She actually didn’t want to cry, but later she couldn’t hold back and cried anyway. She heard him sigh, then he began wiping her tears again, saying in a neither light nor heavy tone: “Getting more and more prone to crying.”

But Shen Xiling felt completely justified upon hearing this.

She wasn’t prone to crying at all – it was just that in front of him she somehow always became particularly sentimental. Perhaps it was because subconsciously she knew he would spoil her, so she didn’t need to hide or pretend to be strong.

Besides… it was clearly him saying all these moving things that made her cry. How could he turn around and blame her instead?

She deliberately cried, to anger him to death.

Days passed peacefully and smoothly like this. They didn’t seem to be under house arrest in a foreign land, but rather like they had gone into seclusion together, with a somewhat carefree and comfortable feeling.

Sometimes the two of them would sit together under the loquat tree for afternoon naps. When they woke, they could still see the lush mountain scenery filling their eyes. Once Shen Xiling couldn’t help but sigh and say to Qi Ying: “Do you think if we had really eloped back then, we would be living days just like this?”

She looked up at him with a smile: “Thinking about it this way, now isn’t actually too bad.”

This was a very philosophical outlook, but Qi Ying didn’t buy into it much. He closed his eyes again and said something quite vague that Shen Xiling didn’t catch clearly. When she asked again, he refused to say it, which quite frustrated her.

However, Shen Xiling had now adapted to his temperament – you couldn’t get anything out of him by asking. She knew that rather than getting angry with him, it was better to think of other ways to get what she wanted. She no longer hoped he would voluntarily tell her anything, but quietly began observing everything.

For instance, that Northern Wei soldier who came up the mountain daily to deliver things.

Earlier, Qing Zhu had told her that the same person came up the mountain every day to deliver things, which she found strange at the time. The Northern Wei people weren’t fools – sending the same person daily to contact those under house arrest, weren’t they afraid he’d be bribed? Unless he was deliberately arranged, serving as a small chess piece to facilitate communication between Qi Ying and the outside world.

She had always known that Great Liang’s Bureau of Military Affairs held tremendous power, especially under his governance. Among the many Wei court officials she dealt with in business, perhaps many were his subordinates. But she didn’t believe the Bureau’s power could extend directly this far. If they truly had such heaven-reaching abilities, how could they still be under house arrest? They would have escaped long ago.

This left only one possibility: someone was helping him.

Was it Gu Juhan? Did they have some secret agreement between them?

Or perhaps… someone in an even higher position than Gu Juhan.

What exactly was Qi Ying thinking? What was he waiting for? All agreements were merely exchanges of interests. This time, what was he using to trade with the Wei people?

A layer of mist hung before Shen Xiling’s eyes, and she still couldn’t part it, only vaguely seeing shadowy figures behind the fog.

In May, Qi Ying had another withdrawal episode.

It came on fiercely.

Shen Xiling had heard something about Five Stone Powder addiction before – anyone who touched this substance had to take it regularly, otherwise their whole body would ache as if being gnawed by insects and ants.

He was truly in great pain that day. When eating, he couldn’t even hold his chopsticks steady. The veins on the back of his hands all bulged out, and he was covered in cold sweat. He gasped in agony while she fearfully and painfully held him tightly, feeling his body burning frightfully hot with an extremely rapid heartbeat. For a moment she even thought… he would die like this the next second.

Yet even at that moment he was still comforting her. She could feel him desperately trying to hide his physical pain, forcibly pretending nothing was wrong, saying to her: “It’s alright, don’t be afraid…”

Speaking of it, Shen Xiling’s nature was somewhat peculiar. Normally when by his side she cried so easily, shedding tears over the smallest things, but when facing such serious matters she could hold back from crying, not even having the thought to cry.

She didn’t shed a single tear, and absolutely wouldn’t soften and let him take the powder. She just stayed by his side continuously, holding him tightly, saying over and over in his ear: “I’m not afraid, I’m right here…”

I’m right here.

I’ll always stay with you.

That fierce withdrawal episode lasted from day until night. When the pain finally began to fade bit by bit, his clothes were already soaked through with cold sweat.

He was extremely weak, yet still wouldn’t lean on her, insisting that she lean in his arms instead.

He also lifted her chin to examine her carefully. She knew he was confirming whether she had cried.

He was in such pain, yet still worried about whether she had cried.

Shen Xiling’s heart ached so much it was almost numb, but she really didn’t want him to have to distract himself to comfort her in such circumstances. So she just looked at him and smiled – a very beautiful smile that looked quite strong.

She leaned over to gently kiss him, asking softly: “Are you alright?”

At that moment he had his arm around her waist, though his hand had almost no strength, but he still nodded and said: “It’s nothing.”

This person always said this to her… whether he was injured, ill, or facing some dangerous situation, whenever she asked him, he would only tell her “it’s nothing,” “I’m fine,” “don’t worry.”

Shen Xiling actually knew he didn’t want her to see him in any disheveled state. He wasn’t the type to care about face, but having been in high positions too long, he was no longer accustomed to exposing his vulnerable side to others. Moreover, he seemed to always think she was fragile and needed protection, so he was even more unwilling to show his wounds before her.

