Bei Yao tilted her head hesitantly: “Pei Chuan?”

Pei Chuan’s heart sank. In that instant, his mind instinctively came up with the best solution—he could call out any other person’s name. After all, the action of kissing fingers was too outrageous for playmates.

Bei Yao had never known about the sordid thoughts he had once harbored. Today, as long as he casually called out a name, she would understand that he was drunk.

But his lips parted, and he couldn’t call out anyone’s name.

He half-closed his eyes and looked hazily at Bei Yao, then finally collapsed onto the table.

Bei Yao instinctively wiped the place his lips had touched. She looked at him with troubled confusion. Was it her imagination?

But the grown-up Pei Chuan clearly wasn’t close to her at all anymore. Moreover, Pei Chuan hadn’t looked at her all evening, and instead would smile and talk with another girl.

What was that girl’s name… Wei Wan. Right, Wei Wan.

Bei Yao hadn’t been able to teach him to smile in all these years. He was forever “Pei the Unhappy” in front of her, yet he smiled in front of other people. He must quite like that girl called Wei Wan, Bei Yao thought. In this year when Pei Chuan’s first stirrings of love awakened, the first person he fell for turned out to be that girl called Wei Wan.

He must have mistaken her for Wei Wan.

“Sorry to disappoint you,” she said with a smile, speaking gently to him. “I’m Bei Yao.”

The youth’s fingers on the table trembled slightly.

The summer breeze blew in through the curtains. Bei Yao saw that Pei Chuan had already fallen into a deep sleep. She tiptoed to the lobby to find a staff member.

The staff member recognized her and asked with a smile: “Is your friend alright?”

Bei Yao nodded: “Thank you for the sobering soup.”

“You’re welcome, it’s what we should do.”

Bei Yao hadn’t left earlier but had gone to the lobby to get sobering soup. Unfortunately, while Qingshi had plenty of alcohol, sobering soup couldn’t be made right away. It was this staff member who had helped get it made.

Bei Yao said: “I know this is somewhat presumptuous to ask, but could I borrow an air conditioning blanket?”

~

After Bei Yao brought the air conditioning blanket to cover Pei Chuan, she tiptoed away again.

She didn’t know where he lived now. With her own strength alone, she didn’t know where she should take Pei Chuan. He had become a stranger, and perhaps he no longer wanted to see her anymore. Bei Yao knew that Qingshi could give him very good care. What she could do for him was only this much.

When Bei Yao went downstairs, Shi Tian was sitting leisurely in the first-floor lobby waiting for her.

“Thank you for waiting for me, Senior.”

Shi Tian waved her hand: “You’re welcome. It’s my duty to bring you all back safely. Let’s go back—the sky has already darkened.”

Eight o’clock sharp.

The staff knocked on the door. Pei Chuan said: “Come in.”

When the staff entered, they saw that a warm lamp had been left on in the room. Pei Chuan was holding that air conditioning blanket, his eyes gazing out the window.

“Would you like to rest at Qingshi?”

“No, I’m leaving now.” Pei Chuan paused. “Put this on my account.”

He took that thin blanket with him when he left.

The city in summer was somewhat cool. Pei Chuan hailed a cab back to his current apartment. He took out his key to open the door. Inside was pitch black, without a trace of human presence. Pei Chuan was already used to it. He turned on the light, then went to the bathroom to shower.

Water flowed down from the top of his head. He thought of her scent.

A youth of sixteen or seventeen was at the age of vigorous passion.

He could control his actions, but he couldn’t control his reactions. Pei Chuan pressed his lips together tightly, unwilling in his heart to think of her.

He knew he was disgusting. Even the thought was a kind of defilement.

He turned the water temperature down a bit and tried to empty his mind and think of other things.

Pei Chuan slept through the night holding the blanket.

The next morning, he rubbed his slightly aching forehead and silently threw the soiled pants into the washing machine.

Pei Chuan leaned against the washing machine. After completely sobering up from the alcohol, he looked at the air conditioning blanket in the living room, his eyes and brows carrying a trace of self-loathing.

He remembered what he had done last night. He must have scared her, right?

But even though he knew that harboring such thoughts was disgusting, he couldn’t control his physiological reactions.

