◎ An Absurd and Broken Night ◎

The second Yuan Ye saw Chun Zao’s incoming call downstairs, his heart sank, vaguely sensing something had happened. The girl’s slightly trembling voice rang in his ear, panicked to the point of incoherence: “Can you come up… I—”

Her words were cut off there.

Yuan Ye gripped his phone tightly and rushed upstairs at the fastest speed possible. After entering, he slowed his pace while catching his breath.

The living room was like an emptied refrigerator, all traces of daily warmth completely dissipated, incomparably cold and desolate.

When his eyes fell on Chun Zao, who was silently looking down, and Chun Chuzhen by the table, his brow furrowed tightly.

Chun Chuzhen looked at him expressionlessly.

The young man avoided her eyes, his gaze sweeping over the messy tabletop.

When it paused on certain items, emotions of heartache and indignation immediately surged in his eyes.

His chest rose and fell deeply once. He clenched his hands hanging at his sides and walked to Chun Zao’s side.

The girl didn’t look at him the entire time, like a puppet with broken joints, her head hanging powerlessly on her neck, completely lifeless.

The middle-aged woman didn’t immediately explode. On the contrary, her tone was flat, as if making casual conversation: “Little Yuan, if I hadn’t let Chun Zao call you, when were you planning to come up?”

Yuan Ye didn’t respond.

“Five minutes? Eight minutes? Ten minutes?” Chun Chuzhen snorted lightly: “You two have so much time.”

She sighed mockingly: “So many tricks too… Impressive, pulling all these little stunts right under my nose. Taking people for fools, huh? Is that it?”

The young man and woman stood side by side before her, both silent.

Chun Chuzhen’s anger surged. Her hand slammed onto the table with a bang, making all the items jump: “Speak up!”

“Are you taking me for a fool!?”

Chun Zao’s thin shoulders trembled slightly from the shock.

Yuan Ye noticed from the corner of his eye, his breathing was growing heavy, his jaw tightening.

“Not talking—fine, I’ll speak for you,” the woman’s tone calmed down, but became even more chilling: “I noticed something was wrong with you two long ago.”

“Especially you,” she temporarily didn’t want to deal with someone else’s child, just heartbroken and disappointed that her daughter couldn’t distinguish priorities. She aimed her attack at Chun Zao: “Chun Zao.”

She reached out and casually pushed some things on the table: “It’s not like I didn’t know about this box of yours. I used to turn a blind eye, thinking girls having some secrets was nothing—your sister used to keep a diary too. But look at you, what have you been putting in here?”

She picked up an envelope, put it down, then picked up a coffee card, put it down again, and there was that familiar bottle cap, as if devaluing and selling her vulnerabilities and self-respect on display.

Finally holding that bottle cap, looking left and right: “You keep this stuff, even draw patterns on it. What for?” She seemed amused: “If you have the mind for this nonsense, why not do a few more practice problems?”

Chun Zao’s breathing quickened. An intense, unbearable burning pain struck her brain, finally gathering around her eyes as scalding anguish, ready to spill over.

She could barely breathe or stand straight, her fingers beginning to tremble lightly.

Seeing her daughter’s ears red as if about to drip blood, Chun Chuzhen dropped the bottle cap.

It rolled around on the table, spinning several times with clicking sounds before slowly coming to a stop.

Like a transitional signal, Chun Chuzhen officially opened her box of mockery. She took a deep breath:

“Chun Zao, I’ll ask you one thing—does your current behavior deserve what I’ve done for you? From childhood to now, the way I’ve raised you, cared for you, immediately renting a place for you when you got into Yizhong to accompany your studies—look what you’re doing now, what’s filling your head all day.”

Large teardrops fell from Chun Zao’s face. She choked back sobs without arguing.

“I know what you want to argue, you want to say your studies are stable, your ranking hasn’t dropped. It hasn’t dropped, but have you scored below 130 in math since high school? That was already a weak subject, and last time’s score was even more terrible. Do you know why I watched you every day during summer break? I was afraid that even at this critical juncture, your head still wouldn’t be clear, that you’d still be thinking about running out all day. What did you tell me during the summer? That you left something here and needed to get it. I said I’d get it for you. What did you say back? You said—no need.”

“No need…” Chun Chuzhen repeated, laughing until her upper body shook: “I think your heart is completely left here.”

