Chu Yu remained silent, listening to Wei Yun’s words. A wave of weariness washed over her from deep within.
She lowered her gaze and said slowly, “Let’s go home first.”
This was a subtle rejection, which provoked Wei Yun to suddenly raise his head. “Is it so difficult to answer me?”
“Look into my eyes,” Wei Yun removed his mask, revealing his handsome face, his voice cold, “Answer me!”
Chu Yu didn’t speak. Wei Yun’s voice turned hoarse: “Like or dislike, is it so hard to give me one answer?!”
“Wei Yun,” Chu Yu raised her eyes to look at him, “You’re being impudent.”
“Yes,” Wei Yun gritted his teeth, “I’m impudent. I’m disrespecting my superiors, I’m disregarding human ethics. If you have anything else to scold me for, go ahead. Today, I just want one sentence from you—I like you, what will you do about it?”
“Then stand down!”
Chu Yu suddenly pushed him away, raising her voice. Wei Yun was pushed back, and Chu Yu looked at him coldly.
“Do you know why I don’t respond? Do you know why I don’t speak? Wei Yun, do you need me to say it out loud, to such an embarrassing point, for you to be satisfied?! I am your sister-in-law. My feelings for you are of responsibility and familial affection. When I came to the Wei family, when I accompanied you, it was initially just because of my status, just out of admiration for the Wei family’s integrity. Even if I later developed some affection for you, it was only as a brother or a friend—”
As she spoke, Chu Yu closed her eyes, her voice trembling: “Xiao Qi, you and the Wei family have given me nothing but warmth. I like all of you—Mother, A Chun, A Lan, even Wei Qiu, Wei Xia, Wei Qian… You all make me feel so good, so happy. Especially you, Xiao Qi.”
She opened her eyes and looked at him calmly: “I’m particularly grateful to you. In my entire life, no one has been better to me than you.”
“That’s why I can’t bear to hurt you, and I can’t bear to say it out loud. My affection for you stops here. Perhaps there’s a slight flutter, but Xiao Qi, my liking for you is truly too shallow.”
“But there is… some, isn’t there?” Wei Yun’s voice was hoarse.
Chu Yu didn’t speak. After a moment, she slowly said, “But is that what you want? Just a little?”
“You want me to be with you, don’t you?” She chuckled lightly. “But if I were to be with you, how much would I have to give up? Xiao Qi, you’re not a child anymore. If we were together, both of us would have to sacrifice too much. I’m not willing to make those sacrifices.”
Wei Yun pressed his lips together. Her words cut into his heart like a knife. Chu Yu gazed at him steadily: “Xiao Qi, I’ve liked someone once before. I went to great lengths, it was intense and passionate. When I liked that person, I thought, even if I didn’t get a response, I wouldn’t mind. But later, when I didn’t get a response, when I reached the end of the road, when I had exhausted all my passion, I realized that people can regret it. So I told myself, for the rest of my life, I never wanted to reach that point again. So I won’t choose the most difficult path, Wei Yun and you are my most difficult path.”
“You are a very important person to me,” Chu Yu raised her hand and placed it on her heart. “In this lifetime, besides my family, you and the Wei household are the most important to me. I’ve invested so much in you, and I’ve spent a lifetime admiring the Wei household, I can’t bear for the Wei household, for you, to be tainted by even the slightest stain. The Wei family is so loyal and righteous, it shouldn’t be tarnished by something like this. And you, Wei Yun, if you have any intention of revenge, you shouldn’t give Zhao Yue any opportunity to attack you. You should have a spotless reputation, do you understand?”
“I don’t think this is a bad reputation,” Wei Yun’s voice was hoarse. “The fact that I like you, I’ve done it, and I’m not afraid to admit it. It’s just a reputation, I don’t care.”
“I care,” Chu Yu said calmly. She looked at Wei Yun, unable to help smiling. “You’re right, it’s just a reputation. You don’t care, not because it doesn’t hurt, but because your liking is enough to withstand everything. If I liked you, liked you enough, then nothing else would matter. Wei Yun, I could throw away societal norms, I could tolerate falling in love with a child who doesn’t understand anything, I could endure being on edge every day worrying about this person changing their mind, I could even accept that after enduring everyone’s contempt and bringing shame to both the Wei and Chu families, you might change your mind and leave, but—”
She enunciated each word clearly: “I don’t like you enough.”
