Ning Yue returned to the residential complex but didn’t immediately go home. Under the pretense of showing Hu Ziyuan how to use an ATM, she went to a bank in the North Gate commercial district. When they left the bank, Ning Yue’s hands were empty, but after letting Hu Ziyuan play near the ATM for a while, she gained several banknotes.
His soft little hand in her palm was like a restless fish, constantly bouncing around. Several times it slipped away, only to be quickly caught back by Ning Yue. As cars drove in and out of parking spaces, Hu Ziyuan called out the license plate numbers loudly, his clear childish voice ringing out into the blue sky. Ning Yue smiled as she settled him in the shopping cart and pushed him into the bakery. As they walked and played, she occasionally heard people remarking, “Ah! Being a full-time mother is the best! Being able to accompany your child every day. The child is happy, and the parents can be at ease!”
Hu Ziyuan kept looking up at the bread bags hanging on the cart, negotiating to have a piece first. Ning Yue calmly bargained with him, finally agreeing that he could eat at three o’clock and get an extra glass of milk to help him grow taller! Hu Ziyuan cheered, unbuckled his safety belt himself, and jumped down, running back and forth on the sunlit sidewalk. Ning Yue squinted slightly, suddenly realizing that her child had grown up again. The baby who still needed a stroller had been taken back by time.
An inexplicable mixture of sadness and joy descended upon her as Ning Yue felt a hint of life’s vitality reviving within her. It was always like this – with each investigation file locked away in the bank’s safe deposit box, her hope and warmth were extinguished once again. Only her child could help her climb out of the darkness with difficulty. Yes, no matter what stage she reached, she should remember that the past was false. Memory is an endless road, and all previous springs no longer exist. Even the most tenacious and wild love ultimately amounts to nothing more than a fleeting reality.
Divorce? She didn’t know! Ning Yue felt like she had been walking a tightrope, maintaining the family’s integrity on one side and preparing for divorce on the other. She had been “preparing” for six years!
When she first discovered Hu Cheng’s infidelity, he flatly denied it. Ning Yue chose to believe him, but seeing his relieved expression, she keenly realized that this “home” no longer existed for “love.”
At that time, she didn’t know what to do. Her child was so young, she had no source of income, and the house was bought by her in-laws. Calculating the family’s finances carefully, there were only debts. In the dead of night, even though she had quickly grown accustomed to Hu Cheng’s absence, Ning Yue still lay awake in anxiety. Her long-vanished depression showed signs of returning.
After one inexplicable incident where she scolded Hu Ziyuan and then broke down crying, faced with the antidepressants her mother-in-law and Hu Cheng forced her to take, Ning Yue silently told herself: This can’t go on!
She searched through everything until finally finding an old address book in a small box in the basement. Zhuo Hao’s name had been blurred by water damage.
Would that number still be in use?
She dialed and waited, but though it connected, no one answered.
Ning Yue put down the phone disappointedly, but her heart habitually clenched. After so many years, surely it wouldn’t be as dangerous as it was back then?
The next day, the phone rang – a familiar yet strange number. Ning Yue stared at it blankly, actually forgetting to answer! Only when it rang a second time did she hurriedly press the answer button?
Zhuo Hao worked as a private investigator, and Ning Yue asked him to investigate Hu Cheng. Between investigating his affair partner and his assets, Ning Yue hesitated before choosing to look into the current state of his assets. Hu Cheng had never given Ning Yue any emotional refuge. They didn’t even have financial trust between them. All the cash Hu Cheng gave to the family was in his mother’s hands. If Ning Yue needed cash, she had to ask her mother-in-law. Ning Yue never asked, and when her mother-in-law occasionally remembered to give her some, Ning Yue would politely decline.
With Zhuo Hao’s help, Ning Yue learned that Hu Cheng had paid off the house loan, and from her in-laws’ conversations, she guessed there was some savings in the family account. If they divorced, she probably wouldn’t be left with nothing, right? If she took Hu Ziyuan and left, what kind of security could she provide for the child? She was still hesitant. Every resolution made in the dark of night would waver the next morning when she saw the child smiling while video chatting or hugging his father. She felt that four years ago, whether to divorce depended on whether she still loved Hu Cheng, but four years later, whether to divorce depended on whether the child could be separated from his father. She didn’t want Hu Ziyuan to join the ranks of single-parent families. Moreover, although Hu Cheng was unfaithful to her, he was responsible for this family. So, even with conclusive evidence, she only kept it as a backup and had to prevent Hu Cheng from discovering it.
