The autumn rain in September brought a slight chill. The pitter-patter of rain in the courtyard mingled with the sound of chanting sutras, making Chu Yu’s mind hazy and drowsy.
Her body felt cold, and her knees ached as if stabbed by needles, seemingly from kneeling for a long time. Outside were familiar yet distant noises of commotion.
“She’s about to get married. What if her knees are damaged from kneeling like this?!”
“I don’t want to hear your reasoning or lack thereof. I just ask, has she even taken half a step out of the General’s mansion yet?! Since she hasn’t, what’s there to punish?!”
“She’s been beaten and scolded. What more do you want?” A woman’s voice carried a sob: “Do you want to drive A Yu to her death before you’re satisfied?!”
Who is it?
Chu Yu’s thoughts were scattered. She raised her head to see the compassionate face of the Guanyin Bodhisattva, with curling incense smoke making the Bodhisattva’s features somewhat blurry.
This jade-carved Bodhisattva statue surprised Chu Yu because it had been buried as a funerary object when her grandmother passed away.
And it had been nearly ten years since her grandmother’s death.
If the jade Bodhisattva statue surprised her, then as her consciousness gradually returned, hearing the voice outside made Chu Yu even more astonished.
That voice belonged to her mother, who had passed away four years ago!
Where is this?
She was shocked, gradually recalling the last moment before her consciousness faded.
It should have been winter. She was lying in a thick quilt, surrounded by black smoke produced by burning low-quality charcoal.
Someone rolled up the curtain and entered, bringing a child not yet eight years old. She wore a long dress made of blue Shu brocade, wrapped in a crane-feather cloak. Round pearl earrings hung by her ears, swaying gently with her movements. Although she was nearly thirty, she still carried the unique innocence and charm of a young girl, in stark contrast to the one lying sick in bed.
She and the woman before her were born at almost the same time, yet the one before her still looked as youthful as ever, while she had aged prematurely. Her hands were rough and scarred, her face lined with worry, her eyes devoid of life and hope, showing no trace of the spirited grace she once had as the eldest daughter of the General’s mansion.
That woman stepped forward and bowed respectfully to her, just as she used to in the General’s mansion: “Sister.”
Chu Yu no longer had the strength. She slowly shifted her gaze to the child beside the woman, silently watching him.
Upon seeing Chu Yu, the child showed no affection. Instead, he took a step back, appearing somewhat afraid.
Chu Yu’s breath slowed. The woman noticed her emotional fluctuation and nudged the child, saying, “Yan Qing, address the Madam.”
The child stepped forward and respectfully called out, “First Madam.”
Chu Yu’s pupils suddenly constricted.
First Madam? What First Madam? She was his mother! She was the one who had carried him for ten months and given birth to him!
“Chu Jin…” Chu Yu’s voice trembled. She wanted to blurt out a curse, but upon seeing her younger sister’s composed demeanor, she suddenly realized.
Cursing would have no effect.
At this moment, she had long lost the sword in her hand, the sword in her heart. For this child to call her mother, she would need the permission of her sister standing before her.
She looked pleadingly at Chu Jin. Chu Jin understood her meaning but just smiled and pretended not to know. She stepped forward to tuck in her blanket and said gently, “Chu Sheng will be here soon. Sister, don’t worry.”
Chu Yu knew Chu Jin wouldn’t let her hear Gu Yan Qing call her mother. She grabbed her tightly, staring at her intently.
Chu Jin quietly observed her for a long time, then slowly smiled.
She waved her hand, having someone take Gu Yan Qing away, then lowered her head to look into Chu Yu’s eyes.
“Sister, you look like you’re not going to make it, hm?”
Chu Yu couldn’t speak. Chu Jin was telling the truth.
She wasn’t going to make it. Her body had long since failed. She had repeatedly begged Gu Chu Sheng to let her return to Hua Jing to see her father – the only man who had ever been good to her in this life.
However, Gu Chu Sheng had rejected all her requests. Now, with her life coming to an end, Gu Chu Sheng had finally returned to Qian Yang, saying he would take her back to Hua Jing.
But she couldn’t go back anymore. She was destined to die in this foreign land.
Chu Jin looked at her, her expression slowly turning cold.
“Do you hate me?”
She spoke calmly. Chu Yu stared at her, giving her response with her eyes.
How could she not hate?
She had once been heaven’s favored child, yet step by step she had fallen to this state. How could she not hate?
“But what right do you have to hate?” Chu Jin spoke gently. “Sister, have I wronged you in any way?”
These words made Chu Yu pause. Chu Jin raised her hand and, as she used to do when they were young, gently covered Chu Yu’s hand.
“Every path was chosen by you, sister. Didn’t A Jin always listen to you?”
“It was you who wanted to elope and marry Gu Chu Sheng. A Jin helped you.”
“It was you who wanted to earn military merits for Gu Chu Sheng on the battlefield and ruined your body. That had nothing to do with others.”
“It was you who willfully wanted to marry Gu Chu Sheng. No one forced you, did they?”
Yes, it was she who wanted to marry Gu Chu Sheng.
Back then, Gu Chu Sheng was betrothed to Chu Jin, but she fell in love with him. At that time, the Gu family had fallen from grace, and Gu Chu Sheng was implicated and demoted to the border. Chu Jin came to her crying, saying she was afraid of the hardships at the border. Seeing her sister had no interest in Gu Chu Sheng, she requested to marry Gu Chu Sheng herself, while Chu Jin would marry Wei Jun, the heir of the Marquis of Zhenguo, in her place.
