Chu Yu’s mind was in a daze. She stared blankly at Wei Yun standing at the end of the corridor. He said nothing, just standing there silently, his gaze neither sad nor joyful, yet his body trembled slightly.
Gu Chusheng held her hand, and just as she was about to take a step, he suddenly realized something. He gripped her tightly and spoke hoarsely, “A’Yu, don’t go, don’t leave me.”
Chu Yu didn’t speak. She lowered her head, looking at Gu Chusheng’s face full of pleading.
After a long while, she finally came to her senses and said with difficulty, “How dare you?”
How dare he say it? How dare he tell her?
Did he think that all the harm could be resolved with a simple apology?
That all the pain could dissipate with a single kneeling?
Her body trembled, tears on the verge of falling. She tried to pull her hand away, but he stubbornly held on. He knew what she was about to do, but he couldn’t let her do it.
He had played all his cards and tried every possibility. If she left now, he truly had no recourse.
So he could only clumsily try to pull her back. She painfully tried to withdraw her hand, while he repeatedly spoke, “I was wrong, I was truly wrong, A’Yu. I won’t do it again. I know what you want, I know how to love you. I can treat you better than anyone else, A’Yu…”
“Let go,” Chu Yu’s voice trembled. She had already restrained herself to the utmost, but those exploding emotions still echoed in her heart. Her tears fell in torrents, while the young man who had always maintained a composed demeanor seemed to have cast aside all his dignity. He clung on, painfully crying out, “I won’t let go, I can’t let go!”
The sound of rain began to intensify. Under the lamplight, both of them were in a sorry state.
Wei Yun stood not far away, silently watching them. He felt he was standing very close, yet the two seemed so distant. They seemed to have an invisible world that isolated him.
He had already dismissed the servants and cleared all the secret guards from the surroundings. In the entire courtyard, there were only the three of them. He had always been praised for his courage and wisdom, facing thousands of troops with composure, yet at this moment, he felt as if he had lost his bearings.
He didn’t know what to do, so apart from standing there, he couldn’t do anything else.
He watched the two of them, experiencing the surging emotions between them. After a long while, he finally spoke, “Lord Gu, that’s enough.”
Gu Chusheng was startled. He saw Wei Yun put away his umbrella and walk to their side.
Wei Yun raised his hand and gently placed it on Gu Chusheng’s hand.
“Lord Gu,” he calmly spoke, “Everything has its limits. You’ve already reached that point. If you can’t cross it, you should let go and turn back.”
Gu Chusheng didn’t speak. He silently looked at Wei Yun.
“She is,” Gu Chusheng spoke with difficulty, “She is the First Madam of my Gu family.”
Wei Yun lowered his gaze. He held Gu Chusheng’s hand, not using force, but said, “Please let go.”
“She is the First Madam of Gu who has shared my bed for twelve years, entered my Gu family’s ancestral tomb, and will be buried together with me.”
“Please let go.”
“Wei Yun,” Gu Chusheng finally felt the force on his wrist, painful enough to make him tremble, but he stubbornly didn’t let go. He stared at Wei Yun, enunciating each word, “She is my wife.”
Wei Yun’s grip on his hand loosened slightly. His eyelashes trembled, but then he controlled his strength again, trying to pry Gu Chusheng’s hand away from Chu Yu bit by bit.
Gu Chusheng began to struggle frantically. Wei Yun didn’t move. He kicked and punched, but Wei Yun didn’t retaliate. He just continued to slowly pull his hand away.
Like his feelings, bit by bit, forcibly dragged out of that person’s life.
Gu Chusheng sobbed hysterically, while Wei Yun remained calm and composed. Gu Chusheng finally couldn’t control himself and roared.
“Who do you think you are?! Wei Yun, she is your sister-in-law. In her past life, she was my lawfully wedded wife. In this life, she is your elder brother’s lawfully wedded wife. What right do you have to interfere in matters between her and me?”
Wei Yun didn’t speak. He shielded Chu Yu behind him, looking at Gu Chusheng whom he had pushed away, and calmly said, “Lord Gu, go back. Do what you should do.”
Gu Chusheng sat on the ground, panting as he looked at them. Wei Yun looked at Gu Chusheng’s state, his eyes filled with pity, but it was unclear whether he pitied him or himself.
“Go back,” he spoke hoarsely, “You are a Grand Secretary of the Cabinet. There are many affairs of the state waiting for you, many common people relying on you. Don’t linger here, entangled with a woman. It’s unseemly.”
