With the ceremony concluded, the guests dispersed.

Shen Xiling returned to her room and quickly changed out of her ceremonial dress back into her everyday clothes. She had no time to remove the numerous elaborate hairpins and ornaments, only taking off the ceremonial crown with Fengshang’s help before hurrying toward the door.

She had to go find Qi Ying.

If she was late, he might leave again.

She rushed out the door, but just as she left the courtyard, she saw Third Young Master Qi standing in front of her entrance.

Normally, Shen Xiling would certainly follow proper etiquette and exchange pleasantries with Third Young Master Qi, but today she was truly anxious and couldn’t spare attention for him. She merely nodded hastily at him and lifted her skirts to run past him.

Unexpectedly, Third Young Master called out to stop her: “Sister Wenwen!”

His call was clear and distinct. Shen Xiling couldn’t pretend she hadn’t heard, so she had to stop and turn back to look at him, asking, “Is there something Third Brother needs?”

Qi Ning looked at her. Because she had dressed especially carefully for today’s ceremony, she appeared even more breathtakingly beautiful up close. The red beauty mark between her brows was particularly striking, even more beautiful than if it had been painted.

He couldn’t help blushing slightly and said, “There is… there is indeed something I need to tell you…”

Hearing him say this made Shen Xiling feel anxious again, fearing that Qi Ying might leave while they were talking. Her normally good patience vanished without a trace.

She said with barely concealed urgency, “Third Brother, perhaps we could speak another day. I have some other matters today…”

Before she could finish, she heard Qi Ning ask, “Are you going to find Second Brother?”

Shen Xiling was startled by these words, pressed her lips together, and nodded.

Seeing her nod, Qi Ning’s mind immediately conjured up memories of when they studied together as children. That day when she heard Second Brother was leaving Jiankang, she had panicked and lost all sense of propriety, immediately rushing out of the study to find him. That scene remained vivid in his memory.

Qi Ning felt a pang in his heart, paused, then said to her, “It was Second Brother who told me to come find you. Why don’t you listen to what I have to say first before going to see him?”

Shen Xiling was startled again by these words.

Though she and Third Young Master Qi had shared a period of studying together, they weren’t particularly close. She really couldn’t think what he might have to say to her, much less why he would need to inform Qi Ying beforehand about whatever it was.

But whenever anything involved that person, she would become cautious. Shen Xiling hesitated for a moment, and indeed her intention to leave had dissipated. She said to Qi Ning, “Then… please speak, Third Brother.”

Qi Ning looked at her, took a deep breath, then seemed to finally steel his resolve and said, “Sister Wenwen, I want to marry you.”

Even as Shen Xiling wandered aimlessly through the garden by herself, she was still in a daze.

Her mind was completely chaotic, unable to think clearly about anything, only replaying Qi Ning’s words over and over.

He had said he wanted to marry her.

When Shen Xiling first heard this, she was extremely shocked and could barely speak. After being stunned for a long while, she finally came to her senses and said, “Third… Third Brother, why do you say such things? How could we possibly…”

“Why not!” Qi Ning immediately interrupted her, his voice growing louder. “I’m unmarried and you’re unwed, and we’re of suitable ages – we’d make a perfect pair! Besides, we’ve known each other since childhood and even studied together, so we’re more familiar with each other than with strangers. You also have a connection with our family, so wouldn’t marrying me be just right?”

Shen Xiling was rendered speechless by this barrage, feeling that Third Young Master Qi’s words were absurd, but not knowing how to refute them at the moment. She could only stand there in stunned silence.

Qi Ning became more emboldened as he spoke, continuing, “Sister, you’ve already had your coming-of-age ceremony, so you’ll have to marry someone eventually. Rather than marrying a stranger, wouldn’t marrying me be better?”

He glanced at her, his tone softening with somewhat ambiguous meaning, “Aren’t you very close to Second Brother? If you marry someone else, you probably won’t be able to see him much for the rest of your life. But if you marry me, we’ll still all be one family – wouldn’t that make you happy?”

These words left both of them feeling unsettled.

Shen Xiling felt confused by the word “marriage” – she had truly never thought about marrying anyone, much less considered what her relationship with Qi Ying would be after marriage. Qi Ning felt somewhat reluctant and resentful – he was already somewhat jealous of Sister Wenwen’s feelings for Second Brother, yet now he had to use Second Brother’s name to propose to her, which naturally made him feel stifled.

For a moment, both harbored their own thoughts, and no one spoke.

