Sunday, May 22, 1994. Sunny.
I hate Su Zhe. Yes, I hate him.
Tonight, while teaching him linear equations, he wasn’t listening at all, constantly fiddling with that stupid toy. It’s just a small car that can transform into a robot; I can’t understand why it’s so expensive. But clearly, Mom and Dad don’t think so. When they bought it for Su Zhe, they seemed completely unaware that Dad would need to unload several truckloads of glass to afford this junk. Well, he’s your son, I suppose his smile can offset all your hardships.
After dinner, I prepared to do my homework. Mom asked me to tutor Su Zhe first. I was reluctant but agreed. She noticed my expression and asked what was wrong. I said I had a lot of homework to do. She looked impatient: “So much homework in just the first year of high school? Are your teachers trying to work you to death?”
I said, “Mom, I’m in my second year of high school.” Mom paused, uttered an “Oh,” and went to wash the dishes.
I didn’t want to tutor Su Zhe, and he had no interest in studying. All his enthusiasm tonight was focused on his new toy. I sat by the table, silently watching him bend the plastic thing back and forth, making clicking sounds with his mouth.
“Put it down, you need to start studying.”
“Mm.” Click, click, click, click.
“Hurry up, I need to do my homework too.”
“Okay.” Click, click, click, click.
“Put it down!”
Su Zhe was startled. He looked at me, slowly placed the half-car, half-robot toy on the table, and glanced at the open textbook. I began explaining linear equations to him, demonstrating examples on scratch paper as I spoke. Su Zhe never raised his head, his gaze unfocused, which convinced me he wasn’t listening at all. After finishing the explanation, I asked if he understood, and he nodded. I said, “Good,” and gave him a problem: “Now solve it.” Then, I opened my school bag. I still had two algebra worksheets, two geometry worksheets, and an English worksheet to complete. If I wasted any more time, I wouldn’t be able to sleep until late into the night.
I lay on the table doing my homework, while Su Zhe stared blankly at the scratch paper, seemingly unable to start.
“What’s wrong?”
He bit his lip without speaking, finally squeezing out a “Nothing.”
“Why aren’t you writing?”
Su Zhe’s expression became awkward.
I was very unhappy: “Didn’t you say you understood earlier?”
Su Zhe lowered his head. From my angle, I could see his long eyelashes and chubby cheeks. My heart softened a bit.
“I’ll explain it to you one more time. Listen carefully this time.”
Su Zhe looked up, trying to appear serious and attentive.
But he couldn’t keep up the act for long. Before I finished explaining one problem, he had already rested his chin on his arm, poking the Transformer toy with his pencil tip, muttering softly: “Autobots, transform and roll out…”
I lost my temper and swept the damn toy with the textbook in my hand. Amidst Su Zhe’s screams, “Bumblebee” flew through the air, hit the wall, and shattered into several pieces.
I was stunned, watching Su Zhe rush towards the scattered toy. In an instant, Mom burst in.
“What’s going on here?”
Then she saw the broken Transformer. Mom’s expression immediately contorted.
“Who did this?”
“My sister!” Su Zhe cried, pointing at me, “She smashed it!”
I instinctively shrank back. I didn’t want to explain, nor could I. Sure enough, a second later, Mom’s fingers were twisting my ear.
“Do you know how much this cost? You just bought it back and you smashed it! If you don’t care about money, at least think about your father…”
“That’s enough!”
Dad came in. He frowned at Mom, then looked at the still-crying Su Zhe.
“Let go of her ear.” Dad crouched down, picked up one of the robot’s arms, and examined it.
“Did you make your sister angry?”
“I didn’t!” Su Zhe stuck out his neck, “I was doing the problem just now!”
“He wasn’t listening,” I said, rubbing my ear. “So I just…”
“Mm. Go do your homework,” Dad looked at the worksheets on the table. “Don’t tutor him tonight. Su Zhe, come with me.”
Mom glared at me and pursed her lips at Dad: “It’s all because you spoil him!”
I turned around wordlessly and picked up my pen. My ear was still burning, but I tried hard to concentrate on a geometry problem.
