This was one of the many upscale residential communities in the city. The tall, continuous buildings formed a striking skyline in the area, distinguished from surrounding complexes by their marble exterior, Western sculptures atop the buildings, and the wide floor-to-ceiling windows that seemed to connect each household.
Not to mention there was a river beside this community! Among the broad landscaped greenery between buildings, occasional bright splashes of color would break through the thick greenery, emerge briefly, and just as they caught your attention, disappear back into it. However, if your ears were sharp, following the noise of children would always lead you to this place—the children’s playground.
Like a fisherman passing through a cave to suddenly discover a peach blossom spring, the winding garden landscaping limited visitors’ line of sight. But pushing aside the branches and arriving at the entrance to this playground, one felt as if they had broken through a five-colored gate and accidentally entered a completely different world.
The level ground was covered with red, blue, and yellow rubber particles, and colorful artificial pavilions replaced the shade of trees. Adults rested and chatted on benches under the pavilions, with small tables available for mothers’ heavy backpacks. Tiny children sunbathed contentedly in their strollers, while older ones ran and jumped on the elastic surface—even if they fell, there was no need to help them up.
There was more than one sandbox, large and small, and on weekends, families would even picnic in them—though this was later stopped by security. The colorful playground equipment was eye-catching, with the most notable being a combination slide painted in four colors—a complete mini climbing frame!
It was said that half the property owners in this community had bought their homes because of this playground. Combined with a decent private bilingual kindergarten in the community and a good public elementary school nearby, this place had become the top choice for the city’s young elite.
However, whether having the means to make a home here marked the beginning of happiness was a matter of opinion. For most women, youth inevitably brought dreams of finding happiness through love and marriage, but some women living here would tell you this was merely a woman’s wishful thinking.
At this moment, children of all sizes were making their noises, each active in their territory. The mothers gathered in groups according to their children’s ages to chat.
The playground was relatively enclosed; watching the entrance was enough to keep children from wandering off. Mothers of children around six years old concentrated near the slides, while the sandbox was mainly for those under four. Even younger ones tumbled about in the rubber-surfaced area.
A young mother pushed a stroller to the edge of the sandbox. Her short black hair tousled by the spring breeze, she bent down to lift the child from the stroller and brought him to the sandbox.
The little boy, about two years old, plopped down in the sandbox, looked around, then at the tools in his hands, and lifted his head to look at his mother. The woman smiled, picked up a shovel, and joined her child in scooping sand. After about five minutes, a little girl of similar age came to play, and the young mother smiled, saying, “Zi Yuan, Chengzi is here!”
The little boy called Zi Yuan looked up with a smile, loudly calling the girl’s name, and soon two or three more boys joined in, all playing together. The little girl’s mother called out, “Zi Yuan’s mom, come take a break, let them play!”
The five children had grown up playing together since they were babies, and their parents were familiar with each other. Sitting together, they watched the children while chatting to pass the time.
“Zi Yuan’s mom, why are you so pale? Are you alright?” one child’s grandmother asked with concern.
She shook her head and explained, “Probably from being indoors too long. Haven’t gone running in a while.”
“Bring the child out more for sunshine, you can get some exercise too.”
Zi Yuan’s mother was called Ning Yue, and like most people here, her main job was caring for her child.
At this point, another child’s grandmother said, “Do you remember Little Lotus from Building 5, Unit 3?”
She lowered her voice, her expression extremely serious, and everyone looked at her in surprise, quietly waiting for what would follow.
“That seventeen-car pileup on the highway that’s been all over the news lately, remember? Lotus’s mom was there with Lotus!”
“Ah!” Everyone exchanged shocked glances. This was news that the whole country had been following for the past couple of days, and the accident scene was reportedly horrific!
Chengzi’s mom’s voice trembled: “How is that possible? Lotus’s mom just posted beach photos a few days ago, saying they were about to return to China. How did they end up on the highway?”
News always seems distant, but when it involves someone you know, it takes on a surreal quality.
“The police station came yesterday, I heard it from the security guard, certain. They had just returned to the country and were planning to go straight home. But Lotus’s father wasn’t on the plane! Can you believe how lucky that bastard got!”
Ning Yue hadn’t been out for a while and couldn’t follow the elderly woman’s jumping thoughts: “What happened with Lotus’s father?”