~

The weather in July was stifling hot, and final exams were approaching. Pei Chuan walked lazily into the classroom, his eyes and brows carrying a trace of languid drowsiness, his hands in his pant pockets. It was already past nine in the morning—his lateness was truly excessive.

At that moment, the English teacher was in class and looked at him with disgust.

Jin Ziyang, on the other hand, was very happy: “Brother Chuan, come quick, let’s play games together.”

Pei Chuan responded casually and sat down beside him.

In the front row, Zheng Hang muttered quietly: “Did Brother Chuan stay up late coding again last night?”

His desk mate Ji Wei pushed up his glasses and replied quietly: “Mm, most likely.”

Pei Chuan and Jin Ziyang played two casual rounds, and then class ended. The English class representative happened to come over to collect the in-class assignments.

The English class representative was a petite girl with a few freckles on her face. She collected assignments all the way to Pei Chuan and his group: “Give me your in-class assignments.”

Jin Ziyang said with a grin: “Xiong Jingru, what assignment was that?”

The English class representative Xiong Jingru said: “The one the teacher assigned just now in class, to be handed in after class. If you don’t turn it in, I’ll record your names as usual.”

Jin Ziyang clutched his chest dramatically: “Oh no, I’m so scared, what should I do?”

Zheng Hang laughed and cursed.

He patted his desk mate Ji Wei on the shoulder: “Committee Member Ji, go ahead.”

Ji Wei methodically took out his class assignment and handed it to Xiong Jingru, then successively handed over three more copies to Xiong Jingru. Just as Xiong Jingru was about to collect them, Ji Wei said: “Wait, they don’t have names on them.”

He took them back and wrote on each one in turn: “Pei Chuan, Jin Ziyang, Zheng Hang, Ji Wei.”

Xiong Jingru: “…”

Jin Ziyang’s hand reached from behind and patted Ji Wei’s shoulder: “Well done, Brother Wei.”

Ji Wei brushed off his hand and said seriously: “I’ve told you many times not to use that form of address.”

“I’m saying, Brother Wei, you work so hard and your grades are still only a bit better than mine. Your family is so rich—why don’t you just relax and have fun! You don’t have that kind of talent anyway.”

Ji Wei paid no attention to Jin Ziyang. He just loved studying and hurried back to reviewing physics.

Third High was very realistic—seats were assigned by grades, so Ji Wei, who loved studying, ended up sitting with them. Pei Chuan’s head was a bit dizzy from writing complex programs last night. Without trying to hide it, he took out a pack of cigarettes from his desk to smoke.

The girl Liu Yan in the front row said: “He’s so bold. The principal has been making rounds lately.”

Another girl said: “He’s not afraid of being publicly criticized.” She suddenly said quietly, “I heard that Pei Chuan was admitted to Third High through recommendation.”

Liu Yan said in surprise: “That can’t be true, right?”

“Who knows? It’s just hearsay.”

Hearing these words, Wei Wan’s expression shifted slightly. She turned her head to look at Pei Chuan.

Under the fan, the youth held a cigarette between his lips while playing mobile games with Jin Ziyang. He lowered his eyes with his legs crossed, his posture unrestrained. Her family was only a moderately well-off household. Wei Wan knew these youths weren’t afraid of having their phones confiscated—if one was taken today, they’d just buy another one that same day.

Moreover, Zheng Hang’s mother was the vice-principal, so no matter how many demerits this group received, the school would never expel them.

Wei Wan had liked Pei Chuan for a long time. He was the most aloof among the several youths, but sometimes that aloofness was what attracted people most.

Wei Wan also knew that among the several youths, although Jin Ziyang had a sweet tongue, the one who was truly interested in her was Zheng Hang.

Wei Wan tapped on the phone she had secretly brought. She walked over and first said to Zheng Hang: “I heard there’s a really fun summer camp activity during the vacation. Do you want to participate together?”

She brought up the activity registration page.

Zheng Hang secretly glanced at her: “I’m fine with it. What about you guys?”

Jin Ziyang said: “Let me take a look.”

The screen showed: “Midsummer August, inviting you to participate in the ‘Youth Adventure Summer Camp.'”

Below were accompanying images of lakes, fishing, and simulated primitive forests.

It could be said to be quite exciting and suited to boys’ tastes.

