This unprecedentedly difficult war continued until the eleventh month of Huangzhong.

Great Liang lost the three northern states that had been so hard-won in the previous Northern Expedition, but at least managed to hold the Great River line. Both sides fought back and forth several times in the areas of Northern Yangzhou and Western Xuzhou. Great Wei once crossed the natural barrier, but unfortunately was later pushed back north of the river.

Everything seemed to have started over from the beginning.

It was also in the eleventh month that Shen Xiling finally left Shangfang Prison and heard the news that she was to marry far away to Northern Wei.

The person who came to receive her was Qing Zhu.

He told her she had been pardoned. Because His Majesty wanted to restore the young master, past events could not leave traces. It had been publicly declared that her matter was Lu Zheng’s frame-up against Qi Ying. His Majesty had already dismissed Lu Zheng from office, and the Court of Judicial Review had changed leadership.

Now she was to go to Langya, to return to her mother’s ancestral home, and marry from there.

Each piece of this news was shocking enough, yet at that time Shen Xiling showed no expression. The half year in prison seemed to have worn away all her emotions. She only asked Qing Zhu two questions.

First, was the young master well?

Second, did he know about these things?

Qing Zhu nodded to both.

Shen Xiling then said nothing more, not even asking whom she was to marry, when she would marry, or why she had to marry. She only silently boarded the northbound carriage with Qing Zhu.

No crying, no fuss.

Qing Zhu looked at her appearance then and wanted to speak but hesitated, feeling somewhat like crying. But since she didn’t cry, it would seem very inappropriate for him to cry, and he was also afraid that his crying would make her sad as well.

So he desperately held back and escorted her to Langya.

Upon reaching Langya, the Wei family members all respectfully waited at their gate to receive Shen Xiling.

It was said they had all been reprimanded and had to change their stories about many things. For instance, they had originally been quite certain that Wei Shi had eloped with Shen Qian, but now they changed their account, saying it was all Minister Lu Zheng of the Court of Judicial Review who had forced them to say so. In reality, though Wei Shi had indeed eloped with a man surnamed Shen, that person had no connection to the well-known Shen clan. They had been coerced and thus falsely accused Shen Xiling of being Shen Qian’s illegitimate daughter.

This was naturally just talk to fool the world, but all the court officials already understood the current situation. They knew young Master Qi’s future path was still very unclear and uncertain—he might be doomed forever, or he might make a comeback. So they all naturally adopted a wait-and-see attitude, pretending to believe His Majesty’s personally arranged explanation.

But what did it matter whether they believed it or not? This simply wasn’t something outsiders could question or interfere with. They could only choose silence or compliance.

The Wei family had been quite vicious that day in the great hall. For instance, Shen Xiling’s eldest uncle had appeared determined to hunt her and Qi Ying to extinction, but after this half year had passed, he completely changed his demeanor. Leading the entire Wei clan, he welcomed her through the door with considerate care, and even several harsh aunts were exactly the same, no longer showing the cold, arrogant faces they had worn five years ago when she first came to Langya asking them to take in her mother’s corpse.

The hundred forms of floating life, people like demons and spirits—how sad and laughable.

But Shen Xiling didn’t mind. She didn’t speak with them either, only settled into her own room, where she saw all the wedding items had already been prepared: jewelry and hairpins, red candles and brocades, even an exquisitely beautiful wedding dress.

Those items didn’t seem like things that could be found in Langya, or even like things from Jiangzuo. When she asked Qing Zhu, she indeed learned these were all sent by Northern Wei’s Duke Yanguo’s mansion—things personally arranged by her future husband, young General Gu Juhan. Only then did she learn who she was to marry.

She had no reaction, neither joy nor sorrow, like a wooden puppet with only an empty shell remaining.

Qing Zhu stayed at the Wei family to help Shen Xiling settle in for several days, also bringing two unfamiliar servants to her side, saying they would serve her until her wedding. Shen Xiling didn’t refuse, only asking about Shuipei and the others’ recent circumstances. Originally they had been arrested and imprisoned with her, and she didn’t know if they were now safe and sound.

Qing Zhu said they were all well and had returned to Fenghe Garden. Upon hearing this, Shen Xiling nodded and said nothing more.

After settling all this, Qing Zhu had to leave as well. Ten days later was her wedding day. Northern Wei’s young General Gu wouldn’t personally come to Jiangzuo, but would receive her at Dongping Prefecture in Jiangbei. In ten days, the Wei family would escort her to the wedding.

Shen Xiling was extremely compliant with all these arrangements, only asking him one question when finally seeing Qing Zhu off.

She asked: “Before I leave… can I see him once more?”

She was alarmingly pale then, her tone extremely indifferent, with no discernible emotion, yet her eyes held very thick sorrow. Qing Zhu’s eyes grew hot, and he hurriedly looked away, answering: “Probably not—the young master is… very busy.”

He finished speaking hastily, not daring to look at Shen Xiling’s expression then, only hearing her give a soft laugh with no emotion, which made his heart even more uncomfortable.

He heard her answer faintly with a “good,” then say: “In the future, please advise him to rest more.”

These words carried some meaning of final farewell. Perhaps she herself also knew she would never see him again.

