When Qi Ying returned that evening, Yao Shi hadn’t left yet, so the three of them had dinner together in the flower hall.

It had been four days since the embarrassing incident, but this was Shen Xiling’s first time seeing Qi Ying. Even now, thinking about it still made her face flush red. Especially after her own later reflection, she was shocked to realize that when her emotions got the better of her that day, she had actually pushed him, actually told him to leave, and had even been so bold as to not answer his questions. Her audacity was so great it left even herself dumbfounded. Now seeing Qi Ying again, she felt even more unable to lift her head, so she kept her head down, not daring to look at him.

Both Qi Ying and Yao Shi noticed the little girl’s unusual behavior, but the former knew the reason while the latter thought it was because of moving courtyards.

Yao Shi thought to herself that Miss Fang was truly cautious and careful, and couldn’t help wondering if her own son had been too stern with the girl in private, making the little girl so afraid of him. So she took the initiative to mention arranging a new residence for Shen Xiling.

Shen Xiling kept her head down, hearing Qi Ying reply indifferently: “Mother considered it thoroughly. Let it be so.”

His voice falling in her ears made her think of that day when in his urgency he grabbed her wrist and called her “Wenwen.” For a moment, Shen Xiling didn’t know if she was thinking of his finger’s warmth or his voice, only feeling her heartbeat becoming increasingly tight.

After dinner, Yao Shi wanted to return to the main house. Qi Ying rose, saying: “I’ll see Mother off.”

“Where’s the need for you to see me off?” Yao Shi laughed. “The flower party preparations are still lacking. It’ll probably take another day or two to get everything ready. I’ll come again tomorrow.”

Qi Ying didn’t argue with his mother further, but turned to tell Shen Xiling: “I’ll see Mother down the mountain. You go wait for me in the study first.”

Shen Xiling nodded obediently.

Yao Shi shook her head and smiled, seeing this, she could only let Qi Ying escort her.

Going down the mountain, servants walked ahead carrying lanterns. Qi Ying supported Yao Shi down the mountain. As she walked, she said to him: “Don’t be too fierce with Wenwen either. She’s a girl, thin-skinned, not like your brothers who are thick-skinned and tough enough to withstand your cold stares and harsh treatment.”

Qi Ying sighed and said: “I really haven’t been.”

Yao Shi glared at him, snorted with laughter, and asked back: “How haven’t you? If you haven’t, why didn’t she dare lift her head to look at you all evening?”

Qi Ying was helpless. He couldn’t very well tell his mother what had happened a few days ago, so now he could only remain silent.

Yao Shi thought he was tacitly agreeing, so she continued lecturing her son with righteous indignation: “Since you personally said you’d take care of her, then do it properly. Don’t take care of her while being unhappy about it inside, giving her cold looks for no reason. She has no father or mother now, which is pitiful. You need to be more patient.”

Seeing Qi Ying not speaking, she pushed him and asked with furrowed brows: “Did you hear me?”

Among the mountain bamboo shadows and winding stone steps, Qi Ying silently sighed and answered: “I heard.”

Shen Xiling entered Wangshi and felt her way to the chair she usually sat in, sitting down quietly to wait for Qi Ying’s return.

A few days ago, General Han Shouye had caused a commotion here, leaving Wangshi in complete disarray. Now, several days later, the place was as tidy as before. Books on all four walls were still neatly arranged, and scrolls of documents on Qi Ying’s desk were still properly stacked, only the decorative porcelain vase had been replaced with a new one.

Seeing everything as it was, Shen Xiling felt very comforted in her heart. She really liked this place—she didn’t know why, she just really liked it. Sometimes at night when she passed by Wangshi’s door and saw the bright lamplight here, her heart would feel at peace.

This was her first time alone in Wangshi. With Qi Ying not here and no one else around, she could brazenly look around. After waiting for a while and seeing he still hadn’t returned, Shen Xiling guessed he had things to discuss with Yao Shi and might need more time, so she boldly felt her way to the bookshelf and began walking while examining the books.

The books on the shelf were both old and new. Shen Xiling glanced at them one by one and saw a particularly worn book whose binding was badly damaged, as if it had been read many, many times. She thought that might be a book Qi Ying liked. She was curious about everything about him. Seeing he still hadn’t returned, she secretly reached out to take that book from the shelf.

She eagerly opened the book, feeling as if she were prying into a secret about him, her heart beating especially tightly.

Opening the volume, she saw it was a collection of works by a predecessor. The author called himself Lord Baopu, apparently a former official who later resigned and retreated to the mountains and forests. This collection was written after his retreat, mostly about countryside anecdotes and rural pleasures.

Shen Xiling opened the collection and found this book not only showed traces of frequent reading, but even had many annotations by its owner in the margins. There was one piece about Lord Baopu entering the mountains to find a spring, sleeping by the water during the day, then being awakened from his daydream by splashing water from leaping fish—a humorous little essay—with a line of writing beside it.

