It wasn’t that Qi Ying had never seen her cry. She had cried in front of him a few times when she was little, but those times were all different from this.

She cried silently, without even any obvious expression of sorrow on her face. Tears simply filled her eye sockets, then dropped straight down one by one, pattering onto the back of her hand.

Qi Ying was so distressed that he could no longer avoid her. In a few steps, he walked to the bedside, sat down, and gathered her into his arms, gently wiping her tears while trying to comfort her. But Young Master Qi really wasn’t skilled at comforting people, and at that moment he himself was somewhat flustered. The distinguished top scholar of Jiangzuo, the examination supervisor of the spring imperial examinations, was actually tongue-tied at that moment. After pondering for a long while, he didn’t know what to say to her, managing only a dry “Don’t cry anymore.”

Don’t cry anymore.

Don’t make me feel even more distressed for you.

After several months apart, the two were finally close together again, and his treatment of her was unprecedentedly gentle and tender. This should have made Shen Xiling extraordinarily happy, but at that moment her heart felt empty and vast. The scene of being trapped on the couch by Yang Dong kept flashing before her eyes, even the feeling of his sweaty hands touching her skin still lingered.

She was still trembling with fear.

Her trembling was noticed by him, so he held her even tighter, seemingly hoping she would know he was there and she needn’t be afraid.

She understood him, and indeed heard him say: “Everything’s alright now. I’m here. No one will bully you anymore.”

Shen Xiling leaned in his embrace, smelling the light, subtle scent of sweet pine on him. The quilt she was wrapped in also carried his scent, so it seemed as if her entire being was surrounded by his presence.

She finally relaxed a little, no longer tense, and her consciousness gradually became clearer.

She could barely begin to think.

She remembered the scene at Shopkeeper Feng’s mourning hall, remembered the hateful looks his wife and children gave her, remembered what Yang Dong had said to her, remembered her entire day of ridiculous panic and confusion. Her heart felt wave after wave of powerlessness.

She suddenly felt weary and confused.

Leaning in Qi Ying’s embrace, her tears had been wiped away by him, but the sadness in her eyes was something he couldn’t erase. Without much strength, she said in a very low voice: “Young master… do you know Shopkeeper Feng?”

Qi Ying heard the muffled voice from the little girl in his arms, knowing she had something to say.

Actually, he felt that in her current state, she shouldn’t think about anything—bathing and then having a peaceful sleep would be best. But he also knew that some words she needed to get off her chest, and if she didn’t speak them aloud, she wouldn’t feel at ease.

Qi Ying sighed inwardly, no longer stopping her, only replying in a low voice: “Someone you did business with?”

The little girl in his arms nodded lightly, wrapped the quilt tighter around herself, and continued in a tiny voice: “Yes, he was the earliest to cooperate with me in the weaving business. Though he didn’t have any great talent, he was diligent and conscientious… At first our business was quite difficult, but it gradually improved later. He never had any intention of leaving and always stayed with me.”

Qi Ying nodded and said: “Then he was very good.”

Shen Xiling hummed in agreement, then continued: “He was very good. When the guild made things difficult for me recently, they targeted him first, smashing his shop. Even after that, he still stayed with me and didn’t bow to the guild.”

Speaking to this point, her voice lowered, becoming bitter.

“But I wasn’t worthy of this shopkeeper’s goodness,” she said hoarsely. “He was threatened and oppressed by the guild, unable even to make a living, yet I couldn’t protect him…”

Shen Xiling’s voice was as light as a feather.

“He’s dead,” she said, as if speaking to him but also as if murmuring to herself. “A living person, died just like that so easily… His orphaned child is only eight years old, so small, even smaller than I was when my parents left me, yet I caused him to lose his father…”

She rambled on without much coherence. Hearing this, Qi Ying’s brow furrowed even tighter.

He could feel the weakness in her heart at this moment, only a hair’s breadth away from collapse.

He reached out to gently lift her face, looking down into her eyes, his tone very heavy as he said to her: “That wasn’t your fault. The guild bullied others with their power, which left him with nowhere to turn. You did your best.”

Shen Xiling had always trusted him so much, had been like this since childhood—she would believe whatever he said. But at that moment, she didn’t believe him.

She looked at him and shook her head, her brow furrowing as she said: “Young master, today I understood a principle. I didn’t understand it before, but today I suddenly understood it—do you know what it is?”

Qi Ying looked at her, his phoenix eyes like overturned ink, his gaze becoming deeper and more intense.

He asked: “What?”

Shen Xiling smiled slightly, clear and light, but with a cold flavor.

