Nie Jiuluo got up early to prepare for the journey. However, she didn’t have much luggage—Xing Shen had said they would bring all the outdoor and wilderness equipment needed, so she could travel light. After careful consideration, she only packed a small suitcase.
After finishing with her luggage, she went downstairs to find Sister Lu. Passing by the guest room door, she saw it was tightly closed—Yan Tuo was still sleeping, quite the lazy one. Nie Jiuluo felt a surge of pride at being able to wake up early, even though this was her first time doing so in recent days.
Sister Lu was preparing breakfast, skillfully cutting cucumber strips when she suddenly saw Nie Jiuluo and was startled, her hands stopping: “Miss Nie, it’s still early for breakfast.”
Nie Jiuluo informed her, “Yan Tuo and I will be away for a while, probably ten days to half a month. After breakfast, please clean up the guest room, and the one next to yours too—we’ll have guests coming.”
Guests?
Sister Lu was greatly surprised. In all her time working here, except for Old Cai, she had never seen Nie Jiuluo have any guests, let alone ones requiring guest rooms.
Overnight guests?
She asked further, “Who are they?”
Nie Jiuluo said, “Yan Tuo’s uncle, Liu Changxi, and his… cousin, Lin Ling.”
Sister Lu digested this information, feeling somewhat annoyed: What kind of person was this? It wasn’t enough that he was staying here himself, now he was bringing his uncle and cousin too?
Nie Jiuluo hadn’t noticed Sister Lu’s expression and continued instructing, “Just make sure their accommodation and meals are taken care of during their stay.”
Sister Lu gave a reluctant “Oh.”
This time, Nie Jiuluo noticed: “What’s wrong?”
Sister Lu deflected: “Never mind if I say anything it’ll seem like I’m meddling.”
Nie Jiuluo smiled. Sister Lu always played these little mind games, never expressing her opinion directly, always needing to be coaxed.
She said, “If you don’t tell me now, I’ll be gone this afternoon, and you won’t find me to tell me later.”
After much hesitation, Sister Lu spoke haltingly: “Miss Nie, maybe you should observe this Yan Tuo a bit more? A young lady needs to be careful when choosing a partner.”
She continued slowly, her knife resuming its cutting: “Someone like you, without family support but with your assets, easily becomes a target… you know what I mean. Some men want to skip twenty years of hard work.”
Nie Jiuluo guessed her meaning and wanted to laugh but held it in, her expression growing serious: “Yes, indeed.”
Encouraged by her tacit agreement, Sister Lu grew bolder: “I’m not saying I have anything against this Yan Tuo, I just think, you’ve barely started dating, and his whole family is already coming… Miss Nie, you need to be careful.”
Nie Jiuluo leaned closer to Sister Lu: “Actually…”
She said mysteriously: “I’ve investigated him. He’s much wealthier than me, his family owns a medicinal herb factory, and he has villas and commercial properties under his name.”
This reversal caught Sister Lu completely off guard: “What?”
“So, you need to be nice to his uncle and cousin.”
Sister Lu understood and regretted her earlier comments, stammering assurances: “Of… of course, that’s my duty.”
***
Having dealt with Sister Lu, Nie Jiuluo prepared to wake Yan Tuo, but as soon as she left the kitchen, she was shocked.
Yan Tuo was leaning against the wall outside the kitchen, arms crossed. He had probably been waiting for a while. Seeing her emerge, he gave her a meaningful look, pointed at her, then turned and went back to his room.
Nie Jiuluo laughed so hard her stomach hurt, then ran after him a moment later.
Entering the room, she didn’t see him at first glance, but looking down, she found him doing push-ups against the wall.
Nie Jiuluo was curious: “Why are you up so early too?”
Yan Tuo replied, “I should be asking you that. Who wouldn’t wake up with you dragging your suitcase around upstairs? I heard you go downstairs and was about to follow to say good morning, but well, well, you really can’t judge a book by its cover.”
As he spoke, he moved his left hand behind his back, changing from two-handed to one-handed push-ups—with one less arm for support, his up-and-down movements immediately slowed.
Nie Jiuluo said, “When I watch others do push-ups for exercise, they usually add some weight on their back for pressure. More pressure means more motivation, right?”
