The speaker was a woman. Her voice was very gentle, yet carried a bit of carefree indifference, making one’s heart feel very comforted to hear it.
Then, what seemed to be a maid in the courtyard said again, “After the young master became the top scholar, Madam and Miss have become even more excessive toward Miss.”
“It’s nothing. Today he just passed the examination, so naturally there are many social engagements. Yurong has no choice. Dujuan, don’t speak nonsense.”
Top scholar? Shen Yurong? Hearing this name, Ji Heng understood instantly. He knew Shen Yurong, the new top scholar from a while back. Emperor Hongxiao had even told him before that he was preparing to bestow a residence upon Shen Yurong. He’d heard this Scholar Shen came from a commoner family with poor circumstances. Indeed, living in such shabby alleys.
Ji Heng didn’t like eavesdropping on family gossip, but today he actually didn’t leave. Perhaps because he was mentally and physically exhausted, too lazy to move, he just sat by the wall, quietly listening to the people inside talk.
“But today is the Spring Welcome Day. Social engagements are one thing. But Madam and Miss went to the temple fair themselves, leaving Miss alone in the manor. If that’s not deliberate difficulty, what is? Miss just has a good temperament. If Young Master were here, he would surely stand up for Miss.”
“Haitang, you’re talking nonsense again.” That woman’s voice still didn’t care, saying with a smile, “With them gone, I can enjoy some peace and quiet. Little do they know that pretending and doing things normally is also tiring. Being able to have a moment of ease is exactly what I wish for.”
“The Shen family has too many rules. They’re not even a high-ranking household. When we were at the Xue family before, Miss didn’t have to work so hard.”
The maid in that courtyard seemed particularly dissatisfied with the Shen family, calling her “Miss” with every breath, clearly treating the mistress as an outsider. Listening and listening, Ji Heng also remembered—he had actually seen Shen Yurong’s wife before.
Everyone in Yanjing knew he loved beauty and hated ugliness. Any beauty had to pass by his eyes, as if getting his acknowledgment was a great honor. Little did they know he had no such hobby. Aside from Yu Hongye, all the women in the world were merely vulgar powder in his eyes. When Wenren Yao pointed out Xue Fangfei to him from afar in the wine house, his heart was full of disdain.
This Xue Fangfei was born devastatingly beautiful, proficient in music, chess, calligraphy and painting. Unfortunately, in Ji Heng’s eyes, she was truly worthless. Just seeing her indulgent and docile attitude toward her mother-in-law and sister-in-law, compromising in every way for the Shen family, Ji Heng found it glaring. He only said “beautiful indeed but completely soulless.” He had never thought about what kind of woman he would like in the future, but this kind of rigid puppet, warm and cunning like all official family wives, with calculation hidden beneath smiles—he wouldn’t even glance at such women. How could such a person be called “Yanjing’s First Beauty”?
His impression of Xue Fangfei stopped there. He hadn’t expected that today, separated by a wall, he would see a different Xue Fangfei. Different from the Xue Fangfei seen at the wine house, she wasn’t a fool, nor was she beyond help. At least she knew what she liked and didn’t like. Unfortunately, she liked Shen Yurong more than herself, which was why she was willing to sacrifice her own “likes” for Shen Yurong.
So love was the stupidest thing in the world. Liking someone, treating them wholeheartedly, gaining nothing for yourself—what was the point? Better to be a forever clear-headed theater-goer, laughing and cheering from the side.
“Miss wants to swing?” the maid asked.
Xue Fangfei inside the wall laughed and sighed, “It’s been so long. So it’s rare that they’re not in the manor. I can have a bit of freedom.” She seemed to sit on the swing and began swaying.
It was as if through this wall before him, he could see the devastatingly beautiful woman with a hibiscus face, sitting on the swing, smile on her face, graceful and slender. This was a scene more beautiful than spring itself. He could leap up on the wall to glimpse the beauty, but he did nothing, still leaning diagonally against the wall, the corners of his mouth curving in a mocking smile.
Even supremely intelligent, talented and beautiful, yet confined to such a shabby dwelling. Even swinging in the courtyard had become a luxury. Was there anything more tragic in the world? At least Ji Heng felt this Madam Shen was rather pitiful. She herself was pitifully foolish. In such hopeless and humble days, she could still find joy in herself. Was this a fool’s blessing?
At least in Ji Heng’s eyes, having met Shen Yurong just a few times, he knew Shen Yurong was absolutely not someone who could be content with poverty. The ambition and desire in his eyes were even more vigorous than his scholarship. He and the woman in this courtyard who could be happy just swinging—they absolutely weren’t the same kind of people. Not being the same kind meant they were destined not to walk together long. The happiness and fulfillment Xue Fangfei believed in would be destroyed sooner or later. Xue Fangfei couldn’t see this because she was in the play, while he could see it because he was watching the play.
