Yuán Xī hurriedly caught up. Just as they rounded the corner of the house, she saw Xiāo Dù leaning against a locust tree, retching uncontrollably. His face was as pale as paper as if he would vomit out all his bile.
Hearing footsteps behind him, he turned to see Yuán Xī standing wide-eyed behind him. Feeling embarrassed by his current state, he quickly pulled out a handkerchief to wipe his mouth before turning back with an apologetic smile.
Seeing him like this, Yuán Xī felt a mix of heartache and self-blame. Tears welled up in her eyes as she spoke, “If you can’t eat, why force yourself?”
Xiāo Dù, unwilling to see her cry, hurriedly walked to her side, softly saying, “Since you made it specifically for me, how can I not eat it?” Seeing Yuán Xī filled with self-blame, he pulled her into his arms and gently wiped away her tears with his sleeve, saying, “It’s not your fault, it’s me…” He suddenly found it difficult to continue, unsure of how to explain.
Yuán Xī buried her face in his chest, unable to stop her tears. She couldn’t quite identify the emotion overwhelming her, feeling at a loss on how to respond to his kindness. Feeling suffocated by emotions, she said, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said I’d cook for you without knowing anything, and ended up causing you this.”
Xiāo Dù sighed softly, taking her hand, “Don’t cry. If you truly feel guilty, then accompany me somewhere, consider it compensation, alright?”
Yuán Xī lifted her head in confusion, not understanding his intentions. Xiāo Dù, however, gave her a mysterious smile, leading her back into the courtyard. He instructed the servants to rest in the mansion for now, saying he and his wife would be back later. This led to some speculation among the servants, exchanging meaningful glances.
Xiāo Dù paid no heed, simply holding Yuán Xī’s hand as they walked along the path beside the fields, slowly making their way to the foot of a small hill.
The jungle was dense, the terrain winding. The two of them walked up the mountain path, the post-rain air refreshing. Sunlight danced on the dew-covered leaves. The sounds of insects and birds filled their ears. Yuán Xī didn’t know where they were going but felt content just following him.
After a long walk, they finally reached the mountaintop. Yuán Xī had never climbed such a long hill before and was panting heavily, sweat dripping from her forehead. Xiāo Dù glanced at her, teasingly saying, “You’re tired already after climbing for such a short while. Are you going to make me carry you down later?”
Blushing, Yuán Xī glared at him, her demeanor both charming and playful. Xiāo Dù couldn’t help but find her adorable, so he wrapped his arms around her and rested his chin on her head, softly saying, “Even if I have to carry you for a lifetime, I’m willing.”
Yuán Xī’s heart fluttered, her face turning even redder as she buried her head in his chest, unable to lift it. Xiāo Dù gently lifted her face, pointing ahead, saying, “Look.”
Turning her head, Yuán Xī saw a magnificent sunset painting the sky with vibrant colors, the green ridges of the mountains standing faintly in the distance. Below, golden reeds swayed in the wind, green fields stretched as far as the eye could see. It was a vast expanse of land.
The wind on the mountaintop was refreshing, quickly dispelling the sticky sweat on their bodies, leaving only an unprecedented sense of joy and contentment for Yuán Xī. As she stared at the breathtaking scenery before her, she felt an overwhelming urge to cry.
Xiāo Dù led her to a large rock and sat down beside her, also lost in the view before slowly saying, “Only from this angle in the capital does it resemble the scenery of the borderlands.”
Yuán Xī was taken aback, noticing a hint of nostalgia in his eyes, as if he were immersed in distant memories. “When I was sixteen, my father took me to the northwest border. At first, I couldn’t adapt to the hardships there and always wanted to sneak back to the capital. Later, my father tied me to the city wall and pointed to the soldiers of the Xiāo Family Army training, telling me: that this was my responsibility. If I wanted to escape, he would rather end me there and then, at least dying on the battlefield.”
His lips curled slightly, seemingly mocking his naivety back then. He continued, “After that, I trained with the Xiāo Family Army until two years later when I led troops and forced the Wū people’s hundred-thousand-strong army to retreat a hundred miles from the border. That’s when I realized the glory and pride of being a man, freely roaming the battlefield, defending the country. Later, I fell in love with the battlefield, the sound of horns and drums, and the view of the towns within the border from atop the city wall. I told myself: that, is the territory I will protect for a lifetime.”
As Xiāo Dù’s voice grew more impassioned, a hint of pride appeared on Yuán Xī’s face. She suddenly realized that this was perhaps the most authentic version of him. But why… she leaned her head gently against his shoulder, her heart filled with questions.