With that, she walked over and sat on Yan Tuo’s back.
Yan Tuo had guessed her intention and only managed to say “Don’t—” before the weight came down.
Damn, this was intense. Even though Nie Jiuluo was light, she still weighed ninety-something pounds. It was already challenging enough for Yan Tuo to support himself with one arm, let alone bear her weight too. He only lasted two seconds before giving up, face-planting onto the floor in a perfect corpse pose.
Nie Jiuluo laughed uncontrollably. After a while, she leaned down, wrapping her arms around Yan Tuo’s neck and bringing her lips close to his ear: “Now you know my true intentions? What do you say?”
As she leaned down, her long hair nearly covered Yan Tuo’s entire head and face. Whatever shampoo she used had an incredibly pleasant and very faint citrus scent.
Yan Tuo reached back to hold her waist, pulled firmly, and sat up in one motion. At first, Nie Jiuluo thought she would fall and instinctively reached out to brace herself, but the next second, she found herself in Yan Tuo’s embrace, her hands pressed against his firm chest.
A thought flashed through her mind: Sister Lu’s cooking was really good, it had built him up well.
She wondered if someday Yan Tuo would be willing to model for her. It didn’t have to be nude—a towel would do.
Yan Tuo had no idea her thoughts had wandered so far: “Choose—either me or the villas and shops.”
Nie Jiuluo said, “Are you stupid? Why do you have to put yourself in opposition to the villas and shops? Can’t you all coexist peacefully?”
She laid out the facts: “Of course, I’d choose the villas and shops. That way, if I lose you, you lose both a person and property, and we’re both unhappy. But if you come with the villas and shops, we can have each other and the properties. Isn’t that better?”
What kind of logic was this? Even more surprising was that Yan Tuo found her reasoning quite sound.
He thought for a moment and negotiated: “If I’m bringing villas and shops to the table, shouldn’t you contribute something too?”
Nie Jiuluo said, “Well, there’s this courtyard house, plus all my works upstairs, and my future works. If my reputation grows in the future, all these works combined wouldn’t be worth less than your assets, right? Wouldn’t that make us equally matched in terms of wealth and status?”
Yan Tuo hummed in agreement: “So, do we have a deal?”
Nie Jiuluo nodded: “Deal.”
Before she finished speaking, they both burst out laughing. Yan Tuo held her tighter, burying his head in her soft neck, feeling her hair tickle his nose.
He murmured, “If only we didn’t have all these worries.”
Nie Jiuluo said softly, “Let me recite a poem for you that I saw in an anthology during my travels: ‘Cast aside worries and joy follows, yet people claim joy is scarce.'”
Yan Tuo repeated the lines silently to himself twice, feeling their truth.
Joy hadn’t been unkind to him, had it? Setting aside those worries, his heart was indeed full of joy and gratitude.
***
After lunch, Liu Changxi and Lin Ling arrived.
Bringing these two here had been discussed between Nie Jiuluo and Xing Shen: the Yu Tang area wasn’t safe, and before things settled down, it would be better to “hide” them away.
Sister Lu opened the main gate, remembering Nie Jiuluo’s instructions to be “courteous.” As soon as she saw them, she rushed to take Liu Changxi’s luggage. Liu Changxi wouldn’t let a woman carry his bags, repeatedly saying “Young sister, please don’t,” as they engaged in a tug-of-war at the entrance. Meanwhile, Lin Ling immediately spotted someone coming from inside and her eyes instantly welled up with tears as she exclaimed happily: “Yan Tuo!”
She spoke while running in, her heart pounding with excitement. Just as she was about to reach Yan Tuo, she suddenly stopped.
She had seen Nie Jiuluo come out too.
She had only seen this Miss Nie in magazines and online. After hearing that she and Yan Tuo were friends, Lin Ling searched more frequently, reading through all her interviews and works.
The more she saw, the more inadequate she felt: there were people in this world who won at the starting line—good family background, scholarly heritage, financially well-off, beautiful, successful in their career, and even famous in their circle.
Heaven played favorites.
Now seeing her in person, Lin Ling felt even more diminished. She awkwardly greeted Nie Jiuluo: “Miss Nie, thank you.”