At that time, everyone thought she was crazy, exchanging a top-notch marriage for a fallen young master whom no one dared to touch. Her loving father naturally wouldn’t allow it, and Gu Chu Sheng, who had no interest in her, didn’t agree either.
No one supported her feelings. It was she who tried every means to follow Gu Chu Sheng to Qian Yang. It was Gu Chu Sheng who was moved by her devotion, grateful for her loyalty in times of trouble, and so married her.
Gu Chu Sheng was not an ordinary man. She accompanied him at the border, enduring the most difficult six years, and bore him a child. He rose step by step, returning to Hua Jing and eventually becoming the Chief Minister of the Cabinet.
If it had just been this, it would have been a beautiful story.
But the problem was that Gu Chu Sheng always remembered Chu Jin in his heart. The Marquis of Zhenguo’s family, whom Chu Jin had married in her place, had all died on the battlefield shortly after she married, leaving only the fourteen-year-old Wei Yun to support the noble house. At that time, Chu Jin was unwilling to remain a widow for Wei Ying, so she obtained a divorce letter from the Wei family and regained her single status.
Gu Chu Sheng met Chu Jin, and their old feelings were rekindled. They reconciled. How could Chu Yu bear this?
After Chu Jin entered the household, she argued and made scenes. She lost her composure due to jealousy, gradually wearing away Gu Chu Sheng’s affection, until finally, Gu Chu Sheng sent her to Qian Yang under the pretext of serving his mother.
She stayed in Qian Yang for six years until her death. All in all, she had accompanied Gu Chu Sheng for twelve years.
Chu Jin’s questions were right.
Why should she hate?
Gu Chu Sheng didn’t want her; he had made it clear from the beginning. It was she who forced herself upon him.
Gu Chu Sheng wanted Chu Jin. It was she who, relying on her past sacrifices, forced them apart.
They might have been wrong, but the greatest mistake was hers – Chu Yu’s – for being obsessed, for loving someone who didn’t love her back.
The snowstorm grew stronger. From outside came a man’s hurried yet steady footsteps. He had always been like this, never showing his emotions, making it impossible to tell what he was thinking.
A moment later, the man lifted the curtain and entered.
He wore a purple official robe embroidered with pythons and a golden crown. He looked much thinner, his usually handsome features carrying a hint of sharpness.
He stood at the doorway, stopping his steps. The wind and snow rushed in, causing Chu Yu to choke on a mouthful of blood in her chest.
She suddenly realized that after twelve years, no matter how deep the affection, it seemed to have been let go.
Looking at this man, she found that she no longer loved him. Her love had long since been worn away by time; she just couldn’t let go of her obsession.
She didn’t love him; she was just unwilling to accept defeat.
Realizing this, she suddenly regretted these twelve years so much.
Twelve years ago, she shouldn’t have taken that step. She shouldn’t have chased this fickle man to a distant land. She shouldn’t have thought she could warm this cold stone with her passionate heart.
She slowly smiled, as if she were still the spirited eldest daughter of the General’s mansion twelve years ago, holding a long spear, her expression proud.
“Gu Chu Sheng,” she gasped, speaking softly, “If I were to be reborn, I wish to have no more entanglements with you!”
Gu Chu Sheng’s pupils suddenly constricted. As soon as Chu Yu finished speaking, she coughed up a mouthful of blood. Chu Jin cried out in alarm. Gu Chu Sheng hurriedly stepped forward and pulled her into his arms.
His hands trembled slightly as he spoke hoarsely, “A Yu…”
If I were to be reborn…
As Chu Yu’s mind echoed with her final wish before death, she suddenly understood something. An immense joy surged into her heart. She abruptly stood up.
The Old Madam Chu, who was chanting sutras beside her, was startled. She saw Chu Yu staggering to support herself on the door frame, rushing to the main gate, staring at the arguing General Chu and his wife.
Madam Chu, Xie Yun, was being supported by Chu Jin as she argued with Chu Jian Chang. Chu Jian Chang, on the verge of anger, controlled his emotions and said, “The Marquis of Zhenguo’s family is of such high status, how can you marry whoever you want? How can the weak scholar Gu Chu Sheng compare to Young Master Wei? Let alone Young Master Wei, even the fourteen-year-old Seventh Young Master Wei is better than Gu Chu Sheng! Not to mention losing face for the Marquis of Zhenguo’s family, even without this relationship, I would never let my daughter marry him!”
“I don’t care what you want A Yu to do, I only know that she’s been beaten by you and is still kneeling inside!” Xie Yun said with red eyes, “This is my daughter. I don’t care about anything else, I just want her to be safe and sound. If something happens to her from kneeling today, can you give me back a daughter?!”
“She’s been trained in martial arts since childhood. You underestimate her,” Chu Jian Chang frowned. “Her skin is thick.”
“Chu Jian Chang!” Xie Yun raised her voice, “Do you still remember she’s just a girl!”
“That’s why I didn’t use the military cane,” Chu Jian Chang blurted out.
Xie Yun was so angry that she raised her hand, her face flushed red. Just as she was about to bring her palm down, they heard Chu Yu’s urgent and joyful call: “Father, Mother!”
That voice was unlike her usual one, containing too much emotion. It was as if a traveler had journeyed thousands of miles, experiencing the vicissitudes of life.
The two were slightly stunned. They turned their heads to see Chu Yu rushing over, suddenly throwing herself into Chu Jian Chang’s arms.
“Father…”
The sudden warmth almost made Chu Yu burst into tears.
Still alive, everyone was still alive. Nothing had happened yet. Her life could be completely started anew.