1
In the autumn of the seventh year of Chuxi, a torrential rain fell.
Zhao Yue entered the palace that night. Before he went in, he had already taken a potion to feign death. When he awoke, he found himself outside the palace, with Gu Chusheng standing by the coffin. Looking at him, Gu Chusheng spoke in a hoarse voice, “Your Highness, the Eldest Princess has arranged everything. The substitute is dead. From now on, you will stay in the Eldest Princess’s residence and follow her arrangements.”
Zhao Yue remained silent, quietly observing Gu Chusheng. Gu Chusheng’s hand trembled slightly as he gripped the coffin. Although he was only fifteen, he appeared remarkably composed. Zhao Yue sat up from the coffin, cleared his dry throat, and asked, “Where is your father?”
“Father… has passed away.”
Zhao Yue was not surprised by this. Gu Chusheng had sacrificed him and his father, Gu Daren, to gain the trust of Emperor Chunyuan, and then had him executed in front of the emperor to eliminate any suspicion. Gu Chusheng’s father had long been exposed; there was no way he could escape death.
Zhao Yue fell into silence. Gu Chusheng took a step back and bowed, saying, “Your Highness, please hurry.”
Zhao Yue nodded. With the help of a nearby guard, he stood up and looked around. The area was filled with corpses; it was a mass grave. Among the bodies, he recognized some faces. His expression shifted slightly, and after a moment, he turned to Gu Chusheng and calmly asked, “Who am I from now on?”
“You are the Eldest Princess’s consort.”
“What is my name?”
“You must wait for the Eldest Princess to bestow a name upon you.”
“Where are you going?”
“I will soon set off for Kunyang.”
“Gu Chusheng,” he said, his expression calm as he glanced back at the corpses on the hillside, “I want to ask you a question.”
“Please, go ahead.”
“Was this matter arranged by the Eldest Princess?”
Gu Chusheng was taken aback for a moment, then nodded, “Yes.”
Zhao Yue said nothing, and after a moment, he began to laugh softly.
“Good,” he nodded, smiling as he said, “I will give this life to her.”
Even though Gu Chusheng had a clever mind, at fifteen, he still did not understand what Zhao Yue meant at that moment. It was only in the end that he realized when Zhao Yue said he would give his life to her, he truly meant it.
2
Zhao Yue was originally the heir of the King of Qin.
When the Great Chu was first established, Emperor Zhao Hui and Li Rong were sworn brothers. Together, they pacified the world, with the Zhao clan as the ruling family and the Li clan as the support. However, all military power ultimately belonged to the Li clan.
Zhao Yue’s mother was an adopted daughter of the Li family. She was gentle and humble, and from the time Zhao Yue could remember, his mother had always told him that all the evildoers in the world had their reasons, and one must learn to forgive evil and protect the good.
As a child, he did not understand this; he simply followed his mother, learning everything she did.
At that time, the King of Qin’s residence was rife with conflict. His mother only knew how to endure. The Li family was powerful, and his father seemed to have suffered some grievances, which he vented on Zhao Yue and his mother. His mother did not want to worsen the relationship between their family and the King of Qin, so she never spoke much to others.
He remembered one time when his younger brother pushed him into the water.
He flailed in the water, hearing everyone around him laugh.
He felt the despair of water flooding into his nose and the terror of nearly drowning, until finally, his mother pulled him out of the lake. Grasping her hand, he coughed and trembled, raising a finger to point at his brother, whose name he could not even remember, and said, “He wants to kill me…”
His mother was taken aback. Clutching her sleeve, he rasped, “Mother, he wants to kill me! You must punish him!”
His mother remained silent, and the two of them were surrounded by onlookers, like two pitiful yet docile dogs, clearly possessing sharp teeth but lacking any power to harm.
He had never felt such rage and injustice. Gripping his mother’s sleeve, he raised his voice, shouting, “Mother! He wants to kill me! Do you understand?! He wants to kill me!”
His mother still did not understand. He pushed her away, struggling to confront the boy who had pushed him into the water. However, his mother hugged him tightly, her voice hoarse as she said, “Yue’er, let it go. He’s still young and doesn’t understand.”
