He Suye glanced at his watch and adjusted it to the date set, realizing that tonight was New Year’s Eve. The school’s laboratory building was eerily quiet, with only a few research labs lit up for ongoing projects. Most of the graduate students had left early, leaving him alone in the vast sterile lab.
For the past three years, He Suye had spent every Spring Festival like this, immersed in pharmacology, dosage calculations, and on-call duties. Whenever his grandmother or other relatives called, he always claimed to be too busy to come home. Unconsciously, the festival had become something dispensable for him.
There was no family to stay up late with, no smell of dumplings at midnight, no endless calls wishing him a happy new year. It wasn’t a holiday he wanted to experience.
A phone rang from the adjacent lab, playing Eason Chan’s “Merry, Merry Christmas, lonely, lonely Christmas. I want to give blessings but don’t know to whom. Love has been tied into a dead knot…” The empty hallway echoed with the lonely melody, resonating within him.
A surge of sadness washed over him as he sighed deeply. Suddenly, he heard footsteps in the corridor—light, high-heeled steps that seemed somewhat hurried. He couldn’t help but stop his work, hoping for something.
The footsteps stopped abruptly, but the person didn’t enter with a meal box, smiling and saying, “He Suye, stop working and have some dumplings. It’s New Year’s Eve! Come on, or I’ll eat them all.”
He used to joke with her, “Eating dumplings in a sterile lab? Isn’t that desecrating scientific instruments?”
At that time, he avoided going home for New Year’s and stayed in the lab, where Zhang Yiling would accompany him. They ate dumplings and sweet dumplings in the lab, and he would take her to the train station in the middle of the night. Another year he ended with him alone.
Despite his efforts to escape, his heart still felt empty, lacking a sense of belonging. He removed his gloves, took out his phone, and dialed his grandfather’s house. A child’s voice answered, “Hello, Grandpa He’s residence. Who’s calling?”
He chuckled, warmth filling his heart. “It’s me, little uncle. It’s He Shouwu.”
The child snorted, “Little uncle, don’t tease me. My name is He Shouzheng!”
An adult quickly took over, “Suye? Mom, Dad, Suye is on the phone!”
Not wanting his elderly relatives to rush over, he gently told his nephew, “I’ll be home soon. Tell Grandma and Grandpa not to wait for me if they’ve already eaten.”
“Little uncle, you need to give me lucky money, or I won’t open the door for you!”
“Got it, you little money-grubber! See you soon.”
“Okay! Don’t forget, see you soon!”
The supermarket was already closed, but fortunately, the small stall beside the hospital was still open. The owner, holding a bowl of noodles, greeted him warmly, “Young man, just got back from out of town? If you’re buying gifts, I’ll give you a discount so everyone can enjoy the New Year!”
He smiled wryly, feeling like an outsider despite being home.
Sitting alone on the bus, he watched the hurried crowds outside. The driver grinned, “Young man, you’re in luck. This is the last bus for the night. We’re heading home for New Year’s after this.”
He felt it was fate, a good omen for the coming year.
It had been a long time since he had a meal with his family. The He family was small, barely enough to fill a table, but his mischievous nephew, He Shouzheng, kept everyone entertained. After dinner, they gathered on the couch to watch the New Year’s Gala.
Holding a juice box, He Shouzheng ran over and dived into He Suye’s arms. “Little uncle, let’s go set off fireworks.”
The provincial government compound was filled with children playing. The crackling fireworks lit up the sky. He Shouzheng ran around in the snow, a “magic wand” in hand, his chubby face glowing with joy and excitement.
He Suye reminisced about his happy childhood, though happiness always seemed fleeting.
After playing for a while, He Shouzheng’s shoes were soaked with snow. He pitifully called out, “Little uncle,” and He Suye had to carry him back home. As soon as he sat down, his phone buzzed with a message from Li Jie, followed by one from Fang Kexin, and then a call from Qiu Tian and several old classmates and colleagues.
Shouzheng, now wearing dry shoes, sat obediently beside him, fiddling with his phone. Suddenly, the phone vibrated again. The child, in his childish voice, announced, “Little uncle, it’s Shen Rice Porridge calling!”
He Suye laughed, pinching his nephew’s cheek. “Her name is Shen Xifan, not Shen Rice Porridge!” He got up and walked to the courtyard to take the call.
There was a lot of noise on her end, likely at a hotel, with the sound of clinking glasses. Shen Xifan, laughing, said, “It’s not midnight yet, but I was afraid your line would be busy later, so I called early. Also, I might not make it to midnight because I’ve had quite a bit to drink. I’m already a bit tipsy.”
No wonder she was so talkative. He asked, “How much did you drink?”
She hesitated, “About half a bottle of white wine and half a bottle of red wine. I feel like I’m full just from drinking. It’s a shame because I didn’t get to eat much good food. My family are all drinkers, and after one round of toasts, they started a second round. Even my little cousin got drunk.”
She continued to ramble, her hand gesturing as she spoke. A child nearby laughed, “Auntie, you’re drunk.”
