As the night deepened, the car’s interior light dimmed.
Yun Li turned to Fu Shize, covering his hand with her left hand as well.
For so long, she had known Fu Shize was troubled. Yet she never imagined this matter would torment him so, following him like a shadow.
The campus broadcast began its evening announcement. Yun Li realized they were still within Xi Ke University—it was hard to imagine how Fu Shize felt each time he returned to the laboratory building.
When they reunited, she thought he had returned to his pedestal, unaware of all he bore behind the scenes.
She never imagined how he managed to return to campus after witnessing such a scene.
Yun Li recalled his earlier words: “I wanted to become my former self before finding you again.” A terrifying thought suddenly surfaced in her mind, one that would torment her with endless guilt.
He only appeared to be his former self; his heart remained riddled with wounds.
Yun Li’s hand loosened slightly, her voice trembling: “You’ve been pretending all along, haven’t you?”
After she spoke, she felt Fu Shize stiffen for a moment.
A brief silence followed.
“Yes,” Fu Shize replied. “I thought you’d prefer it that way.”
Her heart felt as if someone had suddenly squeezed it tight.
He had been pretending for her sake.
Yun Li took a deep breath for several seconds. Fu Shize was about to say something more, but as he looked up, he saw her lowered gaze, tears pooling at the edges of her eyes, falling in drops directly onto the storage compartment.
She pressed her lips together without a word.
Fu Shize paused, then silently wiped away her tears with his knuckles.
Yun Li lowered her head, still trying to control the steadiness of her voice: “I truly want you to be well.” She couldn’t continue, her voice breaking involuntarily: “Really, I want you to be very, very well.”
In this relationship, Yun Li had been the initiator, but throughout their time together, from beginning to end, he had done almost everything he could.
Even after they separated, she should have been the one more upset, not Fu Shize.
He had already been so sad and suffered enough.
“Mm.” Fu Shize covered Yun Li’s face with his right hand, his thumb gently brushing her lower eyelid, repeatedly wiping away newly shed tears. His voice was somewhat hoarse: “Li Li, don’t cry anymore.”
Yun Li wiped the tears from her face with the back of her hand, speaking incoherently: “When I said before that I wanted you to return to school, I didn’t mean it like this. I just wanted your life to be a little better.” She cried miserably: “Don’t force yourself to do these things. If you don’t want to talk to others, then don’t. Don’t force yourself to be so positive and ambitious…”
Don’t force yourself for her sake anymore, making yourself even sadder and more miserable.
“After getting back together with you,” Fu Shize gently stroked her head, speaking softly, “it’s no longer pretense. I quite like interacting with you in my current state.”
It had been a long time since he had normally felt the sunlight.
He realized he had missed it quite a bit.
Staring into his eyes, Yun Li wiped her own eyes dry, asking blankly: “But you still have nightmares and insomnia.”
Fu Shize thought seriously for a moment: “Once we live together, I won’t anymore.”
Yun Li was caught off guard by his words, breaking free from her sad emotions. She pondered for a while, then said glumly: “But that means you’d have to continue in this state for quite a long time.”
Fu Shize smiled: “Then we can only hope that day comes sooner.”
When they were in Nanwu, they had lived together for a period. After returning to Xifu, the situation changed. Moving out would face considerable resistance. Yun Li said seriously: “This time, let’s confirm our relationship before living together.”
Fu Shize followed her lead: “That’s what I meant too.”
“…”
Which meaning?
Yun Li paused, looking at him for confirmation. His expression was calm, but his eyes conveyed a clear meaning.
Yes, it’s exactly what you’re thinking.
Yun Li’s face instantly flushed red, forgetting all their previous conversation and worries, blurting out: “No way.”
“?”
“This is too informal,” Yun Li said, feeling constrained.
Fu Shize recalled what he had said, reminding her: “I just said I hope that day comes sooner.”
He meant that they weren’t confirming their relationship and moving in together today.
Yun Li suddenly felt she had presumed too much, saying awkwardly: “Let’s go eat.”