“In the future, if he doesn’t listen, talk to him nicely,” Dad said at the doorway, turning back. “Don’t use your hands. He’s your brother.”
I mumbled an “Mm” without turning around, but tears sprang from my eyes.
In the next hour, I only solved one problem. The question was: How many pairs of white sneakers could this Transformer be exchanged for? The answer was eight pairs.
In the other room, at first, there were sounds of Su Zhe’s crying and Mom’s complaints, but gradually it became silent. This meant it was getting late. Mom had probably taken Su Zhe to bed. They stubbornly believed that Su Zhe shouldn’t stay up late, or it would hinder his growth into a tall, handsome young man. As for me, I could only quietly hope to finish my homework soon, so I could get a little sleep before school tomorrow.
However, waves of drowsiness kept washing over me, making my tear-stained eyes even more sore. After finally finishing my math homework, I was too tired to lift my head. Before tackling the last worksheet, I needed to wash my face with cold water to refresh myself.
I opened the door quietly and walked through the hallway towards the bathroom. Dad was still awake, sitting on a small stool by the door, holding the toy, and trying to glue a car door back on. Seeing me, he asked softly, “Finished your homework?”
I shook my head, carefully stepping around the bottle of pungent glue, and went straight into the bathroom.
I washed my face thoroughly. The cold water’s sting and the faint soap scent woke me up considerably. I dried my hands and face, then took down the white sneakers hanging on the windowsill. I needed to make sure these shoes would dry before daybreak. Although they were old, they were my only pair of white sneakers, and I had to wear them for tomorrow’s flag-raising ceremony.
Then, my mind exploded.
The yellowed shoe surface was covered with dark blue spots scattered all over. Because the fabric was still damp, these spots had already spread. At the same time, a familiar smell hit my nostrils.
It was ink.
I could imagine Su Zhe squeezing the pen’s ink reservoir, dripping ink onto my white sneakers one drop at a time, perhaps with a vengeful or gleeful smile on his face. Strangely, I wasn’t angry, because my mind was filled with only one question: What was I going to do tomorrow?
A flag-bearer, wearing a pair of ink-stained “white” sneakers, walking towards the flagpole with a corner of the flag in hand, under the gaze of hundreds of students.
Moreover, among them was a pair of eyes that belonged to him.
What should I do?
I picked up the sneakers and hurried back to my room. As I passed Dad, he might have looked up at me, or maybe not.
In the corner of the room was a small blackboard that I used to tutor Su Zhe. Below it were some pieces of chalk I had smuggled from school.
I hope it works, I thought as I frantically rubbed chalk on the spots.
However, the dark blue still showed clearly through the chalk dust covering the shoe surface. I tossed away the chalk and went to the bathroom for toothpaste. Dad watched me running back and forth, puzzled.
“What are you doing?”
I was in no mood to answer him. I had to save my white sneakers.
Finally, when the white sneakers were completely covered with a thick layer of toothpaste and chalk dust, my heart calmed a little. I even thought, maybe these old shoes would look as good as new. However, when I saw the flattened toothpaste tube, I started to worry about how to explain it to Mom in the morning.
Before I could think of an excuse, I suddenly thought it would be great if it rained tomorrow. The flag-raising ceremony would be canceled, and I wouldn’t have to worry about embarrassing myself in public.
So, forgetting about the toothpaste tube, I began to pray to the heavens. I begged the old man up there to make it rain tomorrow morning, not for too long, just until the self-study period began.
Then, I cried.
I don’t know if there’s another girl in this world who would sit with a pair of ridiculous white sneakers, a flattened toothpaste tube, some chalk stubs, and an unfinished English worksheet, desperately praying for rain tomorrow.
After crying, I calmed down a bit. Now, I push aside my homework, take out my diary, and write down these words, waiting for the rain that might never come.
Jiang Yushu lifted the pot lid, and her glasses immediately fogged up with a thin layer of steam. Although she couldn’t see the dish clearly, the aroma of spare ribs, green beans, and potatoes wafted up. Jiang Yushu picked up the ladle, tasted the soup, and satisfactorily turned off the gas.