Hearing these words, Gu Chusheng laughed softly.
“Wei Yun… I never thought I’d hear the word ‘unseemly’ from your mouth in this lifetime.”
Wei Yun clasped his hands in his sleeves, listening to the sound of wind and rain, hearing him say, “Wei Yun, in my past life, I cared too much about propriety, cared too much about others. The day she died, I sat in the mourning hall, still reviewing official documents.”
“But you know what,” Gu Chusheng’s voice mixed with the rain, gradually lowering, “Then you’ll find that after you’ve been polished off your youthful edge, lost that vibrancy that people loved most, everyone will only drift further and further away from you. Fewer and fewer people will love you, and your path will become narrower and narrower. In the end, you’ll be enshrined on an altar, living like a memorial tablet.”
“Do you know why I lost to you?” Gu Chusheng laughed. He supported himself, slowly standing up. He stared at him, laughing wildly, “I didn’t lose to you, Wei Yun. I lost to time, I lost to myself. I’ve walked too far…” He spoke hoarsely, “The purity she loved most, I don’t have. The courage, I don’t have. The sincerity, I don’t have.”
“When she loved me most…” Gu Chusheng spoke hoarsely, looking at Chu Yu, his eyes filled with bewilderment, “When she loved me most…”
It was in his youth.
He wore red robes and a golden crown, full of vigor and vitality. As the magistrate of Kunyang County, he led the people to safety; as a civil official, he traversed the battlefield.
When she loved him most, he came riding on horseback, bright and open; he came supporting grain and provisions, even if his body was covered in wounds, he would still raise his head and tell her, “Don’t worry about me, protect the supplies.”
“Wei Yun,” his voice lowered, “If you walk this path, you’re destined to not be able to protect her well. You’ll only waste her time. You might as well let go.”
Hearing these words, Wei Yun slowly smiled.
“Gu Chusheng,” his smile was full of bitterness, “She was never mine. If you want her, you should ask if she’s willing, not tell me to let go.”
“The biggest difference between you and me,” he looked at Gu Chusheng, speaking with difficulty, “is that you love someone, you think you’re a pair, so you’ve lost yourself. I love someone, but I never think she belongs to me, or that I belong to her.”
“I am Wei Yun, the Marquis Zhenguo, the current Prince Ping. I have my responsibilities, I have my path to walk. It’s the same for her.”
Chu Yu listened to his words, slowly raising her head to look up at the young man beside her.
The wind and rain blew in, his expression calm and composed. He controlled his emotions, in stark contrast to her and Gu Chusheng’s disheveled state. He came through the wind and rain, his clothes already wet, yet it didn’t affect him in the slightest. He looked at Gu Chusheng, his voice steady and composed, “She is Chu Yu, the First Madam of the Wei family, a first-rank titled lady, and also the Northern Phoenix General in the army. Her life is far more than just you and me. She doesn’t belong to anyone. Who she loves, who she doesn’t love, I can’t control; whether she stays in the Wei family, or goes to Huajing with you, or travels the world, I can’t control either.”
“You tell me to let go,” Wei Yun smiled with difficulty, “But where does that even come from?”
“You never gave her what a relationship should be like,” Wei Yun calmly looked at Gu Chusheng, “You didn’t let her learn to be confident and independent in a relationship, you didn’t let her feel that a relationship could be her best shield. Even to this day, you haven’t understood that to have a good relationship, one must first be a good person. So, stop clinging on.”
He bent down, picked up the umbrella beside him, and said softly, “Go back. Be Gu Chusheng first, then come to love someone.”
After speaking, he raised his hand and held Chu Yu’s hand.
His hand was very warm. The moment that warmth flowed over, she felt as if she was a person submerged in deep water, suddenly rescued.
If Gu Chusheng’s love was the swamp dragging her down to suffocate, this person was like a small boat, pulling her towards the other shore.
She quietly followed him. When they passed through the heavy rain, he held the umbrella, tilting it down to shield her from the downpour. They walked into the house, where he had ginger tea prepared and brought her clothes, lowering his eyes to say, “Change first, don’t catch a cold.”
Chu Yu responded softly. His demeanor was so peaceful that it made her calm down as well.
She changed her clothes, and Wan Yue brought up the ginger soup. Chu Yu held the bowl, and Wei Yun took a towel, standing behind her, gently wiping her hair.