Zhao Yue was momentarily stunned, incredulous as he turned back.
He wanted to ask, what does it mean to not understand?
He was only seven years old; why was he not considered young? Why was he expected to understand?
The grievances overwhelmed him, but he did not comprehend their origin. He simply cried and struggled, while his mother held him tightly until a clear, youthful voice rang out, “Oh, what’s going on here?”
Everyone was taken aback. A quick-reacting maid hurriedly knelt and exclaimed, “We greet the County Princess. May the County Princess be well.”
Then Zhao Yue saw a girl adorned with flowers, dressed splendidly, walking gracefully from behind the garden, holding a riding whip.
She was strikingly beautiful, radiating brightness. Although she was only twelve or thirteen years old, one could already see the brilliance she would possess in the future.
Her phoenix eyes swept over the crowd and landed on Zhao Yue with a smile.
“What happened?” she asked.
As the maid was about to speak, the girl pointed her whip at Zhao Yue, saying, “I want him to speak.”
“Chunhua…” his mother said helplessly from behind, “Don’t make a fuss.”
“Rui Jie, don’t say too much. Your nature is such that if you say a few more words, my ears will hurt.”
Saying this, her gaze fell on Zhao Yue, and she smiled, “Come, tell me what happened.”
“He just pushed me into the water,” Zhao Yue said, shaking off his mother’s grasp and stepping toward the girl, angered, “I heard them laughing at me. None of them came to save me. I am the heir of the King of Qin, and my mother is the princess, yet no one came to save me, only my mother…”
Although his words were fragmented and disjointed, they were enough for others to understand what he had experienced. The girl’s expression grew colder, and when he finished speaking, she suddenly rushed forward, catching everyone off guard, and kicked his smug brother into the lake.
“Who do you think you are to treat someone from the Li family like this?!”
The girl shouted angrily, and amidst the gasps of the crowd, she commanded the servants to kick the others who had laughed at Zhao Yue into the water one by one.
“A bunch of servants who dare not save their master when they see him are simply asking for death!”
As she scolded and struck, Zhao Yue watched in astonishment. When it was over, the girl turned to Zhao Yue and his mother, smiling brightly.
“Sister,” she said, still fiery but maintaining her smile, “Father sent me to see if you are doing well. He said if you are not, you might as well come home with us.”
“I…” Zhao Yue’s mother said slowly, “I am doing well…”
Zhao Yue said nothing, gripping his mother’s sleeve tightly. Li Chunhua smiled, “Really?”
“Really.”
“Good.” Li Chunhua nodded, looking at Zhao Yue, she said with a smile, “And you? Are you doing well?”
Zhao Yue pressed his lips together. Li Chunhua squatted down, “Yue’er,” her voice gentle, “I am your little aunt. If you are not doing well, I will take you away.”
“I…”
“He is doing well too. The prince treats us…”
His mother hurriedly interjected, but Zhao Yue looked into Li Chunhua’s eyes and saw light and hope. Unable to resist, he said, “I want to go with you.”
At this, everyone was stunned. However, after saying it, he never regretted it. He stepped forward, gripping her sleeve tightly, looking up at her, and gritted his teeth, “Little Aunt, take me away.”
3
And so she took him away.
At that time, the Li family was already in a position of great power in the court. As a young heir entering the capital and staying with the Li family, no one dared to say anything.
He was somewhat timid then, unfamiliar with anyone, only following Li Chunhua. Whatever she said, he listened.
Thus, he learned that his mother was an adopted daughter of the Li family, that the girl teaching Li Chunhua was her little aunt, and that he had a family that no one could bully him.
He was afraid of the dark, and Li Chunhua stayed in his room every day, telling him stories until he fell asleep before leaving.
One time he asked, “Little Aunt, when I grow up, will you stop accompanying me at night?”
Li Chunhua nodded, “Yes.”
“If you don’t accompany me, what will I do?”
Hearing this, Li Chunhua laughed, “If I don’t accompany you, you will have a wife.”