Nie Jiuluo replied, “I should thank you. Without that phone call from you, I wouldn’t have found him.”
By this time, Sister Lu and Liu Changxi had come over, neither having won their earlier struggle, finally compromising with each holding one strap of the luggage.
Seeing two familiar faces at once, Liu Changxi didn’t know who to greet first, his words tumbling out: “Oh, Miss Nie, you’re feeling better? Tuo, why have you gotten thinner? Ah, this courtyard is nice, so many flowers…”
Yan Tuo smiled and greeted Liu Changxi, then asked Nie Jiuluo: “May I use your second floor for a while? I need to talk with Lin Ling about something.”
Nie Jiuluo nodded.
Lin Ling was confused: “Talk with me… about what?”
But almost instantly, she understood.
Yan Tuo wanted to talk about her situation—those things she had previously refused to hear or understand out of fear.
***
Liu Changxi was very pleased with Nie Jiuluo.
Previously, he had thought she spent money too freely and worried she wouldn’t be able to manage a household in the future. But now, after seeing the place in person, plus Sister Lu’s enthusiastic answers to everything, along with her added praise making Nie Jiuluo sound like a perfect flower, he immediately felt this girlfriend was quite a catch: she had her assets and was an artist!
Yan Tuo didn’t lack money, but he lacked artistic sense. The two balanced each other perfectly.
It’s just… being asked to stay here for half a month seemed a bit forced; he was really worried about his noodle shop in Yu Tang.
Nie Jiuluo had an excuse ready: “Uncle Changxi, it’s not just staying for half a month—I’m paying you, hiring you for half a month. I stayed at your place for a while and tasted your cooking. Sister Lu’s cooking is excellent, but her northwestern noodle dishes aren’t quite up to par. I was hoping you could teach her a few things, so I can enjoy your specialties at home in the future. Yan Tuo and I need to go handle some business, and when we return, I’ll test her skills—only if she passes will I let you leave.”
***
When the car Nie Jiuluo had rented online arrived, Yan Tuo had just come downstairs, bringing her suitcase with him.
From his expression, it was impossible to tell whether the conversation had been pleasant. Nie Jiuluo handed him the car keys: “How did the talk go?”
Yan Tuo smiled wryly: “Of course it’s hard to accept, it’ll take time to process.”
He added with a bitter smile: “To be honest, I regret telling her all this. If she didn’t know, maybe she could have lived more easily.”
Nie Jiuluo disagreed: “Knowing is good too. Knowing how precious her life is, she’ll cherish it more in the future.”
Yan Tuo said nothing more.
The two suitcases belonged to Nie Jiuluo and contained Chen Fu’s belongings. Having few possessions himself, he only carried a bag. After loading the luggage into the trunk and doing a final check to ensure nothing was forgotten, Yan Tuo closed the trunk door. Just as he was about to call Nie Jiuluo to get in the car, she suddenly remembered something: “Wait, I forgot something.”
Yan Tuo watched as she darted across the courtyard, both amused and puzzled: What could she have forgotten? Surely after spending all morning packing, she couldn’t have forgotten the most important thing – the Life and Death Blade?
***
Lin Ling was sitting absent-mindedly on the workbench when she suddenly heard footsteps behind her, startling her to her feet. What Yan Tuo had told her was too… absurd. She couldn’t process it, her mind completely numb, though she still understood basic courtesy – this was someone else’s room and workbench, someone else’s chair, and it wasn’t appropriate for her to sit there so casually.
She awkwardly greeted Nie Jiuluo: “Miss Nie, are you leaving now?”
Yan Tuo hadn’t told her what they were going to do, only that there were some loose ends to tie up. It was good that Nie Jiuluo could go with him.
She wished she could trade places with Nie Jiuluo, even just for a day. Right now, she was the person she envied most.
Nie Jiuluo gave a slight “mm” in response, then after a pause added: “If you get bored, you can come up to read books, just be careful… with these sculptures, don’t break them.”
She felt the last part was unnecessary, but she wouldn’t have felt at ease without saying it.
Lin Ling quickly nodded, looking at the sculptures beside her with admiration: “Did you make all these? You’re amazing. I could never… make something like this in my lifetime.”