Chengzi’s mom answered: “Lotus’s father had an affair. Don’t you know? The whole community knows! Lotus’s grandmother went around criticizing Lotus’s mom, and Lotus’s mom would cry every time she came out. This time when Lotus’s mom took the child abroad, it was because she was too angry and needed to clear her head. Probably didn’t want to come back here after landing, that’s why she headed straight to her parents’ home. Who would have thought…”
“Who would have thought it would play right into that scumbag’s hands!” said the grandmother who had started the conversation. “That man took his mistress straight to Hainan to take wedding photos, and then the mistress sent the photos to Lotus’s mom. When Lotus’s mom asked that scum for a divorce, he said he didn’t have a penny, the company was full of debt, and it was all shared marital property! He even installed a tracker on Lotus’s mom’s car, hired thugs to harass her, took photos, and accused her of having an affair. Most infuriating was that he beat Lotus’s mom! And Lotus’s grandmother said Lotus’s mom deserved it! It makes my heart ache just hearing about it. I’m furious! I don’t know what Lotus’s mom was thinking, if it were me, I’d leave everything, even the child, and just divorce that man! Now look what’s happened! Wife and child both dead and that man gets all the property, those two shameless people must be so pleased with themselves!”
The elderly woman’s face was red with anger, and her listeners were equally indignant. Several magpies flew over her head, cawing as they flew into the depths of the blue sky and white clouds.
Ning Yue instinctively opened her phone; she too was friends with Lotus’s mom, whose nickname was “Lotus Mama.” The last moment she posted showed a nine-grid photo diary. The photos were of Little Lotus and her playing in various places in Southeast Asia, with the final one at the airport, the child sitting on a luggage cart, smiling happily. The text read: “Coming home tonight! Grandma and Grandpa, we miss you!” The bright smiles of the child and woman made it impossible to imagine the mother’s heartache, and even harder to accept that this was their final moment together!
Ning Yue’s eyes stung, and she quickly lowered her head to hide it. At this moment, another mother beside her sighed: “To put it bluntly, death is death, it’s the living who grieve. Death ends everything, Lotus’s mom is at peace now, with no more heartache, no more hurt from anyone. And Lotus won’t have to cry every day anymore.”
Ning Yue quietly wiped away her tears and glanced at the mother who had spoken. Her family wasn’t peaceful either, all the troubles written on her face.
Strangely enough, these full-time mothers, supposedly the most leisurely group in the eyes of the world, were actually all full of grievances. Though they didn’t worry about food or clothing, they all said they had no sense of security. When men and elders heard this, some shook their heads, others sneered, and sometimes even the mothers themselves found it incredible! But when it came to specific situations, everyone had sufficient reasons. Not only was Lotus’s mom’s case right before their eyes, but even those whose husbands didn’t have affairs felt insecure. No matter how much they sacrificed for their families, all their hard work seemed futile! No one acknowledged stay-at-home mothers’ sweat, no one recognized their value, no one saw their struggles—as long as you didn’t work, you were just a parasite living off your husband!
Chengzi’s mom shook her head and said: “Lotus’s mom cried to me that night, saying she wanted to die but didn’t dare! Her parents are in their seventies, she couldn’t leave like that! Now look…” Chengzi’s mom sighed and shook her head, “This marriage, if you can just get by, that’s already good enough!”
Everyone sighed again, and Ning Yue, stirred by Chengzi’s mom’s words, let out a cold laugh: “We’re just getting by, while some people are finding true love! Heaven’s looking after them!”
“True love my ass!” The child’s grandmother was already angry, “It’s not that there’s no retribution, it’s just not time yet! Heaven won’t let that dog couple off!”
“Mothers and babies keep each other company, there’s no betrayal in that world,” said the chubby boy’s mother who had been quiet until now, her eyes already moist.
Her baby woke up every hour at night to nurse, and to maintain breastfeeding, the chubby boy’s mother had been doing this for a full year. These days everyone was urging her to wean the child, but her mother-in-law and husband wanted to wait until he was two. The chubby boy’s mother thought since she had persevered for a year, she could get used to another year. But recently her mental state had been extremely poor, she would cry at the slightest thing and sometimes burst into anger suddenly, not looking well at all.
Ning Yue’s eyes suddenly stung, and she quickly lowered her head to hide it.
The elderly women were still discussing: “Girls these days, truly shameless, actively pursuing being mistresses, and even righteously telling wives to hurry up and divorce! Don’t know what kind of parents raised them!”
The surrounding voices gradually became a blur.
Red as Ning Yue’s eyes focused only on her son’s small figure by the sandbox. She remembered something her mother had said: “If you’re determined to quit your job and stay home to have children, I won’t oppose it. But remember: living together isn’t like dating, once a man leaves the house, he’ll do whatever he wants, don’t try to control it. As long as he still acknowledges this family and is good to the children, let him come home. What is a family? Simply put, it’s an alliance between two people to raise children together, support their parents, and take care of each other when they’re old! But I’ll also tell you, if you feel you can’t go on, think it through, and leave quietly. Remember, before you’ve thought it through, never provoke a man! You’ll only end up hurting yourself. We women don’t have many opportunities in this society. It’s true for careers, and it’s true for life!”