“Though I cannot reach it, my heart yearns for it.”

The writing was bold and confident, like a sharp blade cutting, measured yet flowing, not lacking in elegant character.

She naturally recognized it—that was Qi Ying’s handwriting.

Shen Xiling was sensitive by nature. Others seeing such a line might not think anything of it, just considering it an ordinary annotation, but she suddenly felt something stirring and amazingly parsed out many, many meanings from it.

Second Young Master Qi was famous throughout Jiangzuo. She had heard his legendary stories since childhood. Later, through fortunate circumstances, he took her in. Though she couldn’t say she understood him deeply, at least meeting was better than just hearing about him—she knew more than others. But she still didn’t understand what kind of world he faced. She only thought he was capable: he was busy every day, young yet holding high position and receiving people’s respect, seeming able to handle everything well.

She had always thought he was like a fish in water—high official salary, parents still living, brothers as friends and younger brothers respectful. She thought everything went smoothly for him.

But this line of writing seemed to suddenly awaken her, making her suddenly realize: that person was very tired.

Shen Xiling turned to look at his desk, where high thick stacks of official documents were piled. No matter when she entered Wangshi, there were always very high, thick case files piled there. No matter how long he worked through them, new case files would soon be delivered again, refilling the empty space on the desk. Each scroll behind might involve a complex troublesome lawsuit, might even entangle conspiracies that could bring disaster to the country. And he would sit at the desk from early morning to late night, reading through them one by one, then handling them one by one, over and over again.

…How could she have ever thought everything went smoothly for him?

He was very tired.

Shen Xiling suddenly thought of her father again, remembering the weariness between his brows and at the corners of his eyes every time he first returned home. Though he would gradually recover after staying home for a few days, the first day back he always looked particularly heavy.

Thinking back now, perhaps father was like Qi Ying—they both held high positions, both had to handle countless troublesome matters. While father could still return to her mother’s side for temporary comfort, Shen Xiling had never seen Qi Ying rest.

He was always tired, never having a moment’s respite.

Actually, she should have noticed long ago. Many things had shown signs early on—for instance, he named his study “Wangshi” (Forgetting Room)—what did he want to forget? Forget those mundane affairs entangling him? Or forget the mountain forests and streams his heart yearned for?

So obvious, yet she had never noticed, only knowing to depend on him… He was already so tired, yet still had to worry about her affairs. For example, when he returned from Nanling this time, he couldn’t even rest after traveling for days, but upon returning had to comfort her and apply medicine to her wounds. And she only knew to depend on him, snuggle beside him telling her grievances, and finally even occupied his bed.

Not only couldn’t she help him, she was even adding to his troubles.

Thinking of this, Shen Xiling’s heart filled with even more self-reproach and guilt. Just then she heard sounds at the door, turned around just as Qi Ying stepped through the entrance.

Their gazes met. Qi Ying saw the little girl looking at him with an expression he couldn’t quite describe, her beautiful eyes rippling with light. He didn’t know if she had been crying, feeling quite troubled in his heart. He walked closer and asked: “What’s wrong?”

Shen Xiling looked up at him. Not wanting to make him spend more time coaxing her, she immediately collected her emotions and quickly shoved the book in her hand back to its original position, looking up to answer: “I took the liberty of reading your book just now. There was one part written extremely well that moved me deeply—I won’t touch your things without permission again.”

Her movement of replacing the book had been very quick, and Qi Ying’s position blocked the light, so for a moment he couldn’t see clearly which book she had put back. So he believed her. He paid it no mind, turned to sit behind his desk, saying: “No matter. From now on, you can read any of the books here without asking me.”

Hearing this, Shen Xiling was stunned. Before she could react, she saw him point to the seat she usually occupied after sitting down, saying: “Sit.”

Shen Xiling responded and went to sit down.

After she was seated, Qi Ying said: “I have a general understanding of family matters. Master Wang likes you and feels injustice for you. Though he’ll still teach at the Qi family in the future, he’s determined not to accept female students anymore.”

Hearing this, Shen Xiling was very surprised.

Master Wang… Though she could sense the master had intentions of guiding her, she hadn’t expected him to go this far. Her heart was both surprised and grateful, not knowing what to say for a moment. Then she heard Qi Ying continue: “Master says you’re quiet and good material for studying—what about you? Do you still like reading?”

Shen Xiling thought for a moment, looked at him and answered: “…I like it.”

Qi Ying nodded and said: “Family circumstances are complex, and you’re not suitable to return there. From now on, stay at Fenghe Garden. I’ll teach you myself.”

Shen Xiling’s emotions from earlier hadn’t completely settled. Now hearing him say this, she only felt she was adding even more trouble for him, making him even more tired. Her heart became increasingly anxious, and she silently lowered her head.