“If I have a wife, will you not accompany me anymore?”
“Exactly.”
“Then I don’t want a wife.” He said seriously, “I only want you, Little Aunt.”
Upon hearing this, Li Chunhua laughed at him. Her expression softened as she said, “You sleep now. As long as you are always this good, I will always be with you.”
“What does it mean to be good?”
Li Chunhua thought for a moment, “To be a kind person?”
As she spoke, she smiled, “To love all living beings, to protect the country and family as a man, and to never forget your original heart. That is probably what it means to be good.”
Her words were profound, and she thought Zhao Yue would not understand. However, Zhao Yue had already grasped their meaning.
He engraved Li Chunhua’s words in his heart, listening to her and learning to be the person she liked.
She was merely a glimmer of light, yet it was enough to illuminate his life.
4
He stayed with the Li family for six years, transforming from a child into a graceful young man.
He was gentle and had a good reputation in the capital. At that time, the emperor finally grew dissatisfied with the Li family and began to suppress them at every turn. Although he was only fourteen, he was sensitive enough to these matters and began to worry for the Li family.
Meanwhile, Li Chunhua still appeared oblivious. Seeing Zhao Yue troubled, she would playfully tell him, “What are you afraid of? If the sky falls, your little aunt will hold it up for you.”
He smiled shyly but said nothing.
However, the situation took a sharp turn. That year, during a palace banquet, he attended with Li Chunhua. Throughout the banquet, the Zhao family humiliated the Li family in their conversations. He remained composed, and Li Chunhua did not say much either until the emperor left the table and everyone began to disperse. Someone drunkenly stumbled over to him.
The person was drunk and kicked him without warning. Everyone present was stunned. Zhao Yue looked up and recognized him; it was Zhao Shu, the brother who had pushed him into the lake years ago. Now, his mother was favored and wielding power in the King of Qin’s residence. If it weren’t for his stay with the Li family, they might have already fallen apart, and perhaps he would have been the heir of the King of Qin.
He did not dare to retaliate, fully aware that he could not cause trouble for the Li family now. Zhao Shu recognized him and, with a few friends, pretended to be mad with drink, punching and kicking him. The onlookers tried to intervene, but no one could stop them. Just then, he heard a loud shout and saw Li Chunhua rushing through the crowd, smashing a wine bottle over Zhao Shu’s head. She stood in front of him like a little leopard, reeking of alcohol, and shouted, “What are you doing? Do you think you can just hit anyone? The heir of the King of Qin is not someone you can mess with!”
“What are you?” Zhao Shu shouted angrily. “How dare you speak to me like that? Hit him! Beat him!”
The scene quickly descended into chaos. She was pushed to the ground, and for the first time in his life, he felt such rage. He sprang to his feet, but she suddenly pulled him down, pinning him beneath her.
“Don’t move,” she whispered, gritting her teeth. “You can’t move.”
He was momentarily stunned. He felt his fists hitting her, thinking of how this delicate girl, who usually cried out in pain from the slightest bump, must be in so much pain at this moment.
But he understood her intention.
She had hit Zhao Shu, and the emperor would surely use this incident against her. If Zhao Shu hit her, the emperor would have no reason to pursue the matter.
He clenched his fists, suddenly filled with hatred—hatred for himself, for lacking power and ability, for not being able to protect her.
His eyes reddened as he gritted his teeth.
The commotion ended quickly. On the way back, he applied medicine to her wounds, listening as she boasted, “Did you see how cool I was when I hit him? Wasn’t it impressive?”
He said nothing.
After a long while, he suddenly said, “Isn’t it reversed?”
Li Chunhua was taken aback. Zhao Yue looked up, trembling all over, and said, “Little Aunt, I can’t hold it in anymore. I…”
“Don’t speak.”
Li Chunhua raised her hand to cover his mouth, looking at him gently, her voice soft, “Yue’er, don’t speak. This is not something a child should think about.”
“I’m not a child anymore.”
He stared at her, “I’m thirteen.”
Li Chunhua was momentarily stunned.