Qi Ning glanced at Shen Xiling and saw she still looked stunned. Thinking it wouldn’t be good to pressure her too urgently and that he should give her time to consider, he softened his tone further and said very sincerely, “Sister Wenwen, I truly like you and truly want to marry you. After we wed, I will never be fickle or two-hearted. I’ll treat you like a precious treasure for my entire life – I’ll also work hard to achieve academic success. Even if I can’t compare to Second Brother, I certainly won’t be inferior! I’ll definitely bring you honors and glory! Please think it over carefully and give me an answer in a few days, all right?”

After he asked this, Shen Xiling immediately wanted to decline politely, but Qi Ning seemed to sense this and immediately cut off her words, his expression also turning cold, “Sister, please think carefully. I asked Second Brother about this matter beforehand, and he already nodded his agreement. Today I came to tell you this because Second Brother told me to. As long as you agree, Second Brother will give you a generous dowry to let you marry respectably…”

Before he finished speaking, he saw his beautiful Sister Wenwen’s expression become wooden, her eyes even seeming somewhat shattered, as she asked him, “…You said the young master has already nodded his agreement?”

Shen Xiling could no longer remember how she had parted ways with Qi Ning.

She only remembered that Qi Ning had said it was his second brother who told him to propose to her, and that he would give her a dowry to let her marry respectably.

Shen Xiling didn’t know what she had felt at that moment, only that her whole being was confused and dazed, and she didn’t even feel pain. It was as if someone had suddenly stabbed her deeply with a knife, but the blood hadn’t yet had time to flow, so it appeared as if nothing had happened.

She wandered through the garden in a daze, seeing that the spring scenery was excellent. Magnolias, white palms, hydrangeas, and trumpet vines were all in full bloom, and there were many birds in the garden chirping away – it was a scene full of vibrant spring life.

Yet she felt as though she remained alone in the bitter cold of the twelfth lunar month, feeling only coldness.

Suddenly raising her head, she saw someone standing among the clusters of flowers, wearing court robes that made him appear especially dignified, completely at odds with the garden’s romantic beauty. But in Shen Xiling’s eyes at that moment, it was the most fitting sight, making her suddenly understand what the poetry meant by “searching for him hundreds of times in the crowd.”

It was Qi Ying.

Shen Xiling felt like someone lost in deep mountain snow who had suddenly encountered a blazing fire, warming her completely. As if she felt no fear of burning or pain, she walked toward him.

He must have heard her footsteps, because before she had gotten very close, he turned to look at her. Those beautiful phoenix eyes were deep and tranquil, looking as though he stood very far away from her.

Shen Xiling’s heart inexplicably tightened with an ominous premonition, but she stubbornly pushed away that strange emotion and continued walking toward him.

Until she stood before him.

Since their hurried parting in the carriage behind the alley, they hadn’t seen each other for a long time. Though she had missed him so much and had so many things to say to him, now that she was truly before him, she suddenly didn’t know what to say.

She was tongue-tied.

Her fingers quietly twisted together. After thinking for a long while, she managed to squeeze out one sentence: “…Haven’t you left yet, Young Master?”

He stood before her with his hands behind his back, tall and upright. Hearing this, he responded faintly, “I was waiting for you.”

Shen Xiling’s heart stirred with some joy. She looked up at him, then suddenly heard him ask, “You’ve seen Third Brother?”

Those few words made her just-risen spirits sink to the bottom again.

That ominous premonition grew even stronger.

Her fingers twisted even tighter as she lowered her head and said, “…Yes, I’ve seen him.”

She didn’t know where to look with her head down, so she just stared at her own fingers, gripping them so tightly that her skin had turned somewhat white. She heard him continue, “He told you everything, didn’t he – what do you think?”

His voice was very calm, without a single wrinkle, but her emotions were greatly turbulent.

The knife that had been inserted into her heart seemed to be suddenly yanked out violently, blood finally beginning to gush out in spurts, and the pain came flooding back, hurting so much she could barely breathe.

Shen Xiling took a deep breath, then raised her head to look at him. Her tightly twisted fingers trembled slightly, but she forced herself to look directly into his eyes as she asked, “Third Brother said it was you who told him to find me, and that when I marry, you’ll give me a generous dowry – is this true?”

At that moment, her eyes were very bright and showed a stubborn determination, with the kind of obstinacy that wouldn’t turn back until hitting a wall. This pierced into Qi Ying’s eyes, making him frown and look away slightly.

He said, “Yes, that’s correct.”

Though Shen Xiling had actually vaguely anticipated this, hearing him say it with her own ears still inevitably broke her heart.