Fu Shize hadn’t finished speaking. Remembering how she had almost run away saying ‘no way’, he said casually: “When the formal day comes, I won’t give you a chance to refuse.”
…
After dinner, Fu Shize held Yun Li’s hand as they strolled to the sports field. They sat in the stands to the side, gazing at the students on the rubber track in the distance.
Fu Shize pointed to a spot where many students were exercising: “It was about that direction back then.”
It had been nine years since that robot soccer competition.
To think he had seen her nine years ago.
Yun Li: “Why were you at the sports field then?”
Fu Shize: “I was bored and passing by. I saw your robot not moving. You probably forgot to turn it on the first time you operated it. You tried for about half an hour.”
“Oh, is that so…” Yun Li couldn’t believe she had made such a basic mistake.
“Then I watched for a while. The first time it moved, you probably pressed the wrong buttons. Chen Luo didn’t tell you, but that controller was custom-made, with buttons different from the standard ones.”
Chen Luo was the name of her team captain at the time. Yun Li was surprised: “Do you know him?”
Fu Shize said calmly: “Yes, I helped him make that controller.”
Yun Li: “…”
Yun Li asked, puzzled: “How is that possible?”
Fu Shize: “?”
Yun Li: “We managed to win a place in the end.”
He gradually told her about the events of that entire day, including many details Yun Li had completely forgotten. He recalled these things very smoothly as if he had gone over them many times before.
“Later, you used the robot to push stones. Your team’s robot wasn’t programmed to kick the ball, it could only push straight. But the motor power of the robot you had was too low, it couldn’t move the stones.”
Yun Li listened in a daze, asking in confusion: “How do you even know about my robot’s code and power?”
“Jiang Yuan recognized that your robot was assembled by Chen Luo, so I asked him about it when I got back.” Fu Shize’s tone didn’t change much when mentioning Jiang Yuan.
“I also went to watch your competition that day.”
It seemed he had taken notice of her very early on. Yun Li smiled, curving her lips: “Were you only 15 then, watching me for so long?” She felt this description wasn’t quite accurate: “No, watching a girl for so long.”
“But I was watching you,” Fu Shize didn’t want to be wrongly accused, chuckling: “Though I regret it now.”
Yun Li: “Huh?”
Fu Shize held her hand: “I should have approached you directly back then.”
Yun Li immediately ruled out this possibility: “I wouldn’t have dated early. I was known as a good student in my class.”
Fu Shize raised an eyebrow slightly: “Dating early doesn’t equal being a bad student.”
“The me back then would have thought early dating meant being a bad student,” Yun Li said slowly.
Seeing her stubborn expression, Fu Shize felt like he might be talking to a stone. He didn’t mind, leaning close to her ear to continue: “Then accompany me in being a bad student for two years.”
“… Until you graduate from high school, then it won’t be early dating anymore.”
Yun Li belatedly realized, a flush of heat rising to her cheeks. After a moment, Fu Shize continued to ask: “Then for these missed years, should I make it up to you?”
His deep eyes held a special meaning. Yun Li could feel his arm resting between her back and the plastic chair, gradually tightening around her waist.
She licked her lips, asking: “How will you make it up?”
“By doing things we would have done?” Fu Shize asked her calmly.
Yun Li didn’t pretend to understand, moving closer to his body, but first asked: “Are there cameras here?”
Fu Shize laughed: “No.”
“Okay,” Yun Li moved closer to his lips: “Then make it up to me.”
…
It was nearly nine o’clock when Yun Li, after receiving a message from Yun Ye, remembered she needed to take him back to school.
Love makes one forgetful; she had lost count of how many times she had forgotten. Hurriedly saying goodbye to Fu Shize, she went home to take Yun Ye to school.
After returning home, she dug out the small soccer ball from a pile of miscellaneous items. It still had the smiley face he had drawn on it.
Remembering Fu Shize’s pale face when he mentioned this earlier today, and how he had been tormented by this for years, day and night.