Returning home, her mother-in-law was cooking in the kitchen, and her father-in-law sat on the sofa reading the newspaper. Hu Ziyuan cheered as he rushed toward his grandfather, mixing with the rich aroma of braised yellow croaker in the air, stirring Ning Yue’s heart.
Her parents had passed away eight years ago. Although her mother-in-law wasn’t easy to get along with, after having the child, they gradually found a compromise through years of adjustment, rather than ending up in chaos. Most importantly, Hu Ziyuan loved his grandfather very much. The stern old man’s stiff whiskers would turn as soft as willow strands when he saw his grandson. If she divorced, she would lose all of this. She wasn’t afraid of losing Hu Cheng, but she was afraid of Hu Ziyuan losing the people he loved.
As usual, her mother-in-law complained about Ning Yue buying snacks for the child. Ning Yue lowered her head to put the bread in the refrigerator, not bothering to explain. She thought that if she divorced, she wouldn’t have to hear such complaints anymore, but the dishes being served immediately negated that thought. If she left, no one would cook for her for free, reducing her burden.
Grandfather had already taken Hu Ziyuan to wash his hands, and mother-in-law was talking about neighborhood gossip when she suddenly said, “Oh right, there’s a new cleaning lady in our building. Yesterday afternoon around six, I saw her with a child doing homework in the stairwell! I asked about it, and it turns out her husband ran off with another woman, and she’s raising the child alone. There’s no one at home when the child gets out of school, so she brings them here and they leave together after work! Tsk tsk tsk! So pitiful!”
Mother-in-law shook her head, then went on about how she had sorted through their clothes to give to them, and told Ning Yue to organize Hu Ziyuan’s unused toys and books to see if they needed any.
Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationships are difficult, but it depends on the people. Ning Yue and her mother-in-law didn’t get along well and often found each other disagreeable. But Ning Yue knew her mother-in-law was a kind person; her sharp tongue and harshness were unintentional. Rather, it was her quieter father-in-law, who usually just played with Hu Ziyuan, that made Ning Yue somewhat fearful.
Ning Yue’s mind was elsewhere, and only when her mother-in-law finally finished speaking did she ask seemingly casually, “Even with divorce, she shouldn’t have been left with nothing, right?”
“Ah! I asked about that. Little Cui said she couldn’t stand that shameless couple, didn’t want to spend another minute with him, and agreed to divorce without any conditions. That worthless man, knowing Little Cui was desperate to divorce and wanted the child, made a lot of demands. In the end, he took the house and car, leaving only the child with Little Cui.”
“But what about child support?”
“Little Cui didn’t say, but knowing her personality, I guess even if he doesn’t pay, she won’t chase after him.”
Ning Yue pulled out a tissue to wipe her mouth, then cleaned around Hu Ziyuan’s mouth, seeming to have completely forgotten her mother-in-law’s words. Mother-in-law continued cursing men’s wrongdoings, eventually directing it at grandfather, concluding that all men in the world were no good. Grandfather stayed quiet at first but finally couldn’t help responding, “What about Hu Cheng then? Is he no good too?”
Ning Yue froze her motion to stand up stuck in place.
Mother-in-law slapped the table: “He wouldn’t dare! Besides, he’s my son, he would never do such things!”
In the past, Ning Yue would have laughed at how her mother-in-law thought her own crow was white. But now she had Hu Ziyuan – when Hu Ziyuan grew up and married and had children, would he be like Hu Cheng? She closed her eyes tightly before continuing, “What if Hu Cheng has someone outside?”
Hu Cheng’s mother waved her hand: “There’s no ‘what if’! For Dou Dou’s sake, he can’t mess around! No matter what, Dou Dou will always be part of our old Hu family.” Dou Dou was Hu Ziyuan’s nickname.
Ning Yue understood – if Hu Cheng divorced her, this kind but fierce mother-in-law would not give up her grandson.
Ning Yue’s face darkened as she stood up quietly, stopping Hu Ziyuan who was about to run away: “Ziyuan, you need to wash your hands after eating.”
