She struggled to support herself against the dressing table and shakily stood up. By then he had already entered the room and turned back to close the door. The world seemed to suddenly quiet down, returning to the familiar state she knew. She couldn’t even perceive where they were—whether at the Wei family or anywhere else, it all didn’t matter. As long as the two of them were together, she felt very familiar.

He seemed to suddenly walk out of her dreams, making her feel somewhat dazed for a moment. Since their separation in March until now, she had only seen him from afar during the court confrontation in May, but even then she had only seen his back. He never turned around from beginning to end, so strictly speaking, she hadn’t seen him for eight months—longer than their previous separation during the Northern Expedition.

She really had so many, many things she wanted to tell him, but when she suddenly saw him, she actually lost her voice, to the point where she could only keep trembling. Tears had already unconsciously fallen from her eyes.

After holding back for a long time, she only called out to him: “Young Master…”

Young Master.

They had been together for a long time and had shared a period of intense intimacy. Actually, compared to the proper and formal address of “Young Master,” she could have called him in more intimate ways, such as Second Brother or Jingchen.

But in reality, except for a very few occasions, she mostly still called him Young Master. This form of address seemed to have meaning that was difficult to explain clearly for her, making her feel unable to part with it and irreplaceable.

“Good, then I’ll go. Thank you, Young Master.”

“Young Master’s lamp has gone out.”

“Didn’t Young Master say today you would take me to the Qi family?”

“I didn’t skip lessons… I just heard them say Young Master was leaving Jiankang today.”

“Does Young Master think… she was bullying me?”

“This cat is precious, and I can’t raise it well either. I should return it to Young Master.”

“Didn’t Young Master just say you would help me lead the horse?”

“Has Young Master had lunch? Does it suit your taste?”

“Young Master wouldn’t do anything wrong—they were the ones who were wrong.”

“Is Young Master embarrassed to spend my money?”

“Young Master… let’s go back.”

…She had always called him Young Master.

Both courteous and proper, yet intimately close—behind those two words were the full five years they had walked through together.

He had always understood her very well. Even though at that time she had only called him so simply, he could still understand the meaning behind those two words.

The snow on his brow melted, becoming a drop of water that fell down. At first glance it looked like a teardrop, but naturally he would never cry in front of her. He only slowly walked to her side, very restrainedly and carefully drew her into his embrace—as tender as many previous embraces—and said by her ear: “Mm, I’ve come.”

Shen Xiling immediately burst into tears.

She really didn’t want to cry, especially knowing that this very moment was their final farewell. She shouldn’t waste such precious time on crying, but she truly couldn’t control herself. The instant she was embraced by him, she suddenly felt extremely wronged. She didn’t even know specifically what she was feeling wronged about, but she just was… very wronged.

Just like when she was little—originally she could endure it, but once he came, she had no way to continue enduring.

She hugged him tightly and wailed, as if wanting to cry out her very heart.

“Why did you come…” she was heartbroken, “I would rather you never see me again, you… why did you come…”

Why did you come?

I brought you such great disaster, why do you still come to see me?

Don’t you hate me? Don’t you blame me?

I would rather you despise me, rather you never want to see me for the rest of your life. That way I would receive the most terrible punishment in this world, and I wouldn’t feel so guilty.

Do you know how guilty I feel?

Every day and night in prison, I repeatedly recalled everything that happened in court. You were so isolated and helpless, while I couldn’t help you at all—I could only be your burden, even a tool for others to hurt you.

I am so inauspicious, so useless—why do you still come to see me?

He gently patted her back, consoling her magnanimously, as if hearing these voices from the depths of her heart. Amid her endless crying, he said to her: “I came to see you off, to give you a few words of advice.”

His tone was very light, and what he said was very ordinary, as if what they were facing now was not eternal separation but merely a brief parting—like she was going to collect debts in another place and he was giving her a few small reminders before her departure.

Yet they both knew what the truth of the matter was, but also simultaneously struggled to restrain that overwhelmingly heavy sorrow. Qi Ying did especially well—even his breathing was very steady, just as always.

“This journey will be difficult, and I won’t be able to take care of you. You must remember to be careful in everything,” he gently smoothed her long hair with extreme tenderness. “Gu Juhan has upright character and is a gentleman, but don’t trust him completely. Be wary of everyone, no matter who, and protect yourself well.”

Shen Xiling’s crying became even more sorrowful.

“But you don’t need to be too afraid either,” he coaxed by her ear. “Even though I won’t be by your side, I’ll still protect you. Nothing will happen.”

He indeed couldn’t take care of her constantly and in every detail by her side like in the past five years, but even so, he would still become a barrier standing in front of her. He and Gu Juhan were mutually generating and restraining, checking and balancing each other. As long as he could influence Great Liang’s court situation and military affairs for one day, Gu Juhan would have to be wary of him for one day. The more he feared him, the more he wouldn’t dare touch his bottom line.

