Xu Xingchun couldn’t help but laugh, his face weary yet handsome, the dimple on the side of his face slightly indented.

Soon, the smile faded. He traced Fu Xueli’s hair with his fingers, bit by bit—her eyes, the bridge of her nose, her lips, then her chin. Carefully observing this face.

Uncertain whether this was a beautiful dream.

Many images flashed through his mind.

Just like over the years, what he often had—seemingly real yet illusory dreams about her.

Occasionally, Xu Xingchun was also waiting, waiting for his infatuation with Fu Xueli to disappear.

This kind of infatuation often made him lose himself, even made him feel embarrassed.

It was just that after so many years, as long as it involved anything related to Fu Xueli, he still couldn’t suppress the desire that had been cultivated since his youth, carved into his very bones.

Recalling his childhood, the childhood and adolescent stages, sometimes he couldn’t distinguish how deformed his family was. His father had died when he was young. From his mother’s mouth, he didn’t even know whether his father was a police officer or a criminal.

In his memory, that beautiful woman was always in great pain. All her love had been given to one man, so she poured all her remaining suffering and dejection onto young Xu Xingchun.

That memory was actually already blurred, like a nightmare. He only remembered at every dining table during meals, during sleeping at night, anytime and anywhere, she would cover her cold jade-like face with her hands, scalding tears falling through the gaps between her fingers. She would speak softly in Xu Xingchun’s ear, abusing him while also abusing herself.

His mother had been seduced and raped by a middle school teacher at fourteen, driven out by her own father at twenty. Later, she met Xu Xingchun’s father.

That man had injected a period of light into her life, only later, with his death, he also made her completely lose hope.

As a child, Xu Xingchun, unable to experience genuine security and love, was always both disgusted and afraid of his mother whom he couldn’t understand.

That childhood was dark and desperate.

He thought, if he could escape, he would definitely escape without hesitation.

He tried his best to control himself.

Xu Xingchun knew that he himself was not someone who could make people feel fondness.

He hated becoming a monster in others’ eyes, facing those strange looks, so he made himself become normal, even relying on his useful brain to become the most outstanding person in school.

From when did it start—under the brilliant sunshine, he could smile at everyone and could also remain indifferent to their offenses. Keeping gentleness on the surface, deeply hiding his flawed personality, yet keeping a distance from all others.

Fu Xueli’s appearance was the first, and also the only one, who could let Xu Xingchun touch something similar to the emotion of happiness.

The first time on duty after being in the same class with her, he was confessed to by a group of delinquent girls from another class. That girl brought her own brother. He stood there indifferently. Xu Xingchun’s eyes and brows cast deep shadows as he patiently stood on the podium as their backdrop. But actually he had a slight germophobia, repulsed by the touch of people around him. He felt it was unclean and didn’t even want to be touched by that girl.

Later, Fu Xueli kicked open the classroom door with one foot, holding a broom in her hand, carrying a slightly intimidating hostility, her profile seeming to shine brilliantly. Making people stare fixedly, she was very beautiful.

Although it was somewhat pitiful, Fu Xueli was indeed the first person to stand up and protect him since Xu Xingchun could remember.

Essentially, he was slow to react, but later gradually realized that he had already uncontrollably paid more and more attention to Fu Xueli.

He finally realized that only she could make him feel his heartbeat.

At the same time, he also discovered that he had long ago, unknowingly and inevitably, been influenced by his mother. He only knew how to love someone in a deformed way.

The first time, she had taken the initiative to kiss him.

That kiss ended very quickly, yet instantly seized all of Xu Xingchun’s attention. She carried an innocent yet worldly beauty, while he carried complete absurdity. After only slight struggle, from then on, he dove headfirst into the trap she had casually set.

Xu Xingchun knew he was already beyond help, but what he didn’t know was that the kiss, to Fu Xueli, was just an inconsequential joke with someone else.

For quite a long time, Fu Xueli was too self-centered in her personality, showing no mercy at all, lacking compassion for others, not taking others’ dignity into consideration.

Xu Xingchun bore the brunt of it. Fu Xueli had very direct avoidance and disgust toward the obsession revealed in Xu Xingchun’s eyes.

The loneliness that seeped into his bone marrow often plunged Xu Xingchun into very thorough confusion. How he hoped Fu Xueli could completely fall in love with him. This troublesome fantasy tormented him in every way, disrupting all his sense of proportion.

For a long time, Xu Xingchun was in middle school terror, enduring mental torture, on the edge of eternal damnation. He was too good at disguising himself, disguising his gentleness and deep affection.

So he feared that one day, these disguises would be exposed. His selfish and terrifying possessiveness, the completely different him, would make Fu Xueli’s eyes show that disgust-like gaze again.

Perhaps if she had escaped from him from the very beginning, she could have had everything—an unrestrained life she liked.

But it was too late.

Both of them knew it was too late.

The fantasy from back then, finally after going in circles, after so many years, on such a late night, was spoken by her plainly.

Fu Xueli still had the face from memory. Without makeup, like a newborn baby, still clean and touching. He casually caressed it.

She bit her lip as if in defeat, genuine guilt in her voice. “Xu Xingchun, I’m sorry for wasting so many years of your life.”

Xu Xingchun silently looked back at her in the darkness of night.

What did so many years matter?

Besides Fu Xueli, who else could he fall in love with?

How much he loved her eyes.

Like cold stars on the horizon, crushed ice melted into strong liquor.

That year in middle school, she had only looked at him unintentionally once. He was never able to forget again.