Shen Xifan glared at her niece defiantly, asserting, “I can still drink!” Then, turning to He Suye with sincerity, she continued, “Believe me, if you come over tonight, we can indulge in some peanuts and pickled beans as snacks, crack open a bottle of Wuliangye, and drink until we drop!”
The dazzling fireworks lit up the sky, illuminating He Suye’s face. He smiled gently, “Little girl, don’t try to show off. Go back to sleep now. If you keep drinking, I’ll have to brew some Chinese medicine for you.”
They chatted for a while longer before Shen Xifan finally hung up. He Suye rubbed his cold hands and went into the kitchen to pour himself a cup of hot water. As he held the warm cup, he opened his mouth to call for He Shouzheng but found his throat hoarse. He realized that in his hurry to answer Shen Xifan’s call, he had forgotten to put on his coat and had stood outside in the cold for half an hour. Even someone with a strong constitution would struggle with that.
Despite feeling a bit under the weather, a faint smile lingered on his lips. Noticing this, He Shouzheng quipped, “Uncle, you look like a cat that got the cream. Dad smiles like that too!”
The next day, as expected, He Suye developed a slight cough. Dismissing it, he rushed to buy groceries before the supermarket closed. He also called his uncle, inviting him to visit their grandfather for the New Year.
He Suye’s grandfather, a distinguished military officer, was renowned for his strictness. While he held high expectations for his descendants, he harbored a special fondness for He Suye, his youngest grandson.
After distributing red envelopes to the younger generation, the family gathered for a lively feast. The Yu family was large, with three uncles and one aunt on He Suye’s mother’s side, plus all the younger cousins, filling several tables.
Grandfather Yu maintained his patriarchal authority, retreating to his study after the meal, a routine the family was accustomed to. The atmosphere became more relaxed and cheerful. Sitting beside He Suye, his youngest uncle teased him, “Why haven’t we seen you bring a girlfriend home yet?”
Everyone laughed, and his little niece asked curiously, “What’s a girlfriend?”
Another nephew, feeling proud of his knowledge, announced, “Don’t you know? A girlfriend is someone who can kiss Uncle!”
The innocent comment made everyone burst into laughter, including the maid who covered her mouth to stifle her giggles. He Suye laughed too, “This isn’t something to rush. I’ll bring someone suitable when the time comes.”
The others didn’t let him off easily, urging, “No way, no way! You have to drink! Fill his glass!”
By the end of the meal, He Suye had drunk a bit more than usual. He went to the bathroom to wash his face when Grandmother Yu called him, “Suye, your grandfather wants to see you in his study.”
Grandfather Yu was sitting by the chessboard when he arrived. Seeing him, he called out, “Suye, come play a game with me.”
He Suye took the white pieces, and Grandfather Yu took the black. Although he wasn’t an avid player, He Suye only lost by a single point. Grandfather Yu nodded in approval, “Though you lost, you played well. It’s been a while since you last played, hasn’t it?”
He Suye thought for a moment, “It must have been a year.”
Grandfather Yu sipped his tea, “Have a look at my leg, will you? It’s an old war injury. It aches every winter.”
As He Suye examined his grandfather’s leg, Grandfather Yu spoke slowly, “Suye, we’ve never blamed your father.”
He responded with a soft “yes”. Grandpa Yu continued, “Just like me, I might seem a bit old-fashioned and lacking in sentimentality, but I still hope to have grandchildren around in my old age. Your father only has you as his son, and your mother is no longer with us. It will be quite lonely for them in their later years.”
Feeling a tinge of sadness in his nose, he dared not lift his head to look at his grandfather. “I understand, Grandpa.”
“My son-in-law mentioned your situation during our last tea together, and I decided to give you a good scolding no matter what. But you are a sensible child who knows what to do.”
“I will talk to my father when I have the chance.”
The streets on New Year’s Day were bustling with people, and the long-unseen sun hid behind the clouds. Drops of water dripped from trees and walls. Even the dim sunlight felt warm, capable of thawing the ice and snow.
After drinking and braving the cold wind, his cough worsened. He took a detour to the largest Chinese medicine store in the city, planning to get some Chinese medicine to alleviate it.
There were only three female pharmacists on duty in the Chinese medicine store. A middle-aged man was getting angry, “What kind of pharmacy is this? You can’t even keep track of a prescription. This is for treating illnesses! Can you afford the consequences? Where’s your boss? I want to complain!”
A trembling voice from one of the girls said, “I’m sorry, I’ll keep looking, I’ll keep looking!”
He approached and said to another pharmacist, “Give me 10 grams of Ephedra, 10 grams of Almonds, 10 grams of Violet, 10 grams of Dahurian Angelica, 10 grams of Thunberg Fritillary Bulb, 20 grams of Tangerine Peel, 10 grams of Platycodon Root, and 20 grams of Licorice, three doses, and I’ll provide the container.”
The middle-aged man looked at him strangely. He smiled and remained silent. Finally, the middle-aged man asked him, “Young man, my father’s stomach condition has flared up. He sent me to get medicine on New Year’s Day, but the prescription has gone missing. Can you help me out and prepare the full prescription?”