But what does it mean to think it through? Ning Yue stared dazedly at her child in the distance, pondering this seemingly unsolvable question. Several years ago, when she still didn’t understand maternal love, she had forever lost the chance to hear her mother’s explanation. Now that she finally understood a mother’s love and hardships, she could only embrace the abyss when she raised her arms.
Two years ago, when Ning Yue was still in her postpartum confinement.
One day, the sunshine was as good as today. She was idly browsing her phone when a slight vibration transmitted to her palm—a new message had arrived. Ning Yue glanced at it, surprisingly it was a text message. While wondering who still sent text messages these days, she opened the message. A flash of intuition passed through her mind, her hand unconsciously pausing, as if receiving some warning. However, her finger still disobediently opened it. It was a photo. A selfie of a half-naked woman, shows Hu Cheng sleeping beside her.
Ning Yue’s heart contracted into a knot the moment the image opened! He was at it again! Sure enough, where there’s one, there’s bound to be two!
Ning Yue maintained her composure, even exchanging a few words with the maternity nurse who came in to put away clothes. She sat on the bed, and lowered her head to smell herself, realizing for the first time how undignified she appeared after not bathing for a month.
Ning Yue was crumbling inside, known only to herself. How she wanted to grab the kitchen knife and rush into Hu Cheng’s office, making his blood splatter five steps away!
She had never even considered divorce! She had just recently left the delivery table, where she had lost enough blood to fill a bucket! Her belly was still wrapped in bandages, hiding a terrible scar that hurt so much that even going to the bathroom made her want to die! She had been imprisoned on this bed for sixty days, being milked like a cow every day! No, no, no, she had never thought about divorce! She only wanted equal compensation for the price she had paid! Only Hu Cheng’s blood could match the blood she had shed!
But what difference would that make? They had a child now! That fragile little life, not even as long as an arm, lay beside her! When he grew up when he understood things, should he face this broken, cruel fate and a family relationship where his mother killed his father? No, no, no! Ning Yue looked down at the sleeping baby in the small bed and denied herself again. But she wanted to!
That photo kept flashing before her eyes. Flashing until she went mad she almost lost her willpower!
To control this impulse, she hid under the covers and bit her wrist hard until she tasted blood in her mouth. The metallic sweetness flowing over her tongue soothed her bloodthirsty nature, but the surging impulse howled for more blood. She bit down desperately, completely unaware of the signals her nerves were sending to her brain, helplessly waiting for the demon to slowly retreat, satiated…
When blood runs dry, there are tears, but what happens when tears run dry?
Sunlight fell on the crib, shining on that “meat strip” who couldn’t even roll over. His belly rose and fell like a little frog. But his limbs were weak and powerless, always lying in the same position, occasionally waving his arms and kicking his legs—that was all the movement he could manage! Even for “eating,” the basic necessity to sustain life, someone else had to bring the “bowl” to his mouth! All he could do was open his mouth and suck hard. That was his only voluntary action to declare his existence to the outside world!
Ning Yue picked up the child. The baby’s mouth reflexively began to suckle, and milk flowed steadily. Ning Yue felt a great river suddenly activate in her body, rolling up her back, climbing to her shoulders, cascading down like a waterfall, wanting to rush into that little sucking mouth. But unexpectedly, it stopped at the subtle point between flowing and not flowing, gently streaming into the baby’s mouth. The infant’s little face was satisfied and peaceful, his tightly closed eyes showing no signs of opening.
He… probably wasn’t even a complete person yet, right? Ning Yue thought, feeling the surge of milk flowing from her body, looking at that tiny head, suddenly feeling that just a little bit more could drown him!
He was so fragile. He probably couldn’t feel pain yet, could he? Could he feel suffering? His current self and his embryonic self probably had no difference in intelligence or emotional capacity, right? Then, perhaps, ending it now wouldn’t require suffering!
As Ning Yue thought this, her body leaned forward slightly, and the soft, luminous tissue immediately completely blocked the child’s nostrils, leaving no gap!
At this moment, a slight change transmitted from Ning Yue’s chest. Ning Yue instinctively pulled back, seeing the wound on her wrist as she raised her hand. A strange impulse controlled her: “Don’t move, just like this, just need a moment, a few seconds, and everything will be over. Can go back to before! No child, no responsibility, no pain…”
Ning Yue suddenly threw her head back, hitting the headboard with a heavy thud. An earth-shattering cry came from the child’s mouth. Before reason returned to Ning Yue’s mind, her sweat had already soaked through her clothes, and she lay there as if collapsed, letting the child cry loudly, motionless!
