When Gu Juhan returned to the mansion, it was already near the end of the xu hour. He had ridden back on horseback rather than taking a carriage, so from far beyond the mansion gates he could see Wan Zhu, the maid by her side, standing before the Duke’s mansion entrance with red-rimmed eyes. Upon seeing his return, she immediately hurried forward, wiping away tears as she said to him, “General, you’ve finally returned! The situation with Madam… General, please go take a look quickly!”

Seeing this, Gu Juhan was stunned, not knowing what great matter had occurred. He immediately dismounted, and without even having time to ask questions, rushed directly toward her chambers.

Before even entering the door, he saw that all the servants attending her were standing outside. Lian Zi was leading several young maids in earnest persuasion from the courtyard, and upon seeing his return, all their eyes lit up.

Gu Juhan arrived in haste, his breathing still somewhat uneven, and asked Lian Zi, “What’s wrong with her?”

Lian Zi also wore a face full of worry, shaking her head at him with considerable difficulty, saying, “I don’t know. It’s just that ever since Madam returned from the Imperial Censor’s mansion, she has been like this, refusing to see anyone. General, please go persuade her.”

Gu Juhan asked, “Has she had her evening meal?”

Lian Zi answered, “Not yet.”

“Have someone prepare some porridge for her,” Gu Juhan instructed, “keep it warming on the fire for now, and when I call for you, then bring it in.”

Lian Zi felt as if a great burden had been lifted, joyfully saying, “Yes.”

When she looked up, the General had already entered the room.

When Gu Juhan entered the room, he immediately smelled the scent of alcohol.

The night was dim and low, yet she had not lit very bright lamps, making everything appear hazy and gloomy. He turned from behind the screen into the inner chamber and saw her alone, curled up in a corner sitting on the floor, her entire form appearing as a very small bundle. Her eyes were closed, and it was unclear whether she was asleep or awake. Beside her were wine pots and cups that she had disturbed into complete disarray.

Gu Juhan sighed deeply.

He lit the lamps in the room one by one, then tidied up the scattered wine pots and cups beside her, and finally sat down next to her, though he did not immediately speak.

In their five years of marriage, he rarely entered her room, and when he did, it was mostly during the day or when she was ill and bedridden. She had always been someone who loved cleanliness, and no matter when he came in, the room was always neat and tidy. Even today, despite her terrible mood, she had not thrown things about in anger—all the bottles and jars in the room remained intact.

He thought back to five years ago when she had just married him.

At that time, she appeared courteous and polite to him on the surface, but was actually quite guarded in her heart. She was never someone who easily opened up to others. Later, it was only because of that incident that she slowly began to lower her guard around him, gradually beginning to speak a few sincere words with him.

The first time she cried in front of him was because of Qi Jingchen—that was three months after she had married into the Duke’s mansion.

The Shen Xiling he had seen before had always been dignified and beautiful, and appeared somewhat cold in temperament. Her beautiful, wonderful eyes would quietly look at people without speaking, and the red mole between her brows should have carried a charming air, yet growing on her forehead it seemed distant and profound. But that time she had been drunk and cried as if her heart would break, even crying as she asked him whether she would never be able to see Qi Jingchen again in this lifetime.

He had forgotten how he had replied to her then, only remembering how she had looked at that time. Though she cried in great distress, she was also extremely pitiable and lovable. Even the most hard-hearted person under heaven would have their heart softened by her pitiful and adorable appearance, wanting to hold her like a precious pearl or treasure in their embrace and give her everything she desired.

But he had never expected that person would have the heart to make such a her cry like this a second time.

Though neither Wan Zhu nor Lian Zi had told him what had happened today, he had actually already guessed roughly what had occurred. After all, aside from that person, he had never seen any other person or matter that could make her so heartbroken—Qi Jingchen had made her sad again, hadn’t he?

Gu Juhan turned his head to look at her. She still had her eyes closed, her beautiful dark hair scattered, making her appear even more fragile. He said to her gently, “I would prefer to let you be, but the floor is cold, and staying like this will make you ill—would it be alright if I carried you to sit on the bed?”

Naturally she did not reply, seeming as if she had already fallen asleep, but when he lifted her up, seeing tears slide from the corners of her eyes, he knew she was still awake.

Gu Juhan gently carried her to the bed. She opened her eyes and looked straight at him, her expression appearing hazy. Gu Juhan helped smooth her somewhat disheveled hair, then placed two soft cushions behind her back so she could sit more comfortably, and then asked her, “So, did you see him?”

Her expression seemed somewhat wooden, as if she could not understand what he was saying, so he asked again, “Did you see him?”

This time she understood. The expression on her face showed no change, but a tear slid very suddenly from her eye socket. She did not reach up to wipe it away, only shook her head, saying, “No, I did not see him.”

Gu Juhan gently helped her wipe away the tear and asked again, “Why didn’t you see him?”

She seemed unable to understand again, remaining silent without speaking, but Gu Juhan knew she had actually understood, because dense, thick sorrow suddenly surfaced in her eyes.

He waited a long time, waiting for her to slowly calm down, and then finally heard her say, “Because he didn’t want to see me.”

She smiled a little, as if finally admitting it, her voice very soft as she repeated once more, “Because, even when I begged him like that, he still didn’t want to see me.”

Gu Juhan felt she was about to shatter.

He very much wanted to comfort her, just as he had five years ago when she first shed tears in front of him. At that time he had persuaded her, told her not to lose heart, that a lifetime was so long, perhaps there would still be opportunities to meet. But now when he wanted to comfort her, he could not find any appropriate reasons.

“Why?” In Shen Xiling’s eyes there seemed to be the misty rain of Jiangzuo. “Why is he unwilling to see me? I ask for nothing, want nothing, I only wanted to see him once.”