“We’ve been in Yanjing City for several years now and haven’t been able to go to the temple fair even once,” the maid muttered. “Madam actually said Miss’s appearance is too stunning, fearing bad people would see her. This is clearly an excuse! How can that be? Then wouldn’t everyone attending temple fairs in the world be ugly people?”
Xue Fangfei laughed in the courtyard, “Haitang, why are you so petty? It’s just a temple fair. When we were in Tongxiang, didn’t you attend plenty?”
“Precisely because we attended many in Tongxiang, but haven’t gone even once since arriving in Yanjing City—this is worse than the days in Tongxiang. This servant doesn’t matter, but it wrongs Miss. Yanjing City’s temple fairs are much livelier than Tongxiang’s. Every time Young Master writes, he asks Miss about it. It’s also hard on Miss who can only make things up each time.”
Xue Fangfei smiled, “That fool A-Zhao believes whatever I say. It’s just fresh for a few days now. When he truly wanders the four seas and ventures through the martial world in the future, why would he care about a small temple fair? Then it will be me writing to ask him what new things he’s seen, to tell me, his elder sister.”
She didn’t seem angry at all. Even facing such unjust harsh treatment, the mother-in-law and sister-in-law’s meanness, she didn’t care. She spoke of all very good, happy things. So on this end, the mockery at Ji Heng’s lips grew thicker. He’d seen foolish people, but never one this foolish. There was actually such a foolish woman in the world. No wonder so many men spoke of the top scholar’s wife with such longing. There were many beautiful women, many foolish women, but beautiful yet foolish women were rare. Especially since this woman wasn’t truly foolish but pretending—remarkably pretending for so many years. Was she deceiving herself? Or did she genuinely think this was fine?
Ji Heng wasn’t a woman. He didn’t know women’s thoughts, nor did he want to know.
But hearing this woman speak, he found it somewhat amusing. Yes, he wasn’t the only one in the world living poorly. There were many people with tragic pasts. This Madam Shen, Yanjing’s First Beauty, lived so miserably yet acted foolish. Compared to his premature awakening facing darkness, who knew who was more tragic.
“Doesn’t Miss resent it even a little?” the maid inside was speaking again. “Miss refuses to write home to tell Master about these things. If Master and Young Master knew, they would surely stand up for Miss. When has Miss ever suffered such grievances before?”
“Dujuan, these things are nothing.” Xue Fangfei’s voice came from the other end. She said, “I willingly do this because of Yurong. Yurong knows of my sacrifices. If Yurong also takes what I do for granted, then I’ll be disheartened. But the way of husband and wife deserves study. Who can have everything go their way all the time? If we truly speak of carefree days, probably only the innocent childhood. The choice I made myself—there’s nothing to regret. Just grit my teeth and push forward. If I really can’t bear it anymore, I’ll find another way out. But it hasn’t reached that point yet, so I won’t take it to heart.”
The choice she made herself, nothing to regret? Ji Heng raised an eyebrow. Did Xue Fangfei’s words mean she had some regret after all? But she was straightforward, with a kind of all-or-nothing courage. Come to think of it, marrying from an unfamiliar place to Yanjing City, before marriage everything was wonderful—the difficulties after marriage were probably things she never imagined. But Ji Heng was different. From many years ago, he gradually began accepting the fact that “Ji Minghan would die one day.” When it came to life’s changes, he seemed not to have done as well as a foolish woman.
The livelier maid then said, “I heard there’s even an opera troupe at tonight’s temple fair. We’ve been in Yanjing City for several years now, and this servant hasn’t seen opera again. Thinking about it is truly regrettable.”
Xue Fangfei’s voice was gentle. She said, “What of it? I can sing opera too. Although I don’t sing very well, just consider me an actor. How about I sing you a piece from ‘The Lock of the Brocade Bag’?”
At this, Ji Heng on the other side of the wall was slightly startled. He’d never heard of any young lady voluntarily singing opera for servants. Actors were in the lowest of the nine ranks. Young ladies and madams enjoyed watching opera but never voluntarily sang. When he sang opera as a child, it was only because of his master’s perverse taste. He was young then and didn’t understand anything, so was coaxed into learning opera. But it had been a long time since he sang. He hadn’t expected this Madam Shen who looked generous and graceful would also sing opera.
She was singing “The Lock of the Brocade Bag.”