When her mother-in-law and the maternity nurse, Auntie Zheng, came in, Ning Yue’s tears and sweat had already mixed. The mother-in-law, worried about the child, quickly picked him up to comfort him, saying nothing but her expression was already quite dissatisfied. Auntie Zheng was experienced; she looked at the child, wiped the milk from around his mouth, then looked at the pale-faced Ning Yue, found an excuse to send the mother-in-law away, and took the child to another room herself.
When everyone had left and the house was empty, in complete silence, Ning Yue’s soul seemed to finally return to her body.
She lay motionless, not knowing what had happened to her or why she had acted this way! She felt terrified, uneasy, even desperate! Because she didn’t know if there would be a next time!
I almost killed him!
Yes, just now, I wanted so much to kill him!
She knew she had given birth to a person, a little life. But this life was so fragile that it didn’t even require her fingers; just a slight change in position could end it. Her subconscious desire for this life wasn’t as strong as she had imagined; in fact, the strongest desire was to return to the past, to the time before the child! She wanted freedom, wanted security, but her love was gone, her happiness was gone, what else could she give this child? Under this roof where she would live with the child, this place called “home,” what kind of monster was it?
Or should she, alone, promise her remaining life to this life? No, she didn’t dare, nor did she want to! She was a coward, she had no maternal love, and she even selfishly wanted to kill her child! She was afraid, she was desperate, and she wished the world would end when she took the child away!
Ning Yue lay motionless, facing the ceiling, tears flowing.
After an unknown time, the bed beside her sank as Auntie Zheng came in and sat down. She held a bowl of hot water and offered it to her. Ning Yue stared blankly at this woman in her forties, not knowing what she had noticed.
Auntie Zheng said: “The child is asleep, everything’s fine now.”
“Everything’s fine now,” Ning Yue repeated.
Auntie Zheng sighed and said: “Everyone’s like this after giving birth, no one is born knowing how to be a mother. It’s just that after caring for them for a long time, feelings develop, and then you can’t bear to part with them. Whether they’re your own or adopted, it’s all the same, there are no innate feelings, and they all develop gradually.”
“Really?”
“Really. Even if you raise a dog, after caring for it for a long time, isn’t it the same? People are the same.”
Ning Yue breathed a sigh of relief. Everyone was like this, maternal love wasn’t innate. But what about fathers?
Auntie Zheng looked thoughtfully at Ning Yue. The wife was still in her postpartum period, yet the husband had traveled out of town many times—anyone would know something was wrong. She said: “Paternal love is like a mountain! The best paternal love is like a mountain sitting beside you, not moving, and not causing trouble is good enough. In my opinion, after having a child, the most useless toy is paternal love. It gets in the way at home; it’s better to let them out to earn money. For men, as long as they give you the money they earn, that’s being responsible!”
“Is that so?” Ning Yue thought, I only have a supplementary credit card, does that count as giving me money? She didn’t say it, and naturally, Auntie Zheng didn’t know.
Auntie Zheng sighed and said, “Spend more time with the child, he’ll become attached to you. In the future, whatever happens, he’ll surely side with you.”
“I don’t want him anymore,” Ning Yue said with a vacant expression. Auntie Zheng was stunned for a long while before picking up the child and placing him in Ning Yue’s arms, saying, “Look at him, you gave birth to him. So small, so weak, if someone bullies him and you, his mother, run away, who will protect him?” Seeing Ning Yue slowly lower her head to look at the child, Auntie Zheng continued, “A stepmother means a stepfather, and grandmothers with many children and grandchildren only care for the sweet-talking ones. Think about it, in this vast world, among all these people, besides you, who else can love him, protect him, and cherish him unconditionally?”
Tears finally fell, like broken strings of pearls, quickly gathering into rivers, falling on her clothes and the swaddling clothes.
Auntie Zheng shook her head slightly—these were a mother’s tears! And a woman’s fate!
She observed the grieving woman and child before her. Such cases were too common, so common that the company trained them on how to handle these situations. But honestly, even though Auntie Zheng was past middle age, she still couldn’t understand why men could so comfortably seek their pleasure when women were at their most vulnerable, lonely, and frightened! Just because their child’s mother couldn’t make them happy? But who brought the women pain, who put women in danger, who drove women to despair, wasn’t it the men? So what responsibilities had they taken on?
Making money?
Was that all?