She walked to the balcony and opened the window. The weather had been gloomy all day, but there was still no sign of rain. By evening, a slight breeze had picked up, making the late spring, early summer air even cooler. Downstairs, a few elderly people were playing with children, and several housewives were busy taking clothes off the clotheslines. Jiang Yushu leaned out to look at the space by the corner of the building. Two elementary school boys, one tall and one short, were exchanging picture cards.
They get out of school earlier. Jiang Yushu took a tomato from the refrigerator, washed it, cut it into small pieces, and sprinkled some sugar on top. The simple dinner was complete. She untied her apron, washed her hands, picked up a piece of tomato from the plate, and ate it while walking to the living room to sit on the sofa.
She turned on the TV and glanced at the clock hanging in the living room. It was 5:10 PM. At this moment, Jiang Ting should be walking home with her classmates. Maybe they would stop by a street food stall for some tofu skewers or grilled quail eggs—hopefully, it wouldn’t affect her appetite for dinner.
Jiang Yushu lazily reclined on the sofa, picking up the TV remote and aimlessly flipping through channels. At this time slot, most channels were showing commercials, with only one channel playing a TV series. Jiang Yushu watched patiently for a while but found it uninteresting. If Sun Weiming were here, he’d probably be glued to the TV, watching endlessly.
Thinking of him made Jiang Yushu feel a bit annoyed. She then picked up the remote and switched to the local TV channel. It was a music program featuring a Taiwanese band called “Assassin”. Jiang Yushu had never heard of this band, but this song had been playing repeatedly on TV for several days now. Perhaps Jiang Ting had heard their songs. Jiang Yushu looked up at the wall clock—5:26 PM. In a few minutes, Jiang Ting would be home.
She got up from the sofa, shuffling in her slippers to a table next to the TV cabinet. On the table was an open account book. Jiang Yushu closed the book and put it, along with the calculator and glasses case on the table, into her handbag. Then, she neatly arranged the items on the table, leaving enough space for her daughter to do homework.
After finishing all this, Jiang Yushu looked at the clock again. 5:35 PM. She returned to the kitchen, tied her apron, and lifted the lid of the iron pot on the stove. The braised spare ribs with potatoes and green beans were no longer steaming, but still warm. Jiang Yushu hesitated, then turned on the gas to low heat to slowly reheat the dish. As for the plate of tomatoes mixed with sugar, it had already released its bright red juice, and the firm skin was starting to soften. Jiang Yushu brought the plate to the dining table, then scooped out two bowls of rice and set them out with two pairs of chopsticks.
5:40 PM. Ten minutes ago, Jiang Ting should have been home. Where had this child gone?
Jiang Yushu shrugged, inwardly laughing at her overreaction. A child isn’t a precisely crafted clock, how could she be exact to the minute? However, given Jiang Ting’s habits, being late was indeed unusual.
Even if it was just ten minutes.
The bubbling sound from the iron pot grew louder. Jiang Yushu got up and returned to the kitchen, picked up the spatula, and stirred the dish a few times. There wasn’t much soup left. She looked outside; the sky had grown darker, and the wind had picked up considerably. She walked to the window and leaned out.
The area below was now empty, with only lonely clotheslines swaying in the wind. She looked towards the corner of the building again, hoping to see her daughter in her blue school uniform appear on this inevitable route home.
Then, she saw the blue uniform and a girl.
However, only half of the girl’s body appeared in her line of sight. Half a second later, the girl’s body jerked backward, her right leg kicking forward weakly as if someone had grabbed her hair or collar, and she disappeared around the other side of the building.
In that instant, Jiang Yushu’s eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets. She blinked, and the corner was empty again. This made her thoughts pause for a few seconds, and she began to doubt whether what she had just seen was real. However, a strong sense of unease washed over her. She didn’t have time to hesitate further, turned, rushed out of the kitchen, opened the door, and ran downstairs.
