HomeThe Warmth in the DarkChapter 60: I'm Not Dead Yet

Chapter 60: I’m Not Dead Yet

While the entire nation was making way for the college entrance exam, the Pei Haobin household welcomed a new life.

Cao Li successfully gave birth. Pei Haobin looked at his second-day-old son, speechless for a long time.

The child was in swaddling clothes. On the day of Pei Chuan’s college entrance exam, the baby was only half a month old.

His little face was small and soft, light as a cloud.

Pei Haobin stared blankly at the sleeping infant, but what came to mind was how Pei Chuan looked when he was born nineteen years ago. That was his first time being a father. Heaven knew how much he had anticipated that child’s arrival. From the first fetal movements, he would press his ear against Jiang Wenjuan’s belly to listen to the sounds of the child’s little hands and feet kicking his mother.

That year, Pei Haobin was in his twenties. For this new life, he went to work every day filled with smiles.

When people asked, he would puff out his chest: “Juan’er is about to give birth. I want to give my child the best role model.”

The year Pei Chuan was born, the Pei family had modest assets, far from living as well as they did now.

Pei Haobin had washed diapers for him. Like all fathers full of drive in the world, he cherished this child.

Later, Pei Chuan was born.

He was also such a tiny bundle. When Pei Haobin first brought his finger close to his little fist, the child actually grasped his finger.

Pei Haobin was so moved his face turned red.

Pei Haobin was high-spirited. Back then, he loved Jiang Wenjuan.

Their married life was harmonious. Even striving and thinking about tomorrow were filled with hope. Pei Haobin, just as he had promised, devoted all his efforts to becoming a good detective, and later he achieved it.

That case he solved over ten years ago—who knew how many people it saved?

But his child was destroyed.

Jiang Wenjuan could cry out her pain and grief, but Pei Haobin lost his life’s direction for the first time.

Jiang Wenjuan was afraid to look at the child’s residual limbs. He was afraid too—even desperate for a time.

That was a memory he could never forget in this lifetime. Many years later, thinking of it still made him tremble.

Sometimes Pei Haobin felt life was like a dream. If only Pei Chuan had never been born. Or if the one whose legs were severed that day had been himself instead.

But nothing could be taken back.

He was afraid to have another child.

Yet by chance, in 2009, Pei Chuan’s little brother was born.

A healthy child.

Healthy just like… Pei Chuan when he was first born, when he had just come into this world.

~

On June eighth, the college entrance exam ended. Some were happy, some worried.

Trash bins were piled high with test papers. Youth’s paper airplanes flew from one part of the teaching building to another.

Chen Feifei and Yang Jia were packing things in the dorm. Once exam results came out, there would be teacher appreciation banquets. While packing, Chen Feifei said: “Yang Jia, I didn’t really like you at first, but now I’ve discovered you’re actually not bad.”

Yang Jia chided: “You’re only just realizing this fact now!”

Chen Feifei grinned: “We’re finally done with exams. Liberation feels so great!”

No one asked each other how they did. The standard answers for each subject came out the same day as the exam. Students with good memories could estimate their scores.

Bei Yao didn’t perform very well.

On June eighth, it happened to be her period. Her stomach hurt all morning. She gritted her teeth to finish, the pain leaving her small face deathly pale.

The morning exam happened to be English. In her daze, she could barely hear the listening comprehension clearly.

Life is always full of anxiety and unexpected events.

Before the results were announced, Bei Yao couldn’t help calling Pei Chuan: “Pei Chuan, I’m a bit scared. I didn’t do very well on English. I’m afraid I won’t get into B University.”

The young man’s voice on the other end was low and hoarse: “It doesn’t matter, Yaoyao, don’t be afraid. Wherever you apply, I’ll apply there too, okay?”

His voice was gentle, making her eyes well up with tears: “No, I don’t want to be your burden.”

He laughed: “Yaoyao won’t be a burden. You’re my pride.”

Bei Yao also cared about another issue: “Did you do well?”

Pei Chuan naturally wouldn’t lie to her: “Pretty well.”

Bei Yao thought carefully: “Pei Chuan, if the results come out and your score is much higher than mine, you should apply to the best university. At worst, we’ll just… just do four years long-distance.”

He listened to this silly girl planning the future, gently curving his lips.

She said: “I’m serious. If you apply to a school that doesn’t match your score because of me, I’ll owe you a good university for my whole life.”

Pei Chuan listened to the girl’s sweet voice. He pushed open the window, looking toward her house.