Wei Yun’s entire body shook violently, his breathing becoming rapid.
Chu Yu looked at him steadily, her expression clear and calm: “Wei Yun, my liking for you is just like admiring the sun and moon, appreciating spring flowers. You are an exceptionally good man, no one wouldn’t like you.”
Wei Yun didn’t speak. His lips trembled, he seemed to want to say something, tears welling up in his eyes. Chu Yu looked at him silently, countless emotions surging in her heart.
How could anyone not like such a person?
When she realized he liked her, when he confessed his feelings, it was as if a great fire had been lit in her heart, illuminating that empty, dark, lonely world.
But she knew too well where her liking came from, and she knew too well how much of it there was. She wasn’t even willing to compromise or sacrifice for this liking. She just wanted to quietly stay in her world, replaying over and over all the heart-fluttering warmth this young man had given her.
When Gu Chusheng threatened her, it wasn’t that she had no way out. It was just that when faced with these feelings, she suddenly felt afraid. She wanted to marry someone who made her feel safe, someone she would never fall for, always maintaining rationality and distance, to avoid reaching a point of mutual disgust.
Her gaze made Wei Yun feel as if he had been trampled by thousands of troops. He could barely stand straight, but he still forced himself to stand. Gritting his teeth, his voice trembling: “You don’t dislike me… Since you like me a little, why… can’t you like me more… just a little more?”
Chu Yu watched as the young man raised his head, tears rolling down his face: “You say I’m the most important person to you, that you care for me, but why… can’t you like me?”
Hearing this, Chu Yu froze. She listened as he spoke hoarsely, like a child: “You say you’re doing what’s best for me, but the choices you make are the ones that hurt me the most. You’re marrying Gu Chusheng, you know I like you, yet you’re still marrying him. How is that doing what’s best for me? You’re choosing the path that makes you feel most at ease.”
“My feelings scare you. You think I’m young, you’re afraid of disappointing the Wei family in your heart, afraid of tarnishing the Wei Yun in your mind. You’re afraid of bearing the rumors and gossip, of throwing away your chance at stability only for me to leave. What you fear most is having to open your heart and let me in.”
“So you choose Gu Chusheng.”
His words were like a sharp sword, cutting through her layers of protection, exposing her raw, bleeding heart.
“Compared to me, he can give you a more stable world. You don’t have to worry about anyone else entering your heart. You can also give yourself reasons—you’re doing it for the Wei family, for me. You haven’t wronged me—”
Wei Yun walked towards her step by step, stopping in front of her. His shadow loomed over her as the moonlight fell into the alley. Chu Yu listened silently. His words were too direct, too perceptive, making her come to her senses.
“Chu Yu,” he said hoarsely, “You’re so selfish.”
“You’ve given so many reasons, wrapped yourself in layer after layer of shells. You made me truly believe you loved me that much, you gave me hope and rescued me from darkness. You saved me, saved the Wei family, but in reality, you were just saving yourself.”
As he spoke, Wei Yun lowered his head, his gaze falling on her chest.
“Your heart is empty.”
He spoke dazedly, voicing something they had both been trying hard to hide, something they had never dared to think about. He had always known but never wanted to think deeply about it, until this moment when it slipped out.
But once the words were out, they couldn’t be taken back. He could only completely tear away this veil, revealing those truths that people had always avoided, unable to face, and difficult to accept.
“You married into the Wei family, you’ve done so much for the Wei family, for me, because your heart is empty.”
“Without doing these things,” Wei Yun looked at her steadily, his eyes filled with pity and bitterness, “You don’t know why you’re living on.”
His words made Chu Yu feel as if she were sinking underwater, the water bitingly cold. She listened as Wei Yun slowly raised his head, looking at her in disbelief: “Why?”
She was only twenty years old.
Why was her heart already as cold as ashes?
