These Shandong big steamed buns were made with very honest ingredients. After eating a few bites, Wang Daxia found them so dry he couldn’t swallow properly and had to drink water while eating. The water made the buns expand in his stomach, and after just ten bites, Wang Daxia felt uncomfortably full.

He put down the big bun with a bite taken out of it and pulled out several receipts from his robes. “These are for clothes, shoes, and other disguise items bought with Constable Wu, plus the carriage fare back to the capital. Please sign them, Commander Lu, so I can get reimbursed at the office tomorrow.”

Lu Ying signed without even looking at the prices. “Today’s mission was completed well. You brought to life a dissolute woman from the pleasure quarters – not going into theater is truly a waste of your talents at the Embroidered Uniform Guard.”

Wang Daxia chuckled. “I think I’m quite beautiful too.”

After signing, Lu Ying extended her hand: “Give them to me.”

Wang Daxia folded the signed receipts. “That’s all – just these few.”

Lu Ying crooked her finger. “I mean the five hundred taels in banknotes – the five hundred-tael Santong Bank notes the White Deer Temple head gave you.”

Wang Daxia shrank back. “This… I sacrificed my beauty for this silver – Commander Lu wants to confiscate it too? This is my body-selling money!”

Lu Ying: “This is dirty money.”

Getting silver from Wang Daxia was harder than extracting money from Yan Shifan. Wang Daxia refused to return the dirty money, arguing righteously:

“The Embroidered Uniform Guard posted a thousand-tael reward notice. I braved sandstorms daily selling face veils and waiting like a hunter for prey, drinking sand every day – was it easy for me? I was first to discover the person – you can’t deny that, right? Though we designed the trap together to catch him, let me shamelessly say I deserve first credit for this, don’t I?”

“Of course, Constable Wu and the brothers all contributed effort – I can’t hog the credit. I don’t want much – half the reward money, five hundred taels, with the remaining five hundred for Commander Lu to distribute. That’s not excessive, right? Either way you’d give me five hundred taels. Why confiscate five hundred in dirty money then give me five hundred in reward money? Left hand out, right hand in – so troublesome.”

Wang Daxia had a three-year agreement with Wei Caiwei, giving him only three years to earn money for marriage! Thus he valued money more than anyone. Gone was his previous lazy, perfunctory attitude – he’d become work-enthusiastic and hardworking. Previously he was bad at everything except eating first; now he excelled at everything, especially reimbursements.

Lu Ying said: “Embroidered Uniform Guard rewards are definitely merit-based. You getting five hundred taels isn’t impossible, but things must be kept separate – dirty money is dirty money, reward money is reward money. They can’t be confused or the accounts won’t balance. Give me the banknotes. I need to turn them over to the dirty money vault.”

Only a serious superior like Lu Ying (mainly because Wang Daxia couldn’t beat her) could control a slippery character like Wang Daxia.

Wang Daxia reluctantly pulled out the five banknotes he’d been keeping warm in his robes, as if cutting away flesh.

Lu Ying took the banknotes, but Wang Daxia wouldn’t let go, stretching them taut.

Lu Ying said: “If you don’t let go, the banknotes will tear in half and you’ll pay for the damage.”

Wang Daxia immediately released them.

During their conversation, the carriage reached the area near White Deer Temple on Fucheng Gate Street. Though official curfew hadn’t begun, the streets were already empty and shops had closed early.

The carriage stopped in an alley. The two, wearing White Deer Temple robes, walked along the temple’s perimeter wall where two ropes for climbing hung down – prepared in advance by the secret agent who’d infiltrated to assist them.

They put on gloves, grabbed the ropes, and climbed up the wall with their feet. When Wang Daxia reached the top, he felt something cold and wet hit his face veil, instantly dampening it.

Then droplets of rain mixed with salt-like fine snow began falling – sleet. The ice and snow would freeze the floating dust, finally ending nearly a month of sandstorm haze.

While Lu Ying and Wang Daxia were conducting their night investigation of White Deer Temple, Wei Caiwei had also arrived at Yude Palace in the Forbidden City. She wore a dust-proof veil hat that hung to her ankles as she alighted from the carriage.