Nie Jiuluo couldn’t help but laugh: “How is that possible? I only started learning this when I was fifteen or sixteen, it’s only been about ten years. You’re so young – assuming you live to eighty, you still have many decades ahead. What couldn’t you learn to do?”
Lin Ling mumbled softly: “Still… I couldn’t catch up to you. You’re beautiful and talented.”
Nie Jiuluo’s heart stirred. She had heard about Lin Ling from Yan Tuo and knew this girl had always lived cautiously and suffered from some self-esteem issues.
She said: “How do you know you don’t have a talent for sculpture if you’ve never tried? Maybe you’d be even better suited to it than me. As for being beautiful, well, that’s not unsolvable either.”
Lin Ling was startled: “How can that be solved?”
Nie Jiuluo replied: “Either stop caring about it – essentially it’s just facial features arranged differently, why to worry about beauty when we’ll all have sagging skin when we’re old? The starting lines might be different, but the finish line is the same. Or if you care too much, take steps to change it – there are beauty clinics everywhere that can help you.”
***
Yan Tuo had been watching the courtyard, finally seeing Nie Jiuluo return.
He leaned over to the passenger side to open the door for her: “What took so long?”
Nie Jiuluo sat down in the passenger seat, lowering her head to fasten the seatbelt: “I was chatting with Lin Ling.”
Yan Tuo wasn’t curious about what they discussed: “You said you forgot something – what did you get?”
Nie Jiuluo raised her hand, letting a chain slide down her palm. The chain was silver-white, with a green pendant at the end that swayed like rippling water.
Looking closer, it was a platinum necklace with a jade pendant carved into the shape of an auspicious persimmon, accompanied by a small platinum peanut.
Yan Tuo teased her: “You’re wearing that to a place like Jin Ren Gate?”
Nie Jiuluo lowered her head to put on the necklace: “What do you know? This was my mother’s. When I wear it, she’ll protect me and keep me safe.”
***
January 11, 1998 / Sunday / Cloudy
After that night at the train station, Li Shuangxiu probably discovered that Dashan had feelings for me. I don’t know what kind of spell she cast on him, but now Dashan looks at me like a stranger, once again completely obedient to her – he’s no longer my Dashan.
But I don’t blame him. Ordinary people can’t fight against demons and monsters. Dashan must be bewitched again.
He’ll wake up eventually, I believe in Dashan. As long as Little Tuo, Xinxin, and I are still planted in his heart, he’ll wake up.
February 16, 1998 / Monday / Sleet
Finally moved completely out of Youtang.
In the past, moving always made me happy because it meant our living standards were improving, but this time it was different.
I never imagined we would completely leave Youtang County, and move so far away. It feels like uprooting a great tree, severing all familiar ties – when dating, Dashan and I used to dream about getting a plot of land in Youtang’s suburbs to grow vegetables when we got old, sending a basket to Little Tuo’s family and another to Xinxin’s family after harvest.
I guess that will never happen now.
Since we were moving, relatives and friends inevitably came to say goodbye. Li Shuangxiu asked me: “You know how to behave without me teaching you, right?”
Of course – act crazy, after all, in everyone’s eyes, I’m already a mentally unstable woman.
In the days before departure, many guests came and went, but only two people truly cared about my leaving.
The first was Min Juan. She sighed heavily, held my hand, and talked for a long while, finally breaking into tears.
She said: “Look at you, I used to envy you so much – married to a smart man who treated you well and knew how to make money. You were fertile too, blessed with both a son and daughter. How could you let that thing with him and the nanny affect you so much? Now look what’s happened – you’ve gone hysterical, and that vixen has taken over everything. Aren’t you suffering losses?”
I listened expressionlessly, thinking: Yes, the home has been destroyed by a vixen, but not the kind you’re thinking of.
I wanted to confide my troubles to Min Juan, but I didn’t dare.
Never mind, she’s just an ordinary person, her courage isn’t much bigger than a chicken’s. Why burden her with this? Why involve her?
What exactly is Li Shuangxiu? How did my family end up with her? It must be fate.
The second was Chang Xi, who brought many gifts and packages big and small.