Seeing Hu Ziyuan reluctantly turn toward the bathroom, Grandfather suddenly spoke: “Yueyue, don’t worry. If Hu Cheng messes around outside, I’ll break his legs! This family absolutely cannot fall apart!”
Ning Yue ignored them and slowly walked to the bathroom door to wait for her child.
While her in-laws took their afternoon nap, Ning Yue took Hu Ziyuan out to enjoy the sunshine. The storage room door at the building entrance was half-open, with a woman sitting on a small stool folding cardboard boxes. A large basket full of boxes sat by her feet. The property manager in a dark suit was loudly scolding her to hurry up and not delay her work. The woman remained silent, only speeding up her movements.
Seeing Ning Yue stop beside her, the property manager seemed somewhat nervous and snatched the work from the woman’s hands: “What will people think when they see this!”
Ning Yue couldn’t help speaking up: “Manager Yao, it’s lunch break anyway, it won’t hurt if she works for a while. Just close the door, and no one will see.”
Manager Yao reluctantly returned the work. The woman looked up at Ning Yue, her eyes curved, showing a youthfulness that didn’t match her age and build. She nodded slightly, neither servile nor arrogant, and Ning Yue instinctively returned the gesture.
Hu Ziyuan grew impatient again, pulling at Ning Yue’s hand to leave. Ning Yue nodded to Manager Yao and turned to go. She had already figured out that this woman was the Little Cui her mother-in-law had mentioned – the one who left with nothing but her son after her husband’s affair. But Ning Yue didn’t want to follow her example. Today she could speak up for Little Cui, but someday there might not be anyone to speak up for her. At her age and in her situation, she had no illusions. She just wanted to live well, raise her child, watch him ride off into his own life, and then she could finally relax.
That night, after the child was asleep, Hu Cheng returned reeking of alcohol. After showering and changing clothes, he seemed ready to go out again.
Ning Yue silently collected his clothes, and only then did Hu Cheng seem to notice her, grinning as he came over and asked, “Hey, how’s our son?”
They chatted briefly about the child’s situation before falling into silence. Impatience showed on Hu Cheng’s face. Ning Yue suddenly wanted to ask if he found her boring now. Compared to those women outside, what exactly did she lack? Or rather, she wanted to know what kind of woman could make Hu Cheng devote his life to protecting her wholeheartedly. But of course, Ning Yue wouldn’t say such bitter words – they were just habits from the past. She thought, six years, what a strong habit!
“Oh right, Mom mentioned something today.”
Hu Cheng was a filial son; no matter how busy, he would stop to listen at the mention of his mother. Sometimes Ning Yue thought Hu Cheng should have lived in ancient times. Wearing official robes, mouth full of benevolence and righteousness, concerning himself with the people’s welfare. At home, he’d respect the elderly and love the young, amass wealth to build a grand courtyard, playing at having three wives and four concubines.
After briefly telling Little Cui’s story, Hu Cheng gave her an ambiguous look, “Oh, what did you say?”
Ning Yue suddenly felt touched and smiled: “You care what I think?”
Hu Cheng was getting dressed and didn’t immediately respond. He heard the resentment in Ning Yue’s words and realized he had indeed neglected her for a long time. However, the current Ning Yue really couldn’t stir up any interest in him.
Before marriage, Ning Yue was like a passionately blooming rose, his highest trophy in the garden of fragrances. However, after marriage, Ning Yue’s presence grew increasingly faint, and when she occasionally caught his attention, it was only for countless flaws. After having the child, even her flaws disappeared.
She lived quietly in the shadows, becoming one with them.
Hu Cheng didn’t understand, nor did he want to. His conquest wouldn’t stop for one woman. Unless she became his stumbling block. Thinking of this, Hu Cheng smiled – being enemies with Ning Yue? Sounds exciting! He still missed the woman from before marriage: her sharp gaze, thin lips, precise and concise expression. When proud, she was like a princess who could detect a pea beneath twelve mattresses. When humble, she didn’t mind bowing and scraping.
Hu Cheng suddenly felt Ning Yue had gained some radiance, and couldn’t help embracing her, laughing: “Hey, where did this bitter wife come from? Did you time travel from ancient times?”