He would hold everything together and let her live safely without worry.

The little girl in his arms was still crying terribly. He sighed and released her, then raised his hand to wipe her tears. At that moment, his phoenix eyes even carried a hint of smile as he looked at her and said: “Besides, aren’t you very capable? You used to always complain that I didn’t give you opportunities to show yourself. Now I’m giving you one—don’t disappoint me.”

Speaking thus, he took out a wooden box from his embrace and placed it in her hands, his voice becoming even lower: “I don’t have anything else to give you. Here are some farmland and shops near Shangjing. Keep them, and as for how to use them, you can decide for yourself.”

The two sums of wealth that Minister Shen had given Qi Ying, he had already given entirely to Gu Juhan. That money couldn’t be withheld—otherwise, if the amount wasn’t enough to move Gu Juhan, everything that followed would be impossible. Under urgent circumstances, he had no opportunity to negotiate with Gu and could only seek stability, not allowing the slightest wavering or reservation.

What he was giving Shen Xiling now were things he had bought with his own money. He had people sell his private property in Jiangzuo and used that money to arrange properties for her in Shangjing. With some things in her hands, she at least wouldn’t be too passive. This little girl was prone to overthinking and even more prone to anxiety. He had to leave her with more things so she wouldn’t be too afraid.

He had already silently planned everything for her.

What is it like when a person reaches the extreme of sorrow? Are there still tears?

Shen Xiling didn’t know. She only felt she couldn’t even cry anymore. She had no strength, no reaction, holding what he gave her with vacant eyes, only one thought remaining in her mind—to ask him: “…Don’t you blame me?”

I made you suffer so much, and even your family resents you because of me… don’t you blame me?

Upon hearing this question, Qi Ying raised his eyebrows, seeming somewhat puzzled—he had endured so much because of her, yet he didn’t even know why he should blame her.

He truly thought for a while before understanding what she meant, then sighed and looked down at her, the emotion in his eyes profound beyond measure.

He said: “Between you and me, why speak of such things anymore?”

I have long placed you in the depths of my heart, seeing you as the only comfort and joy of this life—how could I blame you?

Shen Xiling understood what he wanted to say. They truly understood each other too well—just a few words, even just a glance or a breath, and they could understand each other completely.

Her heart was deeply shaken by this, and tears fell again as she said to him tremblingly: “I’m sorry, truly sorry…”

She leaned into his embrace again, repeatedly expressing her guilt to him. Qi Ying continued to comfort her and also said to her: “No need to apologize—you’ve done nothing wrong… Rather, it’s I who failed to keep my promise and let you down.”

Promise.

He was referring to his promise to take her away and marry her. Now not only had neither been fulfilled, but he had even forced her to marry far away to a stranger she had only met once—he had given her pointless hope and then let her down completely in the end.

He actually felt some regret.

He had long known their situation was fraught with difficulties. It was just that in the end, his greed and delusions made him lose correct judgment. He arrogantly thought he could control the situation, indulging in his infatuation with her, his vision so narrow he could only see the things in his own plans, yet failed to notice that while he was arranging the spring examinations and Northern Expedition affairs, killing intent had already tightly surrounded them.

Actually, he had harmed everyone—he hadn’t thought things through clearly.

If he could have arranged everything properly, or if he hadn’t compromised with his own desires initially, then perhaps Shen Xiling wouldn’t have suffered along with him—how much she had anticipated leaving together with him then, her eyes had been so bright, but now there was only deathly silence.

He had hurt her.

His guilt was so heavy, and this deep pain wounded Shen Xiling. She became agitated, tightly grasping Qi Ying’s sleeves and loudly refuting him: “You never let me down, and you’ve never wronged me in the slightest! Everything you gave me was the best—so good I wouldn’t have dared dream of it in this lifetime. How can you blame yourself?”

Shen Xiling’s heart ached violently.

He was actually blaming himself… He was clearly the one who was most pained and tired, clearly had already done his utmost to take care of everyone, yet he was still blaming himself.

He was almost crushing her heart.

Qi Ying could feel her pain, so he stopped saying those things and instead held her even tighter, whispering comfort in her ear: “Then let’s neither of us apologize anymore, all right?”

Shen Xiling couldn’t spare attention to answer him, still crying endlessly—not because she felt pain for herself, but because she truly loved this person too much. She loved him until her heart ached along with him, loved him until everything was beyond her control.

She really wanted to save him, to rescue him from endless fatigue and suffering, to give him what he truly wanted and yearned for.

She must save him.

At that time, her heart was breaking in the most fragile posture of her life, shattered beyond recognition, yet simultaneously piecing itself back together bit by bit in a completely different way from before—mixed with hatred for everyone except him, mixed with the deepest and heaviest contempt for herself, mixed with her treasuring and dismissal of all the past—reassembling itself into a shape no one could predict.

Even she herself didn’t know what it had become.

Author’s Note: Thank you angels for waiting for me, I’m back~