From that day on, Ning Yue became obsessed with taking on all childcare responsibilities herself. She even placed the baby stroller beside her bed at night, keeping the child with her day and night. This gave Auntie Zheng some free time, though her sleeping arrangements weren’t ideal, with a temporary bed placed outside the bedroom door to keep watch.
Her mother-in-law said this wasn’t proper, and that it would exhaust her milk supply. Auntie Zheng said it was fine, that having the child sleep with his mother would stimulate milk production. The mother-in-law glanced at Ning Yue, but Ning Yue seemed not to hear her words, and the mother-in-law left with a wave of her hand.
The child’s growth appeared before Ning Yue like a fast-forwarded montage, strongly impacting her consciousness. She began to realize that she must protect this little life from being defeated by the world’s various accidents, and she had to teach him how to be strong! But what a responsibility that was! From great floods and fierce beasts to bacteria and viruses, suddenly the whole world seemed full of enemies that could bring death to the child! Moreover, such responsibility would last at least a dozen years, perhaps several decades, maybe even a lifetime, never-ending!
Ning Yue held the child, looking down at his scrunched features, her hands trembling involuntarily. She feared that responsibility, not knowing if she could bear it! She slowly loosened her grip, and just as she was placing the child on the bed, his previously closed eyelids suddenly trembled and opened. Those clear black and white eyes, with their truly pure and clear gaze, instantly captivated Ning Yue. The dark pupils moved slightly, then the child’s little hand waved, and his originally wrinkled face subtly shifted, his small mouth forming an expression resembling a human smile.
Ning Yue froze, her hands that were about to let go suddenly tightening slightly. The child made “goo-goo” laughing sounds!
Tears suddenly welled up in Ning Yue’s eyes! She knew she could never let him go now. Even if she had to fight the whole world, even if the sky fell, she could never let go. That smile touched the softest, warmest place in Ning Yue’s heart, awakening the most primitive impulse hidden within her.
However, the fear remained. She devoted almost all her energy to caring for the child, desperately seeking the key to awakening maternal love, but this was just subconsciously avoiding one thing—she feared she would again “under an uncontrollable impulse” kill the child!
The demon in the abyss was constantly watching her.
Ning Yue, unable to escape, fell into depression.
Still two years later.
The children were still playing enthusiastically in the playground, and indignant expressions remained on every informed person’s face. Ning Yue’s father-in-law and mother-in-law came looking for her, asking her to return home to check on a delivery that required her ID. Her father-in-law went grocery shopping, her mother-in-law stayed with Hu Zi Yuan to play, and Ning Yue left after giving a few instructions. Hu Zi Yuan watched his mother, just beginning to pout when his grandmother pushed him on the swing, distracting him with laughter.
“Spend more time with him, and his heart will be with you.”
As Ning Yue walked away, looking back, she unexpectedly recalled Auntie Zheng’s earlier words. Unlike the helplessness she felt then, now there was a hint of warmth. In her emotionless, cold marriage, as long as she had her child, there was still a source of warmth, a life-fire where her emotions could rest. Even if she left, her love wouldn’t extinguish, and her warmth wouldn’t dissipate.
After collecting the delivery, Ning Yue’s heart was pounding severely, forcing her to find a chair to sit down. She habitually took out her phone, staring at the dark screen, not knowing what to do.
“What are you looking at?” A rather magnetic voice suddenly came from behind, followed by a strong, warm arm pulling Ning Yue into an embrace.
Ning Yue’s body suddenly stiffened, and her arm holding the phone swung wildly, hitting something. She heard him cry out, “Ouch!”
Ning Yue retreated several steps, standing far away, looking at the newcomer with complex emotions.
Hu Cheng, her husband, had returned.
His suit jacket was already removed, his tie half-loosened, the white shirt collar slightly open, revealing the muscular definition of his neck. This year’s most popular slim-fit trousers sat neatly on his legs, an H-branded belt subtly and elegantly outlining his still-taut waist. Time treated everyone equally, but those who made an effort could steal five or six years. Hu Cheng was such a person; no matter how busy work was or how tight time was, the gym was an unwavering appointment in his calendar. Even when Ning Yue went into labor, Hu Cheng had to complete his scheduled workout before rushing to the hospital.
Men’s buttocks start to sag after forty, a concern they share with women. But while women can wear bras for correction, men can only let things hang. Yet Hu Cheng’s buttocks remained perky. Like Ning Yue’s face, though it had wrinkles, it still appeared young, even a bit childish. To Ning Yue, these were natural gifts. But Hu Cheng believed it was the result of his long-term fitness regimen. As for Ning Yue, he attributed it to various expensive skincare products.
