Shen Xifan returned home to find her father in the study, writing a report. She hesitated for a moment before pushing the door open and entering. “Dad, I want to talk to you about something.”
Her father put down his pen, took off his glasses, and smiled warmly. “Go ahead, I’m listening.”
She squinted slightly, the upturned corners of her mouth revealing her small happiness. “Dad, I’ve fallen for someone. He’s a good person, and treats me well.” As the image of He Suye flashed in her mind, her smile grew wider.
Her father was naturally delighted. “That’s great! Tell me more about your boyfriend.”
Shen Xifan giggled, a little embarrassed. “Oh, Dad, you’ve met him. He’s that very handsome Chinese medicine doctor.”
“Really?” Her father wasn’t surprised at all and burst into hearty laughter. “It’s him! I thought you two looked good together when I saw you. That’s wonderful! He’s a fine young man.”
“But—” her smile faded as she spoke seriously, “But, I have to leave in a few days for a whole year, and my coursework will be very demanding. Honestly, I don’t have much confidence.”
“You’re worrying too much,” her father chuckled. “Is it yourself or him you don’t have confidence in? Is this about the past? Let bygones be bygones. A year isn’t that long, but it isn’t that short either.”
Shen Xifan bit her lip, remaining silent. Her father patted her shoulder. “Don’t overthink it. Since you’ve made this decision, you need to take responsibility for it. You’ve worked hard for so many years. If you give up now, you’ll regret it. And if you lose a relationship because of this, that man isn’t worth your love. This is a test for both of you.”
Her expression was serious, deep in thought. “That’s what I think too.”
Her father spoke earnestly, “Face life with calm. Let what will happen, happen. Don’t force it, but don’t run from it either. Life won’t be difficult for you if you do that.”
After their conversation, she returned to her room, lay quietly on her bed, and sighed softly, pressing a hand to her chest.
In truth, it wasn’t him she lacked confidence in but herself.
A year, separated by a vast distance—how many changes could occur? How could she bear such intense longing, waking each night with thoughts of him, not knowing where he was? She was no longer the girl who would recklessly pursue love. As an adult with responsibilities, there were too many things to consider. Standing at the brink of youth, she weighed the dwindling days of her young years.
Can I love freely again? she asked herself. That man, calm and composed, like green mountains and clear waters, always brought her an inexplicable sense of peace. His eyes were pure and serene, his palms warm, and he carried a faint scent of herbal medicine. His dimples when he smiled were deeply enchanting.
Her heart always fluttered when she saw him. She truly liked him, so why not try loving someone again?
The night outside was pitch black, but she no longer felt anxious or lonely. Even if she had to endure long nights with open eyes, she firmly believed that light would follow the darkness.
This was her faith.
A few days later, Shen Xifan was packing her luggage at home. Her mother repeatedly reminded her, “Take as much as you can. Things are expensive in America. You have to convert dollars to yuan, ten yuan is only worth one dollar.”
Shen Xifan agreed quickly, carefully placing some prescriptions in the most important book. Thinking of He Suye’s plan to visit Huatai Temple that afternoon to pray for a peace charm, she couldn’t help but take out the prescriptions again and look at them carefully.
His handwriting must have been practiced, as his signature was truly beautiful. It was strong yet graceful, steady but free, reflecting his character.
She lay on the floor, resting her head on the suitcase, foolishly smiling at those three characters. “I don’t want to go. What should I do?”
But this dream wasn’t something she could easily give up.
She knew this better than anyone. She knew He Suye understood too, which was why he was willing to watch her leave.
When Shen Xifan arrived at Huatai Temple, a familiar figure was already standing at the entrance. Despite having his left arm in a cast, and looking somewhat awkward, Suye’s nonchalant demeanor suggested he didn’t mind at all.
She suddenly remembered that every time she and He Suye arranged a time and place to meet, he always arrived before her, without exception.
When did he start getting used to waiting for her?