The wound in her heart became more painful and deeper.

At that moment, Shen Xiling smiled slightly – shallow, beautiful, but bitter. A voice arose in her heart, softly mocking her: You see, it really is like this.

For these three months you’ve been pretending nothing happened, deceiving yourself that all was well, hoping that when you met again you could reconcile as before. But actually you knew too – something had gone wrong, he had changed, he was distancing himself from you. Did desperately closing your eyes and refusing to acknowledge it help at all?

In the end, isn’t it still like this? You can’t escape.

Shen Xiling, you can’t escape.

When everything had hit rock bottom, Shen Xiling instead became calm. She slowly loosened her twisted fingers, though they still trembled slightly.

She raised her head to look at Qi Ying again, this time with steady eyes that were still very bright, like a small flame burning within them.

“Do you want me to marry?” she asked, appearing very calm. “Do you want me to marry someone else?”

That phrase “someone else” was very subtle, carrying other subtle, ineffable meanings behind it. Qi Ying perhaps heard this layer of meaning, as his eyes became obscure, though his expression remained as placid as still water. He said, “You’ve grown up. You should marry.”

“You’re right,” Shen Xiling smiled faintly, breathtakingly beautiful. “But I don’t want to marry someone else.”

I only want to be with you.

Normally, she would certainly hide this last sentence deep in her heart, guarding it carefully to prevent him from hearing it. But now was different – she sensed the danger of impending separation from him, and this feeling was so strong that it instead gave her a kind of reckless courage.

Never had there been a moment when she so urgently wanted to tell him clearly and plainly.

She loved him.

Her eyes became even brighter, and even the red beauty mark between her brows seemed to become more vivid. Qi Ying understood her too well – before she even spoke, he knew what she was thinking.

He immediately interrupted her.

“Wenwen,” his expression was more serious and stern than ever before, his tone harder and colder than ever, “Watch your words.”

This kind of Qi Ying was frightening.

In three years, except for that first day when she came to Fenghe Garden to ask him about her father’s remains, he had never spoken harshly to her again. Yet now this expression appeared on his face again, even more severe than before.

But Shen Xiling felt no fear at all.

Not only was she unafraid, but her heart seemed to catch fire. She looked straight at him, her voice louder than his.

“Watch my words?” She smiled with both bitterness and barely noticeable mockery. “Why should I watch my words? Do you think I don’t even have the right to say it out loud?”

Qi Ying also looked at her, his brows locked in a frown that seemed impossible to undo, his tone extremely heavy, his eyes carrying deep meaning as he said to her, “A word spoken cannot be taken back, spilled water cannot be recovered.”

Don’t say it out loud, otherwise there won’t even be a chance to maintain appearances between us, and then what will I do with you?

Just as he understood her, Shen Xiling also understood him. No matter how hidden his meaning, she could grasp it immediately.

But she was not persuaded by him.

She had never disobeyed him like this before, even deliberately wanting to oppose him. Hearing him say this, not only did she not retreat, but she took another step forward.

Her eyes were startlingly bright, as if they would burn up her entire life, brilliant yet alarming, even appearing aggressive.

She said, “I don’t care! If the result of staying silent is being pushed toward someone else like this, then I’d rather tell you everything clearly and openly right now. That way, even if you abandon me, at least I won’t have regrets.”

There was a misty rain in her eyes, looking both poignant and heroic.

“I’ve always liked you.”

She finally said it out loud, ruthlessly puncturing that most unspeakable secret in her heart.

“Not the way a child likes an adult, but the way between men and women…” Her expression looked both pained and tender, somewhat incoherent. “I don’t know how long I’ve been like this, maybe since the first time I saw you. I only know that for these three years I’ve constantly, constantly liked you, never stopping for a moment.”

“But I didn’t dare tell you,” her voice lowered, becoming sad and melodious. “I knew that in your eyes I was always just a child, and I knew that besides me, there are so many, so many people who like you. They’re all better than me and have known you longer. They’re all more suited to match with you…”

“But I really had no choice.”

“Even knowing everything, even understanding everything, I still couldn’t help liking you, liking you to the point of wanting to be with you forever.”

She paused, tears finally showing in her eyes, like an ink and wash painting suddenly being wetted by water, droplets spreading bit by bit on rice paper, making the entire landscape appear sorrowful and mournful.

“I don’t necessarily need an answer from you,” her voice became smaller and slower. “Of course you might not like me, and I won’t force or pester you. If you want to marry someone else, I absolutely won’t cry or make things difficult for you.”