She answered: “Those who occupy a position must plan for their duties. When people choose what path to walk, they must bear the corresponding responsibilities. Sometimes it’s not about whether you can bear it or not—if the responsibility is yours, then you must bear it.”

She looked away from him, turning to look aside instead, her smile fading: “Perhaps there are originally no base people in this world, but in order to bear this or that responsibility, they can’t help but become base one after another—like me, for instance. I originally looked down on the guild’s methods, thinking their use of power to pressure others wasn’t honorable enough. I always wanted to rely on the two words ‘justice’ to make a living, but I was wrong. My stupidity cost a human life.”

“That Yang Dong is a villain who deserves heaven’s punishment, but one thing he said was right,” Shen Xiling looked at Qi Ying again. This time her eyes lit up, as if she had seen some direction. “He said commerce is always for the capable to occupy, no matter what methods are used—surviving is the proper principle, everything else is nonsense. He was right, wasn’t he?”

Speaking to this point, her tears once again fell from her eye sockets, but she seemed unaware, a pair of bright eyes staring intently at him, as if seeking an answer.

“Young master, I should start to change, shouldn’t I?”

“I should change immediately, shouldn’t I?”

At that moment she looked at Qi Ying with such firm belief, her eyes frighteningly bright, as if he need only nod and she would immediately feel free to change boldly, abandoning everything in her original heart, letting herself become a base and unscrupulous person to bear those responsibilities she thought should be borne by her.

But she didn’t know that at that moment, Qi Ying’s heart turned a thousand times. Besides feeling distressed for her, he felt some other flavors as well.

He thought of himself.

In those days, he was the young top scholar personally selected by His Majesty’s imperial brush, entering officialdom at a young age. In his youth, he took the sages’ books as his guide, following the way of enlightened virtue and great learning. But later, as he became more worldly, he came to know the complexity of officialdom and increasingly understood the obscurity and convolution of worldly ways and human hearts.

He had certainly heard the rumors from the marketplace. The world giving him the name of asura was certainly not his wish, but if he weren’t like this, not only would he himself have nowhere to be buried, he might even implicate his family and country. Sometimes it was truly a helpless measure.

He had too many unavoidable circumstances. Even now, with his high position and great power, he still did things against his true heart every day—he wasn’t obsessed with power schemes, nor was he naturally inclined to intrigue against others. If it were truly according to his own wishes, he would rather live like Master Baopu, ignoring all the miscellaneous troubles of the world. Unfortunately, now that he was in this position, he had to act against his heart.

He knew how exhausting this was. In the end, he didn’t want Shen Xiling to follow in his footsteps.

She was someone with a pure heart—clever but not slick, perceptive but not worldly. Even while engaged in commerce and competing with others for profit, she could still maintain her bottom line, never being greedy, and never harboring intentions to harm others.

He liked and treasured her original appearance, perhaps loving it more than anything else in this world.

He didn’t want her to change.

“Wenwen,” he looked at her with very deep eyes, his tone very heavy. With one hand, he slowly wiped away her tears, then said to her: “Don’t change.”

Never change.

Meeting his such deep and heavy gaze, Shen Xiling frowned, her eyes seeming somewhat confused, and asked him again: “How can I not change? If I don’t change, how can I protect those who depend on me for their livelihood? I can’t even protect myself.”

“Like today,” Shen Xiling smiled bitterly, “I couldn’t even protect myself.”

After saying this, she saw Qi Ying’s brow furrow even tighter, his tone also changing, becoming heavier as he said decisively: “This time it was my oversight. It will never happen again.”

As he spoke, his expression suddenly became cold, probably thinking of Yang Dong, a barely perceptible murderous glint flashing in his eyes.

He hadn’t killed him earlier, not because he had any scruples, but only because he thought of Shen Xiling still being nearby and felt it somewhat inconvenient.

He didn’t want her to witness such things with her own eyes, nor did he want her to see him kill someone. Though he could refrain from acting today, Yang Dong was someone he would certainly move against. Otherwise, who would compensate for the harm his little girl had suffered and the rage in his heart at this moment?

He was neither a god nor a saint and couldn’t maintain calm at all times. In fact, as early as when he pushed open that door and saw Shen Xiling being bullied, that string in his heart had already snapped. Now he was only barely maintaining peace to comfort her. If Shen Xiling paid a little attention, she would discover his abnormality—for instance, though the hand holding her was very steady, his other hand that wasn’t holding her was trembling slightly.

That was bottomless fear.

He was so terrified… of losing her.