Chu Yu looked at him. She wanted to admit to his words, but at the moment of opening her mouth, she felt that it wasn’t quite so.
When she first came to the Wei family, when she mechanically went to save people and help others, she was indeed like that. But when she stood guard in Fengling City and saw Chu Jin beating the drum on the city wall, when Gu Chusheng told her “I don’t want you to die,” when she went to the Northern Di alone and carried him back home, when he told her he hoped she would be a little girl forever, when he pressed his forehead against her abdomen in pain and said “Sister-in-law, I’m in pain,” her heart was full.
She felt her life was complete and fulfilled. When she was by his side, she felt it was light and flame, so she surrounded herself with him, desperately wanting to be good to him.
She feared getting too close to him, yet wanted to give him everything.
She felt something collapse within her heart. Under his questioning, everything flashed by like a fleeting scene. Seeing her lost in thought, Wei Yun reached out and placed his hand on her face.
“Don’t be afraid.”
His voice was hoarse: “My liking you isn’t such a terrible thing. I don’t know what you’ve been through, I don’t know why you’re like this, but A Yu, I like you, and I won’t let you get hurt. I’ve wanted to say these words for many years. Four years ago, on the night I left Fengling City for the Northern Di when I held you, I wanted to tell you this. But I didn’t dare, I was afraid of disrespecting my brother, and I was afraid of disrespecting you.”
“Later, I understood that these feelings weren’t shameful. I wasn’t hurting anyone, I just liked you. I wanted to tell you again, but by then everyone was telling you that I was too young, that my words were too frivolous, so I didn’t dare speak. I held these words back, thinking that if one day I said them, it would be because I was certain, sure, that in this lifetime, I would never let you down.”
Chu Yu’s eyelashes trembled lightly as she raised her head to look at him.
He was so much taller than her. The young man’s face was handsome and determined, no longer bearing the immaturity and awkwardness of his younger years. Now he was steady and resolute. He looked at her calmly, speaking each word clearly and seriously: “If you’re with me, I’ll shield you from rumors and gossip.”
“Through trials of fire, I’ll walk with you.”
“All the wounds in your heart, I’ll fill.”
“What you’ve lost, what you’ve never had, what you want to have, I’ll give you.”
“You always think I’m young and childish,” Wei Yun smiled, his eyes filled with tenderness and helplessness, “But A Yu, you’re the one who’s like a child. When it comes to liking someone, you’re not as brave as I am.”
Chu Yu didn’t speak. She bit her lip, not knowing why, but hearing these words made tears well up in her eyes.
She felt as if someone had broken through her defenses layer by layer, exposing her softest, most vulnerable self to this person. This person held a light that illuminated her.
She felt as if her mind was in a whirl. Every word she might say would be irrational and impulsive, so she pushed all her words down, gritting her teeth in silence.
Wei Yun gazed at her quietly, reaching out to pull her into his embrace.
“Silly girl, why are you so stubborn?”
Chu Yu finally couldn’t hold back anymore. Tears surged forth, blurring her vision.
Wei Yun felt her tears engulf him. He held her, gently patting her back, feeling both heartache and helplessness. He softly comforted her: “Don’t cry. If I’ve done something wrong, just tell me. Look at you, you’ve cried your makeup off.”
Chu Yu didn’t speak. She gritted her teeth and pushed him away, walking back with blurred eyes. She wiped her tears as she walked, looking every bit like a child.
Wei Yun didn’t know what to do. He followed behind her, watching as she strode forward. After a few steps, she stepped on the hem of her dress and stumbled, falling hard.
Wei Yun hurriedly went to help her up, asking anxiously, “Are you alright?”
Chu Yu didn’t speak. Her face turned pale. She kept her head down, silent, as large tears fell one after another.
Wei Yun thought about how she had fallen and touched her ankle, frowning, “Did you twist your ankle?”
Chu Yu didn’t respond. Wei Yun gently pressed, and she tensed up. Wei Yun opened his mouth to speak, but seeing her with her head down and tears falling, he couldn’t say a word.
He sighed, half-squatting in front of Chu Yu, and said gently, “I’ll carry you back.”
