Li Fei remained silent, merely raising her head to gaze quietly at the two slender horns on the side of his head.
Lei Xiuyuan touched his horns and said softly, “Don’t you like them? I’ll put them away.”
Li Fei’s gaze shifted to his face, meeting his pitch-black eyes for a long while. Lei Xiuyuan smiled gently and said in a soft voice, “That spirit just now was sent by the Cuixuan Sect. It’s been following us since we left Wuyue Court. I managed to shake it off once near Xingzheng Hall, but it caught up with us again in the Eastern Sea.”
She still didn’t speak, only silently looking at him. Her eyes, once full of vitality, now held nothing but a dull gray.
Lei Xiuyuan brushed the sand from her hair and said, “Li Fei, who do you still hate? Don’t be afraid.”
Everything that worried and frightened her, he would personally shred to pieces.
Hate? The person she hated most was herself – weak and prone to avoidance, habitually dependent on others.
Master had always hoped she would become more independent. He often said, “If one day I’m not around, and you can still live well on your own, then you’ll be a good child.”
She would reply then, “If you’re not here, I’ll go find you.”
Master would then puff up his beard and glare at her angrily: “Find me, my foot! If I die, you’ll die too? Have I raised you for nothing? Even if you’re a girl, you can’t rely on others for everything, can you? The world is full of unexpected changes. Look at those vines that only know how to cling – can they survive if the tree dies or the wall falls?”
She was young then, and thinking about Master growing old and leaving her one day made her sad. She couldn’t help but want to cry. Master patted her forehead and sighed, “Why are you sad? You’re still young! When you grow up, you’ll meet more people, make friends, and find a good master. Maybe some blind fool of a boy will insist on being good to you and spending his life with you. That’s when life begins. I’ve raised you to be strong and healthy, not to cling to this place forever. The world out there is vast. It’s good that you value emotions, but wiping your eyes and standing tall again is what makes you my little Xiao Bang Chui.”
A hero? She was a woman, wasn’t she? But does being a woman mean she can deceive herself?
There were many signs and details she hadn’t noticed, or rather, she had been avoiding noticing them. She was evading all painful things as if the world would exist according to her wishes if she just thought it would. As long as she believed Master was alive, he would be fine, and they would surely reunite. As long as she thought her background wouldn’t be discovered, as long as she didn’t mention it or try to understand it, she would be safe forever, she would truly be an ordinary person.
She had always lived in the illusion of self-expectation and dependence on others. Her current pain was also due to her weakness. But no matter how much she hated herself, Master had still died for this incompetent version of her.
Who would be next? Lei Xiuyuan, who was fighting desperately to suppress her various anomalies? Ri Yan, who chose to conceal everything to put her at ease? Or Ji Tongzhou, who dared to confront immortals? Master Chongyi? Senior Sister Zhaomin? Gelin?…
After an unknown amount of time, a clear light blue began to show on the distant horizon where the sea met the sky. But soon that hint of dawn was overshadowed by dark clouds. The approaching sea meteor made the Eastern Sea’s weather unpredictable – what was a clear sky moments ago suddenly turned into a heavy downpour.
They were both quickly soaked. Lei Xiuyuan felt the person in his arms move slightly. Her red eyes once again looked towards the side of his head, where the slender horns were no longer visible. His rain-soaked hair clung to his ears, dripping water.
He touched the side of his head and said softly, “You didn’t like them, so I put them away.”
Li Fei’s voice was a bit hoarse: “…You are…”
He smiled slightly, his tone calm: “I just discovered that I’m a Yaksha. What can we do? It turns out we’re both from overseas after all.”
How would she react? Sudden realization? Disgust? Complete disbelief in him? Whatever it was, he would accept it calmly.
He had wanted to keep all this from her, but she still found out. Seeing her about to shed her shell, he couldn’t tell if he felt overjoyed or saddened. But he knew Li Fei’s heart – she craved the warmth of all emotions. This shedding of her shell came from her self-punishing mindset, not her true wishes.
In the end, he chose to let her return to this body. Instinct was roaring at him – he had come across thunderous seas and fiery skies for this person, not to watch her live an ordinary life forever. He was struggling bitterly with another invisible self. Was it affection, or a desire to possess her like a forbidden treasure?
Without memories, without a place of origin, and not knowing where to go, he was an incomplete person. He observed everything in this world with cold eyes, unmoved. He knew well that the human heart must give to receive, only then can balance be achieved.
But there would always be some people and places worth remembering. The morning sunlight in the small house at the foot of Xingzheng Hall mountain, the immortal’s portrait in Xingzheng Hall that shone brightly in the light, the crooked tree at the foot of the mountain, the colors of dusk, the feeling of waiting and breathing – he could never forget these things.
And the intertwining wisteria flowers in the academy, that girl as rough as a man – at first, she was truly terrible. She would frown at the slightest thing, criticizing his cowardice and incompetence without mercy, often using harsh words like “Are you even a man?” Several times, even he couldn’t help but want to strangle her.