“In May, I felt you were different from before; your state had changed. I thought I’d observe for a while. But you two are getting more and more excessive. What were you doing downstairs just now? And before that, too—several times I saw you two from upstairs, do either of you look like students at all?”

“It’s senior year—”

“It’s already senior year.”

She glanced at Yuan Ye and continued mocking her daughter: “The one next to you is impressive, always in first place. What about you? What school are you planning to attend? Spending all your thoughts on these things, what school can you get into? Tell me? It’s senior year, and you still don’t know how to focus, flirting and sweet-talking all day—do you have an ounce of dignity as a girl?!”

Just as Chun Chuzhen’s scolding ended, Yuan Ye could no longer bear it. His lips, pale from being pressed tight, moved: “Auntie, please don’t talk about her like that.”

Hearing this, Chun Zao’s tears flowed like a spring, but she bit her teeth hard to prevent herself from showing weakness.

Chun Chuzhen’s eyes moved to his face. The young man’s brows were sharp, staring directly at her.

The protective intent was unmistakable, enough to make her heart skip a beat.

The woman was angered by his fearless appearance, laughing furiously: “Don’t be in such a rush. Perfect timing—I wanted to ask you something too.”

“You like her?” Chun Chuzhen’s tone was calm.

Yuan Ye didn’t hesitate, speaking clearly: “I like her.”

A sob escaped from Chun Zao’s nose, but she quickly suppressed it herself.

Chun Chuzhen asked again: “How much do you like her?”

The boy stopped there. Without a doubt, he liked Chun Zao very much. Seeing her suffer, hearing her being so cruelly accused, his heart felt like it was being torn apart continuously. But at this moment, he couldn’t imagine or prove to what extent he could go for her. He couldn’t speak out against her mother, even though he’d endured to the point where blood rushed to his head and his brain was roaring. He couldn’t grab her hand and rashly flee and escape, completely breaking away from this suffocating, oppressive little room, because she would ultimately and necessarily have to return here. All he could do was stand beside her and speak some words of minimal force. He was like a helpless waste.

Chun Chuzhen seemed to have expected this. She turned to find the note on the table and, as important evidence, lightly tossed it in front of him: “Is this how you like her? Getting her internet, getting her a phone card, and then what? Let her date you? Convenient for your romantic talks—this is your kind of liking?”

Yuan Ye felt like he had a fishbone stuck in his throat.

Chun Chuzhen pressed her advantage: “You’re guaranteed Tsinghua or Peking University—is she? If you can’t get into the same school, would you give up Tsinghua or Peking University for her?”

“Laughable. You can choose Tsinghua or Peking University with any first-tier score. What about her?”

“Will you take responsibility for her?”

“If you were a responsible boy, you shouldn’t harm her like this.”

“You like her, but can’t wait until after the college entrance exam to pursue her? You can’t wait even one or two years? Is this how you like her?”

“What if you can’t get into the same school later, if you’re in a long-distance relationship and don’t see each other for years—do you still have that confidence and determination to date her? You live together every day, go to school together every day, see each other every day, and feel your relationship is so deep that you can’t live without each other. What about later? Dare you guarantee there won’t be any changes? If she doesn’t do well on the college entrance exam because of this, who’s responsible? Will you take responsibility? Let me tell you who’s responsible-not—not me, and not you.”

She pointed at her daughter, her voice ringing: “She. She takes responsibility herself.”

Her hostility and hatred toward Yuan Ye reached its peak at this moment: “If you don’t want to do well for yourself, fine, but don’t come and corrupt my daughter. Your parents don’t care about you, no one taught you integrity and shame—that’s fine, but don’t come and harm my Chun—”

Before she could finish, the girl who hadn’t uttered a single word or sentence from beginning to end suddenly raised her head and looked directly at her mother:

“Mom, stop talking.”

Her cheeks were covered with wet traces, but her voice at this moment carried no trace of crying. On the contrary, it was cool and low, like frozen marbles dropping in the room.

Her eyes were the same. Pupils dark and black, filled with the desperate determination of a cornered beast about to strike.

Chun Chuzhen broke out in goosebumps all over.

Chun Zao asked quietly: “Does your current behavior have anything to do with integrity and shame?”

Chun Chuzhen was shocked with rage: “What are you saying!”