Meeting his smiling gaze, she couldn’t help but smile back, a warm feeling spreading to the depths of her heart. She reached out her hand proactively, “Sorry to keep you waiting. Let’s go in.”
In the afternoon, the temple had fewer people burning incense and praying. As they entered the main hall, a young monk greeted them with clasped hands. “The master invites the two benefactors to the back courtyard. Please follow me.”
Shen Xifan was a bit confused and quietly tugged at He Suye’s hand. “What is this? I’m not ready to converse with a high monk. I don’t know a thing about Buddhist doctrines.”
He Suye chuckled, “You don’t need to talk to him. The peace amulet needs to be blessed. My family knows the abbot here.”
She let out a sigh of relief, “One god in one place. When I go to America, I’ll need God’s blessing.”
“You little chatterbox—”Suye said affectionately, “Don’t say anything foolish later.”
Throughout the process, she didn’t pay attention to what He Suye and the abbot were discussing, nor did she understand what the so-called blessing entailed. But the tea they drank was very special, unlike any tea she had tasted before. The green tea had a faint yellow hue, served in white porcelain with blue floral patterns, and exuded a delicate bamboo fragrance, refreshing and pleasant.
This kind of tea was perfect for leisurely sipping on a slightly hot afternoon. The ancient temple, with its pine trees and bamboo chimes, added a mysterious aura to the tea—devout, tranquil, and calming.
As they walked out of the back courtyard, Shen Xifan couldn’t help but ask, “What kind of tea was that? Why did it have a faint bamboo scent?”
“Did you like it?” He Suye smiled gently, brushing a fallen leaf off her shoulder. “Let’s take a walk in the bamboo grove.”
The entire bamboo grove was filled with a subtle, refreshing fragrance, sweet and moist. The ground was covered with layers of sheaths and bamboo leaves, spread out like a green carpet, warm and comfortable, crunching softly underfoot.
Shen Xifan took a deep breath. “This scent is just like the aroma of that tea, lingering and fragrant. I love it!”
He Suye laughed and held out his hand to her, revealing a small bamboo leaf in his palm. “The tea you drank was bamboo leaf tea. Bamboo leaves are also used in traditional Chinese medicine, but I’m not sure about their use in tea.”
Curious, she took the bamboo leaf and examined it. “This is used in Chinese medicine? What does it treat?”
“It clears heat and alleviates irritability, promotes fluid production, and quenches thirst. Bamboo leaf hearts are particularly good for clearing heart fire and opening the orifices,” He Suye explained seriously. “In Chinese medicine, there are also light bamboo leaves, bamboo juice, and bamboo shavings, all of which have medicinal uses.”
“No wonder the tea had such a pleasant aroma. It can clear heat as well.” A gust of wind rustled the bamboo, blowing the leaf from Shen Xifan’s hand. She laughed, “Fallen leaves return to their roots.”
“Fallen leaves return to their roots—”Suye repeated the phrase thoughtfully, gently taking her hand. “Is there a deeper meaning behind your words?”
Shen Xifan grinned mischievously and enunciated each word carefully, “Yes, I mean myself.”
As they were leaving the temple, they noticed several stalls set up along the back wall, surrounded by a crowd. Curious, Shen Xifan pulled He Suye over to take a look.
It turned out to be a fortune teller setting up shop. She noticed that all the girls were gathered around one person, chattering excitedly. A young, pretty girl holding a fortune stick, presumably the fortune teller, saw them and called out, “The last free ‘Matchmaker’ fortune of the day goes to them.” There were sighs of disappointment from the crowd, but they made way for the two of them.
Shen Xifan looked at He Suye hesitantly, half-joking and half-serious, “Aren’t doctors usually atheists? What if I get a bad fortune, He Suye?”
The girl laughed, “It’s wise to listen to different perspectives. Besides, everything has two sides, don’t take it too seriously.”
Shen Xifan hesitated but then drew a fortune stick. She looked at it and saw the words “得其所哉” (“Finding one’s place”). Confused, she handed it to the girl, who widened her eyes in admiration, “Excellent fortune!”