Seeing the doubt in her eyes, Xiāo Dù’s expression gradually turned cold, a sudden pang of pain caught him off guard, requiring a great effort to maintain his composure. “Until two years ago, I held fifty thousand soldiers to defend Pingdu Pass. Initially, everything went smoothly, and I was confident that we could counterattack and drive the Mù Róng cavalry back to the grasslands within a few days. However, the supplies that were supposed to come from the capital never arrived, not for five days.
We endured for five whole days, soldiers starved to the point where they couldn’t even stand for long. Outside the city, the Mù Róng cavalry waited eagerly. If we were trapped and the city gate fell, they could easily break through Pingdu Pass and reach the Fùníng Road, putting half of the Central Plains in jeopardy, not to mention the unarmed civilians behind Pingdu Pass. We persisted until the sixth day, and there was no food left in the city. Even I was so hungry I almost fainted. It was then that someone brought me a plate of meat…”
Yuán Xī was about to ask why there was still meat but suddenly noticed his body trembling. He tightly held her hand, as if trying to draw warmth from her, gathering the courage to continue, “It was the flesh of the deceased soldiers, the flesh of the brothers who fought alongside us. We relied on this flesh to hold the city gate, enduring until reinforcements arrived…” He couldn’t continue, pain evident on his face as he closed his eyes, tears streaming down his once resolute face.
Yuán Xī looked at him in shock, tears flowing down her face. Suddenly, she remembered what he once said: Only those who have witnessed irreparable cruelty have the right to shed tears. It was only now that she understood what he had been through, and why he resisted eating red meat. She didn’t know what to say, feeling that all words were feeble. She used all her strength to hold him, wanting to pull him out of the depths of his pain. But she still didn’t understand why such a tragedy had occurred.
It took Xiāo Dù a long time to calm down before he continued, “Later, I found out that the reputation of the Xiāo Family Army in the northwest, along with my military power, had made many people in the court wary. Some wanted to deplete the strength of the Xiāo Family Army through that battle. Even if I wasn’t killed at Pingdu Pass, I would have been held accountable if the city gate fell. So, I resigned to the Emperor, willing to give up all military positions and only keep my title. From then on, I would never set foot on the border again. The Xiāo Family Army, without a leader, became a piece of fat that everyone wanted to eat but couldn’t swallow. But as long as there were external enemies, no one dared to touch the Xiāo Family Army.”
Yuán Xī listened with a mix of anger and helplessness, the cruelty and ugliness of which she would never understand. Xiāo Dù sighed softly, feeling a weight lift off his shoulders after sharing all this, something he had never told anyone before.
At this moment, the sun had gradually set, casting a red glow on their faces. Xiāo Dù tightened his grip on her hand and said, “I want to take you to see the sunset on the border someday. Outside the pass is the desert, and when the sun sets, every grain of sand shines with golden light, a sight that the capital will never see. The wind on the border is fiercer, and the water is colder than here, but…” But I miss it so much.
He slowly closed his eyes, recalling the day he left the city. He walked at the end of the team, turning back for a last look at the setting sun reflecting on the towering city walls, eagles soaring across the vast sky, the border wind cutting like a knife on his face. He wiped away the tears from the corner of his eyes, knowing he could never come back.
Battlefields, rivers, and deserts, from then on, only existed in dreams.
A gentle breeze passed by, and he felt a pair of hands softly stroking his face as if trying to soothe all the wounds in his heart. Opening his eyes, he saw Yuán Xī looking up at him, her eyes bright and warm. She said, “My husband is a great hero. Wherever you go, I will always be proud of you.”
Xiāo Dù felt a warm surge in his heart, driving away the pain. He had never told anyone these words before, but he couldn’t wait to tell her, unwilling to have any pretense or concealment between them. Because of love, he was willing to lay bare all his past and wounds, standing before her with nothing held back.
The two of them remained silent for a long time, clinging tightly to each other. In this vast and quiet mountaintop, their hearts drew closer than ever before. Suddenly, a few drops of rain fell, and soon a downpour began.
Xiāo Dù furrowed his brow, quickly taking Yuán Xī down the mountain. But the rain came so fast and hard that the slope became slippery, almost impossible to find a foothold.
Seeing Yuán Xī shivering from the cold rain, Xiāo Dù hurriedly took off his coat to wrap her from head to toe. He led her to find a cave for shelter, but the rain showed no sign of stopping, instead growing stronger.
Xiāo Dù frowned, looking at the pouring rain outside the cave entrance. He sighed and said, “It seems we may have to spend the night on the mountain tonight.”