Near the end of the year, the first snow fell at the Imperial Tomb, and Scholar Zhao’s new play was half completed. It was said that this new story was modeled after the emotional journey between the General and Miss Xin, with Scholar Zhao’s unique sentimental and emotional touches added, making it his most prized classic work in recent years.
The General had even personally crafted two brand new puppets, naming one Qiao and the other Mei, specifically to serve as the male and female protagonists for this play. After Miss Xin finished reading the script, she cried for a full day and night, naming it “Heaven-Made Bitter Couple” and leaving behind a precious review: “Complete nonsense.”
That day was December thirteenth, heavy snow.
The theater stage had been set up early under Scholar Zhao’s direction, and below the stage, a group of little demons had already claimed the best spots, eagerly anticipating the year’s final classic performance.
Xin Mei used her privileged status to choose the most central front-row seat.
Before the play began, she methodically pulled items from her storage pouch to prepare—a thick stack of handkerchiefs for wiping tears; another thick stack of handkerchiefs for getting Scholar Zhao’s autograph; a hand warmer for keeping warm; sunflower seeds for snacking…
In the blink of an eye, Lu Qianqiao’s hands were already full and couldn’t hold anything more. Xin Mei sighed with lingering desire, adjusted the pile of items in his arms, found a comfortable position, and burrowed her head under his armpit. Very good, this was very good.
Faced with her penetrating nature, Lu Qianqiao had become quite calm and accustomed to it. He placed the pile of inexplicable items on a chair beside them, opened his cloak to wrap around her, and held her in his embrace.
“Are you cold?”
He looked down at her not-too-thick jacket, which had two white pompoms dangling from the collar. Combined with the fluffy hairpin in her hair, she looked even more like a little white rabbit.
“Shh, don’t talk, it’s starting!” Xin Mei covered his mouth.
The row of lanterns on the theater stage silently lit up, casting the accumulated snow in the dark night into a warm orange-red glow. The graceful and elegant little Mei made her first appearance.
The little demons below the stage buzzed in unison, all turning to look toward Xin Mei’s direction. Obviously, this puppet was made much more beautiful than the real person—this is what they call beauty being in the eye of the beholder; in the General’s eyes, Miss Xin was a fairy.
Nearly sixteen-year-old little Mei was a spirited, free-spirited, and unrestrained young lady. Though incomparably beautiful, no one dared propose marriage to her, as rumors claimed she had a fate that would bring misfortune to her husband. Her family was heartbroken over her marriage prospects, and in desperation, little Mei resolved to go out and buy herself a husband, thus beginning a magical and winding journey in her life.
Afterward, she encountered many people—an enchanting fox immortal, a weak and cowardly immortal, and finally, she met her nemesis, Cavalry General Qianqiao. The two were struck by lightning and fire at first sight, fell in love at first meeting on the first day, and by the second day were deeply infatuated and inseparable. (Xin Mei’s words: This is love that comes from intimacy.)
Though they were mutually attracted, the General faced the tribulation of transformation and might very well die in the process. So after repeated intimacy, he suddenly realized this couldn’t continue. To avoid ruining little Mei’s life, he was intimate one last time, then silently left his beloved, like the wind howling over the Yi River as the General departed never to return. (Lu Qianqiao’s inner thoughts: Who is this scoundrel? I’ll have Si Lan burn this script later.)
After the General’s departure, little Mei washed her face with tears day and night, wishing she were dead. During this time, the fox immortal and the cowardly immortal came to comfort her, leading to several complex, cruel love affairs involving force and plunder. Though little Mei was forcibly taken and fought over, her heart truly belonged only to the General. After experiencing ambiguous wet encounters with the fox immortal and attempted forced possession by the cowardly immortal, little Mei still painfully decided to leave. (Xin Mei: They’re all older than my great-grandfather!)
Who knew there would be light after darkness—after the General left, under the vast blue sky and sea, thinking of her night after night, he couldn’t forget little Mei’s goodness. Upon learning of her entanglements with the other two immortals, he flew into a rage, then was intimate once more. During their intimacy, emotions exploded, leading to passionate entanglement and continued inseparable love. (Lu Qianqiao: Why am I always being intimate…)
The sweetness didn’t last long. The General’s transformation tribulation arrived, and he lost his five senses, becoming a living dead. The General’s mother, for the sake of family honor, sent him to the battlefield, hoping he could gain a good reputation in death. On the crisis-ridden battlefield, the General suddenly awakened, wielding his long blade and killing indiscriminately—
Scholar Zhao shouted from backstage: “Quick! Where’s the prepared chicken blood? Splash it out quickly! Effects! Effects!”
“Splash!” As the General waved his gleaming long blade on stage, bright red chicken blood splattered across the entire stage. The bloody smell spread everywhere, and the demons with keen senses frowned and covered their noses.
Xin Mei took out plum blossom fragrant cakes from her bosom, placed them in the hand warmer, and held it to her nose. She suddenly felt Lu Qianqiao’s arm around her shoulder gradually tighten. She looked up puzzled and saw him expressionless, staring intently at the bright red all over the stage, motionless.
She held the hand warmer up to his nose, and he trembled all over, looking down at her in surprise.
“This way you won’t smell it,” she smiled sweetly, her warm palm covering his cold cheek.