Later, she asked him why he suddenly stopped doing bad things. He didn’t know. When he decided to give up, he felt like he didn’t want to forget Brother Lu. Some people and things shouldn’t be treated with cold rules. In the black and white of people’s hearts, they were colorful and shouldn’t be erased.
He liked her, really liked her so much that he didn’t want to be apart for even a moment. He didn’t want to see her have even the slightest worry. To be able to get closer to her, even closer, he could risk his life.
But at some point, this desire to protect her to the extreme slowly became a desire to possess her exclusively. As time went on, the urge to melt her into his body became stronger and stronger. He didn’t want her to have even the slightest thought of her own, didn’t want her eyes to look elsewhere. If he could hide her away, make her belong to him alone forever, how wonderful that would be.
Sometimes he felt like he had always been searching for something, but couldn’t remember what exactly he was looking for. Only when he was with her could he calm that restlessness in his subconscious. Hide her, protect her, remove all obstacles for her, make her completely his own. She wouldn’t need to think about anything, wouldn’t need to worry about anything, she just needed to look at him and belong to him.
He was deviating from his initial love for her. Liking her was originally about wanting her to become better, not about making her his forbidden treasure.
Why? When did he become so conflicted? Tossing and turning between love and possession.
In the Eastern Sea, the Mirage’s illusions made each of them sink into their world, unable to break free. He never spoke about his environment. Before this, he never knew what he feared most wasn’t losing her, nor was it her not loving him, but that she had never existed in this world.
He dreamed of sitting alone under a giant tree that spanned heaven and earth, eternally lonely, unable to obtain anything he desired.
When he woke from the dream, he couldn’t understand it. However, now he finally understood. He understood what that possessive heart was all about, and he understood everything about himself.
Eighteen years of life felt like a dream. As he awoke from this great dream, the mist that had obscured his vision suddenly dissipated, and he saw everything.
The person in his arms seemed to be trembling slightly. Lei Xiuyuan silently twirled her rain-soaked hair around his fingertips. He missed that afternoon in Qingqiu years ago when his love for her was pure – a young man simply wanting to be good to a girl, unrelated to background or possessiveness.
He just wanted her to be carefree.
But my dear girl, how can I make you smile again now?
Suddenly, Li Fei opened her arms and hugged him, burying her rain-soaked head into his equally wet embrace.
“Feeling better?” Lei Xiuyuan brushed away the wet hair on her neck and asked softly.
She neither shook nor nodded her head. The body in his arms was so familiar yet so strange. But no matter what he was, he was still Lei Xiuyuan.
She would protect him. This time, she absolutely wouldn’t deceive herself anymore.
Ji Tongzhou followed the dragonfly spirit back to Bai Li Gelin’s small courtyard through the howling wind and rain. He was soaked to the bone, panting heavily, his snow-white clothes stained with countless splatters of black blood from various demons.
“Still couldn’t find them,” he wiped the water from his face, his complexion somewhat pale. “Near the sea, I could sense many abrupt demonic auras, very powerful. Has the seal of the trial grounds been broken?”
His words made everyone’s faces grow even grimmer. Li Fei and Lei Xiuyuan had suddenly disappeared. Originally, they thought the two had found a quiet place to talk about their feelings, and everyone was fine with that. Who knew they would be gone for a whole night?
To be honest, if any other person here suddenly disappeared, they probably wouldn’t be too worried. But Li Fei had always been the steady one since childhood. Even if Lei Xiuyuan acted recklessly, she would never go along with him like this, disappearing for a night without notice. It wasn’t her style.
Ye Ye was worried about more: “Chang Yue said many elder immortals have come to the Eastern Sea area these past two days, probably because of the sea meteor. Could it be that Zhen Yunzi’s matter has been exposed? Have the two of them been captured?”
Ji Tongzhou frowned and said, “It can’t be that fast. Zhen Yunzi has spent very little time at Xingzheng Hall in recent years. It’s common for her to be away for years.”
Besides, she was already a former elder. Even if they came to check, they wouldn’t pay as much attention to her as before.
Bai Li Gelin summoned her centipede spirit. She was the most anxious. If something unfortunate happened to Li Fei and Lei Xiuyuan here in the Eastern Sea, how could she face this heartbreaking place every day in the future?
“I’ll go look again!” Just as she was about to leap onto the spirit, she suddenly saw two figures flicker in the heavy rain, appearing before everyone in the blink of an eye. It was Li Fei and Lei Xiuyuan, who had been missing for a day.
They both didn’t look well, soaked to the bone. Li Fei even had mud and sand all over her head, but fortunately, there were no visible injuries. Bai Li Gelin rushed over anxiously and asked, “Where have you been? Did you encounter demons or…”
Li Fei was very calm: “We encountered some issues. Let me think about how to explain it to you all. Please wait a moment.”
Everyone watched in bewilderment as the two entered the house. Just as Bai Li Gelin was about to follow, suddenly someone knocked on the courtyard gate twice. Everyone turned back nervously, only to see a tall man dressed in Eastern Sea attire standing at the door. This man had slanting eyebrows and an imposing aura, looking extraordinarily heroic and handsome. It was Lu Li, whom they hadn’t seen for a year.