to the depths of your heart.

Her jade-white fingertip idly poked his chin, saying casually, “Smile for me, okay?”

Xu Xingchun looked at Fu Xueli coldly and clearly, yet didn’t make any substantial resistant movements. He didn’t push her away, didn’t resist, only slightly blocked that wandering hand, his tone gloomy. “What do you want to do?”

“I want… you to smile at me, okay?” Fu Xueli asked the repeated question again, sighing in her heart.

Before he could refuse, water-red thin lips, precise and ruthless, without hesitation pressed against his slightly parted lips.

Her tongue tip went to pry open his teeth. Fu Xueli smiled while getting her wish, watching Xu Xingchun’s violently trembling eyelashes, yet her eyes were full of absent-minded spirit.

She deepened this kiss, becoming more focused and invested. Her arms slowly wrapped around his waist.

From shallow to deep, from surface to interior. In just a few minutes, the scene was out of control.

Negative psychology and emotions had always been forcibly suppressed. Once vented out, they completely couldn’t be controlled.

Rationality crumbled bit by bit. The crazy and intense feelings instantly crossed the warning line, becoming monsters dominated by desire. Fu Xueli was like a solitary boat drifting in a violent storm, feeling her bones were about to be snapped by him.

Entangled all the way to the living room, she was pressed onto the soft sofa, weakly clinging to Xu Xingchun. He and she had fingers intertwined, foreheads pressed together, constantly rubbing.

Fu Xueli felt his scorching lips—after tearing through the calm, as if he wanted to devour her alive.

Grinding bit by bit from her brow, stopping at the hollow of her neck, licking bit by bit, then panting deeply.

Erotic to the extreme.

All he murmured in low voices was her name.

This suddenly gave Fu Xueli a sense of guilt. Wanting to breathe, so breathing in great gasps. She squinted her eyes, staring at the dizzy circle of light overhead, feeling herself gradually sinking.

From many years ago, whether memory or dream, it seemed to become increasingly clear before her eyes—

A crowded commercial building—she received a last-minute phone invitation from a good friend. Xu Xingchun was beside her. She made up a random reason, asking him to go to the ice cream shop to buy cones.

After he went to queue up, Fu Xueli confidently slipped away to a bar to dance. In the taxi she casually took out her phone to send a text message, notifying Xu Xingchun.

“I’m leaving, Xu Xingchun. Be good by yourself, okay?”

In the middle of the night a rainstorm started. Having partied until the middle of the night, she was sent home by friends, drunkenly holding someone’s umbrella.

Just getting out of the car, swaying as she walked a few steps, as soon as she looked up, she saw Xu Xingchun standing at her front door, under the pale streetlight of the early morning street.

His whole body was soaked through, still holding ice cream that had long since melted. Just like that, he looked at her calmly and without emotion.

That was one of the extremely rare, extremely rare moments in Fu Xueli’s life when she felt, for the first time toward someone, some kind of emotion similar to guilt.

Fu Xueli.

You told Xu Xingchun to be obedient and listen.

He was obedient and listened.

Then was obediently left behind by you.

—

One thought made her heart grow fearful.

“Xu Xingchun.”

The kiss continued for a long time. Fu Xueli’s voice suddenly became somewhat choked, halting and stuttering. “The congee from last time, and the congee from this time—you made them yourself, didn’t you?”

Hearing her voice, he slowly stopped his movements. Xu Xingchun lowered his eyelids, very softly humming in acknowledgment.

More words ultimately weren’t spoken, were swallowed back, hidden in her heart. Fu Xueli’s heart hurt with a burning pain. “All these years, you haven’t forgotten me, have you?”

Xu Xingchun seemed to know what she was going to say, his voice hoarse, self-mocking. “Continue.”

“Xu Xingchun, you’re really foolish.”

She hugged Xu Xingchun’s waist properly, wanting to laugh but couldn’t, wanting to cry but had no tears. Leaning her head over, her nose tip gently rubbing by his ear, she said, “Can you please not love me anymore?”

How strange.

Why was Xu Xingchun so foolish, running into walls all along, not knowing to turn back all these years?

She knew it.

He loved her.

He had no temper.

All the coldness he displayed for her to see was, in his bones, naked passion.

So for the first time she felt that perhaps he liked her—really liked her too hard, too painfully.

In this aspect, she had never had self-awareness or self-knowledge.

Fu Chenglin was right.

People who are naturally fickle should just wholeheartedly play around, not force themselves to be devoted.

Fu Xueli suddenly began to resent herself.

She was just this kind of thing, unable to control the defects in her nature. She didn’t deserve others’ kindness to her at all.

Xu Xingchun was just a big fool. And a big fool with bad luck at that—running into her and becoming single-minded.

Really so pitiful.

Clearly he himself would be hurt more deeply, yet still exchanged it for her brief infatuation.

Like a trapped beast in a cage, pretending to be inscrutable, then alone swallowing bitterness that couldn’t even be hidden.