But she had asked—could she see him once more?

He hadn’t seen her for half a year, yet could still vividly imagine her expression when saying those words. It would be that familiar look of wanting to speak but stopping herself—very restrained, very sensible, but also very painful.

That was what he couldn’t bear to see most.

He dared not think further, and the pain was truly too severe. He knew he had to do something else to cut off his longing for her, lest he do something foolish again. This wouldn’t be very difficult—he only needed to endure four more days. After four days she would be married, would go to the northern lands and live in another man’s mansion. From then on, they would have no way to see each other, and he wouldn’t harbor any foolish thoughts again.

Just four more days to endure.

He was someone who could accomplish anything once he steeled his heart, yet at that time, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t erase that woman’s shadow from his heart. He suffered and grew restless continuously, increasingly unable to extricate himself, until later when his mother entered his study.

Yao Shi had always been a perceptive and tolerant elder. Today after Qing Zhu returned, she saw that Jingchen’s complexion was wrong. Upon inquiry, it was indeed about Wenwen’s matter.

Wenwen.

She had once thought Wenwen was Master Fang’s daughter, and due to this connection had shown her extra care. She never expected she wasn’t, and in the end nearly brought catastrophic disaster to the Qi family.

Resentment? That was naturally unavoidable. After all, she had lied and caused Jingchen to endure much unnecessary pain and tribulation.

But Jingchen loved her.

He had never had anyone or anything he particularly favored, always living quite plainly, as if he could spend his life however. But later he fell in love with her, and from then on his eyes always held faint joy. Whenever he mentioned her, his expression became very gentle, making anyone who saw it feel warmth as well.

But now he was about to lose her.

He was completely immersed in his own world, to the point of having no reaction to her entering the door. Or perhaps he actually knew someone had come in, but could no longer spare the mental energy to care.

Yao Shi silently walked to his side, slowly sighed, then gently reached out to embrace him, saying: “Then go find her… say a proper goodbye.”

This was admittedly just a very simple sentence, but actually saying it at that time was very difficult. For the Qi family, Shen Xiling’s existence was a source of trouble. Now that they could finally clear their connection, they naturally didn’t want Jingchen to get entangled with her again. Today in Jiaxi Hall, Qi Ying had deliberately avoided them, also because he knew his elder brother still minded Shen Xiling’s identity very much. He hadn’t forgotten the brutality of that day in court.

Yao Shi knew no one would understand him. Frankly speaking, she also didn’t want him to see the Shen family daughter again, but… he was in such pain.

Painful to the point of falling into loneliness.

She couldn’t bear to see him like this.

After she finished speaking, Qi Ying didn’t respond for a long time. He only sat in silence, as if lost in thought. But then Yao Shi felt warmth on the back of her hand. She looked down in surprise and saw… it was a teardrop.

…He was crying.

The Qi family’s second son had been born with all the world’s good reputation. After becoming an official, his reputation grew even greater. Everyone knew he was resourceful and decisive with a heart like iron and stone—a person of extremely firm character. Even Yao Shi had almost never seen him cry. Even during the most dangerous times half a year ago, he had never shown the slightest weakness.

But now he…

He didn’t show a very pained expression, still as calm and quiet as usual. If not for that teardrop actually falling on Yao Shi’s hand, she almost couldn’t have discovered any of this.

He raised his head to look at Yao Shi, his face almost expressionless, yet his gaze was already shattered. Those beautiful phoenix eyes had completely dimmed, without a trace of light.

“Mother,” he said, “…she is my only wish.”

I actually don’t want anything else.

I just don’t want to lose her.

These words seemed somewhat disconnected, yet made Yao Shi’s heart bleed with pain.

Her child… he had saved everyone in this family, he had fulfilled all their wishes, he had made everything safe and sound. But what about his wishes? Who could fulfill them for him?

No one.

There was never anyone to help him—he was always alone.

He would feel wronged too.

Yao Shi cried heartbrokenly. She hugged him tightly, trying her best to give him some comfort, but she knew it was all useless because she had no way to help him realize his only wish.

She was an incompetent mother!

Yao Shi suffered, yet a surge of anger arose in her heart from nowhere—not for herself, but for him. She released Qi Ying, looked into his eyes and said: “Go find her, don’t worry about anything. I’m here at home. If your father and brother ask, I’ll block them—you just go see her, don’t worry about anything else!”

Why? Why was only her child suffering so much?

Couldn’t he live a little more happily? Couldn’t he get what he wished for?

He clearly wasn’t greedy at all…

His mother’s words echoed in the empty study and also drilled into Qi Ying’s heart.

Go see her?

Go see her without worrying about anything?

That was something he dared not think about and didn’t allow himself to think about. But now it had been spoken by his mother, so this thought couldn’t be dispelled. Even when he came to his senses, he had already hurriedly stepped out of his study door.

He knew he was wrong—terribly wrong.

But he really… really wanted to see her.

On the day Shen Xiling was to be married, it snowed in Langya Prefecture.

