Fei Ni was reading in the bedroom while Mu Yang went to the Ling family to discuss the job matter.
She opened a drawer and browsed through Mu Yang’s reader letters. The letters filled the entire drawer. Opening one, she found delicate regular script expressing love for Mu Yang’s comic strips.
Before long, Mu Yang would have a more suitable job, and he would keep getting better. Meanwhile, she continued making hats. Last Sunday, her former neighbor had visited her parents’ new home, praising Ling Yi’s good fortune because of those two Warsaw cars. She knew the praise was well-intentioned, but the underlying message was that Fei Ni had married above her station into the Fang family.
In the Ling family’s living room, only Mu Yang and Ling Yi remained, as she wanted to speak with him privately.
The coffee Ling Yi had specially prepared for Mu Yang remained untouched. The coffee cup was new, never used before.
Since Mu Yang’s arrival, Ling Yi had been bustling about, so much that even her mother thought her enthusiasm excessive. Recently when a male classmate had come to visit her, she had barely spoken before seeing him out.
This enthusiasm continued until Mu Yang refused the pictorial job. He first expressed his gratitude, then said he preferred his current work.
“I don’t know why I was so weak back then. If it were me now, I definitely would have gone to the hospital to care for you…”
Mu Yang could hardly imagine what it would have been like having Ling Yi care for him—if she had come, it would have been more pressure than help.
“I’ve never blamed you.” He had always known she was this weak—if she hadn’t been, he might not have given her his spot. Mu Yang thoughtfully provided her an excuse, “You must have been in a difficult situation too, and you probably thought I would be well cared for at the hospital. Besides, Fei Ni did take very good care of me.”
Ling Yi’s lips moved silently before finally saying yes. He gave her dignity, and she couldn’t refuse it.
Mu Yang smiled: “It’s fortunate you didn’t come to care for me, or Fei Ni might have misunderstood our relationship. If she had misunderstood, she wouldn’t have continued caring for me, and how could I have developed feelings for her? We both ended up where we should be. If I had gone to university, I might have missed my chance with Fei Ni. You probably don’t know, but I liked her even before going to the countryside.”
“You liked her before going to the countryside?”
Mu Yang didn’t want to reveal his emotional history to others, but he felt Ling Yi needed to hear this.
“Fei Ni and I went to the same elementary school. I found her interesting even then, but she completely ignored me. I offered her snacks, but she wouldn’t eat them. Gave her gifts, but she firmly refused them.” He had given Fei Ni a package of flies, but unexpectedly she had cried and frighteningly thrown them to the ground.
Ling Yi remembered how Mu Yang had been indifferent to her when they were young, and couldn’t imagine anyone dismissing him.
“Fei Ni isn’t the type to add flowers to brocade—she prefers helping others in need. She seemed to only pay attention to me when I was struggling. When my father sent me to boarding school and I had nothing to eat, Fei Ni voluntarily gave me all her pocket money to buy food. Later when I went traveling for the movement, she offered to keep my sketchbooks safe. You know, with my background, most people avoided me. Back then, I mistakenly thought Fei Ni had feelings for me. Before going to the countryside, I asked her where she wanted to go—I wanted to go with her to develop our relationship and help her with physical labor. But she said she still needed to attend high school, so I asked where she wanted to go to the countryside after high school. She told me she might work in a factory instead. I figured since we weren’t on the same path, I shouldn’t pursue someone above my station…”
Most of what Mu Yang said was true, but only partially. When Fei Ni said she wouldn’t go to the countryside, Mu Yang was indeed disappointed because he wouldn’t see her anymore, but the disappointment didn’t last long. If Fei Ni had gone with him, he couldn’t have gone to where he eventually went—the environment there was too harsh for girls, but it was Mu Yang’s paradise, where he could paint vast mountains, forests, and mists, and most importantly, get enough to eat.
Getting enough food was crucial for Mu Yang at that time. You couldn’t paint properly if you were hungry—maybe for a day or two, but not long-term. Back when he was painting in the small house, he had used dishes for paint, and one day when he was delirious with hunger, he had almost eaten the paint.
Ling Yi kept stirring her coffee before finally asking: “Did Fei Ni know you liked her then?”
“Of course not. If she had known, she would have thought I was a hooligan…” He still remembered after school when he saw ill-intentioned boys following Fei Ni trying to befriend her. Before he could intervene, Fei Ni had already reported them to the red-armband-wearing elderly woman.