The wealthy young lady in “The Lock of the Brocade Bag” happened to also be surnamed Xue. That opera’s Xue Xiangling first married to distant lands, then due to floods, became separated from family while fleeing, drifting alone to foreign lands. Life took unexpected turns, undergoing tremendous changes.
Xue Fangfei’s voice was very clear and bright, especially moving in the night. She was already singing about the time after the wealthy young lady’s marriage.
“After the new marriage, time flew like arrows without notice. Staying young, still with jade face and vermillion countenance. Carrying my dear child in the carriage through the long streets, then heard wailing cries that shook earth and heaven.”
Those sad lyrics, when sung by her, didn’t feel sad at all. Instead, they had a bit of crisp playfulness, as if she didn’t take it to heart at all. Not like a worried woman, but like young people newly emerged into the world, carrying some novelty, some surprise, with absolutely no self-pity.
She really didn’t seem like someone living poorly.
“Hungry inside, I call for husband but he’s not there either. Why are there no pavilions in this wilderness? Could it be the heartless flood has come to pass? In a daze, boarding a boat with the crowd. Old mother perhaps perished in the waves. Poor Da Qi’er buried in fish bellies. Can you see my husband and mother? Follow me back to my homeland to search for their remains.”
Ji Heng was originally a very particular person. The world said he loved watching opera, but it was only because he liked seeing people in plays deeply trapped and unable to extricate themselves, shedding tears and rejoicing for joys and sorrows not their own. While he forever remained a theater-goer. Xue Fangfei sang very carelessly. She hadn’t immersed herself in this opera at all. The sorrowful lyrics showed no heartache, instead she sang them somewhat cheerfully. She wasn’t truly from the pear garden, nor would she sing spectacularly. But strangely, Ji Heng didn’t feel disgust. Instead, he sat on the other side of the wall, quietly listening. As if that voice carried warmth, making his cold heart, as if fished out from an ice cellar, also gentle and calm.
She was singing:
“In a flash, all past feelings have been forgotten, having seen through the bitter parts, tears wet my garments.”
“I only thought iron riches were fated for life, but who knew human fate changes clearly in an instant. Thinking of those years when I too acted coquettish and willful, now how can I not believe in past lives.”
“This too is heaven’s teaching: He teaches me to release remaining resentment, avoid petty anger, renew myself, change my nature, cease longing for flowing water, turn back from the sea of bitterness, early comprehend the orchid cause.”
In the opera, Miss Xue’s family underwent great changes and she had no choice but to become a servant in others’ homes. At this time, she felt things and people had changed. When Xue Fangfei sang this part, she also carried a trace of faint melancholy. This melancholy was extremely subtle, yet Ji Heng captured it. This beautiful young wife probably wasn’t living happily either, only her worries were perhaps very different from the opera’s Xue Xiangling’s worries. Xue Xiangling worried due to status changes, from wealth to poverty. Xue Fangfei clearly lived better, but had lost freedom.
It was precisely this bit of melancholy that made Ji Heng realize this woman naturally wasn’t stupid. She knew everything, only silently endured. No matter what her reasons were, she and he surprisingly shared a similar suffering. But Xue Fangfei and Ji Heng were completely different. Her song was full of openness and composure, brightness and uprightness, as if even if the future was pitch black, she would unhesitatingly, openly walk through it without the slightest fear.
On this warm spring-breeze night of singing and dancing in Yanjing City, beneath the darkness buried so many filthy dealings. Yet her song was like a ray of light, illuminating this darkness for a moment, revealing its true appearance.
But Ji Heng also knew that such an open and upright woman, clearly seeing through everything yet choosing a foolish path, would sooner or later be buried on such a night. Her pillow companion didn’t need light. As someone also in darkness, Ji Heng understood better than anyone what such people wanted. Once Shen Yurong needed to sacrifice this wife, he would unhesitatingly sacrifice her.
This wife understood this point, but her trust broke through her intelligence, letting her also be deceived.
What should he say?
Ji Heng didn’t know what to say. What was sung was “The Lock of the Brocade Bag.” The woman singing hadn’t entered the play. She was composed and passionate. Yet he, a bystander, originally watching the play, instead seemed entranced. This was truly a strange experience. But one thing was undeniable—on this side of the wall, listening to the woman on the other side sing rough lyrics, his originally despairing desire to die somehow slowly dissipated.
He gained peace from this opera. Even a woman was fearless—what did he have to fear? Even if for the rest of his life he had no one to depend on, that was nothing remarkable.
He slowly stood up from the wall.
On that end, Xue Fangfei swung on the swing. Her laughter came from the courtyard. How many people wished to glimpse the beauty’s smile? Ji Heng stood beneath that wall. For a moment, he suddenly felt that perhaps Xue Fangfei truly was a beauty.
