The day results came out was February 4th, the beginning of spring.
That morning when Ruan Mian arrived at school, she ran into Teacher Yan, who taught math, at the stairwell entrance. After chatting for a few sentences, Teacher Yan asked her: “Results should come out today, right? Are you confident?”
She touched her ear. She couldn’t really say whether she was confident or not, and didn’t dare speak too definitively. “I’ll just wait for the results to come out.”
Teacher Yan smiled: “Have some confidence in yourself. You’re already very excellent.”
Ruan Mian nodded: “Thank you, Teacher Yan.”
Later, walking to the second floor, Teacher Yan returned to the office. Ruan Mian took a deep breath and slowly went upstairs. Quite a few people from the class had participated in the competition, all chattering about this matter.
Meng Xinglan ran over, muttering non-stop: “I can’t take it, I can’t take it. Why am I so nervous? How are you not nervous at all?”
Ruan Mian was almost drawn into her spiral. She put down her book bag and stood up to walk toward the back of the classroom. “Being nervous is useless. Whether it’s good or bad has already been decided. Being nervous won’t help.”
“That’s true too.” Meng Xinglan watched her take a broom and walk out, asking: “Where are you going?”
“Cleaning duty.” Last Wednesday, Ruan Mian was late. Wu Yan caught her and punished her with a week of cleaning. Today was the last day.
The cleaning area assigned as punishment was the long tree-lined path in front of the civic education building. Ruan Mian and a girl from Class 16 were responsible for a small section of it.
That stretch of road was really too long. By the time they finished sweeping, half a self-study period had passed. A whole group walked back in grand fashion. Ruan Mian went together with several classmates from the same floor.
One of the boys asked: “Hey, Ruan Mian, don’t you guys get your results today?”
Ruan Mian hummed and said: “Probably not until noon.”
“With your current grades, getting the recommendation should be a sure thing, right?” the boy said. “Every time our head teacher talks about topics like exams, he uses you as a typical example to tell us about.”
“Right, right, right. Our head teacher too. But you’re also too amazing. For a girl to study science so well—I really admire you so much.”
Ruan Mian lowered her head and smiled.
At that time, everyone thought Ruan Mian was smart and excellent, standing at a height others could only look up to but never reach. Yet she had lost her deserved confidence because she liked a boy.
Returning to the classroom, Zhao Qi stood in the corridor talking with the Chinese teacher from Class 2 next door. Ruan Mian greeted them and walked in through the classroom’s back door carrying the broom.
After two morning classes ended, Ruan Mian was dragged by the still extremely nervous Meng Xinglan to go to the school store together. “I can’t take it. If these results don’t come out soon, I’m going to die.”
Ruan Mian smiled and sighed: “Should be soon.”
The two came out of the school store and had just reached the bottom of the teaching building when a classmate shouted from the fourth-floor window down below: “Ruan Mian! Teacher Zhou wants you to go to his office. Competition results are out.”
It was also at that moment that Ruan Mian suddenly felt nervous. The hand linked through Meng Xinglan’s arm unconsciously gripped her clothes tightly.
Meng Xinglan asked: “Do you want… me to go with you?”
“It’s fine.” Ruan Mian took a deep breath. “I’ll go by myself.”
“Okay then. I’m waiting for your good news.” After saying this, Meng Xinglan patted her shoulder and went upstairs first using the side staircase.
Ruan Mian circled around to the lobby stairs. By the time she reached Teacher Zhou’s office, several people were already standing in that room.
The results were displayed in the form of a total ranking table on the homepage of the competition’s official website.
Probably because too many people were checking results at that moment, Zhou Hai refreshed the page over a dozen times in a row, and the browser’s little circle kept spinning.
Ruan Mian stood in a position near the door, raising her head to look outside. Sunlight filled the entire corridor.
“It’s out!” a student exclaimed. Those who had been scattered to the side all crowded over, except for Chen Yi who leaned against the windowsill, his expression no different from usual.
Another exclamation came from the crowd: “Chen Yi! First prize! Damn! Awesome!”
“Yu Tian is also first prize! Holy crap!”
At this time, no one cared about cursing or not cursing. As Zhou Hai’s mouse scrolled down, exclamations and congratulations grew more numerous.
At this time, someone noticed Ruan Mian standing by the door, and also noticed that her name had never appeared on the ranking table.
Everyone’s gazes slowly transformed from initial excitement to disbelief, but soon everyone pretended as if nothing had happened and withdrew their gazes.
Ruan Mian released her tightly clenched hands. The dust had already settled in her heart. She couldn’t tell whether there was more relief or more disappointment.