As she burst out of the stairwell, Jiang Yushu’s foot slipped. Her right slipper flew off, and she fell onto the rough cement ground. She didn’t bother to check her scraped elbow or look for her slipper; her mind was filled with only one thought: Jiang Ting, my daughter, has been kidnapped.
A woman with disheveled hair, dust on her cheeks, wearing an apron and one slipper, stumbled towards the corner of the building about ten meters away. Around the corner was a large open area surrounded by several residential buildings; they should still be in sight. Jiang Yushu stared intently at the right angle formed by cement balconies and exterior walls, feeling her heart about to leap out of her throat. Unexpectedly, just as she turned the corner, she collided head-on with someone. Jiang Yushu’s vision was completely obscured by a lake-blue color, and she heard a scream.
“Mom, what are you doing?”
Jiang Yushu sat on the ground, panting heavily, staring blankly at Jiang Ting standing opposite her, clutching her chest, as if unable to recognize her.
“Get up quickly.” Jiang Ting helped Jiang Yushu up. “Why are you in such a panic? Where were you… Mom, where’s your slipper?”
Jiang Yushu stood up shakily, her gaze not leaving her daughter’s face for a moment. “You… why are you here?”
“Huh?” Jiang Ting looked puzzled. “I’m coming home. Where else should I be?”
Jiang Yushu fully came to her senses, smiling wryly and waving her hands. “Good heavens, I saw… I thought… Oh, never mind. It’s good that you’re alright.”
“Mom, what are you talking about?” Jiang Ting was even more confused. She looked her mother up and down and exclaimed, “Did you fall? Are you okay?”
“It’s nothing, I was just in a hurry.” Suddenly, Jiang Yushu’s expression changed. “Let’s get home quickly!”
Jiang Ting supported her limping mother as they turned around the building and hurried towards Building One. When they reached the bottom of the stairs, Jiang Ting found the lost slipper. As Jiang Yushu put it on, she urged Jiang Ting to hurry upstairs. Just as the mother and daughter reached the third floor, they smelled an increasingly strong burnt odor.
The braised spare ribs with potatoes and green beans were ruined. Jiang Yushu, unwilling to give up, thought about salvaging the less burnt parts, but after stirring the pot a few times, she completely abandoned the idea. Jiang Ting had run to the bedroom to find some red medicine. Jiang Yushu dumped the food into the trash can, thought for a moment, and then took out a few eggs from the refrigerator.
After applying the medicine, mother and daughter began to eat dinner. Jiang Ting must have been truly hungry, as she ate the rice, fried eggs, and sugar-mixed tomatoes with equal relish. Jiang Yushu watched her with a heavy heart and patted her head in comfort. However, as soon as she extended her arm, the wound on her elbow was pulled, causing her to hiss in pain.
Jiang Ting immediately put down her chopsticks, cradled her mother’s arm, and blew gently on the wound, cooing as if comforting a child: “It doesn’t hurt, it doesn’t hurt.”
Jiang Yushu felt both touched and amused. She tapped Jiang Ting’s head with her chopsticks. “How old do you think your mom is?”
“You’re one to talk,” Jiang Ting pouted. “How old are you to be rushing around like that?”
“I thought…” Jiang Yushu shook her head. “Never mind, I must have seen wrong.”
“What did you see wrong?” Jiang Ting picked up a piece of tomato and popped it into her mouth. “What did you see?”
“A young girl, about your age, with long hair, also wearing blue clothes.” Jiang Yushu frowned, casually pointing out the window. “It looked like she was being dragged away.”
“What?” Jiang Ting’s eyes widened in shock, staring at her mother.
“Scary, right?” Jiang Yushu seemed to still be shaken. “I was terrified at the time, thinking something had happened to you.”
“And then?”
“And then I saw you,” Jiang Yushu stroked her daughter’s face. “Silly girl, if you were kidnapped, how could I go on living?”
Jiang Ting lowered her head, slowly chewing the tomato, a thoughtful expression on her face. “But I’m fine, aren’t I?”
“Yes, you are.” Jiang Yushu yawned. “I’ve been looking at account books all afternoon, my eyes are blurry—your mom’s getting old.”
