Wen Yifan couldn’t remember many things from the past very clearly.
She rarely deliberately recalled memories. But whenever she did think back, the memories related to Sang Yan—every scene, every little detail—seemed to be crystal clear in her mind.
She also remembered that moment.
She felt her heart skip a beat.
…
Zhong Siqiao was still talking in front of her: “I was in the same class as Cui Jingyu at that time, and I heard her talking about Sang Yan every day. So even those in our class who didn’t know Sang Yan before all got to know about him because of her.”
Wen Yifan listened quietly, a faint smile on her lips.
“Hey, why didn’t you answer my question earlier? It’s been so long anyway, let’s just chat casually,” Zhong Siqiao brought the topic back, half-jokingly, “I’m not saying you liked him, but did you have any feelings? Just a bit of fondness?”
“…”
“If you don’t say anything, I’ll take it as a yes.”
This time Wen Yifan finally spoke, seriously: “Okay.”
“Can I take that as you agreeing?” Hearing this answer, Zhong Siqiao was stunned, “Really?”
Wen Yifan laughed: “Why are you reacting like this?”
“You liked Sang Yan before?”
“Mm.”
Zhong Siqiao was genuinely surprised. In her impression, Wen Yifan had always been indifferent to everything, as if she didn’t care about anything: “Do you still like him now?”
Wen Yifan smiled: “As you said, it’s been so long.”
“But aren’t you two living together now!” Zhong Siqiao got excited, “Seeing each other every day! Both of you once had feelings for each other! What if old feelings resurface!”
“…” Mentioning this, Wen Yifan said softly, “It won’t happen.”
“Hm?”
“He’s moving out soon.”
Zhong Siqiao casually said: “So you mean if he stayed longer, you wouldn’t be able to control yourself?”
“…”
Even as an outsider, she felt a bit regretful, and asked again: “Then why didn’t you get together with him back then?”
Wen Yifan didn’t answer.
“Because you transferred schools and moved away?” Zhong Siqiao guessed, “So you two lost contact?”
“No.”
“Then why?”
Silence fell.
Just then, the noodles they ordered arrived. Wen Yifan handed her a pair of chopsticks. She lowered her eyes, not answering the previous question, and suddenly said: “I don’t know if others are like me.”
“Hm?”
“My college roommate once told me that she thought I was too emotionally detached,” Wen Yifan said. “We used to have a good relationship, but I rarely took the initiative to contact them, as if we completely lost touch after graduation. Because of this, they felt quite sad, thinking I had no feelings for them at all.”
Wen Yifan blinked: “I admit this point.”
Zhong Siqiao’s lips moved, but no words came out.
“It’s not that I don’t care, it’s just that I’m particularly lazy about maintaining these relationships,” Wen Yifan took a bite of noodles and said softly, “With Xiang Lang, after he went abroad, we contacted each other less, and I didn’t feel particularly sad about it.”
“…”
“I think all of this is,” Wen Yifan said, “very natural.”
“Right,” Zhong Siqiao said, “You don’t need to care about what others say.”
“I know this is my problem. To put it bluntly, I’m quite lacking in human touch, right?” Wen Yifan smiled and brought the topic back, “At that time, my feeling towards Sang Yan was that I thought someone like him—”
She paused for a few seconds, feeling these words were a bit sentimental, but still said them seriously.
“Should be loved passionately by someone.”
There was no particular example.
At least it should be like Cui Jingyu in her youth.
Liking without concealment, all her joy just for him, her eyes bright when talking to him, vivid and radiant to the extreme.
“So it wouldn’t be,” Wen Yifan was silent for a moment, “someone like me.”
“Why are you putting yourself down like this? You’re so good-looking and have such a good temper,” Zhong Siqiao frowned, strongly disagreeing with her thoughts, “Maybe he likes someone with your personality.”
Wen Yifan was quiet for a while, then changed the subject: “I saw my aunt again recently.”
Zhong Siqiao exclaimed: “When?”
Wen Yifan: “About two weeks ago.”