Jiangzuo didn’t often have snow. After that time five years ago, she had never seen it again. Yet it snowed that day. The sky was terribly overcast, the wind was strong, making one’s heart feel oppressed.

But the Wei family was very lively. At daybreak, there was already drumming and clanging outside Shen Xiling’s door, with celebratory suona sounds everywhere, as if they were truly marrying off their own daughter.

The maids who had come to serve her temporarily also constantly clustered around her saying auspicious words—saying she was beautiful, saying she was marrying well, saying snow was a good thing and an auspicious omen, saying various other miscellaneous things. Shen Xiling didn’t listen to a single word. She only sat silently before her dressing mirror, letting the maids apply makeup and dress her, then letting them change her into the bright red wedding dress.

Phoenix crown and ceremonial robes, stunning beauty.

All of this was very good. She had once imagined an almost identical scene, except… she had originally thought she would marry that person.

That person…

He couldn’t be thought about. Once she thought of him, she couldn’t help but cry. Once she thought of him, she couldn’t help but go mad. Once she thought of him, she wanted to tear off all the jewels from her head and throw them hard to the ground. Once she thought of him, she wanted to immediately run out that door, walk thousands and tens of thousands of li to rush back to his side.

Once she thought of him, she felt she had already died.

Shen Xiling closed her eyes. When she opened them again, she forced herself to stare tightly at the rouge box on the dressing table, making herself carefully examine its pattern, as if it were something very important and interesting. After a while, she barely managed to squeeze thoughts related to that person out of her mind.

She asked the maid beside her: “What time is it?”

One of the maids answered: “In reply to Miss, it’s chenshi.”

At sishi she would be married—there was still one shichen left.

She couldn’t say what she was thinking at that time, whether she hoped sishi wouldn’t come or hoped it would come quickly. Perhaps the latter—after all, she was really afraid she couldn’t help but run away, run back to find him. If that happened, it would cause him trouble again, and she really, really didn’t want to bring him any more disasters.

She was willing to leave, willing to marry, willing to do anything, as long as she didn’t cause him trouble anymore.

When sishi came, she could set off for Jiangbei. Once she got there, even if she tried every means, she couldn’t come back. That way, even if she went mad and desperately wanted to return to find him, she wouldn’t succeed.

Let sishi come quickly.

…She could barely hold on anymore.

The maids all saw her urgency and thought she was eagerly anticipating marriage. They all covered their mouths laughing and said amusing auspicious words. Shen Xiling still had no reaction, only suddenly hearing the suona and gong sounds outside the room pause, then faintly hearing the neighing of horses, followed by confused voices mixed with many alarmed yet respectful greetings.

The maids looked at each other, not knowing what was happening outside. One stood up saying she would go look, but before she could take a step, everyone in the room heard footsteps outside the door, followed by a man’s low voice.

Just two words.

“Wenwen.”

The maids didn’t know what these two words meant, nor did they know this was Shen Xiling’s pet name. But having a man suddenly appear outside a woman’s bridal chamber was naturally very inappropriate. A hot-tempered maid was about to go out and chase him away when they heard their suddenly-appeared miss say: “…All of you, go out.”

The maids were all startled upon hearing this, then turned to look at Shen Xiling.

This unfamiliar miss had suddenly come to the Wei family. Everyone was secretive about her identity, not saying much. The Wei family servants hadn’t had the ability to investigate what had happened in Jiankang, only thinking she was some relative the Wei family had acknowledged from outside, and they would briefly serve her wedding and that would be it.

This miss had been at the Wei family for several days but spoke surprisingly little, even sitting silently in her room all day. She seemed not very concerned about such a major matter as marriage. The maids all secretly said behind her back that her temperament was strange, but fortunately her disposition was quite gentle, appearing to let others arrange everything, seeming like someone without opinions.

However, her “go out” just now was said heavily, even her bearing became serious. The servants in the room inexplicably dared not disobey, even feeling she was more noble than the Wei family’s legitimate masters. So they all dared not say more and got up to leave.

When they opened the door, Shen Xiling finally saw Qi Ying.

He stood alone outside her door, behind him the howling cold wind of Langya that year and an overwhelming snowfall. The Wei family members all gathered outside the door looking on with surprise and uncertainty, seeming to discuss among themselves. But all other things couldn’t enter Shen Xiling’s eyes—she could only see Qi Ying.

Only Qi Ying.

At that time, snow had also fallen on his brows and hair, making him appear especially travel-worn. In that instant, she remembered many scenes from the past—like when she first met him and he stepped down from the carriage looking down at her, and also like that night of pattering rain when he returned from Nanling Prefecture to Fenghe Garden to find her.

She actually didn’t know what these scenes had in common, but at that moment she couldn’t help but remember them, and deeply into her bones.

She almost immediately began to tremble.

From her heart to her body, she trembled violently.

Author’s Note: I’m very sorry everyone, I may need to pause updates for a while, tentatively about a week. Recently, real life has been too busy, and my own state isn’t good either. I hope to have a chance to adjust and come back to continue writing. I definitely won’t abandon this story. I’m truly sorry, and thank you all for reading this far. Thank you, thank you.