He grasped her hand in return, wrapped the cloak even tighter, and watching the heart-wrenching drama on stage, he thought for a moment and said, “That day… was it like this too?”
He knew he had killed many people that day at Jiaping Pass, but he only learned about it afterward. When he awakened, he had no consciousness, no memory.
“Much worse than this,” Xin Mei spat out two sunflower seed shells. “There were severed hands, feet, internal organs and such…”
“Xin Mei…” he sighed helplessly, “Shut up.”
On stage, the General was showing his might, the war ghost’s power erupting, causing him to let out beast-like joyful howls. He killed his loyal subordinate A Lan who tried to stop him… (another basin of chicken blood), and was about to kill other innocent people nearby. At this critical moment, little Mei appeared.
She rushed forward and hugged the General tightly, calling his name with deep emotion and choking voice. The General’s violent movements gradually calmed down, and finally he regained his sanity. The two embraced and kissed before everyone’s eyes, recounting their deep love.
“Lu Qianqiao, if I had hugged you like that then, could you have regained consciousness?”
Though it was melodramatic and fake, Xin Mei was still moved to tears. She was now completely treating this play as someone else’s story.
“You’d better not even think about such foolish things,” Lu Qianqiao frowned.
She sniffled, then smiled proudly again: “So… at times like that, throwing stones is indeed most effective.”
…No wonder his head hurt so badly when he woke up that day. He had thought he was knocked unconscious by Limin or someone else, but it turned out she had brought stones to throw at him.
The truth was revealed.
He pinched her cheek.
The General, having successfully passed through the transformation tribulation, gained all the war ghost’s power and possessed the most noble and pure bloodline. The General’s mother demanded he continue this pure bloodline by choosing a noble war ghost woman for marriage. Little Mei thought the General would flatly refuse, but unexpectedly, he readily agreed.
[Why? Didn’t you say you would marry me and love me until the end of time?] Little Mei wept silently.
[I don’t remember past events very clearly. If I truly loved you madly, I couldn’t possibly forget. My feelings for you in the past were probably just so-so.] The General said calmly.
[You… you have such a cruel heart!]
[Sorry for delaying you for so long.]
[You’ll regret this! I’ll make you live in regret for your entire life, never to turn over a new leaf!]
Little Mei ran away frantically. The lanterns on stage went out one by one. Scholar Zhao cleared his throat and recited in his gentlest voice: “Why did the General’s temperament change so drastically overnight? Where will little Mei go after this departure? How will their relationship ultimately end? Please wait for the second part of ‘Heaven-Made Bitter Couple’—the exciting parts are yet to come!”
Crying filled the audience below. Xin Mei blew her nose and tugged at his sleeve: “Lu Qianqiao, you won’t marry some noble war ghost and then abandon me, will you?”
…His head really hurt. Tonight he might as well have Si Lan roast some rat meat to eat.
The play ended and people dispersed. The many demons in the Imperial Tomb left with tears and sighs. Xin Mei packed her items back into the storage pouch one by one. Just as she was about to get up, she suddenly saw two lanterns flicker and light up again on stage. Little Mei and Qianqiao were still on stage, one sitting, one lying, their clothes dancing with the snow.
[Qianqiao, you always make me wait, but this time I can’t wait for you.]
Many figures appeared behind them, the cold gleam of blades flashing, piercing the heart.
[This time you wait for me, on the road to the underworld, beside the Bridge of Helplessness.]
The blade light struck down, blood splattered everywhere, falling at the feet of the two people below the stage. The lanterns blinked out again, and the theater stage fell into darkness.
Scholar Zhao poked his head out from backstage, his whiskers twitching with pride: “General, Miss, how was it? This is the grand finale specially prepared for you two! Love even unto death! Touching, isn’t it?”
Xin Mei rubbed together a huge snowball and threw it, hitting his nose squarely: “So touching!”
Scholar Zhao covered his nose and rolled around on the ground. Xin Mei busied herself finding medicine and apologizing to him, while Lu Qianqiao… scraped at the bloodstains by his feet in the snow and walked away.
The bloody smell was too strong; he had to quickly wash away this scent…
After finishing applying medicine to Scholar Zhao’s pitiful nose, Xin Mei turned around only to discover Lu Qianqiao had disappeared. She hurried back and had just entered the courtyard when she saw a cloak thrown on the ground—the one he had been wearing.
Walking a few more steps, there was an outer garment. Continuing on, a pair of shoes had been thrown by the door.
Completely puzzled, Xin Mei pushed open the door and went into the bedroom—no one. She went to the adjacent bathing pool and saw clothes scattered all over the floor, with Lu Qianqiao completely submerged in the steaming hot water, motionless.
The water vapor was filled with a sweet osmanthus fragrance—the bath essence she usually used. He had apparently poured so much into the water that the scent was almost choking.
“Lu Qianqiao, what’s wrong with you?” She leaned on the pool edge and asked carefully.
He slowly emerged from the water, droplets flowing down his handsome features. Turning around, he suddenly grabbed her wrist and pulled. Xin Mei cried out and fell into the pool, scrambling up like a drowned cat in panic, only to be tightly embraced by him the next moment.
“You…”
Her words were blocked by scalding lips.
A fierce kiss.