She slowly calmed down, finding that rationality in the warmth. The person behind her moved gently and carefully. After drying her hair, he took the empty bowl from her hands and said softly, “Sleep first. I still have many matters to attend to, so I’ll go back now.”
“Seventh Brother,” Chu Yu finally spoke, “Don’t you have anything you want to ask me?”
Wei Yun had his back to her. After a long while, he finally said, “Another day, perhaps.”
Chu Yu responded softly. Wei Yun walked a few steps towards the door, then stopped.
“A’Yu,” his voice was hoarse. Chu Yu raised her head, looking at his back, listening to him say, “I can be sad too.”
Even if he did everything well, pretended to be calm and composed.
But after all, people are people.
The rain pelted against the autumn leaves a chill permeating the long corridor. Yet inside, warmth bloomed between two souls long separated by unseen barriers.
Chu Yu stared at him, transfixed. The young man before her turned, managing a strained smile. His voice rasped as he spoke, “Could you come here?” He seemed like the boy of years past, yet these words came with such difficulty, such painful slowness. “Could you come here and hold me?”
Let me know that in this feeling, I’m not struggling alone.
Let me understand that this emotion will find its answer.
Chu Yu gazed at him. Wei Yun waited for a moment, met with silence. He lowered his head with a soft chuckle, seemingly regaining his usual calm composure. Turning away, he spoke gently, “It’s nothing. I’ll head back now.”
But as soon as the words left his lips, he was engulfed from behind in a fierce embrace.
Chu Yu pressed her forehead against his back, her warmth seeping into him. Wei Yun stared blankly at the swaying lantern light outside, tears suddenly falling unbidden.
Chu Yu held him from behind, and Wei Yun dared not turn or even blink. His voice hoarse, he slowly began to speak.
“I don’t know what’s wrong. I don’t know what to do.”
“A Yu,” he rasped, “Gu Chusheng was right. Everyone loves youth. Sometimes I think back to when I was fifteen, in Bei Di. You carried me across countless mountains and rivers. The world seemed so beautiful then. Back then, Wei Qiu and Wei Xia would still play and joke with me. Shen Wushuang was more talkative than now. Mother didn’t feel uneasy around me. Back then, you’d still hold me and call me Little Seven.”
“But now? I don’t even know what’s happened.”
“Wei Qiu and Wei Xia rarely joke with me anymore. Even Shen Wushuang has become respectful and distant. Mother keeps her thoughts to herself, never speaking to me. And you…”
Wei Yun watched the flickering lantern, his voice rough, “You’ve changed too.”
“I’ve tried so hard not to do anything wrong. I’ve strived to protect everyone. I’ve learned to restrain myself, to endure, to be tolerant and decisive,” Wei Yun slowly closed his eyes, his voice tinged with barely suppressed sobs, “But everyone still drifts further away from me. They respect but don’t love, or appreciate but don’t feel close. What have I done wrong?”
Wei Yun’s voice trembled. He seemed to lose control, hunching over in Chu Yu’s arms. He raised his hands to cover his face, suddenly bursting into tears, “I’ve only grown up. That’s all.”
He had only grown up. That was all.
When a person grows up, every word they say becomes laden with deeper meaning. Every motive is seen as harboring ambition.
He had tried so hard. He had strived to make life good for everyone around him. He had worked tirelessly to embrace the person behind him, resolving all her worries, fears, and insecurities. Yet the world still hadn’t become what he hoped for.
But what had he done wrong?
She had once given her best to Gu Chusheng. She could cast aside everything to elope with Gu Chusheng on a rainy night. She could love that unloving man with the courage to never look back. And when Gu Chusheng erred, kneeling and begging, he could still earn her softness and sympathy.
He had carefully given her everything beautiful. He had pleaded with Zhao Yue for a first-rank title and the position of General of the Northern Phoenix for her. He had strived to grow up, to catch up to her, wanting to shelter her from wind and rain. When she didn’t love him enough, he waited for her. But she only walked further away. He didn’t know how to keep her, he didn’t even dare to open his mouth and insist on keeping her like Gu Chusheng had.
Because he knew if he asked her to stay, she would.
So he dared say nothing. He could only hold her hand on this rainy night, in her embrace, and weep uncontrollably.
He hadn’t cried like this in many years. Chu Yu held him tightly, a sharp pain welling up inside her. She clenched her jaw.
For the first time, she truly felt how much harder and more bitter Wei Yun’s life had been than she had imagined.
Some people never show their wounds to others. So even when the wounds fester and rot, others think they’re calm and untroubled.
