The Empress pressed her lips together, surprised that her heart would flutter from Pang Xiao’s hearty laughter. She was already past her prime, while Pang Xiao was just twenty-eight, in a man’s best years. Recalling the past, when Pang Xiao became sworn brothers with the current emperor, he was only fourteen—a tall, thin youth who would smile and call her “elder sister-in-law” every time he saw her…
How could she, as his sister-in-law and the emperor’s legitimate wife, the mother of the only prince, be stirred by a man so many years younger than herself?
But her heart, hardened by years of grinding palace life, refused to obey her will. Watching Pang Xiao carry Qin Yining steadily across the bridge, the Empress couldn’t suppress her envy and jealousy. That feeling was truly too tormenting for her, making her despise herself.
After Pang Xiao carried Qin Yining across the bridge, Jingzhe and the other three also crossed to guard Qin Yining’s side.
Pang Xiao returned and stood before the Empress, smiling: “Your Majesty, do you need to rest a while longer?”
The Empress came to her senses in a daze, using all her willpower to avoid showing any abnormality.
She struggled to get up, but was already too exhausted to stand steadily. Her feet hurt, her legs ached, and she swayed unsteadily, nearly tumbling headfirst.
Pang Xiao quickly extended his arm to steady her.
The Empress grasped Pang Xiao’s strong, sturdy arm to stabilize herself. However, the heat transmitted through her hand seemed capable of burning her. Her heart raced extremely fast, and she hastily withdrew her hand in panic.
“Is Your Majesty alright?”
“I am fine.” The Empress’s voice was somewhat hoarse.
Seeing the Empress with loose hair and disheveled appearance, looking quite wretched, Pang Xiao assumed she was extremely tired and said: “Your Majesty, please persevere a little longer. After crossing this bridge, it’s flat ground, and we’ll reach Ten Thousand Buddhas Temple very soon.”
“Good.” Besides nodding, the Empress didn’t know what else she could do.
To help the Empress cross the bridge, Pang Xiao naturally couldn’t carry her. He walked backward in front, extending one arm as a handrail. The Empress indulged herself by supporting herself on Pang Xiao’s arm as she moved forward step by step, with the guard who had come with her following closely behind for protection.
Soon they reached the other side of the bridge, and Pang Xiao strode quickly back to Qin Yining’s side, leaving the Empress behind.
He was no longer needed for the remaining path.
The Empress maintained a composed expression, not letting anyone see her disappointment. It seemed that barring any accidents, this would be her last opportunity for such close contact with Pang Xiao.
Looking at Pang Xiao and Qin Yining walking hand in hand toward Ten Thousand Buddhas Temple ahead, their silhouettes looked so well-matched. The two chatted and laughed, the atmosphere so pleasant, and Pang Xiao’s gaze toward Qin Yining was so gentle.
They were truly an enviable perfect couple.
Yet she had shamefully developed improper thoughts toward Pang Xiao. As the Empress, she should be a model for the nation, dignified and self-controlled. If even she couldn’t maintain women’s virtue and endure loneliness, what face did she have to be an example for the women of the world? What right did she have to constrain others?
Looking at it now, her stirred heart was even more shameful than whatever existed between Qin Yining and Lu Heng…
The Empress was tormented by self-reproach and shame. However, that flutter of the heart wasn’t false either. She had no mind to appreciate the excellent scenery along the way. When she followed Pang Xiao and Qin Yining to knock on the gates of Ten Thousand Buddhas Temple and was led inside by the guest monk, the Empress looked up at the two-story-high Buddha statue. Under the Buddha’s compassionate gaze, the guilt in her heart had almost nowhere to hide. She reverently pressed her palms together and bowed.
The Empress coming to worship Buddha and pray for the people of Da Zhou—how could such a thing be concealed? Pang Xiao immediately leaned close to the guest monk’s ear and quietly revealed their group’s identity.