Chu Yu didn’t move. Wei Yun grabbed her hand, pulled her up, and steadily positioned her on his back.
In the moonlight, their shadows overlapped. Wei Yun, carrying Chu Yu, couldn’t help but smile: “Before I met you, I heard you were a willful and spoiled young lady. After meeting you, I thought they were talking nonsense. Tonight, I finally understand that you probably really were willful before.”
Chu Yu turned her head away, staring at the swaying walls. Wei Yun’s voice was gentle: “I don’t know why you’re crying, or what you’re sad about, or how you’ve come to this point. But A Yu, I can wait, as long as you give me the chance to wait. Don’t be so presumptuous in trying to be good to me.”
“I’m sorry…” Chu Yu’s voice was hoarse.
Wei Yun chuckled lightly: “There’s no need to apologize. Whatever you do, I don’t mind.”
Chu Yu didn’t speak. Her arms around his neck tightened slightly.
She had never met someone who accepted her so completely, never seen someone so persistent, warm, full of light and stability.
She once thought Gu Chusheng was such a person, at the moment he rode up on horseback and reached out his hand to her. But in the countless days that followed, she slowly discovered that Gu Chusheng was never that red-clad youth riding on horseback in her memory. His world was full of entanglement and torment. What he had wasn’t persistence, but obsession. He was always pulling her down into darkness, never ceasing.
But Wei Yun didn’t give her a dazzling beginning. He didn’t descend like a deity in her time of crisis. When they first met, he was still just an inexperienced youth, needing her to struggle to support him.
Yet bit by bit, as she touched him, approached him, understood him, accompanied him, she realized how wonderful this person truly was.
She silently held him tighter, her voice muffled: “You’ve alarmed Gu Chusheng like this, what about Su Cha’s people?”
“I calculated it,” Wei Yun chuckled lightly. “When I intercepted him, I only brought fifteen men. He sent up a signal flare, so all the experts in his household must have come out to rescue him. I sent people directly to his mansion. By now, they’ve probably brought Su Cha’s people back.”
“You intercepted Gu Chusheng just to draw the tiger away from the mountain?” Chu Yu quickly realized. “Then you need to leave the city as soon as possible! When Gu Chusheng discovers the people are missing, he’ll surely come looking for you…”
“I know,” Wei Yun said gently. “Before I came, I already gave orders. Once I send you back, I’ll leave.”
“A Yu,” he turned his head to look at her, “I’ve grown up. I’ll pave all the roads ahead. You don’t need to think about doing everything yourself.”
Chu Yu was taken aback. Wei Yun’s steps were very steady, and she didn’t feel any jolts. She quietly looked at his profile, listening as he slowly said: “When I was younger, seeing you stand in front of me made me feel very happy. Now I think, being able to let you stand behind me, I’ll probably feel even happier.”
“I don’t need…”
“But I have to give you a choice.”
Wei Yun spoke softly. The gates of the Wei mansion appeared in their view. As he carried her, his voice was gentle: “Being forced to take up a sword, and choosing to take up a sword yourself, are two different things.”
As he spoke, Wei Qian rushed up anxiously: “My Lord, the items and people have all arrived.”
Wei Yun raised his head. At the gate of the Wei mansion, all the men and horses were ready. Jiang Chun came forward, and seeing Wei Yun carrying Chu Yu on his back, she was stunned for a moment before quickly saying: “I roughly understand the situation. Let’s hurry and leave the city.”
As she spoke, she came forward to take Chu Yu. Chu Yu was supported by her and Wan Yue, walking towards the Wei mansion with her back to Wei Yun.
Wei Yun quietly watched Chu Yu. Wei Qian came up and said: “My Lord, shall we set off?”
Wei Yun nodded, then suddenly called out: “Sister-in-law!”
Chu Yu froze. Wei Yun said gently: “Wait for me to return.”
Chu Yu didn’t speak. She knew what this “wait for me to return” meant. He wasn’t just saying he would return, he also wanted an answer.
Chu Yu had her back to him. She straightened her back and didn’t turn around.
After a long while, she finally spoke, her voice hoarse: “Alright.”
I’ll wait for you to return.
I’ll give you an answer.