Jiang Ting didn’t respond, her mouth full of rice, her eyes fixed on a spot in the dish.
After dinner, Jiang Yushu sent her daughter back to her room to do homework, while she washed the dishes and returned to the desk in the living room to continue working. An hour later, she finished the quarterly accounts for Dayu Corn Development Co., Ltd. Jiang Yushu went to the kitchen for a glass of water and noticed that the glass window was covered in water droplets.
She opened the window, and the dense sound of rain immediately rushed in with the damp, cool air. Jiang Yushu took a deep breath, inhaling the sweet scent unique to spring. She held her glass, sipping lemon water while watching the pouring rain outside.
In this dry season, a thorough downpour was precious. Jiang Yushu could almost imagine how quickly the leaves and flowers would grow. She looked up at the ink-black sky, where in that dark, distant place, rain fell like silver threads, showing no sign of stopping. However, this pleasant mood didn’t last long. Before she finished her glass of water, Jiang Yushu suddenly remembered that the window in the bedroom wasn’t closed and hurried out of the kitchen.
Jiang Ting sat at her desk, turning her head to look out the window. Rain was violently beating against the glass, a small puddle had formed on the windowsill, and the single bed near the window had wet spots. Jiang Yushu quickly climbed onto the bed and closed the window, noticing that a corner of the bedsheet was already soaked.
“Why aren’t you more thoughtful, child?” Jiang Yushu turned and scolded, “Such heavy rain, and you didn’t think to close the window?”
“Oh?” Jiang Ting seemed to wake from a daze. “I didn’t notice.”
“I don’t know what you’re thinking!” Jiang Yushu pulled off the bedsheet, bundled it up, and tossed it on the floor. She then took out a clean set of bedding from the wardrobe. “Change it yourself before bed!”
As she spoke, Jiang Yushu glanced at the desk and saw only a few lines written in Jiang Ting’s homework book. Her anger flared suddenly, “What have you been doing for over an hour? You’ve only written this much?”
“I…”
“Were you reading novels or listening to music?”
Jiang Yushu searched the desk but found no extracurricular books or Walkman, which made her more confused and angry.
“What are you daydreaming about?”
Jiang Ting stopped talking and picked up her pen, pretending to write furiously. Jiang Yushu had no heart to criticize her further and just reminded her to “hurry up” before leaving the bedroom.
After stuffing the wet bedsheet into the washing machine, Jiang Yushu rubbed her aching temples and plopped down on the sofa. She didn’t know why she felt so irritable, always feeling that something was making her uneasy. After much thought, Jiang Yushu attributed it to the false alarm in the evening. She still remembered the feeling of seeing her daughter safe and sound in front of her, as if Jiang Ting was a lost treasure that had been recovered.
Come to think of it, this child was indeed lost and found again.
When she was pregnant, Jiang Yushu and Sun Weiming’s relationship was still good. He had always hoped for a son, but Jiang Yushu secretly wished for a daughter. The reason was simple – when she grew up, she could dress her in flowery dresses and braid her hair. Dressing up her daughter like a beautiful doll would be so much fun. However, in the seventh month of pregnancy, Jiang Yushu fell on her way home from work. The doctors said the baby might not survive, and Sun Weiming, upon learning it might be a girl, also urged her to give up. Jiang Yushu adamantly refused and insisted on giving birth to the child. When Jiang Ting was born, she weighed only four pounds six ounces, like a hairless kitten, too weak even to cry. She spent a full two weeks in an incubator before her life was considered out of danger.
Because she was premature, Jiang Ting was sickly from childhood. For over a decade, Jiang Yushu didn’t dare neglect her daughter’s daily care. She focused all her energy on her daughter, to the extent that when Sun Weiming’s affair became common knowledge, Jiang Yushu was still in the dark.