Rankings were only published up to third prize. Ruan Mian had gotten second prize, missing the recommendation by a hair’s breadth, becoming the biggest upset of this competition.
The results were quickly posted on the bulletin board at the school entrance. No. 8 Middle School had reaped a bountiful harvest in this competition. Adding up first prizes from all subject competitions totaled eight, and the remaining second and third prizes also ranked among the city’s best.
Ruan Mian’s failure was both within the teachers’ expectations and outside them.
Afterward, Zhou Hai specifically called her over to comfort her. “This year’s physics competition paper was much harder than previous years. Getting second prize is already quite good. Although you couldn’t get the recommendation, you can still apply for score reduction benefits from some universities in the later period.”
Ruan Mian nodded: “I understand.”
“It’s fine. In any case, don’t lose heart. There’s still the college entrance exam.” Zhou Hai said: “There are many paths in life. If we can’t walk down this one, then we’ll switch to another. There’s always one path that can be walked to the end.”
Ruan Mian said okay.
During that time afterward, Ruan Mian always couldn’t sleep well. Home was also a mess. Contradictions between Duan Ying and Fang Ruqing continued endlessly. Zhao Yingwei’s career suffered failure after failure, and he argued with Fang Ruqing so intensely they couldn’t even maintain civility.
Once two people with even the best feelings start arguing, they can’t stop their mouths. Fang Ruqing even attributed the reason for Ruan Mian’s competition failure to Zhao Yingwei, blaming him for not checking the car beforehand, blaming him for acting on whims.
That year’s Spring Festival, the entire family was torn apart. Fang Ruqing returned to her parents’ home. Ruan Mian stayed at Nanhu with her grandmother. Duan Ying took the two children back to their hometown. Zhao Yingwei kept drifting outside, not coming home for ten days to half a month at a time.
Senior year’s winter break was only a few short days. Both Zhao Shutang and Ruan Mian moved back to Pingjiang West Lane the day before the holiday ended.
After eating dinner outside together that evening, on the way back Ruan Mian ran into Li Zhi, whom she hadn’t seen in a long time. He called out to her and she stayed to hang out in the shop for a while, while Zhao Shutang went home first.
Li Zhi had failed last year’s college entrance exam and went to an ordinary university in Pingcheng to study computer science. The just-ended half semester had been busy with classes at school.
Not long after Ruan Mian sat down at the small round table in the shop, Chen Yi suddenly also came over. Seeing her there, his expression froze for a moment, but he quickly returned to normal.
He had come to deliver something to Li Zhi. There were still matters at home, so he didn’t stay long in the shop and didn’t exchange many words with Ruan Mian.
Actually, since the competition ended, the two of them hadn’t really talked much.
Ruan Mian had lost the chance for a recommendation. After results came out, she threw herself back into college entrance exam review. The portions of coursework she had fallen behind on because of the competition kept her incredibly busy. Chen Yi gave up a recommendation spot from a domestic university and had been continuously preparing for going abroad.
Rumors about him and Sheng Huan still circulated around school, but because Chen Yi now already had half a foot in a higher education institution, teachers still turned a blind eye as before. Even Zhou Hai hadn’t brought up this matter again.
The distance between her and Chen Yi was also unknowingly becoming further and further.
Ruan Mian snapped out of her daze, only to realize in shock that Li Zhi had at some unknown time already sat down in the seat across from her.
Li Zhi picked raisins from the fruit plate and tossed them in his mouth, laughing softly: “What are you thinking about? So absorbed?”
“Nothing.” She slowly took a deep breath, trying hard to hide her thoughts. “Not thinking about anything.”
Li Zhi’s eyes stared at her without a moment’s pause, like sharp swords looking straight into her heart. “The way you look right now, if my dad saw it, he’d definitely think I did something to you.”
Ruan Mian’s heartbeat went into chaos. Meeting his gaze, as if suddenly understanding something in that moment of realization, her eyes immediately reddened.
Li Zhi pushed the tissue box on the table over. “I knew about Chen Yi going abroad very early on. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to affect your exam.”
“Mm.”
“You also went to the competition class for him, right?”
Ruan Mian rubbed her eyes. “Not entirely, but pretty much.”
Li Zhi sighed. “Actually, you didn’t need to. You’re so excellent. It’s only because you fell in love with Chen Yi that you feel inferior.”
“But Chen Yi is also an ordinary person. It’s just that your feelings made him your light.” Li Zhi said: “Don’t neglect your own excellence because of his light.”
“In this world, everyone has their own path to walk. If you keep chasing after him, how can he see you?”