“I just don’t want to marry someone else…”

A tear fell from her eyes.

“I just want to stay by your side forever…”

She began crying completely.

Making the entire landscape become blurred and unclear.

Her every word fell clearly into Qi Ying’s ears without a single error, her feelings and sorrow as tangible as physical things – even someone completely unrelated would feel pity for her upon hearing this.

But Qi Ying’s face remained expressionless.

His gaze showed no wavering, his expression was indifferent and cold, as if he was facing merely a document, a piece of official business that he would handle properly and appropriately, nothing more.

He didn’t even wipe her tears, only stating matter-of-factly, “Marriage is natural law. You’ve grown up and will marry someone someday. If you’re not satisfied with this marriage arrangement, you can tell me directly. I won’t force you, but I will find you another worthy gentleman to entrust yourself to.”

Shen Xiling’s vision was completely blurred, unable to see his appearance clearly, only able to hear his voice, calm to the point of coldness, continuing to reach her ears.

“As for the other things you just said, I can pretend I didn’t hear them,” he paused. “After today, neither of us should mention them again.”

Hearing this, his coldness finally completely broke her heart.

Shen Xiling had explored the merchant world on her own for three years, which hadn’t been smooth sailing. She had encountered many setbacks and obstacles. Whenever she met difficulties, she could persevere with determination and resilience. No matter how hard or unfavorable things became, she could persist.

But only when facing Qi Ying could she not do so.

Perhaps because she liked and cared about him too much, or perhaps because facing him always brought a deep-rooted sense of inferiority, making her want only to hide when he coldly rejected her, not daring to fight for more.

This person was always an exception for her.

He was a beautiful dream she had quietly buried in her heart since she was eleven years old, containing all the magnificence and warmth she dared not imagine. Without him, she would have died in that once-in-decades heavy snow of the thirteenth year of Qinghua. But he saved her and gave her everything she had never expected.

She had dreamed this dream beautifully and carefully, so realistically that it fooled even herself.

She had warned herself so many times not to harbor improper thoughts, but even though she had been so careful, she still fell deeply, immersed in his gentleness and compassion beyond redemption. She had even thought her beautiful dream would come true, even thought she could stay in his Wangyuan Garden and in his heart for life.

But now, her dream had awakened.

Three years ago at that flower festival, also in this garden, he had told that bright and dazzling princess that when she grew up, he would let her leave. He truly was a man of his word – as soon as the three-year deadline arrived and she had just come of age, he was driving her away.

Even though she loved him so much, even though she pleaded with him so pitifully, it was all useless.

Shen Xiling smiled again. She thought she must look very ugly at this moment, but she had no way to care anymore. She could only raise her hand to wipe away the tears from her eyes, allowing her vision to recover some brief clarity so she could see him more clearly at this moment.

She looked at him like looking at a dream that had already shattered. Though her heart ached and hurt, she could still feel the beauty of this dream.

He really was too wonderful.

It was just a pity that she had to wake up.

Shen Xiling smiled through her tears, making it impossible to distinguish sorrow from joy. After a long silence, she only sighed very, very softly, then said very, very gently to him, “All right, then I’ll listen to you in everything.”

She lowered her head, and the bright flame in her eyes was extinguished, leaving only emptiness.

The hands Qi Ying held behind his back showed bulging veins, sometimes clenching tightly, sometimes loosening, as if he was struggling to suppress some emotion.

But he didn’t completely succeed. He still couldn’t help calling her name: “Wenwen…”

Shen Xiling didn’t hear him.

She was experiencing some tinnitus, and even all her senses had become somewhat dull, but she didn’t care. She still spoke very quietly, “Actually, it’s nothing… I had already thought about what it would be like if we ever reached this point someday. It’s about the same as I expected…”

She smiled again, raising her head to look at him gently, with deep sorrow and faint self-mockery: “The only difference is that I didn’t expect this day would come so quickly, and I didn’t expect you would be so unhesitating… I originally thought you might like me a little bit too, even if not very much, at least a little bit…”

Her voice finally became gradually inaudible.

“…Turns out, that was just my delusion too.”

After saying this, she seemed to have finally concluded a matter on her mind, and also seemed to have finally let go of all hope. She looked at him one last time, then slowly turned and walked away.

Disappearing among the garden’s brocade spring colors.

From when she turned around until he could no longer see her in those few short steps, Qi Ying thought of many things.

Very many things.

At first his mind was chaotic, everything was in complete disorder, and he couldn’t think clearly about anything. Young Master Qi was so sharp and clear-minded in court – even the most complex political machinations couldn’t deceive his eyes – yet at the moment Shen Xiling turned to leave, he couldn’t think clearly about anything.