But Shen Xiling hadn’t noticed Qi Ying’s abnormality at that time. She was still caught up in what he had just said, and couldn’t help but shake her head with a smile in his embrace, saying: “How can you say it was the young master’s oversight? That was my own affair after all… Moreover, in the future…”

She didn’t continue, her expression becoming even more distant.

In the future… they would separate, he wouldn’t need to take care of her anymore, and she would have to learn to protect herself.

Qi Ying didn’t understand what she was thinking at that moment. His brow furrowed again as he asked her: “Moreover, what about the future?”

He asked very earnestly, as if he truly didn’t know what she wanted to say. Shen Xiling felt it was meaningless to say it and would only make her appear clinging, so she didn’t plan to speak. But he wouldn’t let it go, asking her again as if he must hear her speak clearly.

Shen Xiling withdrew a little from his embrace, lifting her face to look at him and saying: “In the future, won’t I have to marry?”

Qi Ying’s expression was obviously stunned at that moment, as if hearing about her marrying for the first time, as if the person who wanted her to marry wasn’t him.

And as soon as Shen Xiling withdrew from his embrace and lost his warmth, she began to feel somewhat cold. She wrapped the quilt tighter around herself, lowered her head to avoid looking at him, and became somewhat lost in thought again.

At the mention of marriage, she couldn’t help but think again of what Yang Dong had done to her.

She was very unfamiliar with matters between men and women. No one had ever taught her what that was. When Qi Ying had spoken of marriage recently, she had only thought of phoenix crowns, red wedding veils, high halls, and red candles. She had never thought about how to get along with the man who would become her husband.

So… would her husband treat her like that?

Would he trap her beneath him, kiss her, tear her clothes?

She couldn’t stop trembling again.

She was afraid and felt wronged, thinking that if it was truly like this, how was marriage any different from disaster? She couldn’t bear the touch of other men, not even being near them.

She couldn’t accept it.

Not at all.

She felt she had to speak directly to Qi Ying about those things she had long thought about.

She tried hard to control the trembling throughout her body, looking down at the corner of the quilt as she called Qi Ying’s name: “Young master…”

Qi Ying heard the little girl’s voice and looked at her. Seeing her with her head lowered, huddled in the quilt, he heard her say in a very low voice: “Can I not marry?”

She paused, then raised her head to look at him, her eyes shimmering with waves of light, looking eager to explain to him.

“I’m not trying to cling and refuse to leave. I just don’t want to marry… Third Brother is very good—it’s me who’s bad. I… I can’t accept it…”

Her jade-like small hand emerged from the quilt to wipe away the tears that had fallen from her eye sockets. The red marks Yang Dong had left on her wrist became even clearer and more glaring.

She continued: “I know I’ve caused you trouble, and I know it’s not appropriate for me to stay in Fenghe Courtyard anymore—I’ve already thought it through and packed some things. I can move out very soon—but… Third Brother said you would give me a dowry to marry me off. I don’t want a dowry. Could you… could you convert the dowry into a shop for me?”

Speaking to this point, she seemed to feel guilty, her expression becoming awkward as she explained somewhat helplessly: “…I’m not taking it for nothing. After a while, when I’ve settled down, I’ll return the money to you, and in the future I’ll always…”

Before she could finish, Qi Ying pulled her into his arms with one motion.

He held her tightly, almost pressing her against his chest. His left hand also gently clasped her right wrist, avoiding her wound, as he said in her ear: “No marriage.”

His breath was burning hot.

“I will never let you marry someone else again.”

When this sentence finally came out, Qi Ying felt only relief. The depression and pain that had lingered in his heart since that day of cuju was instantly dissolved into nothing.

He had given up—given up the idea of giving her up.

He simply didn’t want to let her marry someone else. They had spent three years together day and night. He knew her feelings better than anyone, and at the same time, he knew that he himself had already been moved.

He lived such a difficult life, having to weigh every step thrice, yet the things that truly belonged to him were almost none. Or even if there were, they weren’t things he truly wanted from his heart.

He wasn’t greedy—he only wanted her. Yet even this single private wish was still so very difficult.

It wasn’t that he hadn’t thought of giving up. For the sake of his family and the court situation, he had thought of abandoning all his private desires, even cruelly hurting her heart.

But all this hadn’t been as easy as he thought.

For three months, he had spent every day in depression and pain. She thought he didn’t return to Fenghe Courtyard to avoid her, but actually he was only avoiding himself—avoiding his selfish desire to be with her regardless of consequences.

But even when he didn’t see her, he still thought of her frequently. The accumulated documents in the Privy Council, the trivial personnel matters in the Hanlin Academy, the complex contradictions in court—none of these could make him forget her. He still thought of her every day.