A similarly veiled nanny helped her: “Be careful, Dr. Wei. It’s snowing and the roads are slippery.”

Finally it was snowing. Tomorrow she wouldn’t need to be bundled up completely, and the air wouldn’t always carry that choking earthy smell.

Wei Caiwei entered Yude Palace to find it brilliantly lit with air-death-wind lanterns hanging everywhere. Even at the main hall entrance stood two rows of lamp stands holding at least fifty lanterns each. Even wearing her face veil and hat, Wei Caiwei found the light blindingly bright.

Additionally, a tall altar had been erected at the main hall entrance where over a dozen Taoists were circling and chanting scriptures despite the hail and snow. A yellow-robed Taoist was conducting a ritual, wielding a wooden sword with impressive flourishes.

This yellow-robed Taoist was none other than Lan Daoxing, currently Emperor Jiajing’s most favored Taoist.

As the wind grew wilder and the sleet more intense, Lan Daoxing remained steady as Mount Tai. He dipped his wooden sword tip in a yellow talisman covered in ghostly scrawls, lit it in a brazier, then with his left hand forming mystical seals and right hand dancing the flaming sword, stepped in the pattern of the Big Dipper while chanting the Big Dipper Spirit Incantation:

“Big Dipper’s seven stars, divine energy rules heaven. Tiangang Great Saint, mighty light spans thousands. Above heaven, below earth, severing evil sources. Rising on clouds, descending before the altar. True energy descends, piercing water, entering smoke. Transmitted through three realms, ten thousand demons submit. Slay monsters, erase traces, resurrect the dead to immortality.”

After finishing the chant, Lan Daoxing pointed his flaming sword northward and shouted loudly: “Heaven and earth mysterious sect! Command demons destroyed, urgent as law commands!”

As his words ended, three explosive bangs erupted from the north with sparks flying. The flame on Lan Daoxing’s sword tip extinguished simultaneously.

Lan Daoxing covered his chest with his left hand, used his wooden sword as a cane with his right, and spat out blood: “The black specter has been eliminated.”

The palace servants all prostrated before Lan Daoxing: “Immortal Lan has manifested his power! The evil black specter is eliminated!”

Lan Daoxing said: “There’s more than one black specter. Eliminating this one, more may come later. Black specters fear light most and don’t emerge during day. Tonight you must tend these lamps – as long as the lights burn through the night, black specters won’t enter the palace to harm Noble Consort Shang.”

The palace servants quickly agreed to take shifts maintaining the lamp oil.

Nanny Song also bowed toward Lan Daoxing from afar. She made no distinction between Buddhism and Taoism, clasping her hands together: “Amitabha Buddha. His Majesty had Immortal Lan come to Yude Palace to perform rituals and drive away evil spirits. It seems our Noble Consort’s illness will soon recover.”

Wei Caiwei remained silent. Actually, Lan Daoxing had just performed a magic trick – he’d simply thrown three firecrackers northward. Of course they exploded with bangs, but positioned high on the altar, the palace servants couldn’t see his sleight of hand.

But Wei Caiwei saw through everything, understanding Lan Daoxing’s tricks completely. In her previous life, after Lan Daoxing fell from favor and was imprisoned in the Eastern Depot, Eunuch Wang Daxia had interrogated him. Under severe torture, Lan Daoxing confessed all his fraudulent tricks, which Wang Daxia had told Wei Caiwei about.

Watching him now in his moment of glory – flames and oil, worshipped by thousands, surveying the masses from his altar like a deity – who could predict that in a few years he’d be squatting in prison, given a cup of poisoned wine by the very Emperor Jiajing who had elevated him?

In the Forbidden City, center of the Ming Dynasty’s fame and fortune arena, gaining imperial favor was easy – if the emperor willed it, not just living people but even a cat could be ennobled. But withdrawing unscathed and achieving a good end was difficult indeed!

In her previous life, Wei Caiwei had used all her cunning and connections to help the naive Shang Qinglan retire safely after her period of favor, enjoying a peaceful life in the rear palace and outliving both her and Wang Daxia – at least when she died, Shang Qinglan was still alive and well, well cared for in the palace by Li Jiubao, who had become Empress Dowager.

