When Shen Xiling finally saw Qi Ying, a loquat fruit had just fallen from the tree in the courtyard, landing with a thud and splitting into pieces, releasing a faint fruity fragrance.

That day the light was clear and beautiful. April in the northern lands was always most pleasant, especially in the mountains near the capital. While “April on earth sees spring’s end,” here was precisely when spring flowers bloomed in full glory. The mountain courtyard was quite simple, yet with him sitting there, it became the most precious and tranquil place in the world, making one feel all worldly clamor fade away at first sight.

He was sitting on a long bench under the loquat tree reading, when that suddenly falling fruit seemed to startle him, making him look aside distractedly. When he raised his eyes, he saw Shen Xiling standing outside the courtyard’s wooden gate.

Actually, at that time there weren’t just the two of them in the courtyard. There was also Qing Zhu boiling water and brewing tea to one side, and Gu Juhan had come too – he was the one who brought Shen Xiling. Besides these, under this hidden barren mountain were countless Great Wei soldiers in armor bearing swords. Though they weren’t within everyone’s sight at the moment, they still guarded this seemingly ordinary mountain courtyard so tightly that not even air could pass through. If the wild rabbits and deer in the mountains were sentient, they could see this was a place of confinement.

Yet even with so many people around at that time, Shen Xiling, as always, could only see Qi Ying alone.

…He had grown thin.

Severely thin, and very pale.

He was still handsome, those phoenix eyes that haunted her dreams still as magnificent as in days past, only he differed somewhat from her memories. Perhaps it was the traces of time, or perhaps because he was truly too thin then, so much so that even the hand holding his book showed prominent bone joints.

He seemed not to have expected to see her at that moment. Indeed, compared to their five years of separation, this reunion came somewhat too abrupt and hasty, so even he was somewhat stunned, his gaze toward her somewhat vacant.

They just stared at each other silently across that thin wooden gate, both as if caught in a dream.

Only then did Qing Zhu notice her, greatly alarmed, so much that he accidentally knocked over the pot of boiling water, nearly scalding himself. That commotion awakened everyone, and Qi Ying also came to his senses. The brief vacancy in his eyes immediately disappeared, becoming calm and proper again, making one feel his distance.

He no longer looked at her, instead frowning as he looked toward Gu Juhan beside her.

At this time Shen Xiling seemed to hear Gu Juhan sigh. She couldn’t be certain, because her ears were roaring then, and her awareness wasn’t very sharp, only vaguely hearing Gu Juhan say to her: “Three hours from now, I’ll wait for you at the foot of the mountain.”

After saying this, he looked at her deeply once, then turned and left.

At this time, Qing Zhu in the courtyard looked somewhat at a loss, seeming unsure whether to go or stay.

Five years had changed him greatly too. For instance, though he was originally quite short, these years he had grown considerably taller – perhaps some men only grow tall after maturing. He was now half a head taller than Shen Xiling.

Only he also had many unchanged aspects, such as always listening to Young Master in everything – this hadn’t changed. Even though he knew he shouldn’t stay in the courtyard then, he made no move until Qi Ying gave him a signal. Only when he finally waved him away did he hastily gather his things and walk past Shen Xiling out of the courtyard gate.

So finally only the two of them remained.

Their solitude was truly long overdue, no longer like at the Censor’s mansion or below Zhemo Mountain, with all that noise and many mixed voices. Now there were only them, just like five years ago in Langya when she married.

Shen Xiling saw him slowly stand up, holding his book scroll loosely as he looked at her. She was very familiar with that pose – during those days when she studied with him as a child, he would often hold book scrolls and look at her like this, shedding much of his official dignity and appearing quite gentle. She had always liked this very much.

So she raised her hand to push that wooden gate, listening to its creaking sounds, then step by step walked toward him until she stood before him.

She saw him looking down at her, the distance between them very close. With just a reach she could touch him, with just one step forward she could throw herself into his arms as in days past.

But she didn’t do so. She only asked him: “…Are you well?”

Are you well?

What should be the first words when long-separated people meet again? Shen Xiling didn’t know, nor had she planned in advance. Perhaps because since parting from him originally, she had never truly harbored hope of seeing him again in her heart. Even when she repeatedly sought him out later, it was merely doing her human duty while leaving fate to heaven. In her heart she had long felt that people like them, who walked each step with difficulty, would have no good fortune to meet again in the end.

Yet now they had met again, and though she clearly had so much to say to him, in the end she only asked him such a dry question.

He had grown so thin, even looked as if he were ill… how could he be well?

However, he didn’t disdain her lack of eloquence. The April mountain wind stirred his sleeves, making him appear somewhat ethereal. He looked down at her and answered: “I am well.”

His voice was low and cold. Falling into her ears at this moment, it inevitably gave her more of an illusion of past and present lives.

She suddenly felt that the last time she spoke with him like this seemed like something from a previous lifetime.

No matter how desperately she tried to control herself, her eyes still moistened then. She tried hard not to let tears fall from her eyes, and said to him again: “…But you’ve grown very thin.”

Hearing this, he raised his eyebrows, then seemed to smile, looked at her again, paused before answering: “You’ve grown thin too.”

Tears swirled back and forth in Shen Xiling’s eyes.

His attitude toward her today was very good. He didn’t drive her away like that day at the tea gathering. When she asked something, he answered, and he wasn’t ignoring her either.

Yet she still felt very distant.