Because Wen Yifan rarely brought up unhappy things on her own, Zhong Siqiao didn’t know how she had lived at her uncle’s house, only knowing that she seemed to be not very happy.
So at this moment, Zhong Siqiao didn’t know what to say.
“Before, when I first moved to my uncle’s place,” Wen Yifan moved her chopsticks but didn’t eat immediately, continuing, “One night, I accidentally overheard my aunt saying something.”
“What?”
“At that time, my cousin was in his senior year of high school, and in the evenings, my aunt would often make soup for him to drink, to nourish his body,” saying this, Wen Yifan smiled, “Then once, I heard my cousin say ‘I don’t want to drink it, let Shuangjiang have it’.”
“…”
“My aunt then said,” Wen Yifan said softly, “Shuangjiang doesn’t need to drink anything that good.”
Zhong Siqiao paused, immediately getting angry: “Fuck, is your aunt sick in the head?”
Wen Yifan’s tone was calm: “At that time, I just thought these words were quite funny, I didn’t take them to heart.”
“…”
Wen Yifan had never been one to argue with people since she was young.
When she heard those words, she found them strange and funny. Before that, she had lived a life of being the center of attention at home, doted on by her family, with her parents trying to give her the best in terms of food, clothing, and everything else.
She had never heard words like that before.
“But strangely, gradually, I started to take her words to heart. Because at that time, I was a,” Wen Yifan thought about her wording, but in the end still said what she thought, “burden that everyone was trying to push away.”
“…”
“Indeed, there was no need to give me things that were too good.”
“Diandian,” Zhong Siqiao sighed, reaching out to pat her head, “Don’t mind those words.”
“Even now when I think about it, I still don’t think that sentence was right,” Wen Yifan said, “But when I see those dresses that cost hundreds of yuan, or small cakes that cost dozens of yuan, I hesitate for a long time and won’t buy them for myself.”
“…”
This concept seemed to have grown over time, from a weak sprout to a deeply rooted tree.
Bit by bit, permeating every aspect, instilling one thing in her.
She didn’t deserve to use things that were too good.
Of course, she also had no right to have the best things.
Including that dazzling boy.
“It’s not that I can’t afford it,” Wen Yifan smiled, “It’s just that I always feel that such expensive things, such expensive dresses, such expensive cosmetics… using them on me seems a bit wasteful.”
Zhong Siqiao looked at her silently, suddenly feeling very sad.
Compared to before, Wen Yifan seemed to have not changed much.
But in reality, there was a big difference in her core.
“Don’t listen to your aunt’s stupid words, she’s got holes in her head, I’m fucking speechless,” Zhong Siqiao no longer brought up such unhappy topics, and changed the subject, “Let’s talk about men again.”
“…”
“What about Sang Yan, are you sure he doesn’t like you anymore?” Zhong Siqiao said, “Thinking about it now, isn’t it strange? With his personality, and he’s not short of money, why would he suddenly want to live with someone?”
Wen Yifan’s tone was gentle: “I’m quite sure.”
Zhong Siqiao: “Why?”
“Because I wasn’t very nice to him. For a while, my personality was a bit sharp,” Wen Yifan pursed her lips, looking a bit lost, “Sang Yan was the only one who was very good to me—”
“But was hurt by me.”
She felt guilty and sorry.
She also knew that he wouldn’t allow it.
Someone had repeatedly trampled his pride underfoot.
–
Wen Yifan remembered very clearly, the second time the teacher misunderstood that she and Sang Yan were in a relationship, she had already moved to live with her uncle.
At that time, although the teacher notified Zhao Yuandong because Zhao Yuandong didn’t have time, she still entrusted this matter to Uncle Wen Liangxian. So the person who came to see the teacher on her behalf was Wen Liangxian.
It happened to be Friday afternoon that day.
After the parents finished talking, Wen Yifan was taken home by Wen Liangxian.
The entire car ride was silent.