Ning Yue didn’t argue with him. After so many years of marriage, she had completely figured out Hu Cheng’s temperament. He was like a wolf, always looking down from above, thinking himself remarkable, harboring lifelong grudges against anyone who didn’t comply with him, always seeking a chance to bite. After being hurt several times, Ning Yue just let him be. This way everyone was comfortable—he got his compliance, she got her peace, and everyone was happy. Moreover, Ning Yue had always admired his perky buttocks. The body’s golden ratio point, protruding so roundly, immediately gave his formal suits a hint of hidden sensuality.
Ning Yue felt this was her private pleasure, understanding Hu Cheng’s beauty in a way that only she, among billions of people, could appreciate.
Later she discovered she was just one among many. This realization had once caused her unbearable pain, but amazingly she had survived it and had grown accustomed to the pain. Like monthly menstrual cramps, feeling like death, then continuing to live. At such times, she became like an observer, watching another self crawl out of the abyss, self-torturing and self-mutilating, then slowly crawling back into the abyss after the drama ended.
She hurt, yet didn’t hurt. She hated, yet didn’t hate.
Perhaps this was numbness?
“What’s wrong with you?” Hu Cheng covered his face, appearing to have been hit quite hard.
He keenly noticed something was off with Ning Yue. An intense sense of crisis made him instantly tense, like a wild beast baring its fangs and emitting a low growl.
Ning Yue, familiar with him, effortlessly sensed the dangerous signal. At that moment she even felt the person standing before her wasn’t her husband but someone who might pounce and strangle her at any moment.
—This feeling wasn’t unfamiliar.
This was how they had met years ago, and it was precisely this danger that had attracted her to eventually become his wife.
Ning Yue believed in natural balance, and she came into this world to put a bridle on this wild beast that was Hu Cheng. But now, she felt she hadn’t tamed him; instead, she had become the caged beast herself.
Feeling somewhat irritated, Ning Yue took a deep breath and said: “A girl named Tian Qiuzi came to find me today,” she observed Hu Cheng’s expression and continued, “She said some nonsense, I didn’t have time to deal with her, had security chase her away.”
Hu Cheng’s face twitched, looking at Ning Yue without speaking.
Ning Yue casually asked: “Is it true? What she said.”
Hu Cheng shook his head: “What’s true or false? Women these days throw themselves at men who show a bit of capability, and don’t pay attention to it! I’m already so busy every day, where would I find time for such things!”
Two years had passed. Since receiving another woman’s photo during her pregnancy, Hu Cheng has consistently denied all extramarital affairs. Ning Yue only gave him one line: “You’re my husband, I trust you most. If you say there’s nothing, I’ll believe there’s nothing.”
Years ago, Ning Yue’s mother had treated her father the same way, and they later spent their lives together. However, Ning Yue’s mother had only asked once, while Ning Yue had lost count of how many times she had asked.
Different women, whether through photos or showing up at their door, again and again, until Ning Yue felt questioning Hu Cheng had become a meaningless ritual! Yet, even though it was meaningless, she had to ask every time. Like nurturing a monster in her heart, only receiving that standard answer she knew was false could make it lie down quietly.
Hu Cheng returned after changing clothes and asked Ning Yue: “Where are your medicines from the bedside? They’re all gone. Remember to buy more when you finish them or have my mother buy them.”
“The doctor said I don’t need them anymore. It was just postpartum depression, which can recover naturally. You insisted I take medicine, but now I’m better.”
“Better?” Hu Cheng hesitated, his fingers brushing his face—where he had been hit still stung.
Ning Yue took out a blue medical record book from the cabinet and handed it to Hu Cheng, letting him see for himself.
Hu Cheng casually flipped through it before tossing it aside: “As long as you’re better, be more careful in the future. Lucky it was me—if it had been the child or my mother, that hit would’ve been fatal.”
Ning Yue said nothing, looking down at her phone.
While changing clothes, Hu Cheng observed Ning Yue. After changing, he approached her ear, asking with obvious intimacy: “Something wrong?”
Every pore in Ning Yue’s body exploded! If it weren’t for the familiar babbling sounds coming from the doorway, she would have quickly pushed Hu Cheng away, jumping to a safe distance!
The door opened, and Hu Cheng abandoned Ning Yue, his entire demeanor seemingly transformed as he smiled and rushed to the entrance.
The main door was already open, a child’s stroller slowly entering, with an adorable child sitting in it. Seeing Hu Cheng, he opened his arms, babbling. Hu Cheng immediately picked up the child, happily spinning around the room: “Oh oh oh, my big son! Baby’s home!”