Beauty lay in bone, not skin. But this beauty didn’t know her own beauty. Her bearing was soft and lovely, seemingly without temper. But she was like a wildflower not yet bloomed. Before opening, she looked no different from other flowers. When she bloomed passionately, no one knew what colors she would display.
Unfortunately, she was planted in this courtyard of the Shen family. In this life, who knew if she’d have a chance to bloom for herself.
The corners of his mouth curved. His eyes held affection like water. He followed along the wall, walking to the Xue family’s door. That door was made of wicker, not very secure. Through the gaps, one could see into the courtyard. With a slight glance, he saw under the night, in the courtyard, the young woman in plain clothes beautiful as peach and plum, sitting on the swing with a lovely smile.
Under the galaxy, her smile was gentler than spring wind. Her eyes were like stars, bright and especially brilliant. She seemed to sense someone’s gaze, turned her head to look toward the door, face still bearing the smile not yet withdrawn. That momentary scene was beautiful enough for memory to stay a lifetime.
Xue Fangfei suspiciously stopped the swing. Haitang asked, “Miss, what is it?”
She shook her head, walked to the door. After thinking, she pushed the door open, and saw outside—empty, nothing at all. Only gentle wind brushed her face, like an old friend’s greeting. She walked out the door, looking toward the alley’s end. She seemed to see red flowing light, like a spirit’s figure, everything disappeared without trace.
Only faint lingering fragrance remained.
…
On a night of wind and snow, she had a beautiful dream about a spring night. In the dream was intoxicating spring wind. Jiang Li saw herself when she was still “Madam Shen.” On the Spring Welcome Festival, Madam Shen and Shen Ruyun left her alone in the room. She saw that red-robed beautiful man walk to the other side of the courtyard, smile at his lips, listening to her finish singing “The Lock of the Brocade Bag.”
In the dream was still the humming singing voice, but the sound gradually drifted far away. But strangely, her memory stopped at someone walking past the door, gazing at her from afar through the wicker door’s gaps. Her smile hadn’t faded. The other’s eyes held a smile. One glance spanned countless millennia.
Until Jiang Li awoke from the dream.
Wen Ji and Zhao Ke had already arrived, guarding outside the cave. When Jiang Li got up, Ji Heng was walking in from outside. He handed the water pot to Jiang Li, saying with a smile, “Awake?”
Jiang Li looked at his face, unable to say whether it was strange or familiar, staring at him in a daze.
“What is it?” He smiled in puzzlement.
“Ji Heng…” Jiang Li asked hesitantly, “Three years ago, on Spring Welcome night, did you walk past the Shen family’s door?”
The scene in the dream was so clear, so clear that everything seemed to have truly happened. The time was too distant. She didn’t know if it was real or false. But she still remembered everything from last night. Ji Heng sang “The Lock of the Brocade Bag,” which she had also sung.
Ji Heng raised an eyebrow, sat down on the ground before her. He said, “Seems you’ve remembered.”
“You… I…” Jiang Li couldn’t speak.
She had thought that between her and Ji Heng, their previous life’s entanglement was merely the phrase “beautiful indeed but completely soulless.” Although she thought Ji Heng wasn’t wrong, it ultimately wasn’t much of a connection. But she had no idea that on that night, the night Ji Minghan died, he had sat outside her wall, listening to her sing “The Lock of the Brocade Bag.”
Was this fate’s entanglement? Jiang Li didn’t understand either. But if she could return to that night now, she wouldn’t let Ji Heng just leave like that. She would at least talk with Ji Heng more. In his most desperate moment.
“In the future, I’ll teach you to sing opera,” he touched Jiang Li’s head, saying, “You sing off-key.”
Jiang Li: “…” She suddenly remembered something more important and looked at Ji Heng, urgently asking, “How are your injuries?”
Yesterday, Ji Heng was very seriously injured. Today he could joke and talk with Jiang Li so refreshed. But Jiang Li’s heart still worried, suspecting Ji Heng was pretending.
“It’s fine. Situ’s medicine is very effective,” Ji Heng said. “This kind of minor injury, no need to worry.”
“But you were very seriously injured.”
“Not serious.” Ji Heng said, “Rather, were you injured?”
Jiang Li shook her head. She still wanted to check Ji Heng’s injuries but was dodged by Ji Heng. Zhao Ke came over to say Ji Heng was fine. Jiang Li then asked what exactly happened between Yin Zhan and Ji Heng. She only knew Yin Zhan was dead.
Ji Heng looked at her, his smile slightly fading. “You really want to know?”