“I’m saying—you’re not worthy. You’re not worthy of being a mother, not worthy of preaching. These empty, grandiose nonsense—I’ve heard it for so many years my ears are about to grow calluses. Do you still think you’re so reasonable? Do you think I’ve ever really taken it to heart?”

She pulled out a cold smile: “I haven’t.”

“Not once. From birth until now, I haven’t had a single second where I didn’t want to break free from you, get away from you. Do you remember when your sister was in her senior year of college during winter break? One night, you and she were arguing in the living room. What did my sister say about you? She said she didn’t want to become a woman like you—finding a husband who doesn’t care about anything, using children as an outlet and vent, then living out a mediocre life.”

Yuan Ye looked at Chun Zao in shock, wanting to tug her arm to remind her to calm down and not say more harsh words she didn’t mean.

Chun Zao quickly broke free, with surprising strength.

At this moment, she had become like a slender, transparent test tube, completely emptied from top to bottom, no liquid, no reaction—no one should think of pouring any more experimental materials into it.

No one should think of pointing fingers at her temperament and personality anymore.

She didn’t care.

She too wanted to become like her sister from that cold night, swinging the selfish blade at her mother without hesitation, even if blood flowed freely.

With festering pain spreading in her chest, she continued: “You probably don’t know. Me, my dad, and dad—none of us have ever truly respected you or liked you from the bottom of our hearts. It’s all been forced out by you, pretended. Someone like you, living like a joke, also deserves to educate others? Following your words would truly ruin one’s life completely.”

Disbelief floated in Chun Chuzhen’s eyes.

She stared at this completely unfamiliar daughter. In her panic, she struggled to maintain a superior, contemptuous smile: “You’re the one who shouldn’t joke. If it weren’t for me, would there be a Chun Zao in this world?”

Chun Zao kept a straight face: “So I should thank you for giving birth to me?”

“Not only did I give birth to you, but I saved your life.” Chun Chuzhen’s eyes suddenly reddened: “To let you be born, I gave up the job I loved, gave up the life I should have had. Yes, I became a housewife who could only cook and clean at home, looked down upon by all of you. I wholeheartedly, meticulously cared for you, raised you. It’s fine if you’re not grateful, but to say this about me—” The woman drew in a short nasal sound, looking at her daughter with complete disappointment: “The one beside you, you’ve only known for a year, and who knows what kind of person he’ll be in the future. For him, you want to list my crimes here?”

“Without me, you wouldn’t even have had the chance to see this world. Still want to know him, like him? Dream on.” She said mockingly.

Chun Zao could no longer suppress herself. Her emotional defenses collapsed, tears pouring out like broken pearls.

A harsh sob tore from her throat: “Mom, if you didn’t want to give birth to me so much, you could have chosen not to. Then you wouldn’t have been dragged down by me in life, you wouldn’t have had to control and manipulate me in every way, spending time, energy, and cost to care for me, and you wouldn’t have to attack an innocent person because of me.”

“So what if I like him? Is it so shameful, so unforgivable? Why can you always, always make every single one of my ‘likings’ become so lowly, timid, shameful, only able to hide in that coffin-like iron box? Why? I just want to ask you why, just because you’re my mother?”

“All these years, I’ve almost always conformed to your preferences because I thought I could understand—that was perhaps your love for your daughter. Even if it was wrong, even if it was suffocating, even if it was painful to the point of death, I would always grow up, endure until the end, so your love could be realized and my life could return to my own hands.”

“What about you? Do you love me? Are you sure what you’ve given me is love? Have you ever respected any of my ‘likings’?”

Her emotions were like fierce fire meeting oil, exploding and then instantly extinguishing:

“I suddenly understand.”

“You don’t love me at all.”

“You hate me.”

“You’re punishing me with all the pain you’ve experienced and felt because of me, punishing me for ruining your life.”

“This is you, my dear mother.”

“You don’t love me at all. You hate me completely.”

When the words fell, it was as if a rest mark had been pressed in the air.

Chun Chuzhen’s face became completely indifferent, her eyes too, losing focus like two dried-up wells: “Yes, I shouldn’t have given birth to you in the first place.”

“Fine, I’ll disappear from your sight right now.”

Throwing down these words, Chun Zao pulled Yuan Ye beside her and rushed out of this airtight cage without looking back, out of this absurd and broken night.