Seeing her not speaking, Qi Ying thought she didn’t like this arrangement and worried she was still bothered by the embarrassing incident from a few days ago. After a moment of silence, he said carefully: “If having me teach you makes you feel inconvenient, we could also…”

Before he finished speaking, Shen Xiling looked up and interrupted urgently: “No, there’s no inconvenience. I just—”

She stopped, seeming not to know how to say it. Qi Ying raised his eyebrows and asked: “Just what?”

Shen Xiling lowered her head again.

“I just,” her voice grew smaller and smaller, “I just fear you’ll be very tired…”

I just fear you’ll be even more tired because of me.

I just don’t want to make you feel tired at all.

The last two sentences she naturally didn’t voice, but Qi Ying gradually discerned that the indescribable emotion in her eyes was guilt, and also…

…heartache?

That was an expression that made Qi Ying feel very strange. He had almost never seen it in others’ eyes. Now seeing it in the eyes of a little girl under his protection, for a moment it made him smile.

Recently he had seen many emotions in others’ eyes—respect in Xu Zhengning’s eyes, fear in Jiang Yong’s eyes, panic in Pei Jian’s eyes, praise in his father’s eyes, pretense in His Majesty’s eyes, flattery in countless colleagues’ eyes… Only, he had never seen the emotion now in Shen Xiling’s eyes.

He found it somewhat amusing, and also somewhat… touching.

It was just a moment’s thing—a moment when she revealed herself, a moment when he understood, a moment when something mysterious was planted. Afterward, no one could explain it clearly.

Qi Ying was briefly distracted, then began investigating why Shen Xiling was like this. Being so intelligent, he immediately connected it to her hurried action of shoving the book back onto the shelf, then glancing at where she had been standing, he could easily guess what she had seen.

His heart then slowly became entirely soft.

“Wenwen.”

Hearing him call her, Shen Xiling looked up at him and saw his features gentler than ever before, with light, shallow smile, as if the heavy snow in Jiankang City from recent days had melted into spring rain falling down, warm and generous.

He said to her: “I won’t be as devoted as Master Wang was in teaching you all. I’ll just tell you what books to read when, tell you how to read them, occasionally test you—that’s all, so it won’t be very tiring.”

His tone seemed to be comforting her. Then he paused, the smile faded, and his expression suddenly became stern: “Of course I won’t hit your hand with a board either. If you don’t learn well, I’ll just not want to teach you anymore and let you waste away on your own.”

The words “waste away” carried heavy weight. Hearing this, Shen Xiling didn’t know for a moment whether she was more afraid of him being tired or more afraid of him abandoning her, so again she didn’t know what to say. While hesitating, she saw him stand up and walk toward her. She also stood up, watching as he stood before her, looking down to say: “Now is not the time for you to consider others. You just need to think about what you need, what would make your future better. After thinking it through, ask me for it; I’ll give it to you, you accept it—that would be very good.”

Shen Xiling frowned and asked: “Then you won’t be tired?”

Qi Ying thought for a moment, his features becoming gentle again as he answered: “This way, I’ll be tired in a more worthwhile way.”

He spoke very directly, making Shen Xiling suddenly understand something in that moment.

Right now she was like a lotus seed that had just sunk into mud, not even having grown roots and stems yet, but thinking about things that weren’t her turn to think about. She didn’t want him to be tired—only if she herself grew up, growing broad, sturdy lotus leaves, would she no longer trouble him with worry, and might even be able to shield him from wind and rain.

And that day—she didn’t yet know when it would come.

Seeing the little girl seemed to have calmed down somewhat, with a hint of relaxation showing in her eyes, Qi Ying looked her over and said: “There’s another matter I’d like to discuss with you.”

Shen Xiling blinked, not knowing why he would use such serious wording as “discuss,” feeling somewhat nervous as she looked at him and said: “…Please speak, Young Master.”

Qi Ying saw her nervousness but still maintained a proper expression as he said to her: “I may be serious by nature, and sometimes not necessarily attentive to details, but I would never treat you harshly. If you have anything on your mind, you can speak directly to me without testing or cowering; what you don’t want to say, I won’t ask—don’t let your imagination run wild.”

Shen Xiling didn’t know if this counted as criticism, but she could hear clear caring in his words, so her heart still felt warm.

So she obediently looked at him and nodded.

“Don’t just nod,” Qi Ying sighed. “Actually do it.”

His helpless tone made Shen Xiling couldn’t help but laugh, and she unconsciously said to him with a bit of coquettishness: “I know.”

Seeing the little girl smile with charming, innocent features, Qi Ying’s tone became more relaxed as he said: “The ancients said ‘where this heart finds peace is my homeland’—calm your heart. From now on, this will be your home.”

Home.

This word had become vast and empty on that snowy night when her father left. Now under this man’s gentle gaze it became real again, becoming the different flowers and trees of Fenghe Garden through the four seasons, becoming the candles burning late into the night in Wangshi, becoming the clear moon and gentle breeze in that man’s eyes, causing Shen Xiling’s heart to fall into complete, silent stillness.

She looked at him and nodded again.

Author’s Note:

She will also be someone who understands him well.