The pale moonlight shone down as it had from ancient times to the present, and the person stood there wordlessly as if intending to remain until the end of time.

So that’s how it is.

Nanyi’s mind churned in chaos with this thought.

The vast majority of people in this world die in an instant, but some people’s deaths are a slow torture spanning long years.

He must have fantasized about returning home in glory, about seeing daylight again. When the kingdom was crumbling, the young man accepted a dangerous mission, infiltrating enemy territory to steal intelligence and lend aid to his homeland. But darkness is ultimately darkness, and while fighting against it, a person will also be devoured by it. Then slowly, even the passionate heroic spirit gets worn away, leaving only a heart seeking redemption.

He no longer wanted to see dawn break. He didn’t need everyone to feel guilty toward him—that would only make everyone feel uncomfortable. He just wanted it to end here, with all suffering remaining in the darkness alongside him, while those in the light could walk toward tomorrow with clear consciences.

Nanyi finally realized he had lost the will to live.

She knew he would abandon her sooner or later, but his abandonment didn’t make her hate him. How could she help him? She couldn’t help him at all. How could there be such powerless things in this world?

Nanyi lowered her head to stare at the blank ground. The water on her body had dripped into a small shallow puddle on the floor. Each falling drop was a shattering, and everything within sight became so cruel.

She gave up thinking. She escaped.

She suddenly raised her head to look at him and said without preamble: “I’m cold.”

Xie Queshan was stunned for a moment. The river wind was indeed a bit cold, and he hadn’t noticed she was standing right in the wind.

This dreamlike night seemed to harbor demons that released sorrow. He had been mesmerized, his entire being floating emptily in mid-air. But this simple statement, with no deeper meaning, was like a spell that suddenly pulled his soul back from that void of sorrow and despair. His five senses returned to their places—he was still solidly alive, and the person he loved stood right before him.

Only now did he truly come back to his senses and study her carefully.

He felt helpless. He thought he shouldn’t have let her stay, but in this vast river heart, this dim night, where else could he send her? He understood she was seeking warmth from him, using this to prove he was still a person with hot blood flowing through his veins. She was using these insignificant details to blind him to everything else.

In the end, Xie Queshan silently took her hand and led her into the room. He was somewhat dazed—in reality, it seemed she was leading him, step by step into a beautiful dream.

He closed the doors and windows and lit the charcoal fire.

She hadn’t brought a change of clothes, so she could only wear his first.

He lowered the bed curtains to let her change inside. This futile gesture of propriety made both of them flusteredly blush.

The rustling sound of clothing continued, and reality grew ever more intense, as if the heart-wrenching confession just now was merely a passing wind that had blown by and gone.

Xie Queshan was possessed as he gazed toward the hazy silhouette reflected on the curtains.

Some vague yet honest tender feelings surged up in his heart.

Humans are truly strange—unless their heads fall and their blood runs dry, they can somehow keep living. Even in such ashen circumstances, he still felt a trace of unwillingness and desire stirring.

They would still have to experience all the love, hate, and suffering of this world to complete this lifetime of being human.

But he didn’t want to burden her anymore.

Nanyi walked out from behind the curtains barefoot, her delicate body hidden in the oversized robes. Xie Queshan glanced up, then guiltily withdrew his gaze to focus intently on the stove before him.

She ran lightly across the thick felt carpet to the stove.

Earlier she had been too tense to feel so cold, but now with real warmth available, her whole body began shivering instead. She stretched out her hands and feet to warm by the fire, like a little turtle extending its claws—the sight was rather comical.

Xie Queshan glanced at her intermittently while poking at the charcoal in the stove.

“Does Zhang Yuehui know you came?”

The water boiled, and he poured her a cup of hot tea.

Nanyi answered with righteous confidence: “Of course he knows, otherwise how could I possibly have found this place?”

“Then when the people bringing food come tomorrow, you’ll go back with them.”

“I won’t leave!” Nanyi immediately expressed her position vehemently.

Xie Queshan’s expression remained indifferent.

“I made a bet with Zhang Yuehui. He said you’d drive me away, I said you’d definitely be willing to let me stay with you,” Nanyi began making things up wholesale. “If he wins the bet, I’ll have to marry him. Would you be happy with that too?”

“Boss Zhang is…” Xie Queshan seemed very calm, his slightly heavy voice seeming to sigh.

Nanyi felt she was going a bit crazy—she even wanted to grasp onto this trace of a sigh. She pricked up her ears waiting for Xie Queshan’s next words.

“…not bad either. At least he has gold mountains and silver mountains, so you wouldn’t lack for food and drink. Looks like he’s going to win this time.”

Nanyi anxiously interrupted: “I just can’t lose!”

“But that’s not up to you.” He replied without any particular tone.

Nanyi angrily threw her teacup on the ground. The cup rolled in a circle on the felt carpet, completely unharmed. She crouched down to chase after it and pick it up, but the cup kept rolling forward. She anxiously chased after it in an embarrassed state, finally managing to grab the cup back into her hands. In her fury she smashed it against the wall, picked up a shard, and stuffed it into Xie Queshan’s hand.