Father and son played the throwing-up game, the big one shouting, the small one laughing, instantly dispersing the strange atmosphere in the room.
Ning Yue’s gaze wandered between the two males, her hand gripping the phone showing blue veins. Finally, her gaze settled on the little bundle of flesh, all coldness melting into spring water.
Four years later.
“Mommy, come play with me!” Though he was already in kindergarten, the frequently sick child called to her from the living room again.
Ning Yue walked over smiling, playing with Lego blocks with the child. A small Lego piece had already been turned dozens of times in Ning Yue’s hand, still unable to find the correct connection. The child impatiently snatched it away, deftly inserting it into his creation, while giving Ning Yue two sanitizing balls. Ning Yue smiled, admitting her mistake, and picked up another piece asking the child where it should go. As Hu Zi Yuan was thinking, a call appeared on the phone. Ning Yue silently muted it, standing up to quietly coax the child to get dressed together.
Her mother-in-law came out from the kitchen, asking Ning Yue where she was going. Ning Yue said they were going out for sunshine.
The mother-in-law suddenly said: “The weather’s been nice lately.”
Ning Yue paused, looked outside where the sun wasn’t particularly strong, and said lightly: “Oh, maybe we shouldn’t go out then.”
The mother-in-law frowned, and her father-in-law, reading the newspaper on the sofa, interjected: “Go out and move around. He’s a little boy, shouldn’t be locked up at home all the time.”
Ning Yue left with the child. The mother-in-law walked to the balcony to look down, and after a while returned to tell her husband: “Last month I saw Ning Yue talking to a man at the main entrance. I asked who it was, she said it was a classmate.”
The old man continued reading his newspaper without looking up. Hu Cheng’s mother was used to this and continued: “She should just stay home and take care of the child, why does she need to attend class reunions? Attracting men, making herself a laughingstock!”
“Ning Yue didn’t hide attending the reunion from you, and if classmates come to seek her help, why distinguish between men and women? I think you’re just making needless fuss, aren’t you tired!”
“I’m making a needless fuss? She’s a housewife, and hasn’t worked for eight years, what help could she provide? If it were women asking about childbirth and childcare, I’d believe it. A man seeking her help! That’s laughable!”
“Ning Yue used to be a capable lawyer. Don’t always look down on her.”
“I’m not looking down on her, I feel sorry for Hu Cheng. This whole family depends on Hu Cheng working himself to death, and Ning Yue, frankly, is just eating idle rice at home, spending Hu Cheng’s hard-earned money! If she starts attracting men, how can she face Hu Cheng? I have to watch her for my son’s sake!”
Hu Cheng’s father suddenly remembered something but didn’t speak immediately, thinking before saying: “When you have time, talk to Hu Cheng, tell him not to work so hard, staying away from home so much isn’t right.”
Hu Cheng’s mother nodded but then muttered toward the main door: “It’s all because Ning Yue is useless, always so dispirited. When Hu Cheng comes home she doesn’t know how to cheer him up, standing there like a wooden post! It’s painful to watch! If it weren’t for Zi Yuan, I would have told Hu Cheng to divorce her long ago!”
Hu Cheng’s father rolled his eyes, still reading his newspaper. But when his wife mentioned divorce, it stirred something in him. A couple of years ago, he had heard at the community entrance about Ning Yue having trouble with a girl, and a vague unease made him take a deep breath. With his decades of experience, he knew Ning Yue had her thoughts, but the child bound her. As for his son Hu Cheng, it was good if he came home three or four days a month. From a man’s perspective, the old man understood very well what this meant and its dangers. But from a father’s perspective, he didn’t want to condemn it and even felt somewhat proud. He thought clearly that he was already old and naturally would follow his son. Hu Cheng’s filial piety wasn’t a concern. What worried him now was who would continue the Hu family line. Of course, the more the better, regardless of which mother bore them, as long as they were Hu Cheng’s children, they were good.
But if Ning Yue took Hu Zi Yuan away because of divorce, he absolutely wouldn’t allow it!
Thinking of this, Hu Cheng’s father called to his wife who was about to enter the kitchen: “Be nicer to Ning Yue in the future, don’t always tell Hu Cheng about her faults.”
“She’s the one doing these things, and I’m not allowed to speak about it?” The old woman muttered as she entered the kitchen.
The community entrance was sunny and sheltered from the wind. On this warm winter morning, Ning Yue brought Hu Zi Yuan out to play. Hu Zi Yuan was patting the dried Virginia creeper on the community wall. Ning Yue looked anxiously toward approaching vehicles.
A man in a black down jacket got out of a silver Passat and ran toward Ning Yue. When he got close, Ning Yue breathed a sigh of relief.