Wen Yifan was nervous the whole way, carefully explaining many things, but Wen Liangxian didn’t say anything. She was afraid that if she said too much, he would find it annoying, so she could only remain silent afterward.
Until they got back to her uncle’s house.
At that time, Che Yanqin was also there. Seeing her return, she blurted out: “Shuangjiang, you’re disobedient. It’s not easy for us to take care of you, always causing trouble for your uncle. He’s already busy enough with work, can’t you save us some worry?”
Wen Yifan was still standing at the entrance, her fingers a bit stiff. She couldn’t even make the motion of taking off her shoes, feeling that she shouldn’t walk in, feeling that whatever she did seemed to be wrong.
Wen Liangxian also spoke at this moment: “Shuangjiang.”
Wen Yifan looked up, silently waiting for judgment.
She would never forget what he said at that time.
Tearing away all the superficial hypocrisy.
As if he could no longer bear it.
“Uncle doesn’t want to blame you, but you need to understand one thing—we have no obligation to raise you,” Wen Liangxian’s appearance was 80% similar to her father’s, but his eyes had a few sharp edges, “But we still treat you like our own daughter.”
We have no obligation to raise you.
No obligation.
To raise you.
“…”
Wen Yifan’s throat choked, and for a moment she couldn’t say anything.
That was the first time.
They had laid their cards on the table so clearly.
Clearly and euphemistically, using words to tell her that they didn’t want her to live here.
“Your brother is now preparing for the college entrance exam, and our focus is all on him. We just need you to be obedient, don’t do anything out of line,” Wen Liangxian said calmly, “Can’t you even do that?”
Wen Yifan stood in place, her head gradually lowering.
Lowered to the dust.
After a long time.
She said softly: “I’m sorry, I won’t do it again.”
…
Back in her room, Wen Yifan immediately took out her phone from the cabinet. She pressed and held the power button, her hands shaking uncontrollably. During the waiting time, she felt like a long century had passed.
Wen Yifan found Zhao Yuandong’s number and called.
After a long time.
Just when Wen Yifan thought the call was about to disconnect automatically, the other end finally picked up.
Zhao Yuandong’s voice came through: “Shuangjiang?”
Wen Yifan’s nose stung, and the tears she had been holding back immediately fell.
Wen Yifan wanted to tell her.
I will be obedient and won’t argue with Zheng Kejia.
I will get along well with Uncle Zheng.
So can you come and take me back to your place?
Can you not let me live alone at my uncle’s house?
Mom, uncle, and the others don’t like me.
Can you take me home?
But before Wen Yifan could say anything, Zheng Kejia’s voice was heard on Zhao Yuandong’s end.
Her tone immediately became anxious, and she hurriedly said: “If you have anything, ask your uncle, be obedient at your uncle’s house, don’t date early, understand?”
Then she hung up the phone.
Listening to the cold beeping sound on the phone, Wen Yifan put down her phone. She lowered her head, looking at the gradually darkening screen, tears still falling. She sat stiffly in place.
At that moment, she felt that her only support had broken.
After an unknown amount of time.
The phone in her hand vibrated again.
She slowly looked down and saw the caller ID.
— Sang Yan.
Wen Yifan stared at it for a long time before answering.
Both ends were silent.
After a while, Sang Yan spoke first: “Are you home?”
Wen Yifan softly made a sound of agreement.
“Did you get scolded?” Sang Yan’s tone seemed a bit nervous, his speech also sounding stuttered, “I didn’t think the teacher would call parents a second time for this little thing, it’s my fault for affecting you, I’m sorry…”
Wen Yifan suddenly interrupted him: “Sang Yan.”
All emotions seemed to have a premonition.
His voice stopped abruptly, not continuing to speak.
That was the moment when Wen Yifan’s negative emotions were at their strongest.
She frantically tried to stop her behavior, knowing that she shouldn’t say such words, at a time when that boy was so apologetic.
But she completely couldn’t control her emotions.
In that silent small room, Wen Yifan heard herself say very softly.
“Can you stop bothering me?”