After a moment, she smiled.
“Yue’er, in the eyes of elders, you will never grow up.”
Zhao Yue said nothing. For the rest of his life, he would come to loathe that statement.
5
The emperor indeed did not pursue the matter, but if he wanted to find fault, he would always find a way.
Not long after, the emperor sent him back to the King of Qin’s residence under the pretext of “not adhering to protocol.”
The King of Qin’s residence was a thousand miles away from Huajing. When Zhao Yue received this news, he was stunned. He rushed to find Li Chunhua, but she did not see him. He pounded on her door desperately, saying, “Little Aunt, think of a way! I can’t leave! I don’t want to go…”
“Yue’er,” her voice came from behind the door, sounding weary, “You must go back. You are the heir of the King of Qin; you will eventually have to return.”
He stood frozen in place. After a long while, he slowly asked, “When I go back, when will you come to pick me up, Little Aunt?”
Li Chunhua did not respond.
Zhao Yue began to speak to himself, “I know, it’s a difficult time. Little Aunt, I will wait for you. I will wait for you to come and get me.”
Saying this, he forced a smile, “Little Aunt, I will set off now. I won’t make it difficult for you. I will go back right away.”
Li Chunhua remained silent. Once Zhao Yue’s voice faded away, she suddenly broke down in tears.
That day, Zhao Yue returned to the King of Qin’s residence. Upon his return, he was taken to a dilapidated room. Once inside, he realized it reeked of medicine. His mother lay on the bed, having been ill for a long time.
He sat beside her, looking at his mother on the sick bed.
She smiled weakly and said, “You’re back?”
“Mm,” he replied calmly, “Little Aunt told me to come back. She said she would come to get us after a while.”
His mother could hardly hear him anymore. She lay in bed, nodding repeatedly, “As long as you’re back, that’s good. That’s good.”
From that day on, he began to take good care of his mother. Every day, he would mark a line on the wall, representing a day that had passed, waiting for Li Chunhua to come for another day.
The King of Qin did not favor them; they were treated worse than servants in the residence. He planted vegetables in the courtyard to barely get by, but they were often destroyed by others.
Being beaten was a daily occurrence. Fortunately, a few brothers would, after beating him, listen to his flattery and “show mercy” by giving him a bit of silver, allowing him to buy some food.
He understood this tactic; it was a way to beat him with a stick and then give him a sweet date, intending to ruin him.
Not physically, but mentally.
They tried to cripple this heir of the King of Qin, turning him into a figure of ridicule in the future. Thus, they were keen on humiliating him, breaking him down mentally, forcing him to kneel and serve them, or constantly admitting that he was a useless coward. This was all commonplace, and even worse things happened.
He tried hard to gather news about Li Chunhua, but there was little information.
Until one day, Zhao Shu returned from the capital. He seemed to be in a bad mood and stormed into Zhao Yue’s room, smashing things around before dragging his mother off the bed and beating her in front of him.
“You Li family are all worthless! Do you think you’re something special just because you’ve climbed up the social ladder? You dare to cause me trouble?!”
“Bitch!” Zhao Shu shouted as he hit her, “That bitch Li Chunhua!”
This was the first time he heard Li Chunhua’s name again since returning to the King of Qin’s residence.
Amidst the pain of being beaten, he wanted to ask Zhao Shu what had happened to her and how she was doing.
But he had no time; he could only protect his mother until Zhao Shu had his fill and left with his men.
His body ached all over as he looked at his mother, who had fainted. He finally felt fear.
He rushed out, calling for help, needing a doctor. He had to find a doctor.
But there was no one, not a single person.
Everyone refused him, even laughing as they said, “Your Highness, Madam Yu said the lady is not ill and does not need a doctor.”
He finally fell into despair. Returning to the room, he looked at his mother, who was gasping for breath. He knew clearly that if he didn’t find a doctor, she would surely die here.
He gritted his teeth and finally carried his mother on his back, sneaking out of the King of Qin’s residence through a dog hole he had spotted earlier, taking advantage of the deep night.