Ning Yue subtly pushed him away, moving behind him to adjust his collar, also laughing: “Staying at home all day, not connecting with the outside world. I might be overreacting to the slightest thing. And you’re making fun of me!”
Hu Cheng lost interest, perfunctorily nodding: “Want to work? Though Ziyuan’s in kindergarten now, he still gets sick every few days. You’d better focus on taking care of him! Besides, our family doesn’t need the little money you’d make working.”
Ning Yue pondered briefly, saying softly: “Mom says you work very hard. I’m just idle at home, might as well go out and help you.”
Hu Cheng replied impatiently: “Just listen to what she says, don’t take it to heart. Isn’t being idle good? Many people wish they could be idle!”
Ning Yue’s fingers twitched. Hu Cheng continued: “What, are you afraid you’ll end up like Little Cui, unable to find work after divorce? Don’t worry, I won’t divorce you. With Ziyuan here, even if you wanted a divorce, I wouldn’t agree!”
Ning Yue looked up at him. In the lamplight, nearly half of Hu Cheng’s chiseled features were shrouded in darkness, making him appear both handsome and dangerous. He reassured her: “Don’t overthink things! Just stay home, and take care of this family, I’ll handle everything outside. If you hear any rumors, ignore them – it’s all social obligations, unavoidable for men. But I know in my heart, you’re the only one at home.”
Ning Yue couldn’t remember what expression she wore as she saw Hu Cheng off, only remembering how at the door he emphasized again that taking care of the child was a proper job, and she needn’t consider anything else.
In her dreams, countless divorces were filled with her child’s tears. Waking up full of helplessness, looking at the comfortable, warm room and the child’s sweet sleeping face, Ning Yue thought resignedly: “Just endure a bit longer!”
At lunch on the third day, the mother-in-law mentioned that Little Cui had been fired.
Ning Yue suddenly remembered something. The first time she fought with Hu Cheng about his affair, he brought her a puppy to comfort her. But Ning Yue didn’t want a dog – she wanted a man’s promise and security. They had a huge fight, and Ning Yue used her pregnancy as an excuse, crying bitterly about how she couldn’t keep a dog while pregnant. A few days later, she was hospitalized and diagnosed with depression.
Ning Yue hadn’t thought about her parents for a long time. Not because she didn’t want to, but because she didn’t dare.
Once, she had deeply resented her father.
Her father worked in sales at a state-owned enterprise, and their family had always been better off than others. Suddenly in high school, she was sent abroad but was stopped at the airport. Later, her father went to prison. They say when a tree falls, the monkeys scatter, but her faltering family reunited because of her father’s imprisonment.
Her mother was a middle school teacher, very face-conscious and capable. After the family incident, she temporarily lost her job. At that time, people looked down on private schools, but her mother had no choice. With her excellent work experience, she became a teacher at a private school, earning money to support the family – a job she kept for life.
Ning Yue consequently transferred to a private school, becoming a so-called “noble student.” But no one knew she only paid tuition for one year; the rest was free. This was the “treatment” her mother had negotiated with the school through her work.
Back then, her mother always said her father was wrongly accused. The family didn’t know the law, and even when framed, they couldn’t appeal. Ning Yue remembered her mother always telling her, “If it weren’t for you, I would petition every day to clear your father’s name. You must study hard – you owe us this.”
Ning Yue chose to study law at university; the word “owe” had been deeply branded in her heart.
Her father served three years and was then released on medical parole. On the day of his release, only Ning Yue and her mother went to meet him. The so-called friends, the so-called lovers, all disappeared in the wind howling outside the high walls. By then, the family was penniless, and the released father had nothing to contribute to the family except injuries and complaints.
Even so, Ning Yue’s mother never mentioned the word “divorce.”
After the college entrance exam, Ning Yue talked with her mother when her father wasn’t around and ended up crying. She urged her mother to divorce – living like this was too difficult!
But her mother said: “Would divorce make things better? I’m a teacher! When people let you teach their children, once they hear you’re divorced, who wouldn’t have doubts? No matter how big your father’s mistakes were, people see me as a loyal, virtuous person who won’t abandon him. If I divorced, no matter what kind of man he was, I’d be the ungrateful one who couldn’t share hardships. Remember: this society is never fair to women. And marriage is like a down jacket – when to take it off depends on the outside temperature, your feelings never come first!”