Wei Caiwei entered the building, removed her hat and face veil, washed her hands and face, changed into clean outer robes, and even changed shoes before entering Shang Qinglan’s bedchamber.

Emperor Jiajing was actually there! Sitting beside the sickbed holding Shang Qinglan’s hand, looking exhausted.

Shang Qinglan was still feverish and unconscious.

Wei Caiwei quickly bowed to Emperor Jiajing, who raised his hand: “No need for ceremony. Hurry and examine Noble Consort Shang. She’s been delirious with fever, mentioning your name repeatedly.”

Shang Qinglan’s body was very hot, especially her forehead, which was bright red like cinnabar and slightly swollen, resembling the longevity deity in paintings.

Wei Caiwei took her pulse – it was rapid and numerous – and said: “This is from severe fright. Excessive shock has created internal blockage, becoming erysipelas. When erysipelas manifests on the forehead, it’s called ’embracing head erysipelas.'”

Emperor Jiajing said urgently: “Since you know the cause, quickly treat the Noble Consort.”

Wei Caiwei prescribed two doses of erysipelas medicine: “Brew two bowls and bring them over.” Then she took out needles fine as cow hair: “Your Majesty, embracing head erysipelas requires pricking the forehead to release blood and reduce swelling. This heals fastest, but after pricking, the skin needs time to recover – she cannot attend Your Majesty for at least half a month.”

Emperor Jiajing looked at Shang Qinglan’s swollen forehead like a longevity deity: “Just focus on treatment. Even scarring doesn’t matter – what I love isn’t her appearance.”

Wei Caiwei first heated the fine needles until red-hot, let them cool completely, then pricked to release the poisonous erysipelas blood. After bloodletting and administering medicine, by midnight Shang Qinglan’s fever finally broke, and Emperor Jiajing went to rest in the adjacent room.

The next morning, Shang Qinglan sat up screaming from her dreams: “It’s the black specter! Don’t come near! Don’t eat me! My flesh doesn’t taste good at all!”

Hearing this, Emperor Jiajing ran over in his sleeping robes and bare feet to comfort his beloved consort: “Don’t be afraid. I’m here. Last night Lan Daoxing performed rituals and captured that black specter monster – it won’t emerge to harm anyone again.”

Still shaken, Shang Qinglan threw herself into Emperor Jiajing’s arms, groping around frantically: “Where’s the talisman? Where’s Lan Daoxing’s protective talisman? I must carry it with me always. I was wrong to mock Immortal Lan for pretending to commune with spirits. Immortal Lan is a true immortal who drove away evil spirits for me. I must reward him well.”

Wei Caiwei, who had stayed up through the night checking on Shang Qinglan’s condition and hadn’t slept well, had red-rimmed eyes from exhaustion. She thought: What black specter? There are no monsters at all – it’s all nonsense.

Everything was Lan Daoxing’s self-directed performance, aimed at making the emperor’s new favorite consort grateful to him, using his talismans, drinking his blessed water, and becoming his patron.

Shang Qinglan’s thigh was too thick – I wasn’t the only one wanting to embrace it. So many people competed to grab onto this thick thigh, including Lan Daoxing.

But with me here, I won’t let you succeed.

I didn’t let you succeed in my previous life, sending you that cup of poisoned wine. This lifetime it’s even more impossible.

Author’s Note: Caiwei: Protecting our naive Qinglan, I’ll use science to defeat superstition.

Wang Daxia’s fake breasts are Shandong Jiaodong big steamed buns, truly bigger than heads and super filling. I’ve eaten them several times. Also, Wang Daxia’s dizzying breast-shaking is real – go to my Weibo (username Mulanzhou with yellow V verification) and look at the previous posts. There’s a swimsuit model runway show where the first model to appear is the prototype for Wang Daxia’s breast-shaking. It really will make you dizzy – if you don’t believe me, go look. I’m not exaggerating at all.

Note 1: Both incantations are from Taoism’s “Morning and Evening Service Manual”

Note 2: Information about erysipelas and embracing head erysipelas symptoms and treatments comes from Tan Yunxian’s “Miscellaneous Records of Female Physicians”