Chang Xi spent money on me again. I should thank him, but I didn’t speak – after all, I’m a woman who attempted suicide and has mental problems.
I kept staring outside the door where Little Tuo was running around, making “woo-woo” train noises – in those first few days, he kept asking about his sister, but after a month, he gradually stopped mentioning it. Sometimes when I look at him, my whole body goes cold.
Children forget too easily. Will he just grow up like this and forever forget he had a sister?
Like Min Juan, Chang Xi also thought I couldn’t get over a man, but he said something that shocked me: “Sister Lin, if the man’s no good, just find another one. You’re such a good person, why worry about finding someone? If you don’t mind, I, I could…”
Little Tuo’s train “woo-woo” came in, and Chang Xi swallowed the rest of his words.
This confused child, I hadn’t noticed he harbored such feelings.
I wanted to advise him not to overthink it but then thought – this must be just youthful infatuation, it will pass with age. Besides, I’m leaving, and with time, he’ll forget. There must be good girls waiting ahead for him.
Why should I worry about them? I should worry more about myself.
This departure might not just be to another city. Perhaps it’s a path to doom. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to return to Youtang in this lifetime.
March 9, 1998 / Monday / Overcast
I had that nightmare again today. Dreaming of searching everywhere for Xinxin, finally rushing into Li Shuangxiu’s room to see her ladling bones from a large pot to eat. As she kept scooping, she pulled out a dripping little red shoe.
Xinxin’s little red shoe.
After waking in shock, a thought suddenly occurred to me: Could Xinxin already be dead? Is she appearing in my dreams to tell me to give up hope?
All this time, perhaps Li Shuangxiu has just been threatening us with a dead person, using a deceased Xinxin to firmly bind those of us who are still alive.
My heart needs to be harder. I am a mother – I don’t just have Xinxin, I also have Little Tuo.
If Xinxin can’t be saved, I must at least secure a way out for Little Tuo.
June 21, 1998 / Sunday / Sunny (Summer Solstice)
Without realizing it, I’ve gotten used to being “Li Shuangxiu.”
She became me, accompanying Dashan to social events, while I became her, staying home to watch Little Tuo. Our identities quietly reversed.
I don’t argue or complain, just quietly do my work. I pretend to be completely docile. Several times, I even asked with a smile if my good behavior could earn me a chance to see Xinxin soon, or at least get a recent photo of her – I miss her so much.
Each time, she casually replied: “We’ll see.”
It’s been half a year. My Xinxin must have grown taller, but I can’t see it.
My heart trembles, my legs go weak, but my face must remain normal, pretending to be deeply grateful for her “generosity.”
However, this pretense and deliberate flattery have been effective. Over these months, her guard against me has gradually lowered. When she goes out on business, she often lets me take Little Tuo along. She probably looks down on me, thinking a mere housewife whose daughter is under her control can’t cause any trouble anymore, resigned to being an obedient little nanny.
I have a plan.
July 2, 1998 / Thursday / Sunny
Dashan, this might be my last diary entry. If I never return, this diary will be my legacy. If I do return, it means I’ve succeeded.
I believe that with someone like Li Shuangxiu, we shouldn’t harbor illusions. The more cowardly you are, the more arrogant she becomes. What right does she have to control our whole family using Xinxin? We can’t give her this opportunity. She should face retribution.
These days, your construction site is rushing to meet deadlines. I’ve gone there with her several times, and I’ve noticed she has fixed paths she takes between the buildings. Along those paths, the buildings are still half-constructed, with floor slabs piled on the unenclosed floors. They’re not stacked very safely – many could be moved with a crowbar.
I wonder, if she’s passing under the building and a floor slab falls from above… what would happen?
The last time I tried to kill her, she didn’t die. I really can’t accept this: What if she’s crushed into meat paste by the falling slab? Could she survive that?
When a wolf enters the home and no one can drive it away, I’ll do it myself.
Wish me success.
At worst, may heaven let me die with her, winning you and Little Tuo a tomorrow without her presence.
If I fail and never return, then it’s fate.
You must carry the remaining burden.
Remember to find Xinxin.
Even if our daughter is already dead, we must find her remains. A person who dies in a strange place will be scared.
— [Excerpts from Lin Xiruo’s Diary]