Later, more and more thoughts kept flooding into his mind. He could understand those thoughts but still couldn’t think.

He first saw his own baseness.

He had spoken to her so righteously and openly, as if he had no selfish motives at all, but only he himself knew how relieved he had felt when she clearly showed her displeasure with the marriage to Qi Ning, and how joyful and moved he had been when she so honestly and desperately declared her love to him.

He had been moved.

In the moment she said she liked him.

No longer the faint stirring and small tingling he had felt when facing her in Wangyuan Garden, but very clear – so clear it shocked and dismayed him – love, and… desire.

He wanted to hold her tightly in his arms.

His little girl.

But as fierce as that desire came, his rationality was just as strong. The more he felt that way, the more he was bound by that rationality, unable to transgress even one step.

He had thought it through as clearly as possible – he could not keep her.

The spring examinations were approaching, and he had already formed the intention to promote the common-born scholars. It wasn’t that he wanted to lean toward Prince Duan’s faction, but rather that this country was riddled with problems, and he wanted to do what he could to remedy them. His elder brother’s reform policies were struggling, unable even to leave the gates of the Imperial Secretariat, simply because there were too many people in this court with selfish desires, so that almost no one dared speak up for justice.

If the position of examination supervisor for the spring exams wasn’t in his hands, he could simply stand aside and watch. But the opportunity to change all this had already been placed before him, and he knew that if he didn’t seize it, he would feel guilty for the rest of his life.

Fine, if he promoted the humble-born and suppressed the nobility in the spring examinations, what would Xiao Ziheng think? What would His Majesty think? What would the court officials and noble families think? How could the Qi family maintain its position among the aristocracy?

At that time, he would have to marry Xiao Ziyu to demonstrate the Qi family’s position while barely covering his “debt” to the aristocracy in the spring examinations.

All this wouldn’t be too far off – after the spring examinations, it would quickly come before him.

So what was he to do with Shen Xiling?

Could he keep her?

Setting aside whether the Sixth Princess and the imperial family could tolerate her, just his own conscience alone was a barrier he couldn’t cross.

He had once despised Minister Shen, her father. He thought keeping a mistress was cowardly and irresponsible behavior: either don’t want her, or if you do, treat her well to the end. To turn a beloved into a mistress who couldn’t see the light of day, making wife and children suffer cold stares and live without proper status for the rest of their lives – what kind of husband was that? What kind of father?

But now he understood that Minister Shen must have had his own helplessness.

They were all from noble families, and marriages were not theirs to decide. Too many things were bound to them, forcing them to compromise step by step, finally abandoning everything of their own. Shen Xiling’s mother must have been what Minister Shen had to give up back then.

But could he follow Minister Shen’s example?

He had seen Shen Xiling’s circumstances with his own eyes. From childhood, she rarely saw her father, only able to hide with her mother in that remote and narrow courtyard, living a cold and lonely life. In addition, she had to endure the world’s scorn and the legitimate wife’s beatings. Besides all that, what else did she have?

Would he destroy Shen Xiling’s entire life because of his own greed?

If he took her, then what? A moment of pleasure, followed by a lifetime of hardship.

When he married the princess, how heartbroken would she be? After that, they wouldn’t know how long before they could see each other again – how wronged would she feel then? If they had children later, it would be even worse – that child would be like the young Shen Xiling, wandering and displaced, with no branch to depend on.

Knowing all this, how could he harm her for life again?

Better to let everything end here, while the roots of love hadn’t grown deep, while there had been no promises between them, while everything could still be changed.

The pain would only last a moment. After the current suffering passed, she would have a smooth life.

She would have a husband who would marry her as his proper wife, she would have a respectable family that people honored, she would have a happy and smooth life surrounded by children and grandchildren, spending her entire life in peace and stability.

That would be very good.

As for him, he could watch her from afar, bury his feelings and love for her in the unknown depths of his heart, support her husband and her children, and be her eternal support.

Even if they would never meet again.

Even if he would remain alone forever.

Wenwen, eight or nine out of ten things in life don’t go as wished. My path ahead is destined to be full of thorns, but you can still live well.

You, don’t look back.

I, cannot look back.

Author’s Note: Damn it, I made myself sad writing this.

I must talk about something happy to balance it out:

“The roots of love haven’t grown deep”? Very well, please let Young Master Qi remember these words himself, see you in one chapter.

I won’t say more, I’m going to write a 500-word kissing scene!