The guest monk looked up with a surprised expression and chanted: “Amitabha Buddha, so distinguished guests have arrived. Please forgive this poor monk’s ignorance.”
Pang Xiao smiled: “Little master needn’t be so courteous. We are the ones disturbing your temple. It’s truly because the rains wouldn’t cease and we were extremely worried that we rushed here to worship Buddha devoutly.”
“The distinguished guests care for all under heaven—this is the fortune of all people. Unfortunately, today the abbot has an old friend visiting. The two went together to discuss Buddhist teachings and haven’t returned yet, so the abbot master couldn’t personally come to welcome you. This is truly improper.”
“Not at all.” The Empress smiled and stepped forward, pressing her palms together: “Since we’ve come to worship Buddha, there are no distinctions of noble and lowly. Please, little master, guide our way.”
“Amitabha Buddha, Her Majesty the Empress is benevolent. This poor monk will immediately take all distinguished guests to the meditation rooms for temporary accommodation.”
Several people followed the guest monk to the side courtyard for lodging. Pang Xiao also informed the guest monk that more people would arrive successively later. The guest monk had little novices clean out all the meditation rooms in the entire side courtyard and ordered the kitchen to prepare vegetarian meals.
As soon as the Empress was settled, she went to the great hall and knelt devoutly before the Buddha with palms pressed together.
Everyone assumed she was praying for the people’s welfare, but only she knew that today improper emotions had sprouted in her heart. She despised herself, loathed herself, wanting to seek forgiveness before Buddha—even if she couldn’t obtain it, she at least wanted to find peace in her heart.
Qin Yining and Pang Xiao had also properly changed clothes in their meditation room.
Pang Xiao smiled: “How is it? Are you tired?”
“I am somewhat tired.” Rubbing her aching legs and feet, Qin Yining said helplessly: “This mountain path is far more rugged and difficult than imagined. Just thinking about having to go down the mountain later makes me worry.”
“What’s there to fear? I’ll carry you down then.” Pang Xiao smiled: “I originally wanted to take you around to look, and visit the ancient tree in the back courtyard, but now it seems you’d better rest well. Anyway, with the Empress here, we’re not in a hurry to return. Staying here a few more days would also be fine.”
“Yes. Who would have thought Her Majesty the Empress would travel such a distance to pray here? Truly devout and admirable.”
Qin Yining knew the Empress sincerely hoped for the people of Da Zhou to live in peace and prosperity. Moreover, the Empress was pure-hearted and not an evil person. Though their positions differed and they would inevitably stand on opposing sides in the future, at present Qin Yining greatly admired the Empress.
Pang Xiao smiled without continuing this topic and spoke with Qin Yining about other matters.
By nightfall, the group accompanying Pang Xiao had finally arrived at Ten Thousand Buddhas Temple one after another. The guest monk dared not neglect them, having little novices guide everyone to their lodgings and arranging vegetarian meals.
Qin Yining noticed that Mu Jinghu wasn’t among the crowd. She didn’t ask in front of others, but waited until they returned to their meditation room to quietly question Pang Xiao.
Pang Xiao said: “I was worried about abnormalities, so I asked Mutou to observe secretly. Don’t worry—I’ll have him return once we confirm nothing’s amiss later.”
“That’s good. Young Master Mu, as a friend, has already been loyal enough for our sake. Every time we trouble him, my heart feels uneasy.”
Pang Xiao smiled: “Don’t worry. The friendship between Mutou and me doesn’t require such calculations. He treats me sincerely, and my sincere response is the best repayment. Friends needn’t be so calculating.”
Men’s friendships were naturally different from women’s. Qin Yining knew Pang Xiao acted with propriety, so she didn’t nag further. Exhausted from the entire day, the two retired early.
At this time in the great hall with its dim candlelight, the Empress was chanting sutras with closed eyes when she suddenly heard the hall door creak open behind her, followed by the sound of footsteps slowly approaching.