The sky was very high and very blue.

Pei Chuan said: “Yaoyao, a good man won’t make a girl wait for him year after year.” He watched birds fly past the window in the sky, his pupils jet-black. “Someone who likes you won’t abandon you—he’ll carry you through mountains of daggers and seas of flames.”

It sounded like he was teaching her, but even more like sweet words.

She propped up her chin, watching roses climbing outside the window, unable to help smiling: “Just like you?”

He pressed his lips together.

Not him. Without legs, he couldn’t even carry her ten meters.

~

The day college entrance exam results were announced was June twenty-third. The entire nation was permeated with a tense atmosphere.

Bei Yao told Zhao Zhilan in advance that she hadn’t performed well this time, so Zhao Zhilan and Bei Licai shouldn’t have expectations that were too high.

These past few days, Zhao Zhilan had been reading news about people jumping from buildings because their exam results weren’t satisfactory, making her heart panic. She told Bei Yao: “Mom wants to tell you—results are just a very small part of life. Doing well is icing on the cake, doing poorly is no big deal. As long as you’re healthy and happy, that’s the greatest wish for me and your dad.”

Bei Yao smiled and nodded.

Instead, the parents became the most nervous.

When Bei Yao got her results, she felt a moment of joy.

It was much higher than she expected. After all those ten-plus years of hard study, Bei Yao cheered. With this score, she could get into B University!

Her English wasn’t very high, but her other subjects were all very good. For the first time, Bei Yao was so grateful for all the effort she had put in before. Giving it her all and moving forward—even though the final result wasn’t as good as expected, it far exceeded so many expectations.

She wasn’t Pei Chuan’s burden anymore!

The next day, national statistics came out.

Zhao Zhilan was immersed in the joy of her daughter’s good results, but when she looked at the statistics, she was stunned.

“What? Honey, look at who our city’s top scorer is?”

Bei Licai leaned his head over to look, and was also stunned: “Pei Chuan!”

In 2009, C City’s college entrance exam top scorer was Pei Chuan.

This summer, media rushed to interview this top scorer. They all knew about Pei Chuan’s misfortune from the recent forum posts, but this unfortunate young man had grown up to become their city’s top science scorer.

First place in the entire city!

When the honor roll was pulled out, the gilded characters were all Pei Chuan’s name.

The golden scrolling text at Third High’s school gate was full of pride for Pei Chuan. When Jin Ziyang first saw it, he also felt like he was dreaming.

“No way! Holy shit, Brother Chuan is amazing!”

Science top scorer Pei Chuan, who scored perfect marks in mathematics—his inspiring life story instantly had all schools extending olive branches.

He could freely choose any good university in the country.

Pei Chuan even received an invitation from a good foreign university.

He locked it in a drawer and carefully filled out his application online.

First choice: B University.

Whether the major was electronic technology, mechanical engineering, or computer science, he could basically handle them all.

Three autumns ago, he had deceived that frightened and anxious little girl. They had almost missed three years. Three years later, he promised her he would definitely go to the same school as her.

~

After getting college entrance exam results, teacher appreciation banquets would be held one after another.

Coincidentally, Third High’s Class Nine and Sixth High’s Class Six were at the same restaurant. Wu Mo didn’t come to the teacher appreciation banquet. Supposedly she had done very poorly and planned to repeat for another year. After spending two or three years tangled up in romantic matters, never putting in half an effort in studying, she only felt regret after failing badly.

Bei Yao’s homeroom teacher Li Fangqun was very happy. This year, five more students from their class got into first-tier universities than expected. When students achieved success, teachers also had honor.

“Teacher, can we drink alcohol today?”

Li Fangqun said sternly: “Not today. Today you’re all still my students. When toasting teachers, use beverages. No one will mind.”

The students let out a long “tsk.”

Sure enough, no matter how many years passed, Teacher Li was still the old fuddy-duddy who loved lecturing.

Li Fangqun tapped the table: “Students! The college entrance exam isn’t your endpoint, but another starting point. A person’s life should be lived fully and meaningfully. No matter which university you go to in the future, I hope you won’t covet immediate pleasures but will work hard, keep moving forward, and see a broader world.”

Seeing the students’ unlistening expressions, Teacher Li said helplessly: “Really…”

Then she smiled. What unrestrained youth.

After all, they were young—they would never understand principles that could only be grasped with age.

Hadn’t they teachers been the same back then?

City lights were just coming on.

In a small city like C City, even the lights were gentle.