It was winter, and he had only a few copper coins, dressed in thin clothes, shivering from the cold.
He went to a medical clinic, but everyone demanded an advance payment for the consultation.
He had none, and no matter how he pleaded, he was thrown out time and again.
That day was very cold, and he felt his mother’s body growing colder.
He begged the people, and finally, just before dawn, he heard his mother say, “Yue’er… I want to go home.”
As she spoke, she opened her eyes. At that moment, heavy snow was falling, and her gaze was filled with nostalgia.
She said, “Yue’er, take me back to Huajing. I want to go home.”
6
So he carried her home.
The fourteen-year-old boy had forgotten how long he had been walking.
He only remembered begging along the streets, with very few people giving him money. He picked up scraps of food instead. He did not rob, steal, or do anything bad because he remembered Li Chunhua saying she liked him to be good.
He had to be a good person.
The winter was cold, so his mother’s body did not quickly rot and stink.
He carried that stiff body for a long, long time, finally arriving in Huajing.
Then he came to the Li residence and knocked on the door.
The Li residence was brightly lit, and he did not know what the joyous occasion was until he saw Li Chunhua trying on her wedding gown.
At that moment, he was filthy and in a pitiful state. Li Chunhua stood in front of the bronze mirror, wearing her wedding dress, looking somewhat tired as she said, “I will arrange for someone to give your mother a proper burial. You should wash up well, and tomorrow I will have someone send you back.”
He said nothing, just quietly looked at Li Chunhua.
His mind was a bit muddled, and after a long while, he finally asked, “You’re getting married?”
“Mm.”
“Who are you marrying?”
“Xue Hanmei.”
“Why?”
Zhao Yue asked a bit anxiously. Li Chunhua did not respond. Zhao Yue pressed on, “Are you marrying him to ally with the Xue family? Are you planning something? You could use other means; the Xue family will stand with the Li family now, even if you don’t marry him…”
“I like him.”
Li Chunhua suddenly spoke, leaving Zhao Yue stunned. She forced a smile and said, “Yue’er, don’t think too much. I’m marrying him because I like him. I will be very happy.”
“Then…” Zhao Yue felt a bit dazed and instinctively asked, “What about me?”
“You?” Li Chunhua looked a bit confused. Zhao Yue murmured, “You said that if I was good, you would stay with me for a lifetime…”
“Childish talk,” Li Chunhua laughed. “I will eventually get married. How could I stay with you for a lifetime?”
Zhao Yue fell silent, his mind spinning.
He wanted to stop her, to make her pause. Looking at her bright red wedding dress, he realized she was getting married, that she was leaving him for another man. He felt a surge of jealousy that nearly drove him mad.
He trembled all over, and something suddenly became clear in his heart.
“If…” he said, his voice shaking, “If… I marry you?”
“Yue’er,” Li Chunhua frowned, “Don’t say such childish things.”
“If I marry you, then you wouldn’t have to marry someone else, wouldn’t leave me, and could stay with me forever, only loving me and caring for me?!”
“Zhao Yue!”
Li Chunhua shouted angrily, “What nonsense are you talking about?!”
“I’m talking nonsense?” Zhao Yue laughed, “How am I talking nonsense? You’re marrying Xue Hanmei today, isn’t it because you value his family’s power? If I also had power and could give you the world, would you marry me then?”
“Zhao Yue!”
“You’re like this… you’re like this…” Zhao Yue’s tears fell, “What’s the difference between you and a courtesan?!”
“So what?!” Li Chunhua finally couldn’t hold back, shouting in anger, “What can I do? Or what can you do?! You’re right; I’m no different from a courtesan. Whoever can pay the price can have me. You’re the same, but can you afford it?”
Li Chunhua walked over, and Zhao Yue was stunned. He stared at her, watching her with tears in her eyes, “I have already chosen the best path I can take. I’m walking the best road I can, Zhao Yue. If you can’t give me power, don’t block my way. You have nothing; you’re just a child who needs protection and companionship. Why do you want to marry me? Because I’m leaving to become someone else’s wife and can no longer protect you. So you’re afraid. But why should I protect you for a lifetime?!”