Ruan Mian turned her head and covered her eyes. She had originally thought she would cry, but she didn’t. The sadness and sourness in her heart were real, but perhaps she had gotten used to it—she actually felt it wasn’t that unbearable.
That night, some were happy and some worried, but when dawn broke, a new day also came.
After the new semester began, there were only a few short months until the college entrance exam. Senior year coursework became increasingly intense. The sky full of test papers and heavy atmosphere pressed down until people couldn’t breathe.
From Science Class 1 and Class 2 last semester, students who participated in various competitions and major universities’ independent admissions totaled over thirty.
Some failed while others obtained recommendation quotas and score bonus policies. Ruan Mian gave up the score reduction school she had obtained from the competition and chose to apply for the more difficult clinical medicine (eight-year program) at a certain school in the capital.
In mid-March, No. 8 Middle School organized college entrance exam physical examinations. This was a rare relaxed time for all of senior year. After coming out of the hospital examination, Ruan Mian and Meng Xinglan skipped evening self-study class, went to a nearby small movie workshop, got a private room, and watched movies all evening.
They cried for romance movies, felt inspired by studying for senior year, felt their blood boil for patriotic themes, crying and laughing their way through that evening.
As a result, the next day when the two went to school, they were caught by Wu Yan and taken to the office for a scolding during morning reading. They had to write 500-character self-reflections before it was over.
Coming out of the office, the two walked very far but still couldn’t hold back. They leaned on the railing and laughed for a long time.
At that time, the wind was clear and clouds bright. Laughter was youth, crying was also youth.
The college entrance exam entered double-digit countdown in this kind of life. The batch of students with recommendations gradually left school in late April.
The several empty seats in the classroom were quickly filled with new people. Ruan Mian would occasionally unconsciously raise her head to look toward a certain seat in the front row.
Chen Yi received a preliminary acceptance notice from UC Berkeley. The official acceptance notice would be issued at the end of July.
He had no more reason to stay at school. His former seat became a storage spot for surrounding classmates to pile test papers and review materials.
However, Ruan Mian could still often see him at the school basketball court. Sometimes alone, sometimes with many people, but most often with two people.
Later on, Ruan Mian didn’t often pass by the basketball court area anymore, and so never saw Chen Yi again, until the school organized graduation photo taking before the college entrance exam.
Zhou Hai called back all those students who had left school.
That day the entire senior year was in chaos. Everyone was like fierce beasts released from their cages to breathe, unable to suppress their excitement.
Science Class 1 was the first class to take photos.
Zhou Hai changed into a particular gray shirt and dress pants. His hair was slicked with gel, shiny and bright under the sunlight. Putting down the teacup he’d held for two years, he led them to the front of the library building.
Student days always seemed to be like this—previously it felt like nothing, but not until graduation photo day did they feel the reluctance of impending separation.
Under blue sky and white clouds, a group of sixteen and seventeen-year-old boys and girls, tender and innocent smiles—that was youth many people could never return to.
After taking the large group photo, what remained were all small group photos of various cliques. Meng Xinglan messaged Liang Yiran telling him to come over from his class.
Shen Yu also ran out from their class.
The six of them took a group photo standing in the senior year corridor. Later, Ruan Mian kept that photo in her wallet, but during a certain outing, her wallet was unexpectedly stolen by someone. She also lost that photo.
And by that time, she and Chen Yi had already not seen each other for five years. She had lost in a strange city one of the few things related to him.
……
School didn’t give vacation until one week before the college entrance exam.
On the day of packing things to go home, the classroom atmosphere was especially sad. Ruan Mian received many classmate yearbooks passed to her.
Those she knew and those she didn’t.
All wanted to get a few words of blessing from her.
Outside the classroom, people were venting—roaring sounds, shouting sounds, as if wanting to shout out all this year’s pressure. Some classmates tore up useless draft papers and test papers and threw them down from upstairs. Before long, someone cried out that they had also thrown down their admission ticket.
Ruan Mian was sitting in the classroom writing in classmates’ yearbooks at that time. Hearing this sound, she lowered her head and smiled, but the blessing under her pen didn’t stop.
“Wishing you smooth sailing in the college entrance exam, success and honor.”
Ruan Mian.
2010/5/30.
During that week of vacation, Ruan Mian stayed in her room reading during the day, occasionally explaining a few problems to Zhao Shutang. At night she would go out alone to wander the streets.
Summer evening breezes were cool. The music in her earphones changed song after song.
The two days before the college entrance exam happened to be the weekend. Li Zhi came back from school and joined Ruan Mian’s street-wandering crew. The two walked from east to west.