In another private room sat Jin Ziyang and a few others.

They naturally drank alcohol—teachers couldn’t control them. Ji Wei wiped his glasses while crying, the young man’s face covered in tears.

Jin Ziyang teased him: “Come on, Brother Wei, when men cry it’s so effeminate.”

Ji Wei said: “What do you know! What do you know?”

“Fine, fine, I don’t understand, okay?”

Zheng Hang didn’t know whether to laugh or cry: “If you really want to go abroad, just tell your dad and that’s that.”

Ji Wei shook his head: “It’s not the same. Getting in on my own merits versus going through connections to audit classes—that’s very different.”

Jin Ziyang couldn’t understand what was different. His family were businesspeople. Businesspeople only valued results and benefits. As long as the result was good, what difference did the process make?

However, Ji Wei had the gentlest personality, yet was also stubborn.

Pei Chuan said: “Ji Wei, repeat for another year.”

Ji Wei looked at him: “Brother Chuan…”

Pei Chuan nodded: “For something you love, however many years of effort aren’t called waste.”

Ji Wei nodded with reddened eyes: “Next year! Next year I’ll definitely get into Cambridge.”

Jin Ziyang: “…Yeah right, you’d have better luck with ‘Studying at Home University.'”

Ji Wei’s face turned red with anger.

However, before they finally dispersed, Jin Ziyang emotionally patted Ji Wei’s shoulder: “Wei, among us brothers, only you have dreams. Not gonna lie, sometimes I really do envy you, wondering what it feels like to have a dream. Keep at it. I also believe you can get into Cambridge.”

Jin Ziyang and Zheng Hang would walk the same path in the future—using connections to get into business-related schools, then going to work at their family companies after graduation.

Zheng Hang said: “Sometimes I think a man’s life doesn’t need to be too long. Having a decent career, having the one woman you love, coming home from work to a wife, kids, and a warm bed—that’s complete satisfaction. When not working hard, you feel relaxed, but after relaxing you feel empty. Those in class who worked hard—whether they cry or laugh, at least they have real emotions. We haven’t put in effort, so we can’t even manage to laugh or cry.”

Pei Chuan said: “Your mind is finally clear at least. It’s not too late.”

Zheng Hang smiled bitterly.

Pei Chuan said calmly: “Starting higher than others makes everything easier. If your mind stays this clear, you won’t end up too badly no matter what.”

“Brother Chuan, let’s have a drink. Here’s to a bright future!”

Several young men clinked glasses.

Pei Chuan drank the wine in his cup, looking at their increasingly mature appearances. Three years had passed so quickly, polishing everyone into distinct forms.

For the first time, he believed in friendship.

~

Bei Yao hadn’t expected someone to confess to her after the teacher appreciation banquet ended.

It was a male student from Class Twelve of the same grade.

He was very nervous, clearly also confessing for the first time. Yang Jia walked away with a mischievous smile.

The boy gathered his courage: “Student Bei Yao, I’ve liked you for a long time. I know you studied very hard, so I only dared come tell you after graduation. May I ask if you’re willing to give me a chance?”

Bei Yao had received many love letters, but was rarely confessed to in person.

She shook her head: “I’m sorry.”

In the lamplight shadows, she saw a pair of jet-black eyes on the other side of the road.

He had been drinking. He wore a wristband on his arm, gazing at her across the dark street.

A distance of several steps. Pei Chuan quietly watched someone else express their affection for her.

The confessing boy was clearly very nervous, not even noticing there was an “outsider” watching.

The boy was very excited: “I… I also work very hard. I did very well this year. Whichever university you go to, I can go together. If you would be my girlfriend, I would treat you very well.”

Bei Yao bit her lip. She only looked at Pei Chuan across the street. She needed Pei Chuan to proactively acknowledge his position.

Big bad Pei, if you don’t come over soon, your girlfriend will be gone!

Pei Chuan told himself he couldn’t go.

He could stop it for now, but he couldn’t delay her whole life.

However, under the lights, when the girl’s bright eyes looked only at him, the world became quiet and still.

Before that boy could reach out to pull Bei Yao, Pei Chuan walked over in a few steps and blocked in front of her.

The boy’s hand was deflected by Pei Chuan’s wristband-covered arm.

Pei Chuan practiced boxing—his muscle was very firm. The boy was bumped by him, his hand turning red.

The boy looked at Pei Chuan in surprise.

Pei Chuan said coldly to him: “I’m not dead yet.”

So—is she someone you can touch?

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