Jin Ziyang said: “This is pretty good. I’m bored anyway.” He handed the phone to Pei Chuan. Pei Chuan’s eyes and brows concealed a trace of impatience. He was about to say he wouldn’t go when he saw a random phone notification that happened to appear on Wei Wan’s phone.

Pei Chuan’s pupils constricted slightly. He froze for two seconds.

He said: “I’ll think about it.”

The fact that Pei Chuan hadn’t refused already felt like an unexpected joy to Wei Wan. She smiled in agreement, took back her phone, and left.

After she left, Pei Chuan hesitated, then searched according to the news he’d seen in his memory.

“Disabled man’s wedding.”

A headline news item popped up.

Inside was a video.

Pei Chuan turned off the sound and clicked on it.

Thirty-year-old Mr. Zhang was kissing the bride.

His bride was a gentle woman. With the attending relatives cheering blessings, Mr. Zhang kissed his wife’s lips with sweetness on his face.

The bride reached out to embrace the groom’s waist, but the groom couldn’t hold his beloved—he had no hands.

Pei Chuan’s grip on his phone tightened.

“What are you watching, Brother Chuan?” Jin Ziyang leaned over. “Eh, what’s so interesting about other people’s weddings? …Hey, this man has no hands?”

Under the suit was empty space.

Jin Ziyang’s loud voice made Zheng Hang turn around too: “Let me see… Pretty interesting.”

Pei Chuan closed his phone. He was somewhat distracted all morning.

After a long time, when school was about to end, he suddenly asked Jin Ziyang in a low voice: “Why would that woman marry him? He has no hands.”

He couldn’t even embrace her.

Jin Ziyang didn’t think much about it: “Because of love, obviously. You saw in that news that the man has no money—he even borrowed money for the wedding. The woman couldn’t possibly be after anything else, right?”

Pei Chuan scoffed: “Would anyone marry a cripple without wanting anything at all?”

Before Jin Ziyang could speak, Ji Wei, who had been writing assignments for four people in the front row, turned around: “‘What is this thing called love in the mortal world, that binds us to life and death?’ Have you heard of the Love Ladder? An old man used his hands to carve a ladder on a cliff for fifty years, just to be with a woman more than ten years older than him. There are always good girls in this world who will embrace imperfections and shortcomings.”

Jin Ziyang said: “Damn, just talk normally. Reciting poetry is so gross.”

“…”

The several youths all got goosebumps, but Pei Chuan remained silent.

At this age of around ten or so years old, few believed in love.

At an age when hormones were restless, yet everyone still longed for love.

After that day, that news was like a lingering thought that kept surfacing in Pei Chuan’s mind.

Faintly, it began to overshadow the images from his initial understanding that had made him decide to completely distance himself from Bei Yao.

His first understanding of love and romance came from a TV drama on color television during middle school. Men and women took off their clothes and rolled together.

That was when Pei Chuan first learned that living together with another person was far from as simple as just living together.

Normal married life required being open and honest with each other.

And his mutilated limbs—the mutilated limbs that even his mother feared to the point of nightmares—were destined to never allow him to expose his incompleteness to anyone again in this lifetime.

It would disgust her.

Disgust her enough to leave, just like the familial affection he had once longed for—unraveling thread by thread until nothing remained.

But then in this year when he had completely sunk into the mire, he saw such a news story in 2005.

So even a cripple like him had a fortunate chance of obtaining happiness.

Even if it was one in ten thousand.

Pei Chuan suddenly remembered that time in preschool when he had given up having a desk mate, and Bei Yao had ended up sitting with Fang Mingjun.

But by first grade, he had despicably used tactics to make Bei Yao sit with him for six years.

Deep in the night, Pei Chuan couldn’t sleep and smoked through an entire pack of cigarettes. Some things, if you don’t fight for them, you’ll never possess them in your entire life.

And some things—through unscrupulous means, deception, enticement, all kinds of unseemly methods—could allow those who use such tactics to obtain what they wanted.

A huge temptation was placed before his eyes.

She still didn’t understand anything this year. She was a gentle, kind little fool who hadn’t yet fallen in love with anyone. Should he let her go in consideration of her years of care, or should he follow his desire and use tactics to pluck her from the branch?