Chapter 10: Gunsmoke Over the Dry Sea
In times of war, mothers are always the greatest. Under the beacon fires, countless souls wait by the Sanzu River to be reborn. Perhaps thinking that once-loved ones could regain life makes the act of childbirth less frightening.
How many children are born never seeing their mothers or fathers? The lucky ones are taken in and raised by others. The unlucky become food for birds of prey, and then the cycle begins anew. And the pain? It never ends.
Huang Beixhuang’s Jiema tree had grown taller. Come March, it would bloom with snow-white flowers. These days, she spent some time each day in the study and teaching young Sa Man ethics and governance. This child was a typical example of self-reliance. Not yet ten years old, he had made his way to Yunpei alone. Ye Pei once asked him what he ate on the journey. The child smiled and said he caught jumping mice. They were cute, digging holes all over the dunes, and very agile. Catching one was troublesome, but when hungry, he didn’t care. Each time he ate one raw, it made him sick to his stomach.
Every day, Sa Man would tell Huang Beixhuang a part of his past, including the unsavory things he had done to survive, without omitting a single word. Children are the most direct and pure. Whenever he spoke of his thievery and deceit, he would feel somewhat ashamed. After all, things were different now. In the refugee camps, everyone had done such things, and it wasn’t unusual. But now, living in this splendid palace and experiencing the dignity that culture brings, he often found it hard to speak of these things. At such times, Huang Beixhuang would stroke his little head and say, “Man’er, humans know shame because we are born with conscience. If you want to live well, you must set clear principles for yourself. Let those principles answer who you are and how you will walk this path!”
These words seemed to be meant for the child who felt lost in life, but they also seemed to be addressing her own unsettled heart. For her principles seemed to have gradually deviated from their path, becoming so distant and vague.
In this beautiful palace, she felt increasingly powerless.
“Frost Consort,” Ye Pei entered after a while, “His Majesty summons you!”
“Oh! Take care of Man’er for me! Don’t let him slack off!” With that, Huang Beixhuang rose, and Zai Pingdao Qiu followed her out. At the door of Na Zhan’s bedchamber, the two maids stepped aside, and Huang Beixhuang entered alone.
Na Zhan was sitting by the table, his gaze deep as he looked at an unfinished game of chess before him. Hearing the sound, he looked up at Huang Beixhuang, smiled, and said softly, “You’re here! Sit.”
Huang Beixhuang sat down. Na Zhan didn’t look at her again, just immersing himself in the chess game. After a long while, he finally spoke, “I want you to go as an envoy to Mizan!” This decision seemed to have been considered for a long time.
Huang Beixhuang looked at him but said nothing.
Na Zhan leaned back in his chair, his face somewhat weary, clearly having spent much energy on border preparations and arranging for refugees in recent days. “I need someone who can represent me to go to Mizan and persuade King You Guang to stand on the same side as Yunpei, or at the very least, promise not to actively participate in the war!” He spoke without looking at Huang Beixhuang.
But Huang Beixhuang gave a light laugh, with a hint of bitterness, “Does Your Majesty want to use me to draw away Ruo Wen?” She looked at Na Zhan, “Draw away Ruo Wen, so you can deal with Tiandu’s army first.”
Na Zhan turned his head, “…I will send Wu Jihai with you! Don’t be afraid!”
Huang Beixhuang remained unmoved, “Of course you’ll send a great general with me, and have him bring a large army to ostentatiously accompany me on the mission to Mizan.” She looked at Na Zhan’s chessboard, picked up a black piece with her jade fingers, and tapped it once with a ‘ding’ sound. “But the question is, do I have such great attraction? What if Ruo Wen doesn’t take the bait? And are you so confident? Confident that you can repel Tiandu?”
Hearing this, Na Zhan gave a bitter laugh, “Are you willing?”
Huang Beixhuang didn’t struggle at all, “Why wouldn’t I be willing? In your eyes, this is my only value, isn’t it?”
“I’ve never thought that way,” Na Zhan looked at her.
Huang Beixhuang smiled, “But you’ve weighed it this way! Your Majesty, it’s alright, I weigh you the same way!”
Hearing her say this, Na Zhan’s expression cooled. He looked back at the chessboard and asked in a trembling voice, “If one day, you had to choose between Qingyun and Ruo Wen as an opponent, who would you choose? Qingyun? Or Ruo Wen?”
“Do you need to ask? Of course, Qingyun!” Huang Beixhuang answered without hesitation.
“Why?” Na Zhan asked.
Huang Beixhuang turned to look out the window, “I miss him… I want to see him, Your Majesty!”
“Hahaha!” Na Zhan burst into laughter, “In that case, if you defect, I’ll lose both my wife and my army.”
Huang Beixhuang turned back and joked, “So Your Majesty should be careful!”
She was just making a joke to lighten the mood, not knowing that these words had struck Na Zhan’s sore spot. He suddenly stood up and embraced her, his large hands tightly gripping her shoulders, and said coldly, “Perhaps, I should strike first. After all, you are my queen!” As he spoke, he held her even tighter, almost squeezing all the air from her chest. This was the first time Na Zhan had embraced her. His strong heartbeat pressed against Huang Beixhuang, his agitated breath blowing fiercely on her face, yet his expression was so lonely.
“Your Majesty, you’re losing composure,” Huang Beixhuang didn’t know what to do. First, she couldn’t match his strength, and second, their relationship was that of husband and wife, so such intimacy should be normal behavior.
Na Zhan looked at her, one hand touching her cherry-red lips, slowly lowering his head, his eyes full of unbearable loneliness. He wanted to taste what this woman, who belonged to another, was like.
Huang Beixhuang had nowhere to hide in his arms, breaking out in a cold sweat from panic. Unexpectedly, Na Zhan’s lips stopped a paper-thin distance from hers. In an instant, he reverted to his former suave self, completely different from his out-of-control state just moments ago.
“I was just joking with you. Your people are all in Yunpei, I know you won’t betray me!” He said as he released her.
Huang Beixhuang was silent for a long time, “Your Majesty, what makes you so lonely?”
“It’s rare for you to care about me!” Na Zhan laughed wryly, sitting back at the table to continue his game of chess alone.