He coughed back home. He bitterly smiled to himself. It turned out doctors could get sick too. From now on, he must not pretend to be strong in front of patients. Remembering that he hadn’t been sick for many years, he ended up getting sick from catching a cold in the freezing wind.
At that moment, his phone rang. He saw it was a text message from Shen Xifan. “He Su Ye, did I get too drunk last night? I think I babbled a lot of nonsense to you. Please don’t mind.”
He replied, “No, you didn’t. You were very quiet when you were drunk, just humming.”
“It’s impossible. My mom said I was talking non-stop while hugging the phone last night. Where are you now?”
“I’m on the bus, coughing a bit. I’m going home to take some medicine.”
Just as he reached the entrance of the residential area, he saw Shen Xifan standing there shivering. He quickly approached her and suppressed his cough. “What’s wrong, little girl?”
Shen Xifan raised her head, her face red from the cold. “You said you were sick, so I came to visit you.”
He felt an inexplicable surge of irritation. “You fool! With such cold weather and your constitution, if you didn’t get sick from staying outside, that would be strange. Don’t you know the hospitals are only offering emergency services now? It’s not like there are expert professors on duty. If you end up catching a cold and getting a fever during the New Year, you’ll regret it!”
After being scolded so nonsensically by him, Shen Xifan felt extremely wronged. She weakly tried to defend herself, “If you’re sick, you should prescribe me some Chinese medicine. I’m not afraid of bitterness. I’ll drink it like I do with alcohol, bottoms up!”
It was only then that He Suyi realized how harsh his tone had been just now. Shen Xifan’s response made his heart skip a beat. He turned his face away, feeling slightly embarrassed. “Little girl, I was too harsh just now. Don’t be angry. Come up quickly, it’s cold.”
He first picked out a little Ephedra and Licorice, boiled them in boiling water, and handed them to Shen Xifan, instructing her, “Drink it quickly to prevent catching a cold.”
Shen Xifan brought it over, looking curiously at the various medicines in the plastic bag. Finally, she picked out an almond and said, “He Suyi, is this an almond? Can I taste it?” And then she tossed it into her mouth.
He Suyi didn’t have time to stop her. He watched as she wrinkled her brow and exclaimed, “It’s so bitter! Is this an almond, He Suyi? You tricked me!”
He laughed, “That’s bitter almond. Did you think it was the kind you find in dried goods? Greedy! Almonds are used to relieve coughs and asthma. The bitter taste can relieve congestion and open the airways. It’s used in this prescription because I have a cough due to wind and cold, so I’ve included Ephedra, Licorice, Platycodon, and Violet.”
Shen Xifan could only roll her eyes. “It looks like my luck isn’t good this year…”
While He Suyi was brewing the Chinese medicine, Shen Xifan sneaked into the study. She wanted to find some simple books about Chinese medicine to read, so she wouldn’t be laughed at for being clueless.
She searched through book after book until she finally found one that suited her—Pharmacology of Chinese Medicine (for use by TCM professionals). As she flipped through it, she realized it was He Suyi’s textbook from his undergraduate days. Each paragraph was highlighted, and the blank spaces were filled with notes. It seemed like he had studied diligently.
She flipped through the pages, “Properties of Chinese medicine, compatibility of Chinese medicine, dosage and administration of Chinese medicine…quite comprehensive. Oh, what’s this picture?”
It was an ordinary photo of a group of people, including He Suyi, Li Jie, Qiu Tian, Fang Kexin, and a beautiful girl. She had never seen this person before at any gathering or occasion.
But her woman’s intuition told her that this girl was related to He Suyi.
Without any clues, Li Jie had never mentioned her, and neither did anyone else. She had been curious for a long time about why such an outstanding man like He Suyi didn’t have a girlfriend.
Could the answer be here, with this girl? The one person everyone deliberately avoided mentioning, the source of his pain.
He Suyi called from the kitchen, “Little girl, your medicine is ready. Come and drink it while it’s still warm!”
She hastily closed the book and stuffed it into the bookcase. In the kitchen, He Suyi was adding water to the rice cooker, and the smell of the Chinese medicine wafted out. It smelled bitter, really bitter.
Why were there so many people in the world trapped by love, just like herself, entangled in the past and unwilling to turn back?
She had read a post that said, “Some people love someone unconditionally for ten years. In the darkness of their hearts, they create a desolate wasteland for them. On the lonely journey, they repeatedly dream of the person who has already flown away and the love they once had. They endure, bear, and even find a bit of joy in it. But all the changes happen overnight, and all the warmth suddenly turns into ice. In an instant, they age and approach death. When they die, they still whisper his name. This scene is immensely noble.”
She didn’t dare to ask about He Suyi’s past, just as she didn’t want to mention her past to anyone. A place in her heart gradually cooled down, and her heart became cold.
What caused this feeling of heartache and sadness for He Suyi? Why did tears well up, urging her to comfort him? He always wore a faint smile, but she felt it was forced.
Suddenly, she didn’t dare to hope that he would treat her well. She couldn’t bear it, and she wasn’t worthy. All of this should belong to someone else’s happiness.
She didn’t dare to face it.