When his withdrawal first started today, he had tried to drive her from the room. If she hadn’t stubbornly insisted on staying, he probably wouldn’t have compromised.

Shen Xiling understood his heart, so she would never say sympathetic or pitying words before him, or even show such expressions – she understood him well, so she would care for him in her own way, just as he cared for her.

She smiled at him, acted coquettish with him, subtly showing even more attachment to him than usual, and stayed by his side throughout, until he finally fell asleep from exhaustion. Only then did she silently leave the room.

She leaned against the door outside, sitting on the ground crying soundlessly.

Heaven knew how she had gotten through this day. She could empathize with his every bit of pain, could feel his suppression and struggle, yet she was helpless to assist him.

And as much as she hurt, her heart held equal amounts of hatred.

She hated those demons who forced him to become addicted to Five Stone Powder. How could they be so incompetent and shameless, both relying on his protection yet driving him to a dead end?

If one day the blade came into her hands, then she would definitely…

Shen Xiling’s hands secretly clenched tight.

Just then she heard footsteps. She turned to look – it was Qing Zhu approaching.

Ever since that day when Qi Ying took the powder and Shen Xiling questioned Qing Zhu outside the door, he seemed to deliberately avoid her. But Shen Xiling didn’t much care – firstly because during this period all her attention was on Qi Ying and she couldn’t spare even a bit to consider others, and secondly because she and Qing Zhu weren’t originally close. Without important matters, they rarely spoke to each other.

But today he came looking for her, tentatively walking to her side and sitting down about two steps away from her, then remaining silent for a long time.

He was truly quiet for quite a while before saying with some difficulty: “…I’m sorry.”

Shen Xiling knew he was apologizing for not preventing Qi Ying from taking the powder before.

Qing Zhu had been serving by Qi Ying’s side since he was a small child, sold through various hands to the Qi family by a human trafficker. He still remembered that trafficker being very fierce, constantly beating and scolding him and the other children around him. Before entering the Qi family gates, she had viciously warned them to behave well – if they offended the noble personages in this divine mansion, she would pull out their teeth and send them to beg on the streets.

He and the other children were all very afraid, thinking they were going to meet some blue-faced, fang-toothed monsters upon entering these gates. But unexpectedly, all the noble people of the Qi family were kind.

They were personally received by Yao Shi. That beautiful and kind lady was leaning against the soft cushions of the sitting bed in Jiaxi Hall, smilingly directing the maids beside her to distribute candy to them. The lady probably found his face pleasant, and at the time pointed to him saying: “Doesn’t Jingchen still lack a child to serve with brush and ink? This child looks quiet to me – he should get along well with him.”

He understood that he had good fortune and the opportunity to stay in this mansion. As long as he stayed, he wouldn’t have to return to the trafficker’s hands or have his teeth pulled out to become a beggar.

He was led to meet the Qi family’s Second Young Master.

That year, the Second Young Master of Qi hadn’t yet had his coming-of-age ceremony, but had already entered service as a Hanlin Academy Compiler. When this young master glanced at the small child the maid brought to his side and heard this was assigned by his mother to serve with brush and ink, he frowned and said: “He seems rather young.”

He was indeed quite small then, only twelve or thirteen years old. If the Second Young Master of Qi didn’t accept him, he would have to return to the trafficker to live a wandering life of beatings and scoldings.

He was tongue-tied, not knowing how to speak or plead properly, only continuously kowtowing to that young master on the ground. Perhaps he looked truly pitiful, as that young master sighed and said: “Forget it, let him stay.”

Just this light sentence changed his fate.

He had a stable place to live and a new name – Qing Zhu.

He always regarded the young master as his lifelong benefactor, grateful for that nod of the head. He had sworn to himself that he would serve his benefactor loyally for life, repaying his kindness.

But he hadn’t been able to prevent him from taking the powder.

It wasn’t that he hadn’t tried, but he was too accustomed to obeying the young master, and each time couldn’t bear to see him suffer from withdrawal.

What if he had been like Shen Xiling? What if he had risked his life to stop the young master?

Would… would the young master not have developed such a severe addiction?

He deeply blamed himself for this.

Shen Xiling naturally knew Qing Zhu had nothing to do with this matter. Qi Ying taking the powder was originally unavoidable – it wasn’t something a servant could prevent just by wanting to. But today Qi Ying had suffered such a fierce withdrawal episode that Shen Xiling’s mind was completely chaotic. She really couldn’t help but misdirect her anger, leading her to speak harshly to Qing Zhu.

“What use is apologizing to me?” Her eyes were still red. “He was in such pain, I even thought today that he would…”

I even thought… he would die in that pain.

She couldn’t continue.

Qing Zhu buried his head deeply, both hands digging into the earth.

But Shen Xiling didn’t want to say more. She took a deep breath, trying hard to calm her emotions, then stood up and entered the room.

Before closing the door, her final words were: “What exactly constitutes loyalty, how exactly to do good by him… we should both think carefully about this.”

She closed the door.

Author’s Note: Starting tomorrow we’ll move the plot forward~