That was the first time Ning Yue heard her mother talk about marriage. Love and marriage, it turned out, weren’t the same thing! Behind marriage was a woman’s social value, the basic requirements for supporting a family, the platform that bore life’s difficulties! It was then that Ning Yue had a ridiculous but inescapable thought: marriage for women was like a ship sailing at sea, and women were the rats on that ship – they depended on it for life and death, but if the ship was truly sinking – according to her mother’s logic – they must flee!
Ning Yue completed university through work-study programs, scholarships, and various part-time jobs. Before she could find employment, her mother fell ill from overwork. It was then that her father seemed to wake up, but it was too late – his health wasn’t any better than her mother’s.
So, Ning Yue’s career path was simple. She returned to her hometown and worked as a legal assistant for just three months before starting to take cases herself, even competing for them. She needed money, enough money to treat her parents’ illnesses, hire good caregivers, create a comfortable living environment, and let them spend their twilight years in peace.
She succeeded, succeeded through desperate effort. She was happy, like Yang Bailao suddenly being able to pay off his debts. She excitedly continued. Even after falling in love, she worked tirelessly, staying busy. Until her parents passed away one after another, she suddenly realized the entire meaning of earning money had vanished!
That’s when Hu Cheng said, let’s get married!
One family disappeared, and another appeared.
So, get on board!
Looking at the dim sky outside the window in the early morning, Ning Yue gently patted her child who had been frightened by a nightmare. Only after hearing the deep breathing resume did she slightly move her sore arms. She thought of her parents, and more so of her years of struggling.
She had never thought about achieving anything earth-shattering; she was just pushed onto a fast track by fate, running wildly without control. If she didn’t speed up, those racing “hardship” trucks would roll over her without hesitation.
She ran for so many years, then suddenly braked. She even felt her depression might have been from the too-sudden transition. She was thrown from one car onto another moving at a different speed, dizzy, and never able to find her bearings. Love is the youth’s dream. Time flies, day and night alternate, and dreams must eventually end.
Ning Yue smiled, silently pulling at the corners of her mouth as tears welled up.
When happy, her eyes were large enough to contain an entire forest. When sad, they were too small to hold two lines of tears.
The door opened and closed. Hu Ziyuan excitedly ran out calling: “Grandfather! Father!”
Ning Yue followed him out and found Hu Cheng had returned. She instinctively checked the time – eleven in the morning. Why was he back at this hour?
Grandfather, who had returned with Hu Cheng, handed the newly bought groceries to Grandmother in the kitchen and took Hu Ziyuan aside to play. From his expression, he already knew why Hu Cheng had returned.
After so many years, Ning Yue had grown accustomed to but still often felt uncomfortable with the fact that when Hu Cheng made any decision, she was always the last to know. Moreover, she was never consulted, only informed.
When they first married, whenever Hu Cheng and his parents closed themselves in the bedroom to talk, if she pushed open the door, even the liveliest conversation would abruptly stop. To show she had no designs on them, Ning Yue simply stopped asking. Gradually, it became the current situation. The only benefit was that they also wouldn’t interfere with or inquire about Ning Yue’s affairs.
This time was no exception.
“Fill out these documents and sign them. Just need your signature,” Hu Cheng hurriedly led Ning Yue into the study. “Sign quickly, I need to leave.”
“What is this?” Ning Yue casually opened them and looked through them one by one. Years of legal work had made her sensitive about signing documents.
“I’m mortgaging the house to the bank for a loan.”
Ning Yue’s hand froze, a thunderclap in her ears shattering all her thoughts.
When she could see the black and white ants on the page again, her numb hands and feet could barely support her body. Ning Yue slowly sat down in the chair, taking a long breath.
Hu Cheng came over after washing his face, saw Ning Yue hadn’t signed, and asked displeased: “Why haven’t you signed? Where’s the pen? Use mine.” He handed over a pen. The metal barrel still carried his body heat but felt like burning coal in Ning Yue’s hand. She couldn’t hold it, and it clattered onto the desk. Her voice returned: “What’s going on? What’s it for?”