Li Chunhua raised her voice, clutching her chest tightly, and shouted, “I will also be afraid, hurt, anxious, and desperate. Why should I take care of you for a lifetime?!”
“I don’t…”
“What do you have? What do you understand? You’re a boy who can’t even protect his mother, talking to me about marriage?!”
Li Chunhua mocked, tilting her head back to hold back her tears. “Go back. Don’t say such things.”
Zhao Yue stood there in a daze, looking at the girl before him, feeling that something was wrong.
After a long time, he finally said, “If I could give you power… would that keep you with me?”
Li Chunhua turned her back to him, stopping in her tracks. Zhao Yue murmured, “If I had power, wouldn’t my mother not have to die?”
As he spoke, Zhao Yue leaned against the wall, supporting himself, and straightened up, “I have nothing left now. In this life, I only have you and my mother. If my mother dies, I will lose you too… Little Aunt, what should I do?”
“Go back.”
Li Chunhua choked out, “You go back and wait. I will think of a way.”
Saying this, she closed her eyes, “If the sky falls, it’s not for you juniors to hold it up.”
Zhao Yue said nothing. After a long while, he smiled.
“You won’t come to get me, will you?”
Li Chunhua did not respond. Zhao Yue closed his eyes, “I know, I know.”
“Little Aunt,” he said hoarsely, “In this life, I will no longer wait for you to come and get me.”
“I know I won’t wait for you, and you won’t come back.”
“I will walk my path, and I will keep my people. Little Aunt,” he opened his eyes and smiled gently, “Goodbye.”
After saying this, he turned and walked out.
That night, he cleaned himself up. The next day, he found a burial site for his mother and then returned to the King of Qin’s residence.
Upon returning to the residence, he went straight to the King of Qin. Kneeling on the ground, before the other could kick him, he said his first words—
“Father, the Li family is about to rebel. The King of Qin’s residence must prepare early.”
7
Once a window has a hole, it will soon be completely broken.
From that phrase, “The Li family is about to rebel,” he began to plan, helping the King of Qin completely avoid the Li family’s treachery, becoming the only survivor of the Zhao family, living far away in Dezhou.
He connected with loyal old ministers to the Zhao family in the court, bribed important officials to restrain the relationship between the court and the King of Qin’s residence, and secretly developed, recruiting soldiers and placing spies in various locations…
He caused the death of Xue Hanmei and made contact with the Beidi…
Finally, he launched a military campaign against the rebellion, but due to the King of Qin’s arrogance, he fell into a trap set by the Wei family and was captured.
He thought he was going to die.
But unexpectedly, he survived.
Kneeling in the Eldest Princess’s residence, he watched as a woman dressed in golden silk garments walked gracefully from behind the room.
Then she sat on the ground and looked up at him.
Her expression was weary and hollow, no longer the bright youth she once was. He wore a gentle and composed smile, but he had also lost his innocence.
She glanced at him and said lightly, “From now on, you will be called Mei Huanxue.”
Zhao Yue smiled at her, “After all these years, Little Aunt still remembers Xue Hanmei?”
The Eldest Princess said nothing.
How could she tell him that there had originally been four candidates for the marriage alliance, and the reason she chose Xue Hanmei was that she found a familiar shadow in her?
She had always wondered where that shadow came from until she saw the current Zhao Yue.
As an adult, Zhao Yue resembled the shadow she had seen in Xue Hanmei almost perfectly.
Yet at that time, she did not know what this meant. Many years later, when she finally understood, it was already too late.
She did not answer. Zhao Yue smiled, extending his sleeves to bow, and softly said, “Servant Mei Huanxue, pays respects to the Eldest Princess.”
His head lightly touched the ground, the cold sensation of her garment brushing against his forehead, spreading from his head to the top. He thought—
Whether he was Mei Huanxue or Zhao Yue, whether she loved Xue Hanmei or Zhao Yue, he would ultimately possess power, possess the world, and possess her.
This time, he would walk to the end with her.
No matter life or death.