The surrounding girls looked at them with envy. The fortune teller explained, “Finding one’s place. It means your marriage will be praised. During this rare opportunity, you should make your decision without hesitation. Hesitation will lead to missed opportunities.”
This explanation left Shen Xifan stunned, while He Suye turned his face away to hide his laughter. The girl then tossed the stick into her bag and waved, “I do three fortunes daily, starting at 4 PM. Come again.”
Shen Xifan muttered to herself, “Is this even accurate? It doesn’t seem very professional.”
Someone nearby chimed in, “Why wouldn’t it be? She’s in high demand and only does three readings a day. A friend recommended her to me, and I’ve been coming for three days but haven’t gotten a reading yet.”
She looked at He Suye for help. His eyes were bright, and he nodded with a smile, “I think it was pretty accurate.”
Alright then, it must be very accurate, she thought to herself with a secret smile.
Back at He Suye’s house, Shen Xifan busied herself making dinner while He Suye was in the study checking He Shouzhen’s homework.
During a break, He Shouzhen whispered, “Uncle, why were you holding hands with Sister Shen today? It must’ve been tough with one hand in a cast.”
Without looking up, Suye replied, “The plural of ‘glass’ is ‘glasses,’ and you spelled ‘visit’ wrong. You’ve been very distracted lately, little rascal.”
Unwilling to give up, He Shouzhen picked up a pencil and started doodling on He Suye’s cast. “Uncle, don’t change the subject. Holding hands is called dating, right? What’s this about ‘getting on the bus first and buying the ticket later’?”
Finally setting down his pen, Suye looked at him seriously, “Kid, when you take the bus, you get on first and then pay. ‘Buying the ticket later’ refers to the old days when buses had conductors. I can’t believe what they teach in elementary school these days.”
He Shouzhen seemed half-understanding, still puzzled when Shen Xifan called them for dinner. He muttered to himself, “It makes sense, but it still feels weird.”
After dinner, He Shouzhen went to the living room to watch TV, leaving just the two of them in the kitchen.
The sound of running water was loud in the kitchen as Shen Xifan washed dishes and pots. She frequently urged He Suye, “Go watch TV with the kid. I can handle the kitchen. Your hand shouldn’t get wet; it might affect the wound.”
He Suye smiled helplessly, “It’s not that serious. Whenever I get sick, you all stop treating me like a doctor.”
Shen Xifan pouted, “Dr. He, please view this incident with scientific rigor.” She then turned and gave He Suye a playful glance.
Distracted, she accidentally turned the faucet too far, causing water to splash all over her. Even her bangs were dripping with water. Despite the mess, Shen Xifan couldn’t help but laugh. “An incident! A typhoon has passed through!”
He Suye laughed as well, looking helpless. He grabbed some tissues and, since Shen Xifan’s hands were occupied, she obediently let him wipe her face. Her eyes sparkled with laughter, a mix of mischief and shyness. When He Suye’s hand brushed against her lips, a blush spread across her face like a delicate sunrise in May, both subtle and intense.
The lingering sensation on his hand was soft and gentle, like cotton candy. Was the taste also as sweet and fragrant as cotton candy? His heart skipped a beat. Just as he started to lean in slightly, the kitchen door burst open, and He Shouzhen shouted, “Sis, I want an ice cream!”
The intimate moment was shattered. He Suye turned and glared at He Shouzhen, who looked bewildered. He asked cautiously, “Uh—Uncle, can I have an ice cream? I promise I won’t complain if I get a stomach ache.”
Shen Xifan, seemingly unaware of the earlier tension, quickly responded, “Go ahead, but you can only have one.”
He Shouzhen hesitated, his big eyes blinking pleadingly. “Uncle—”
He Suye chuckled, “Why are you being so obedient today? All right, but only one.”