The more he distanced himself from her, the more he missed her.

The high wall he had personally built between them gradually began to collapse. In such cracks, he heard the voice from the bottom of his heart.

He didn’t want her to marry someone else.

This voice was initially only faint, as light as when he sat in the Privy Council listening to various departments debate. But later it became louder and louder, finally becoming deafening after he broke through that door today.

…He could not tolerate any man other than himself getting close to her.

Not even an inch.

Qi Ying held Shen Xiling tightly, as if holding his lost and recovered treasure, repeating in her ear once more: “Never again.”

I will never again be separated from you.

Shen Xiling didn’t know what Qi Ying was thinking at that moment. She only felt that his embrace was different from usual.

He rarely hugged her. The few rare times had all been when she was small, and they had all been light, gentle embraces like those of an elder. He had never held her so tightly and heavily. But she didn’t have time to think carefully about the meaning of this embrace—she only heard him say he wouldn’t let her marry again.

She became somewhat happy, feeling this was the only good thing that had happened in so many days.

She nodded in his arms, thanked him, thought for a moment, then asked somewhat hesitantly and awkwardly: “What about the shop…”

As soon as she started speaking, his embrace loosened. He released her but remained very, very close to her—close enough that they could feel each other’s breath.

She had never been this close to him before, so close it made her feel as if she and he were one body. He had always been someone leisurely and aloof, but at that moment he was soaked from the rain, rarely not so proper and upright. Yet he was still handsome and good-looking, and even his phoenix eyes seemed deeper, with light flowing like snow quenching.

With such eyes looking at her, he said word by word: “You stay here. You don’t need to go anywhere else.”

Shen Xiling became somewhat confused. Whether his appearance or his words made her feel puzzled. Beyond this confusion, at the same time, an idea that made her feel incredible was vaguely emerging from the bottom of her heart, making her tremble even more.

She didn’t dare believe it was true, only firmly believing she had misunderstood—just like before, when she thought he liked her, only to finally hear news that he wanted her to marry.

She didn’t want to be presumptuous again. Otherwise, not only would she be heartbroken and sad, but it would also trouble him greatly.

Shen Xiling tried hard to dispel the sudden wild joy and trembling in her heart, facing him who was so close with all her self-control and calmness at that moment, asking softly: “Don’t need to leave?… Then where should I go?”

And the person she loved had drawn even closer to her, bringing her more palpitations and trembling. Their breaths intertwined, their noses already touching.

She heard his sigh.

He said: “Be with me…”

Having said this, he kissed her.

No one could clearly describe what kind of kiss that was.

It came very suddenly—at least neither of them had anticipated it would happen that night. Yet it came so naturally that they were only slightly stunned for a moment, then immediately swept into it.

They had both longed for each other too much. That kiss therefore had only a moment of testing and restraint before quickly becoming passionate.

Shen Xiling only felt herself falling into a dreamlike state, completely surrounded by his presence. Just the knowledge that he was kissing her made her tremble with palpitations throughout her body. She had originally felt so cold, but now her entire body was burning. She tilted her face to receive his kiss while also kissing him back chaotically.

Kissing him passionately.

His kiss was burning hot, not like his usual cool and clear demeanor. He held her tightly in his arms, kissing her until her entire being became soft, leaving her unable to think or move. Her body was so soft she couldn’t straighten up, only barely managing to reach up and grasp his shoulder and neck, yet still unable to support her own body. And he always knew everything about her—at the instant she lost her strength, he reached out to firmly embrace her waist, supporting her as he kissed her. His palm was also burning hot, branding through her thin clothes onto the tender skin at her waist.

As if to burn their souls together.

Author’s Note: Since I don’t have many drafts left, I originally planned to continue updating 3k daily to get by, but today seeing the angels’ comments and the first lovely long review, I got excited and updated 5,500 words. The feeling now is refreshing, very refreshing.

It took over 400,000 words to write the first kissing scene—such a slow pace is really unfair to readers, so I’m even more grateful for everyone’s patience and tolerance, and grateful for everyone’s love for Wenwen and Young Master Qi.

The plot is about halfway through. I hope the little couple will love each other sweetly and not bow to the author’s dark forces (?), overcoming all difficulties to have little buns (sigh, there’s still some distance to that…

Also, today’s update is kind of a watershed. Before today, hundreds of thousands of words without a single kiss, but after today… (can only say I hope the beautiful little couple restrains themselves and doesn’t harm this humble author by getting locked, please!)