Jiang Li nodded.
Having reached this point, it seemed continuing to hide had no meaning. Ji Heng then said, “Fine, I’ll tell you.”
Jiang Li listened for a very long time.
Ji Heng told her everything—from the entanglement between Yu Hongye, Ji Minghan, Yin Zhan and Lin Roujia, to what Yin Zhan had done all these years for Lin Roujia. Even earlier matters—when Ji Heng was young, beginning to investigate the truth, retraining the Flying Dragon Riders, commanding the Golden Guards. In the Red Building battle, at worst it would be mutual destruction with Yin Zhan, but in the end, it cost Old General Ji his life.
Jiang Li could hear the heaviness in Ji Heng’s words. Although his expression showed no concern, in his heart, he suffered for Old General Ji’s death. He spoke of the past with a bland tone, but Jiang Li could imagine the bitterness of those years as he grew from a tender youth. When other noble family sons worked hard for bright futures, he threw himself into hell. He abandoned his future to gamble on an outcome unknown.
He never gave his true heart, because for someone like him, sincerity was sin.
The more one dwelt in darkness, the more one’s innermost heart probably yearned for light. The lonelier he was, the more he had to wear bright clothes, listen to lively opera. Walking through prosperity, as if this way he couldn’t be abandoned. But in fact, his relatives left one after another. In the end, only he remained alone.
He said much. Done, he smiled at Jiang Li, saying gently, “Now I have nothing left. Young lady, do you want to back out?”
Jiang Li looked at him.
His gaze was gentle, yet Jiang Li felt very sad. These days of successive schemes—Yin Zhan’s matter was concluded, but now there was Yin Zhili. And those Yin family troops in Qingzhou. How to fight this battle—Ji Heng would be tired too.
She said, “Who says you have nothing left?” Before Ji Heng could answer, she continued, “Don’t you still have me?”
He laughed. “You truly are… exactly the same as before.”
Many years ago on that spring night, hearing her finish singing an opera, he knew this was a foolish woman. Once she loved someone, she would throw herself in regardless, like a moth to flame. She had clearly already missed once, yet still dared to love someone again, courageously offering her true heart.
Her true heart was simple and casual, yet made him unable to extricate himself, deeply immersed, willing to give his everything. So he too changed from a shrewd hunting hunter to a gentle beast, willingly tamed by her.
“I didn’t think of it before,” Ji Heng said. “I only had people protect the Jiang manor, but didn’t expect Yin Zhan would use the Ye family as leverage to threaten. I’ve already had Kong Liu take people to the Ye family. In the future, such things won’t happen.”
Jiang Li said, “It’s not your fault. Yin Zhan was too despicable.”
To actually think of such methods. He was at least a general. Even though all’s fair in war, he shouldn’t use such dishonorable, even base methods.
“I’ll send you back to the capital as soon as possible. After returning to the capital, I’ll have Kong Liu send people to always follow and protect your safety. Try not to leave. The Ye family should move into the Duke’s Manor,” Ji Heng said. “The Duke’s Manor is safer than outside.”
Hearing this, Jiang Li sensed something wrong. She looked at him, asking, “You’re not returning with me?”
“Yin Zhili raised troops in Qingzhou. The Yin family troops are numerous. Yin Zhan planned for many years, intending rebellion. I promised the Emperor I would lead the Golden Guards to quell the rebellion. I can’t leave.” Ji Heng smiled.
“You… you’ve never been on a battlefield,” Jiang Li said urgently.
He smiled. “You don’t believe in me, A-Li.” He said, “Many things have no room for choice anymore. Only by personally killing Yin Zhili can I be at ease. This battle—I don’t know how long it will last. When I return, I’ll marry you.”
“Ji Heng…”
“You can’t marry someone else.” He pulled Jiang Li toward himself, lightly pecking her lips.
“You’ve truly decided?” Jiang Li’s heart ached terribly. She didn’t want to part from Ji Heng, and knew this trip was truly very dangerous for him. But she also knew Ji Heng’s mind was set. If it were her, if she were Ji Heng, she would also go personally resolve this blood debt lasting two generations. She had no reason to influence Ji Heng’s decision. Liking someone didn’t mean imprisoning them. She respected his choice.
“I’m leaving you. Will you forgive me?” he said with a smile.
Jiang Li smiled. She said, “If you promise me you’ll definitely return to marry me, I’ll forgive you.”
Her eyes were bright, sincere and clean. Ji Heng was slightly stunned, feeling satisfaction and gratitude from his heart. She effortlessly smoothed all his violence and darkness, making him composed.
He answered solemnly, “I promise you.”