“I’m doing a project with friends, the company’s developing well. Now we need to increase the registered capital, I have no choice but to mortgage our house first. Don’t worry, my company’s business is developing very well, by the end of the year, I’ll get you a villa!”
“You’re not working at your company anymore?”
“I am. But I’ll resign soon. Once this gets on track, I’ll quit that job.”
“When was the company established?”
“About six months ago.” Hu Cheng grew impatient. “What’s wrong? Why so many questions suddenly?”
“Did you discuss this with anyone?” Ning Yue felt like a huge stone was pressing on her chest, and someone had stuffed a ball of dog fur in her throat – every word seemed to take all her strength.
“Of course I discussed it, my father and mother both agreed,” Hu Cheng said naturally.
Ning Yue suddenly felt relieved, blurting out: “Yes, they bought the house. You… discussed it with the right people.”
Only then did Hu Cheng sense something wrong, patting Ning Yue’s shoulder: “This is just temporary, I consulted them just to get the property certificate. Don’t mind! When I buy a villa, I’ll keep the property certificate with you, okay? Quick, sign it.”
Ning Yue lowered her head to look at the text above the signature line: “Spouse’s Informed Consent Form.”
“Let me think about it for a while.”
“Why? I’ve already made arrangements with the bank.”
Checking that no one was at the door, Ning Yue said seriously: “I don’t object to you quitting and starting a business, but we’ve been married for ten years. Your parents paid the down payment for the house, but we made the payments together after marriage. So, I also have rights to the house. Leaving it here for me to think about for one night isn’t too much to ask, is it?”
Hu Cheng carefully studied Ning Yue’s expression: “You’re not usually like this… are you angry?”
Ning Yue rubbed her temple: “No. Today I was chatting with neighbors about some failed startups. You can start a business, but you can’t leave any backup plan. Ziyuan is still young.”
“You still don’t trust me!” Hu Cheng laughed dryly, “Let me tell you something – a year ago while doing business, I met my current partner. He has the technology but no money. I’m not exactly rich, but I understand the market and can raise some money. So, I’m very confident about starting this company. Don’t worry, give me one year. Not only will I get back our current house, but I’ll also buy a big house.”
Ning Yue forced a smile: “Fine, let me think about it. I’ll give you an answer tomorrow.”
Hu Cheng’s face darkened, his thin lips trembling slightly, but he said nothing and turned to leave. That night, he again didn’t return home. Ning Yue was used to it. In four years, even grief over death would fade, let alone not coming home at night! The words on her lips remained unspoken. At that moment, her hand in her pocket clutched her phone, strongly tempted to take it out, show him the video of his affair, and tell him that this alone was reason enough not to mortgage the house!
The video came from one of Hu Cheng’s former girlfriends. She told Ning Yue that Hu Cheng had come back to her. This was her capability.
Ning Yue certainly remembered when Hu Cheng broke up with this woman, she had also approached Ning Yue. Ning Yue had said then that Hu Cheng had returned, and if she could pull him away again, that would be her capability.
Not even a year later, it came back to slap her in the face.
But after Hu Cheng told her about the company, Ning Yue understood where that woman’s capability lay: she seemed to work at a rather famous investment bank. Though she might not be able to invest in Hu Cheng directly, her resources and connections were enough to help him.
The women around Hu Cheng all served a function, even someone as boring as herself had clear purposes: raising the child and maintaining the family.
When impulses can be controlled, it means more things have been considered. Like this woman’s affair – Hu Cheng probably thought she didn’t know they had reconciled. Let him keep thinking that.
What cards do you have that you can so easily show others?
Spouses are both the closest and most distant. The time wasted on love needs to be reclaimed bit by bit. She could endure because betrayal hurts less when there’s no love. She could wait because her precious treasure hadn’t suffered any grievance.
Why not divorce? It wasn’t about not divorcing, but about timing.
Mother said, once you understand clearly, walk away quietly. Those who make a fuss don’t lack understanding, they just don’t want to leave.
I don’t agree.
The next morning, Ning Yue said this to Hu Cheng who had hurriedly returned.
Hu Cheng nearly exploded, while Ning Yue smiled. She even gently took his arm, saying in a slightly coquettish tone: “Unless you agree to one condition.”
“What condition?” Hu Cheng looked at Ning Yue before him. That smile at the corners of her eyes and brows, something about it seemed particularly glaring.