Zhuo Hao handed her a bulging manila envelope: “It’s all here. Your husband is something else, how many is this now?”
Ning Yue took it but didn’t open it.
Seeing Ning Yue’s lack of reaction, Zhuo Hao became anxious: “I don’t understand, why won’t you divorce? What are you worried about? I’ll help you! If you’re willing, I can help you find a lawyer to handle the divorce right now!”
Zhuo Hao’s voice was rather loud, and Ning Yue gestured for him to lower it: “Thank you! I haven’t figured it out yet. At first, I was upset too, but later I realized it wasn’t such a big deal. In this family, my child and I have food and drink, and money for a good education and life. Everything a normal family should have, Hu Cheng has provided.”
“You’re crazy! He’s your husband! Besides giving you money and not letting you starve, what else has he given you?” Zhuo Hao pointed at the stack of documents in Ning Yue’s hand, “He finds women outside, different ones all the time! Is this what a husband should do? He puts all the property in his parents’ names, and would rather trust his mistresses and open companies with them than leave you an account. Is this what a husband should do? Being responsible to the family? What a joke! Tell me, what kind of responsibility has he taken?”
“The child. The responsibility of raising him,” Ning Yue said seriously. “Seeking happiness through marriage and love is a young girl’s idea. For me, family is an alliance aimed at raising offspring. I provide labor, he provides money, not emotionally neglecting the child, letting him grow up and mature in a complete social structure—this is the meaning of family, this is his responsibility, and this I must demand!”
Zhuo Hao looked at Ning Yue incredulously, finally shaking his head and saying regretfully: “Ning Yue, do you remember why we broke up back then?”
A crack suddenly appeared in Ning Yue’s previously calm face.
“I wanted to be a detective, I wanted adventure. You said you worried about me, you couldn’t watch me be in danger. You never mentioned money. You said you wanted a family with a man who would give you security. I couldn’t give you that, but this man you have now, what has he given you?” Zhuo Hao wasn’t trying to persuade Ning Yue for the first time, and pointing at the child in the distance, he couldn’t help saying, “He just gave you this child, so you compromise yourself like this? Have you forgotten what you want?”
Zhuo Hao suddenly raised his voice in anger, his eyes full of unwillingness!
But Ning Yue immediately turned to look at her son playing nearby. The little boy was startled by the loud voice, saw his mother, hesitated for a moment, then quickly ran over and hugged her leg.
Ning Yue patted Hu Zi Yuan’s head, smiled, and comforted him for a moment, guiding him to renew his interest in the leaves, before returning to tell Zhuo Hao: “You’re right, it is this child. And this isn’t compromising myself, it’s just a choice.” She looked at her son, “Everyone has their path, and now that we’re here, regret is useless. I just want to live each day well, how things will be in the future, how they were in the past, I don’t have time to think about it, nor do I need to.”
Zhuo Hao sighed: “Alright, I won’t force you anymore. But, Ning Yue, do you know why I’ve kept that phone number all this time? It’s because of one thing you said. Because of that, I’ll always come to help you whenever you need me, for my whole life.”
Ning Yue looked at him blankly.
Zhuo Hao’s Adam’s apple moved, and after taking a deep breath, he said: “That time when I asked to break up, you called me. You cried and said, if we’re breaking up then fine, but don’t ignore my calls! You said you would worry about me, wonder if I’d been beaten up, hit by a car, fallen into a ditch with no one to help…” Zhuo Hao smiled chokingly and shook his head, paused, then said, “You said you were afraid something would happen to me. That we could break up, but don’t scare you.”
Zhuo Hao smiled bitterly, watching Ning Yue as he spoke, hoping for even the slightest response. However, Ning Yue lowered her head, those bright eyes that had once revealed countless feelings now deeply hidden behind her hair, no longer easily shown to others.
“All these years, no one has ever said anything like that to me again,” Zhuo Hao sighed softly.
He had pursued his dreams, skillfully navigating both legal and illegal worlds at a young age. He was the successful son in his parents’ eyes, the unreachable star in women’s hearts. But no one ever said those words to him again. They had all passed through that most beautiful age.
Silence spread between them.
“Mommy, I want to go home,” Hu Zi Yuan tugged at Ning Yue’s clothes, saying softly.
Ning Yue half-crouched down, picked up the child, and put him in the stroller, wiping away the crystal in the corner of her eye as she lifted her head to brush back her hair: “I should go.”
Zhuo Hao nodded, stepping aside. He watched from afar as Ning Yue pushed the child’s stroller, slowly walking into the community, and disappearing into that suffocatingly thick greenery.