They sat very close, close enough that he could smell the wine fragrance on her body, close enough that with one reach he could pull her into his embrace, but after thinking about it, he did not do so, only answering with restraint and caution, “Perhaps…”

Perhaps what? Gu Juhan could not continue.

Shen Xiling laughed softly.

When she smiled she was extraordinarily beautiful, and when she smiled through tears she was especially breathtakingly beautiful, but it also caused heartbreak beyond measure.

She stretched out her hand toward him and made the gesture for three.

Gu Juhan, enduring his heartache for her, tried to smile as he asked her, “What does this mean?”

“Three times,” Shen Xiling tilted her head, laughing through tears, “There were three times when I almost got to see him.”

Gu Juhan was somewhat surprised, “Three times?”

She nodded very seriously and began counting on her fingers for him to hear, “The first time was at Yilou, the second time was on the road, and the third time was today.”

Gu Juhan was truly surprised.

Shen Xiling laughed again, looking at him and saying, “You’re so surprised—is it because you thought I didn’t know about that time at Yilou? I truly didn’t know at first, but that place is ultimately my property, and later the shopkeeper told me about the appearance of the person who sat next to our room that day. When I remembered the egg custard you brought me that day, I realized it was him.”

Gu Juhan was speechless.

She was still smiling, “And two days ago when I went out with Jingqi and the others, on the way back I specifically had the carriage driver pass by the entrance of the guest mansion where the Great Liang envoys were staying, and happened to encounter him—he was sitting in a horse carriage, I couldn’t see him, but I knew that was his carriage—do you believe me, I just knew.”

Gu Juhan didn’t know what he should say, so he could only go along with her, “Mm, I believe you.”

She smiled until tears fell from her eyes again, “Three times, it’s been three times already. I no longer know how I could try any harder, yet I still haven’t been able to see him.”

“I used to think it was just my bad luck, but Wenruo, it’s not that, it’s not like that. I can’t see him simply because he doesn’t want to see me.”

She finally began crying completely, “He doesn’t want to see me at all.”

Gu Juhan held back and held back, but this time couldn’t hold back, and pulled her into his embrace in one motion.

She cried nestled in his embrace. Though she was already so sorrowful, she still restrained her cries of grief and did not wail aloud, just as though she was so heartbroken, she still would not throw things to vent her anger—from beginning to end, this person was always cautious and careful, always possessing some heart-wrenching understanding and self-control.

Gu Juhan held her, like both her friend and her elder brother, feeling her slender body trembling slightly as she cried in his embrace. Perhaps because she had been drinking, her body was somewhat hot. He gently patted her back, saying to her, “Perhaps he has his difficulties…”

Being held by him, Shen Xiling felt like a rootless duckweed. Gu Juhan’s voice was right by her ear, yet it seemed very far away from her.

She shook her head forcefully in his embrace, “No, you don’t know—that person, he was originally just that hard-hearted…”

Gu Juhan stroked her hair, thinking to himself, how could he not know what kind of person Qi Jingchen was?

The two of them had been enemies for many years, one in the south and one in the north. Precisely because they were enemies, whether on the battlefield or in court, they each saw through the other extremely thoroughly. The world called Qi Jingchen a noble young master from an aristocratic family, a young second-place scholar, but that was because they didn’t truly know him. But he knew that Qi Jingchen, besides being himself, was also the leader of the Jiangzuo aristocratic families, the Prime Minister of Great Liang, the blade-wielder who engaged in life-and-death struggles with him on battlefields, who could turn his hand to make clouds and flip it to make rain. People once said of Great Liang’s Qi Ying, “His appearance is that of a gentleman, his heart that of an asura.” How could someone like him, a chaotic-times power minister who controlled a nation’s military and political affairs, not be hard-hearted?

But at that time Gu Juhan didn’t know how to tell her this, and could only coax her in a low voice, “I know, I know, he made you very sad…”

She lay powerlessly in his embrace, so thin and weak that it made his heart ache. He remembered that day at Yilou when Qi Jingchen had also said she had “grown much thinner,” and his heart felt even more indescribable.

At this moment he heard her calling his name in an extremely soft voice. He quickly responded, hearing her murmur, “I actually never thought he would be unwilling to see me… I originally thought that even if he only regarded me as an ordinary old acquaintance, after not seeing each other for many years he would still greet me…”

“The way he is now, perhaps he’s afraid I’ll pester him and cause him trouble… Wenruo, I know he won’t see me again, but next time you see him, could you tell him for me that I truly ask nothing of him, just… I only want to see him once…”

Her voice grew lower and lower, and by the end it had become intermittent and nearly inaudible. Gu Juhan’s heart ached like it was being twisted, and when he called to her again she no longer spoke, her breathing became shallow, and her skin was alarmingly hot. By the time he finally realized something was wrong, she had already fainted in his arms.

She had fallen ill.

It was a fierce and sudden serious illness.

This illness came very abruptly yet somehow seemed inevitable. The imperial physician sent from the palace said she had eaten little while worrying much in her heart, and over time this had developed into illness. Now she had been running a high fever for several consecutive days without it breaking, drifting between dreams and waking.

Because of her illness, Gu Juhan missed court sessions for two consecutive days, staying by her side the entire time to care for her. This matter even alarmed His Majesty and the Empress, and the palace sent people to inquire after her condition. Lian Zi and Wan Zhu attended to her day and night without rest. Lian Zi had become a full circle thinner, and Wan Zhu had cried until both her eyes were swollen like walnuts.

But Shen Xiling knew nothing of all this. She didn’t even know that she was ill, only feeling that she was having a dream.

In the dream, she had returned to ten years ago.