Ning Yue released his arm: “Ziyuan is older now, Mom and Dad can watch him, I want to go work.”
Hu Cheng relaxed: “Just that! Go ahead! No one’s stopping you!”
Ning Yue rolled her eyes slightly: “If I could find work myself, would I go to all this trouble? Yesterday I was thinking, for such a big matter, I should at least find some sense of existence, right? You should at least make some effort for me, to show that mortgaging the house is a big deal.”
Hu Cheng raised an eyebrow.
Ning Yue said: “Help me find a job. One that doesn’t mind my age, lets me leave early to pick up the child and allows time off when the child is sick. The work shouldn’t be too tiring, and absolutely no business trips. Salary doesn’t matter, position doesn’t matter. That’s about it, what do you think?”
Hu Cheng sneered: “If there were such good jobs, I’d take it myself, why find one for you.”
Ning Yue said: “Cleaning or being a nanny would work too. I’d like to do that, but I’m afraid it would embarrass you, Director Hu!”
Hu Cheng cared about face; though he wasn’t a company director, he liked people calling him “Director Hu” outside.
Hu Cheng’s eyes narrowed to slits: “What if I can’t find one?”
“That’s up to you. See what’s easier – using your connections to find me a job, or getting financing?”
Ning Yue didn’t know how that woman had helped Hu Cheng, but since he needed to mortgage the house, it must have been difficult. If she found work, she wouldn’t fear the house being mortgaged. If there was no job, she didn’t mind playing tug-of-war with Hu Cheng over this! Ning Yue had already made this house, which wasn’t entirely hers, her last line of defense against the multiple crises brought by Hu Cheng’s affair.
Ning Yue would never forget the feeling of sitting alone in the kindergarten classroom watching through the window waiting for parents, watching the gloriously bright sunset go down while she sat alone in the empty classroom. And later, coming home from school with classmates, opening the door to be greeted by a cold empty house, needing to shout just to feel secure. Even wishing to be sick, because only then could she stay by her mother’s side and enjoy fleeting warmth.
If possible, she didn’t want Ziyuan to repeat her path. But faced with the wrong person, all she could do was try to keep someone at home for Ziyuan. And clearly, that person couldn’t be herself.
She had thought about giving up. When pregnant and Hu Cheng first had an affair, she felt the baby’s movements and chose to believe him, like opening Pandora’s box from then on.
She no longer had the advantage of working outside, yet had to stay at home.
That small, soft life brought into the river of time needed her companionship and protection. She worried about her child being kidnapped, worried about him being harmed by evil people, every movement outside seemed like deadly arrows and swords, any news about children being harmed could be projected onto Hu Ziyuan! The neat rows of pigeon-hole-like windows felt like a maze, constantly pressing down on Ning Yue. Who knew what evil lurked behind which windows? What darkness hid behind which doors? Putting her child in such an environment, leaving him to others?
She couldn’t do it. Maybe it was an illness, maybe normal people could, but Ning Yue knew crystal clear that she really couldn’t!
Just thinking about after divorce, going out to work, the dangers and accidents that might befall Ziyuan, even if she could cut the perpetrator into pieces, the child would already be… No! She didn’t even need to face it. Just thinking about it brought that heart-wrenching fear surging forth, raising wave after wave in her already fragile emotions. At such times, Hu Cheng’s affair didn’t even amount to one of those waves.
She could pretend about their marriage in front of the child, but the sensitive child had long sensed something ominous from his father’s long absences and his mother’s gloomy demeanor. He couldn’t express it, just clung more to his mother and got sick more frequently. Such expression only made Ning Yue feel more suffocated! Ning Yue’s parents had passed away years ago, the pain buried deep in her heart, the longing becoming stronger at this time! Don’t think about it, don’t dwell on it, how to live on? As the child gradually grew up, as she was about to return to society, in this world, the only people she could count on turned out to be Hu Cheng’s parents! Was this God’s humor?
The phone’s surface was smooth and even, her fingers caressing it. Ning Yue had regained her composure, all her tears nearly spent in the six years of affairs, all unsolvable knots had turned to stone, but the ropes at both ends showed clearly.