Then bought two popsicles by the roadside and got on a bus heading home.
By then it was already very late. There weren’t many people on the bus. The two sat in the back row. Wind blew in through the open window. Ruan Mian bit on crushed ice in her mouth, humming a tuneless song.
Li Zhi smiled: “How come I see you’re not nervous at all?”
“Not too bad. Being nervous is useless anyway.” Ruan Mian finished that popsicle and turned to look out the window.
“Decided where to take the exam yet?”
Ruan Mian hummed, then said a familiar household-name school.
Li Zhi remarked: “Studying medicine, huh.”
“I don’t have any grand aspirations.” Ruan Mian smiled: “I just hope in the future I can be a person useful to society.”
“Alright, whatever Dr. Ruan says is right.”
“…”
During those two days of college entrance exams, Pingcheng’s weather was gloomy. The air was somewhat stuffy. Ruan Mian was assigned to take the exam at her former school, No. 6 Middle School, and stayed at Nanhu Garden for two days.
Zhao Shutang was assigned to the more distant No. 5 Middle School. Her father Zhao Yingwei was busy with company matters and couldn’t come back, so Fang Ruqing could only be responsible for pick-up and drop-off.
The evening after finishing the Chinese and math exams, Ruan Mian received a phone call from Ruan Mingke. After chatting for just a few sentences, Ruan Mingke went to another meeting.
She put down her phone and went outside to get a glass of water, stood on the balcony blowing in the wind for a while. That night the sky was very dark—no moon and very few stars.
The next day after the last English exam ended, the violent storm forecast by the weather report didn’t come. Instead it turned from overcast to sunny. Ruan Mian came out of the exam site. Sunlight also emerged from behind the dark clouds.
All around were various excited cheering sounds.
Ruan Mian felt quite ordinary about it. She walked home, took a shower, and burrowed into her bedroom to sleep until six-thirty. Getting up to wash her face, she prepared to go out.
Zhou Xiujun could already get out of bed and walk around. She was learning to make soup with the care assistant in the kitchen. Seeing Ruan Mian come out, she asked: “Going out again tonight?”
“Going to eat the farewell dinner. Probably won’t be back until very late. You and Auntie Wu don’t wait up for me tonight. I brought my key.” Ruan Mian changed shoes at the door. “If it gets too late, I’ll just stay at my mom’s place.”
“Okay, be careful.” Zhou Xiujun rubbed her waist with her hand. “Remember to bring an umbrella.”
What responded to her was the sound of Ruan Mian closing the door. The old lady shook her head with a smile and walked back into the kitchen.
Class 1 and Class 2 shared half their teachers. It wasn’t appropriate for teachers to go to either side, so in the end they simply set the farewell dinner together, booking two large private rooms at a big hotel near the school that could be merged.
Not everyone came to the farewell dinner. Halfway through eating, Ruan Mian finally saw Chen Yi supporting the already somewhat drunk Zhou Hai coming in from outside.
Zhou Hai had taught quite a few good students this year. Two or three with recommendations had left. Several obtained independent admissions. The remaining ones including Ruan Mian and several others were all seed players with hope of competing for this year’s top science student.
He pulled Chen Yi over and also called Ruan Mian, Meng Xinglan, and several others, speaking earnestly for quite a while with instructions and expectations.
Alcohol spurred sadness. Speaking and speaking, his eyes reddened.
Ruan Mian turned to look out the window. It was also at this moment that she realized they were really going to graduate. Many people here now might perhaps be very hard to see again in the future.
Thinking of this, she couldn’t help but look at the boy standing beside Zhou Hai. Thinking that from now on, the distance between her and him could no longer be measured by numbers, she still secretly reddened her eyes.
That day’s farewell dinner ended with everyone crying in a heap. Several boys from class sent the teachers back home then returned. Hearing crying sounds from the private room, they stood at the door without going in.
Several people stood at the end of the corridor chatting for a long time.
Later, people inside dispersed and came out one after another. Chen Yi prepared to go in to get his jacket. Jiang Rang suddenly called out to him: “Chen Yi.”
The boy stopped walking and turned back: “What is it?”
“Do you know…” Jiang Rang had drunk several bottles of alcohol. His eyes were染 tinged with some redness from the alcohol. He thought for a long time but ultimately didn’t say it out loud: “Forget it, nothing.”
Chen Yi laughed lightly: “You drank too much.”
Jiang Rang rubbed his face, also following with a laugh: “Just consider that I drank too much.”
—
**Author’s Note:** About one more Mei You Ren Xiang Ni – Chapter left, probably.