Her nose tingled.
It wasn’t even his fault.
Wiping the tears from the corners of her eyes, Yun Li felt an urgent desire to see Fu Shize again. She lay down on her bed and made a video call to Fu Shize.
“Li Li.”
As soon as the call connected, his voice came through the phone, the volume just right, tender enough to make one melt.
Yun Li quickly looked up at her door, got up to find her earphones, and put them on.
Fu Shize was already in his dorm room. He had just finished showering, a towel hanging on his hair, a few strands covering his eyes, with beads of water flowing down along his hair.
“…”
Yun Li’s gaze moved downward. He wasn’t wearing anything on his upper body. The camera only captured down to his distinct collarbones, but the shoulder area half-hidden by the towel still invited imagination.
Yun Li: “I’m hanging up.”
Fu Shize, who had been lowering his head to dry his body, looked up at the camera.
He hadn’t turned on the main light. The focused bright white light from the desk lamp shone on the corner of his eye, his black eyes full of moisture and a hint of confusion.
“…”
Fu Shize: “No more video calls?”
The scene made Yun Li blush. She managed to squeeze out a few words: “You’re not properly dressed.”
Fu Shize looked down at himself. The white towel occupied most of the frame, only his chin and moving hair visible.
Fu Shize inwardly laughed: “Then wait a moment.” Mimicking her tone, he said solemnly: “I’ll dress properly.”
He didn’t hang up but stood up, the phone falling with the towel beneath it.
Yun Li had originally only seen his collarbone area. When he propped the phone back up, she saw his face close to the camera, his entire upper body now bare, wearing loose black pajama pants on the lower half.
“…”
Fu Shize slowly turned around, took a white T-shirt from the wardrobe, put it on, sat back in front of the camera, and said while drying his hair: “I’m properly dressed now.”
“…”
A strange sense of not wanting to lose welled up. Yun Li pretended to be calm and said: “Doesn’t your dorm not have a bathroom? Did you go to the floor’s shower room?”
Fu Shize seemed to be pondering the purpose of her question. After a few seconds, he lazily hummed in agreement.
Yun Li continued: “So you just walked back from the corridor with your upper body bare?”
“…”
Yun Li frowned: “Last time you took me there, the doctoral dorm was mixed-gender, and some people brought their girlfriends over.” Her words already held dissatisfaction: “Do you think it’s okay for them to see you like that?”
“It’s not like that,” Fu Shize paused, seeming to feel this answer wasn’t accurate enough, and added: “I didn’t.”
Yun Li oh-ed, slowly asking: “Then did you deliberately take off your shirt after returning to your room to video call me?”
“…”
Her eyes looked straight at the camera: “And then…” She deliberately dragged out her tone: “Pretend to put it back on?”
Fu Shize couldn’t answer either way now. He laughed softly, ignoring Yun Li and continuing to dry his hair.
Unexpectedly, this time she had directly seen through Fu Shize’s little trick. She suddenly felt a bit light-headed and laughed: “You can’t talk your way out of it this time.”
Fu Shize yielded with a hum, paused for a few seconds, and looked up at her.
After drying his hair, Fu Shize hung the towel on the rack. He placed the phone in front of his pillow, half of his face buried in the pillow, his hair still damp, eyes looking towards a book to the side, like a lazy cat.
Yun Li stared at the pupils on the screen, truly feeling that there was no longer any reservation between them.
After a long while, she said uncontrollably, “I love you.”
Fu Shize shifted his chin resting on the pillow, propping up his upper body slightly, and lazily said to the camera.
“I love you.”
Then he lay back down, looking at the book beside him.
Yun Li couldn’t help but say again: “I love you.”
Fu Shize didn’t look at the camera: “How many times do you want to say it?”
Yun Li: “How many times can I say it?”
Fu Shize smiled: “As many as you want.” As he said, he responded to what she had just said.
—”I love you.”
If it’s “I love you,” you can say it as many times as you want.
And you can ask me to say it as many times as you want, too.