Hu Cheng didn’t want to divorce now, keeping the red flag flying at home while colorful flags fluttered outside was his ideal life. Hu Cheng still cared about his child, and he was still quite filial. Hu Cheng’s parents could still help her care for the child.
If she went out to look for work now, HR would probably shred her resume just seeing her age. Moreover, how to find a job that doesn’t require business trips or overtime?
Could she count on Hu Cheng?
Ning Yue believed that for her signature, he should make an effort. But thinking about getting a job through Hu Cheng made Ning Yue feel nauseated for some reason.
Had she fallen so low?
Ning Yue walked with her child to the complex entrance, anxiously watching the gate. Soon, a silver Jetta stopped at the entrance, and Zhuo Hao strode over. Ning Yue grabbed Ziyuan who was running around her, her eyes fixed on Zhuo Hao. Zhuo Hao’s brows were furrowed; he greeted Hu Ziyuan first before telling Ning Yue: “I’ve asked around, your conditions are hard to meet.”
Ning Yue was momentarily lost for words, finally letting out a long sigh: “Thank you, sorry for troubling you so much.”
Zhuo Hao didn’t stand on ceremony, asking directly: “If you want to work, why make such unambitious demands?”
Ning Yue said nothing, just looking down at Hu Ziyuan circling the adults again.
Zhuo Hao said: “Doesn’t he have his grandmother?”
Ning Yue smiled bitterly: “If I divorce, who will help me care for him?”
Zhuo Hao suddenly got excited: “You’ve decided to divorce!” He rubbed his hands, then remembered what Ning Yue had just said and became confused again, “So many divorced people work and raise children by themselves!”
Ning Yue smiled: “If there’s no choice, one can endure anything. But if there’s any hope, I don’t want him to suffer.”
“So you’ll just stay like this!”
“You mean about Hu Cheng? Isn’t it good to have an ATM?”
“How can you be so unambitious!” Zhuo Hao expressed his true thoughts in frustration.
Hu Ziyuan hugged Ning Yue’s leg, turning to look at Zhuo Hao with wariness in his eyes. Ning Yue gently stroked his head, saying softly: “Thank you for helping me. Even though I’m so unambitious, at least you don’t look down on me.”
Zhuo Hao opened his mouth to argue but looked at Hu Ziyuan and finally gave up. Before leaving, feeling unsatisfied, he bent down and said to Hu Ziyuan: “You little brat, it’s all because of you.”
“Don’t talk nonsense!” Ning Yue hurriedly interrupted, pushing Hu Ziyuan behind her, “Adult matters have nothing to do with children! Don’t make trouble!”
Seeing Ning Yue truly upset, Zhuo Hao straightened up reluctantly, “Anyway, come find me if you need anything.”
Ning Yue nodded, watching Zhuo Hao’s retreating figure, her nose stinging as long-held tears fell.
Hu Cheng didn’t come home for three days. On the fourth day, he called to tell Ning Yue to go interview for an administrative secretary position in a legal department and to send the signed documents directly to the company. Finally, Hu Cheng said he was very busy and wouldn’t be coming home for a while.
Ning Yue told him the interview might not work out, so there was no rush to sign. Hu Cheng hung up abruptly. Ning Yue stood holding the phone in a daze before walking to the full-length mirror, carefully examining herself.
The phone rang again, and seeing it was a landline number, Ning Yue answered without thinking.
“Is this Ning Yue? This is Tian Qiuzi. You blocked my mobile number, but you can’t block the landline, right?” The voice on the other end was full of challenge.
Hearing that voice, Ning Yue felt like her heart was completely stuffed with dog hair.
“I help him with financing, you refuse to sign. You make things difficult for him, I help him solve it. Ning Yue, even with Hu Ziyuan, what does it matter? I can have children too! Then we’ll see if Hu Cheng chooses you or me!”
Before hanging up, Tian Qiuzi laid down her challenge. Ning Yue rubbed her chest, remaining silent. She had enough composure now to face these provocations.
She was like a starving mother beast guarding her nest. Even with the cave half-collapsed, when forced to go outside, all she could think about was how to return to the cave! The cold wind blew through her soft fur, and dangerous air swirled behind her, but under all the fears, she still only thought about fixing the cave.
Because in that cave lived a helpless young creature waiting to be fed.