She didn’t know what she was sad about. Clearly she no longer had expectations for anything, nor had she thought they could achieve a good outcome between them. But when she discovered they had actually grown distant from each other, her heart began to ache convulsively.

That was the person who had once been closest to her, with whom she had shared joy and pain, and who had accompanied her through long years… yet now, they couldn’t even manage a proper conversation.

She really wanted to embrace him – without any other meaning, just to embrace him – yet she didn’t dare.

Was she too weak?

Or was it because she sensed his silent rejection?

Shen Xiling shook her head, casting aside all these distracting thoughts, then silently admonished herself in her heart not to be greedy – hadn’t you thought it through long ago? As long as he’s still alive, as long as he’s still safe, that’s already good enough.

You’ve been separated for five years; naturally everything will change. Did you still expect everything could be like the past?

Shen Xiling, don’t seek anything else anymore.

Thinking this way, her tearful mood dispersed, and she even felt somewhat self-reproachful. She cleverly turned her face aside, pretending to smooth her hair at her forehead, actually quickly wiping away the tears about to fall from her eyes. When she raised her head again, she could smile at him quite properly.

Her expression was appropriate, yet inevitably worried, as she looked at him and asked: “On Buddha Bathing Festival… what exactly happened? Why didn’t Young Master return to the envoy’s guest quarters, but was confined here instead?”

She began discussing the matter at hand.

Setting aside personal feelings, Shen Xiling immediately became serious. She appeared proper and reliable, at first glance no different from five years ago. But if one looked carefully, one could see the settledness and resilience in her eyes – the kind of gaze only someone with confidence in their heart would show.

She had grown up.

Not only was her appearance more mature and beautiful than before, but her character had also become more settled.

Qi Ying looked at her with complex emotions, vaguely showing some appreciation and relief, but more of it was helplessness.

He sighed and didn’t answer her question, only slightly furrowing his brow and saying: “You shouldn’t ask, and shouldn’t have come.”

Qi Ying had always been a cautious and serious person, especially when stern, he could easily make people fearful. But ever since their deep feelings a few years ago, Shen Xiling was no longer afraid of him. When acting coquettish, she had even called him a paper tiger.

Only she hadn’t expected five years to be so powerful, so easily wearing away the intimacy between them. She no longer felt she was his special case – his severity was equally effective on her.

Shen Xiling felt some panic because of that frown. She pressed her lips together and explained: “I, I won’t cause you trouble. I’m just… just worried about you…”

She became somewhat at a loss, as if worried he would scold her.

Five years ago she would never have had such thoughts, because then she knew he loved her most, and knew that no matter what she did, she wouldn’t be scolded by him. But now she no longer had such confidence.

He at this moment was so familiar yet strange.

Qi Ying seemed to sense her panic and could perceive the deeper meaning behind this panic, yet he didn’t speak to comfort her, only remained silent.

Silence was probably his most heartless treatment of her at this moment, because the meaning of silence was too complex – it could represent indifference or annoyance, very difficult to fathom.

Shen Xiling lowered her head, not knowing what more she should say.

Then he finally spoke.

“The past is settled; neither you nor I need linger over it,” his voice was cold and thin. “Since we’ve both lived well these past five years, there’s no need to look back and entangle ourselves going forward. After parting today, don’t come looking for me again. As for my affairs, don’t interfere anymore either.”

His words fell into Shen Xiling’s ears one by one, while making her already numb with pain heart continue withering piece by piece.

At that time she really wanted to tell him that she hadn’t lived well these past five years, not at all. Especially right after parting from him, she was so painful she almost wanted to die every day. How many nights she stayed awake till dawn, clutching tightly the scissors hidden under her pillow, thinking of just ending it all.

If she hadn’t been concerned about him, hoping to help and save him in the future, she definitely couldn’t have persisted.

But she absolutely didn’t want to tell him these words, nor did she want to appear clingy. Let him think she had lived well – this wasn’t important at all. What was important was him – as long as he had lived well, then she was already very satisfied.

She was truly very strong. Even hearing him say these words then, she didn’t cry in front of him. She still pretended to be very open-minded, even agreeing with him.

She knew what she should do most at this moment was turn and leave. Since she had already verified his safety, and he had clearly told her he didn’t want her to interfere in his current affairs, then she shouldn’t say more. Only she had truly paid a very, very high price to exchange for these three hours of facing him now. She was indeed somewhat reluctant to just turn and leave like this.

She wouldn’t strive for more, but these three hours… she still hoped not to waste them.

Shen Xiling steadied her spirits, then raised her head to look at him, smiling very calmly and appropriately, then pointed to the loquat tree in the courtyard and said: “This season is precisely the time for eating loquats. Would Young Master allow me to beg one fruit to eat? I’ll leave after eating it.”

Speaking of her form of address for him, it was also quite interesting. Though she still called him “Young Master” as in the past, the tenderness and coquettishness of intimate times was no longer there, so these two words also appeared proper and polite. They were like ordinary old friends, both open and clean with each other.

Qi Ying pondered for a moment, as if considering whether he should agree to her. He perhaps originally wanted to refuse, but for some unknown reason, he finally nodded.

That mountain courtyard was very simple, yet also appeared antique because of this. On the other side of the loquat tree were a low table and two cushions, probably used by Qing Zhu when brewing tea for him these past days. Qi Ying gestured toward that area, and Shen Xiling sat there with him. Along the way she picked two loquat fruits herself, and after sitting down, smiled as she offered one to him.

Author’s Note: Just when Jiangnan’s scenery is at its finest, meeting you again in the season of falling flowers.