“Zhaoning’s heart remains unchanged.”
These eight characters struck into Xiao Changying’s heart, like an iron pestle being hammered mercilessly into his chest, paining him until he felt dizzy.
“Princess, did you not see just now…” Xiao Changying couldn’t hide the heavy dejection in his tone.
Shen Xihe knew what his unfinished words referred to – that Xiao Huayong couldn’t even endure his coming-of-age ceremony, and that he was widely known to be destined for an early death.
“Your Highness, I understand well the Crown Prince’s condition,” Shen Xihe replied softly.
Xiao Changying was confused, his pain-tinged eyes staring at Shen Xihe in bewilderment: “You don’t mind?”
Shen Xihe gave him a faint smile, offered no answer, gave a graceful curtsy, and departed silently.
Xiao Changqing had watched Xiao Changying chase after Shen Xihe. He followed too, watching from afar without eavesdropping on their conversation, only worried that Xiao Changying might act impulsively and inappropriately – today was the Crown Prince’s ceremony, with all civil and military officials watching.
Only after Shen Xihe left did he approach, patting his shoulder: “Brother, if you can let go, then let it go.”
Princess Zhaoning’s feelings were now clearly displayed, and the Crown Prince specifically inviting her to observe the ceremony was also making his intentions public.
Xiao Changying lowered his gaze, somewhat lost in spirit, allowing Xiao Changqing to lead him away. He followed Xiao Changqing back to Prince Xin’s manor and silently downed a pot of wine: “Brother, I think I cannot let go…”
Since Shen Xihe had rejected him last time, he had tried to numb himself with busyness, not seeing her or touching anything related to her, not letting himself have idle time, thinking that with time he might forget.
Wasn’t she just one woman? However unique she might be, how could he not forget her?
Xiao Changying had admonished himself thus. These days without her, hadn’t he lived well enough? He had thought this was letting go.
When he heard she was in danger at the hunting grounds, he had anxiously gone searching. He had set aside His Majesty’s snake-slaying matter, falsely claiming illness, allowing people to mock him for hiding from snakes, but he still hadn’t found her.
He told himself this meant they weren’t fated for each other.
He wanted to make himself accept it, but seeing her appear at the Crown Prince’s ceremony, he realized he had only been deceiving himself. His so-called letting go was just avoiding facing reality.
It turned out one person really could live in another’s heart, carved into bone and blood, impossible to sever.
To forget her, to let himself go, he would have to dig out this heart.
“Even if you can’t let go, you must learn to,” Xiao Changqing said, wiping his clay ocarina, head lowered.
“Brother, when did you first fall for Fifth Sister-in-law?” Xiao Changying had never mentioned Gu Qingzhi to his brother before, not while she was alive, and this was the first time formally mentioning her since her death.
Once he hadn’t known what love was, always feeling his brother’s grand ambitions had been erased by Gu Qingzhi. If only his brother had never met this woman, how much better it would have been.
Now he understood – meeting some people was like carving ten thousand years into bone and flesh at first sight; not meeting was like carrying regret for life after a fleeting dream.
Xiao Changqing’s hand paused. He slowly raised his hand, his gaze falling on the cotton roses swaying in the wind, his thoughts drifting far away with the graceful dance of the gorgeous flowers.
When did he fall in love?
Was it that glimpse from afar in the misty rain at the tower, when she stood against the wind in plain gauze, her features cold and distant?
Or when the wooden gate slowly opened, her hair flowing like a waterfall as she held a flower lantern, her beauty like autumn waters reflecting the moon as she raised her eyes?
He had seen her many times before that, always cold and beautiful like an ice sculpture. He had been very curious whether she could smile.
Until that day, in red clothes like blood pulled by the wind, she came riding on horseback, making countless sunset clouds mere backdrop. When she turned back with a smile, he realized how beautiful she was when she smiled, and from then on it was carved into his eyes and heart.
Xiao Changqing’s expression unconsciously softened, his lips showing a faint smile: “You ask me when, but I cannot say.”
“Was it before she broke off the engagement?” Xiao Changying asked differently.
“Yes,” Xiao Changqing nodded.
“Did it hurt then, Brother?” Xiao Changying asked again.
“It hurt.” Xiao Changqing lowered his eyes. “Thinking of her, missing her, yet unable to bear hearing about her, especially unable to bear hearing her name mentioned alongside another’s. Each time requiring all my strength to restrain myself, to not lose composure, to not act rashly.”
“Why didn’t you declare your feelings to Fifth Sister-in-law?”
With a low laugh, Xiao Changqing shook his head slightly in resignation: “One-sided love would only invite ridicule.”
In others’ eyes, he was of noble birth, a dragon among men, but wasn’t Xie Yunhuai also distinguished and talented? What right did he have to make her break off her engagement and marry him instead? Moreover, she didn’t even know there was such a foolish person thinking of her day and night in places she couldn’t see.
“If back then… if Xie Yunhuai hadn’t broken the engagement, would Brother have just watched her marry another?” Xiao Changying secretly clenched his fist, straightening his body.
“What else could I do?” Xiao Changqing turned to look at his brother, his calm eyes holding a kind of sharp penetration. “I thought about it, I thought about…”
Taking a deep breath, Xiao Changqing raised his eyes to the gray sky: “I thought about Xie Yunhuai dying in an accident. For this, I even investigated the Xie family. I knew about the affair between Duke Xie and Madam Yuan before Xie Yunhuai did. I even made a perfect plan to have Xie Yunhuai die tragically, then expose Duke Xie and Madam Yuan, making them the scapegoats.”
Xiao Changying stared intently at his brother: “Why did you give up?”
“That day, I was burning incense at Fahua Temple when I heard her chatting with Fourth Sister-in-law. She didn’t want to marry into the imperial family.” Xiao Changqing unconsciously tightened his fingertips. He still remembered her words to this day.
Being a woman of the imperial family was, to her, a dead end. If she were to marry into the imperial family, she wouldn’t live past three to five years.
As the words of the past echoed in his ears, Xiao Changqing’s hands began to tremble slightly.
At that time, he had only thought she feared the imperial family’s scheming and wanted to avoid it at all costs. He hadn’t realized that from beginning to end, she had been speaking of the Gu family’s fate. She had seen further than him, understanding more clearly that marrying into the imperial family meant, for her, having one foot in the yellow springs of the underworld.
“Just because of that?” Xiao Changying was stunned.
“Just because of that.” Xiao Changqing nodded. “If it wasn’t her wish if I forced it, we would surely become a bitter couple.”
Xiao Changying moved his lips but swallowed the words that they had become a bitter couple anyway.
Brother had given up for the Fifth Sister-in-law’s sake. No one had expected Xie Yunhuai would sever ties because of Xie Ji and Madam Yuan’s affair, no one had expected the marriage between the Xie and Gu families wouldn’t need someone’s death to be canceled.
Though he had been young then, he knew how many people had sought to marry Gu Qingzhi.
Later it was Brother who had begged His Majesty, finally winning the beautiful bride.
“Brother… you want me not to fight or compete.” Xiao Changying understood Xiao Changqing’s intention in telling him all this.
“Brother, you and I are different. Qingqing had no right to choose her husband, perhaps she didn’t value the engagement much. Princess Zhaoning has the right to choose, and the Crown Prince is her choice, and she values this marriage greatly.”