Qing Zhu finally couldn’t hold back—tears fell from his eyes. He answered very awkwardly, then said “take care” to Shen Xiling before parting.

Six days later, Qing Zhu returned to the main residence.

Since the Qi family’s troubles in March, the young master had never returned to Fenghe Garden. Even now after finishing the war and returning, he still stayed at the main residence. The garden remained idle, never waiting for its master to return.

It had originally had a mistress too, but now she would never come back either.

These details couldn’t be dwelt upon, or they would inevitably become more painful, especially when Qing Zhu remembered Shen Xiling’s final soft laugh when they parted—his heart clenched even tighter.

Why… did it have to end this way?

He struggled to control his grief and hurriedly entered the main residence gates to report to the young master.

The young master was in Yao Shi’s Jiaxi Hall.

When Qing Zhu entered, there were frequent sounds of talking and laughter in the hall. It turned out the eldest young master and his wife had brought Hui’er and Tai’er to visit Yao Shi. Tai’er was half a year old, at the most adorably pink and jade-like stage, making everyone in the hall love him dearly. Hui’er was still competing with his little brother for attention, making the adults laugh even more.

It seemed to faintly restore the Qi family’s former harmony and liveliness.

As soon as Qing Zhu entered the hall, he first saw his own young master.

He had returned from the battlefield not long ago. Probably because this half year had been too tumultuous and arduous, he had grown much thinner, his bearing also becoming more withdrawn and melancholy. Even sitting in such a harmonious and joyful hall, he still seemed somewhat out of place. He only watched others enjoying peace and happiness, but couldn’t integrate himself.

He looked somewhat lonely.

He also saw Qing Zhu. When he saw him, his gaze changed somewhat, as if he also knew what news he brought back. He hesitated for a moment, then turned to Yao Shi and said: “Mother, I’ll step out for a moment.”

Yao Shi was just holding Tai’er and playing with him. Seeing Qing Zhu come to report and her son wanting to avoid the crowd, she couldn’t help suspecting something bad had happened—she had been frightened by this half year’s shocking changes, jumping at every shadow.

Qi Ying smiled reassuringly at his mother, saying “it’s nothing,” then rose and left Jiaxi Hall, returning to his study instead.

The study was cold and quiet, with only cooled tea and tall stacks of documents, yet he seemed more at ease there, as if his family’s joy had made him feel somewhat constrained.

Or perhaps it wasn’t constraint… did that joyful scene remind him of someone?

He settled behind his desk and asked Qing Zhu: “Is she settled at the Wei family?”

“She.”

Someone who had once been so intimate—intimate to the point of almost merging into each other’s bones and blood—now seemed unable even to have her name mentioned, only referred to as “she.”

Was he afraid of the pain?

Qing Zhu answered with lowered head “yes,” then carefully described Shen Xiling’s recent situation at the Wei family. He listened attentively, more seriously than he treated court affairs.

After Qing Zhu finished, he remained silent without a word, seeming somewhat lost in thought. Only then did Qing Zhu hear the young master ask him: “…Did she cry?”

Did she cry?

There were so many things in this world that needed his attention, most concerning national survival and the life and death of countless people. Yet at that moment he wasn’t thinking about any of that—he only wanted to know whether she had cried.

Shen Xiling naturally hadn’t cried, but when Qing Zhu was asked, he couldn’t help crying himself. Feeling this was absurd, he quickly wiped away his tears while shaking his head, telling the young master that Shen Xiling hadn’t cried. She only asked whether she could see him once more.

When the young master heard these words, his expression showed no change, even appearing more calm, but those familiar with him knew this was actually how he looked when truly enduring pain.

He was in great pain.

The calmer he appeared, the more painful it was.

He said nothing more, as if his interest in this matter had been completely exhausted. He only moved his fingers to indicate Qing Zhu should leave. Qing Zhu understood and dared not disturb him further, so he bowed and withdrew.

He knew what the young master needed most at this time was actually Shen Xiling, but she wasn’t there, so he probably only needed silence.

The moment the door closed, Qi Ying began coughing violently. His hand pressed tightly against his chest, the pain making his back somewhat hunched, and after coughing, bright red blood stained his sleeves.

…He was coughing up blood.

He saw those bloodstains but showed no surprise, as if already accustomed to it. The sharp pain in his chest didn’t seem to disgust him, but rather comforted him—he needed this kind of pain, very, very much.

He sat alone in his study from daylight until dark.

He… wanted to see her.

Just like every dawn and dusk since their separation in March, he wanted to see her.

This desire had been very intense in March and April, restless and obvious. Later it gradually settled, becoming silent and deep, probably because he himself knew his private wish could never come true, so he could only press it more and more firmly into the depths of his heart.

Finally compressed into a secret wound that no one could see.

He didn’t need anyone to see it either. Pain was a very private matter, and also the last bit of connection between them. He had nothing left to give her, could only accompany her in pain from afar—nothing more.

He knew he couldn’t go see her. Lingering attachments would only make both of them more painful and make parting more difficult. Perhaps the best ending between them was just like now—never meeting again, and never saying goodbye.

Author’s Note: “Why torment yourself, making my heart grieve?”