The outcome was, of course, divorce, with neither side leaving room for the other. Jiang Yushu couldn’t tolerate her husband’s emotional and physical infidelity, while Sun Weiming’s determination came from the boy in that woman’s belly. However, he still refused to give up custody of his daughter. At the time, Sun Weiming had just been promoted to factory youth league secretary, and his economic condition and social status were much better than Jiang Yushu’s, but Jiang Yushu was determined to keep her daughter. This wasn’t just talk. During the final negotiation, Jiang Yushu placed scissors and a bottle of pesticide in front of Sun Weiming, saying only “I want Tingting” and then fell silent. Sun Weiming was frightened and obediently signed the divorce agreement, leaving both the house and daughter to her.
Thus, a family of three became two, and Sun Ting became Jiang Ting. Fortunately, the daughter was naturally well-behaved and accustomed to being close to her mother. Her father’s departure didn’t sadden Jiang Ting for long, and she quickly adapted to her new name. During holidays or Jiang Ting’s birthday, Sun Weiming would take his daughter out. Later, he remarried and had a son, and his meetings with Jiang Ting became less frequent. Perhaps in his heart, whether the child’s surname was Sun or Jiang did make a difference.
Jiang Ting didn’t seem to care much. When her father came to see her, she wasn’t particularly happy, and when he didn’t come, she was still cheerful as usual. Jiang Yushu was grateful to her daughter for this. Whether it was her personality or Jiang Ting’s intentional behavior, it greatly reduced Jiang Yushu’s burden. The regret of an incomplete family and the constant economic pressure seemed to be no difficulty at all in the face of the optimistic and understanding Jiang Ting.
Thinking of this, Jiang Yushu’s heart softened. She got up, went to the kitchen, made a cup of milk powder, and brought it to Jiang Ting’s desk. Jiang Ting was facing away, bent over her homework. Jiang Yushu stroked her head. Jiang Ting stopped writing, lifted her chin, and rubbed the top of her head against Jiang Yushu’s hand while meowing like a cat.
“Meow.”
Jiang Yushu couldn’t help but laugh.
Mother and daughter went to bed promptly at eleven o’clock. Jiang Ting’s bedroom quickly fell silent. However, Jiang Yushu found it difficult to fall asleep. Partly because her scraped elbow was still aching, and partly because the unease in her heart hadn’t lessened despite reconciling with her daughter. She felt as if a stone was pressing on her heart, but when she tried to move it, she didn’t know where it was. Moreover, the continuous pattern of rain outside made her more agitated. Jiang Yushu tossed and turned until dawn, finally dozing off for a short while before the alarm clock rang.
Despite feeling groggy, Jiang Yushu forced herself to get up and prepare breakfast for her daughter. Strangely, Jiang Ting also seemed to have slept poorly. It took two calls before she reluctantly got up, with dark circles under her eyes. Jiang Yushu brought breakfast to the table and saw Jiang Ting staring out the window with a toothbrush in her mouth, looking distracted again.
“What are you looking at?” Jiang Yushu set down the plate heavily. “Hurry up! You’ll be late!”
“Oh.” Jiang Ting came to her senses, hastily brushing her teeth. “The sky’s cleared up.”
Indeed, at some point, the downpour had quietly ceased. Now, the sky outside was bright, the air fresh, and birds could be heard chirping happily in the trees.
Jiang Yushu had no mood to appreciate the post-rain scenery. She urged her daughter to finish breakfast, pack her schoolbag, quickly wash up herself, apply light makeup, and hurriedly leave with Jiang Ting.
Reaching the first floor, Jiang Yushu realized she had forgotten an account book. With no time to berate herself for being careless, she told her daughter to quickly catch the bus to school and turn back to go upstairs.
After retrieving the account book, she left again. Jiang Ting had long since disappeared. Jiang Yushu quickened her pace towards the community exit. Just as she turned the corner, facing an open area between two buildings, she suddenly felt her mouth go dry, as if someone had gripped her throat.
At the same time, she found that stone pressing on her heart, and the unease that had plagued her all night suddenly became clear.
“Yesterday evening, did I see wrong, or was a girl dragged away?”
Jiang Yushu instinctively turned her head to look at the corner of the building. Below the building was a patch of grass, which had grown considerably after a night of rain, standing tall and lush green, with dewdrops glistening on the blades.
She saw, in the middle of the dense grass, a broken pencil case lying there.