He Shouzhen waved his hand, indicating he had something to say to He Suye. Standing on tiptoe, he whispered in his ear, “Uncle, did I ruin your moment just now? You looked as angry as Dad does when he’s mad.”
Suye could only pat his head and hand him an ice cream. “Kids should stay innocent; otherwise, no one will love you.”
The kitchen quieted down again, the water flowing softly. Suddenly, Shen Xifan spoke, “I’m leaving the day after tomorrow. Can you not come to see me off?”
“Why?” He Suye placed the chopsticks into the sterilizer and looked into her eyes.
“Because… if I see you, I won’t want to leave.” She quickly added, “It’s not that I don’t want you to come; I just can’t handle goodbyes.”
He Suye sighed softly, making Shen Xifan feel a pang of sadness. “I… I really can’t handle it. I’m afraid I’ll start crying and embarrass myself.”
After a long pause, he turned and said, “Silly girl, I understand. All right, I won’t come. Just make sure to call me before you leave.”
Facing away from her, Shen Xifan hugged him gently from behind and whispered, “I’m sorry.”
Sorry for being so selfish, for not wanting you to see me one last time, but I’m too fragile to let you witness my helplessness and reluctance.
At the international departure hall of the airport, Shen Xifan’s mother and father accompanied her as she stood in line at the security checkpoint.
Her mother’s eyes were red, repeatedly reminding her daughter of various precautions. Her father stood silently by, only asking if she was hungry or thirsty.
Shen Xifan’s emotions were also unstable. She had never been away from home for so long; even her university was in a nearby city. This was her first time being separated from her parents, and she felt a pang of sadness. She tried to stay cheerful, cracking jokes to lighten the mood, but eventually, her voice choked up, and she could only stand quietly in line.
Suddenly, she felt as if someone was watching her. Instinctively, she turned to look around. Amidst the bustling crowd at the security checkpoint, she spotted him. He had promised not to come, so why was he here?
Her mind went blank. She had an overwhelming urge to run over and hug him. Just as she was about to take a step, her phone rang at the most inopportune moment. The message read, “Sorry, I came after all. Don’t turn around. Let me watch you leave. Remember, don’t look back. The view ahead is better.”
She smiled, her eyes already misty with tears. Despite this, she tried to appear strong, even though that minuscule strength crumbled completely with his arrival.
This man truly cared for her, so much so that he was willing to sacrifice his feelings to fulfill her dreams.
In the waiting lounge, as she watched planes take off one by one, Shen Xifan finally realized she was alone. For the next year, there would be no parents by her side, no He Suye to accompany her—she would have to rely solely on herself.
She needed to grow, to mature on her own.
Standing at the boarding gate,
her hand still gripped her phone. The screen blinked, indicating a new message. She opened it and saw it was from Qiu Tian: “Shen Xifan, leaving without telling us? That’s not cool. Anyway, because your seafood fried rice was so good, I’ll let you in on a secret. When you leave the pointy corner, don’t be sad, don’t cry. Because in every moment of despair for a good girl, miracles happen. Trust me.”
Walking down the long corridor, she saw through the green-tinted glass the bustling airport staff and service vehicles outside. Not far away, a China Airlines jet was taxiing to its designated runway.
Everyone has their journey, and their tasks to complete. Because life is short, one must painfully give up certain things and race against time.
The plane moved slowly down the runway. Suddenly, with a powerful thrust, it lifted off, overcoming the immense pull of gravity. Her back pressed heavily against the seat. Looking out the window, she saw the runway falling away, and soon the airport disappeared from view.
Her tightly wound nerves finally relaxed, and a single thought occupied her mind: she had left, truly left. What had previously only been a dream was now a reality.
Memories replayed like a movie: their first meeting, the first prescription he wrote for her, the prayer amulet he sought for her well-being, and his farewell. Scene after scene flashed by, unavoidable and overwhelming.
Yet, she did not cry, nor did she want to. But a clear liquid, beyond her control, slipped from her eyes.
He Suye, I miss you so much, so very much.