She remembered five years ago in the desert. Wei Yun, soaking in the medicinal water Shen Wushuang had prepared, had struggled and cried, clinging to her and calling, “Sister-in-law, it hurts.”
In his youth, he could still say such things. But as an adult, he couldn’t even say “I’m hurting” anymore. Instead, he only asked her, “What have I done wrong?”
Nothing. You’ve done nothing wrong.
Chu Yu clenched her teeth, listening to his sobs, thinking back to her youth.
She had been unfair.
Even though he had never said it, she realized that in this relationship, she had been unfair. She had given Wei Yun all the wounds Gu Chusheng had inflicted on her. When Gu Chusheng had constrained her, she lived in the Wei family with the demeanor of the Gu family’s head madam, forgetting that when Wei Yun returned from Bei Di years ago, one of the three conditions he asked of Zhao Yue was a military position for her. When Gu Chusheng let her down, she became anxious and insecure, waiting for the day Wei Yun might disappoint her, never seeing that Wei Yun had held this love in his heart for five years without it fading even slightly.
She had given her best self to Gu Chusheng, who had wronged her while giving her worst self to Wei Yun, who had done nothing wrong.
Any relationship will face trials. Pain and sweetness go hand in hand, tolerance and freedom lean on each other. Wei Yun had worked hard to pave every road for her, yet she lacked even the courage to walk on them.
She took a deep breath, tightening her arms around him.
Suddenly, she wondered: if she could go back to when she was fifteen, if she had never married Gu Chusheng, if she hadn’t been worn down by the years, if she had met this man in the most beautiful time of her life, what would she have done?
As this thought flashed through her mind, she lowered her head and fiercely bit his lips.
Sobs and tears intertwined in this kiss. She pressed Wei Yun beneath her, sliding her fingers into his hand, interlocking their fingers.
She had never kissed him so uninhibitedly before, without any technique, just clumsy passion. Wei Yun lay beneath her, slowly tightening his grip on her hand.
“Wei Yun,” Chu Yu straightened up, looking at him earnestly, “I’ll be honest with you. I’ve lived a whole life already.”
“I heard, just now.”
Wei Yun looked at the person sitting on top of him. He tensed, afraid of what she might say next. Chu Yu gazed steadily at the man beneath her and said calmly, “I’ve been married before. I’ve had a child.”
“I know.”
Wei Yun lowered his gaze, unconsciously tightening his grip on their interlocked fingers, but then, as if remembering something, slowly loosened his hold.
Chu Yu leaned down, her hair falling around him. She looked at him quietly, speaking softly, “I wasn’t good to you before.”
“No…” Wei Yun’s voice was hoarse, “I asked for too much.”
“You should ask for it,” Chu Yu raised her hand to his face, her expression tender. “I used to be better. I was braver then. What you want, as a lover, I should have given you. But I gave it to someone else, not to you.”
“Don’t say anymore!” Wei Yun seemed somewhat embarrassed, trying to sit up. Chu Yu raised her hand, forcefully pressing him back down. She looked at him, her expression solemn.
“So, Wei Yun,” her gaze fell into his eyes, intertwining and entangling. She looked at him steadily, speaking calmly, “Shall we start over?”
Wei Yun was stunned. She seemed not to understand. Chu Yu raised her hand, removing the hairpin from her hair. Her black tresses cascaded down like a waterfall. Her eyes still held traces of tears, but the corners of her eyes and brows were filled with smiles.
“If I were fifteen and I liked you,” she raised her hand, untying her belt. Wei Yun watched, dumbfounded, as her robes fell open. She leaned down, “If you liked me, then we should seize the moment. What do you think?”
Wei Yun didn’t speak. He turned his gaze aside, opening his mouth as if to say something. Chu Yu raised her hand, running it through his hair, speaking gently, “Do you like me?”
“I like you.” This admission came without hesitation, but it carried the tone of tears and grievance. Chu Yu laughed softly. She lowered her head, capturing his lips, speaking tenderly, “Then that’s enough.”
That’s enough.
Rain beat against the autumn leaves, and the long corridor carried a chill, but they embraced and kissed, moving from the floor to the bed, in passionate abandon.
When the climax suddenly arrived, he held her tightly, burying himself completely in her body.
His body trembled as he clung to her desperately.
He embraced her, felt her, and in that moment, he suddenly realized that even if she said she wanted to leave right now, he wouldn’t be afraid.
Because he knew that at that moment, Chu Yu truly loved him.