Nanyi had a look of facing death unflinchingly, an attitude of complete desperation: “Xie Queshan, didn’t you tell me to die by your hand? Didn’t you tell me not to think of escaping? How are you going back on your word now? You want to die, right? Then before you die, kill me first. Let’s die together.”

Nanyi guided Xie Queshan’s hand to gesture at her own neck, then hesitated and gestured at her wrist instead.

This pause made the momentum collapse completely, and even Nanyi felt guilty.

“…Which place would be quicker to die from cutting?”

“What nonsense are you spouting.” Xie Queshan frowned and threw away the porcelain shard, pulling back his hand.

He looked at her, and she stubbornly glared back at him.

“Sit down.” He glared at her sternly.

Nanyi pouted but still reluctantly accepted this not-so-graceful way out and sat back down.

“Paper tiger,” Nanyi muttered under her breath.

The conversation broke off again, and the atmosphere fell silent like an unspoken order to leave.

This silence drove Nanyi crazy. She was afraid the conversation would end, afraid Xie Queshan wouldn’t argue with her anymore. Even if he called her unreasonable and troublesome, it seemed that way she could hold onto Xie Queshan and not let him drift further and further away. She was like a madwoman desperately trying to pluck flowers from a mirror or fish the moon from water—completely without method, stubbornly single-minded.

She fiercely added: “I’m telling you, if you don’t kill me, don’t think about dying—and don’t get clever ideas about driving me away either. Push me too far and I’ll jump in the river.”

“Do as you please.”

Xie Queshan put down the charcoal tongs, got up to leave, leaving behind one cool and indifferent sentence: “There’s another room next door. Find your own place to sleep.”

Just as Xie Queshan had covered himself with the quilt and lain down, an agile figure burst in, very skillfully stepping over him to the inner side of the bed and burrowing into the quilt.

Her icy body brought a chill. Immediately her arms wrapped around him boldly as she declared shamelessly: “Let’s sleep together.”

Xie Queshan instinctively wanted to push her away, but she played the rogue: “I’m cold, and there’s no charcoal fire lit next door. The cheap wind on this river blows like it costs nothing—it could freeze a person to death.”

Xie Queshan was speechless. He wanted to say something but didn’t want to get entangled, so he simply closed his eyes and pretended to sleep.

Though he always put on a cold face, his body was very hot. A person’s temperature is honest.

Nanyi’s heart immediately settled. She was going to firmly grip this physical form and make him stay burning hot forever.

She knew he wasn’t asleep and began chattering: “If you want to kill me, you can’t freeze me to death, right?”

He ignored her—he was restraining himself from giving her hope, and he couldn’t give himself hope either. Even if she cursed him for being heartless and faithless, he would bear it all. But she kept talking about death, and Xie Queshan couldn’t help but retort: “When did I ever say I wanted to kill you?”

His response was like opening a floodgate that gave Nanyi an opportunity. Even in the darkness, he could feel Nanyi perk up instantly and sit up abruptly on the bed.

“When did you stop wanting to kill me? At Tiger Kneel Mountain, the five characters you wrote for me were all ‘death,’ and you told me to pick out a ‘life’! Were you determined to have me die?”

“I stole a city defense map and you wanted to beat me to death!”

“When I wanted to leave Li Du Mansion you even grabbed my throat! What if you had really strangled me to death!”

Xie Queshan: …

Fine, fine, fine. Let her scold to her heart’s content.

She scolded him sentence by sentence, but it made his heart feel a bit fuller. Fortunately this was nighttime and no one could see his eyes moisten.

She had charged into his life recklessly, vivacious and fierce, swinging her small fists yet able to precisely find his most vulnerable places and strike true, shattering all his shells. His stagnant life had gained the colors of spring because of her arrival.

He was so fortunate to have met such a person. But she seemed quite unfortunate, because he was a terrible lover. He even felt a little resentful of himself for dragging her into this chaos, this romance where it now seemed he could give her nothing.

“What did you mean by leaving me contraceptive medicine?” she suddenly asked.

Xie Queshan was startled: “What else could it mean?”

“Heartless man!” she cursed through gritted teeth. “Look, didn’t you murder our future children? You’re so cold-blooded!”

Xie Queshan: “…It wouldn’t happen immediately anyway.”

Her eyes rolled slyly, and taking advantage of his unguarded moment, she suddenly leaned down, nose tip brushing his nose tip, breath spraying on his face: “Then how many times would it take?”

Her hair brushed against his cheek, causing a slight itch.

Xie Queshan took a deep breath, pushed her shoulders to turn her around full circle, wrapped the quilt around her, and made her face the wall.

“Sleep—” Feeling Nanyi still moving, he threatened: “Move again and I’ll throw you overboard.”

After a long while, both their breathing gradually calmed. Nanyi turned around stealthily like a thief, moving close to him. Seeing he didn’t react, her arm finally climbed onto his body and hugged him tightly.

“Only good people need redemption; bad people don’t. You’re just a bastard, so you should stick to one path to the end and never look back,” she pillowed on his shoulder hollow, speaking very quietly yet very clearly. “And then, you can escape to me.”

Xie Queshan heard this, but he didn’t dare answer. He even held his breath.

“I know all your secrets, so with me, you don’t need to feel guilty or evil. If you want to be happy, be happy. If you want to be sad, be sad. I’ll keep my mouth sealed.”