Ling Yi thought to herself that Fei Ni indeed hadn’t known—she had thought she was Mu Yang’s girlfriend. Fei Ni had specifically waited for her at school for several hours just to tell her Mu Yang had awakened, wanting her to go to the hospital to reminisce with him in hopes of helping him recover his memories.
She wasn’t the only one who had misunderstood.
Ling Yi hadn’t been passively assigned to the same youth station as Mu Yang—she had actively requested it. When she asked Mu Yang for advice about where to go, he said not to go anywhere except the suburban areas, telling her that as an only child, even with her poor background, if she persisted, she could be assigned to the suburbs. He had told her how difficult rural life was in remote areas, but she hadn’t believed him. To be with Mu Yang, she had specifically requested to go to the same place as him. Ling Yi hadn’t understood the differences between “rural areas”—she thought the countryside where they would be sent was the same as suburban villages, only discovering the vast differences after arriving. In the suburbs, the production teams had built tile-roofed houses for the educated youth, but where she was sent, they had to build their own houses, and the environment was much harsher. She had considered this her sacrifice for Mu Yang.
But Mu Yang hadn’t appreciated it, though he often helped her with physical labor. When rumors spread at the youth station about them dating, Mu Yang always came out to deny them, saying the rumors were preventing him from developing relationships with other girls, and threatening anyone who spread such rumors.
She had come to such a harsh place for Mu Yang’s sake, but he didn’t appreciate it, and every day there was heavy physical labor waiting for her. With her future looking bleak, in her despair, she had contemplated ending her life.
It was then that Mu Yang had given her his university spot, giving her hope again. At the same time, she believed Mu Yang must have had feelings for her.
Why else would he give her his spot?
“You gave me your university spot just because I…” Ling Yi changed “attempted suicide” to “faced difficulties.”
“I had eaten so many meals at your home before—of course, I couldn’t stand by when you were in trouble.” It wasn’t just about those meals; she had come here to the countryside for him, and although he neither approved nor was happy about it, feeling only added pressure, he couldn’t just watch her harm herself.
Ling Yi continued stirring her coffee as Mu Yang told her: “You don’t need to feel indebted to me. My life now is much better than if I had gone to university.”
With that, Mu Yang stood up to say goodbye.
Ling Yi saw him to the door. As Mu Yang turned to leave, she couldn’t help saying: “Are you refusing the pictorial job because you’re worried Fei Ni might misunderstand? If Fei Ni misunderstands, I can explain to her.”
“It has nothing to do with that. I simply don’t like working—I work only to earn money, and as long as I can earn money, it doesn’t matter where I work. I’ve never considered being a waiter inferior to other jobs. But I appreciate you helping me find work.”
He just wanted to paint freely; everything else was just for earning money to live better, even drawing themed comic strips was mostly for money.
If someone else had said this, Ling Yi would have thought they were just making excuses, but coming from Mu Yang, she believed it was true.
“But in others’ eyes, the two jobs…”
“I can’t control how others see things—as long as Fei Ni understands, that’s all that matters.”
Ling Yi watched Mu Yang’s figure disappear into the corridor, letting tears fall down her cheeks.
Mu Yang had always given her enough dignity, and he truly didn’t like her—had never liked her.
She turned to go inside, where her parents had returned to the living room.
She knew her parents had heard her conversation with Mu Yang.
When Mu Yang returned home, his father was sitting in the living room, considering his connections and thinking about arranging a job for his unfilial son.
“Did you refuse the pictorial job?”
“Yes.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll arrange a comparable position for you.” Even if it meant losing face.
“I think my current job is very good—I can occasionally get the kitchen to cook some dishes for us. You thought those dishes were good, didn’t you?”
Old Fang did indeed think they were good, and he could eat them every day. A few days ago, he had given his unfilial son some money to bring back two dishes, but he couldn’t sacrifice his son’s future for mere food pleasures.
“We can always eat at restaurants. I don’t think being a waiter is a long-term solution.”
“Are you ashamed of my job?”
Old Fang hurriedly denied this.
“I knew you wouldn’t be so superficial. I don’t see how the pictorial job is better than being a waiter—the salary isn’t necessarily higher.” Mu Yang repeated his theory about working for money that he had told Ling Yi.
“How can you be so vulgar? Is work just about earning money?” Old Fang strongly disagreed with his unfilial son’s view.
“Vulgar?” Mu Yang smiled, “Do you think earning money is vulgar, or is money itself vulgar?”
Old Fang couldn’t answer immediately.
“If you think earning money is vulgar, you never refused your salary when you worked, did you? If it’s the latter, I don’t mind vulgarity—you can give me all your money, I won’t mind at all.”