While the Han family was caught in a brief cold war with Senior Lady Fan over Han Yueheng’s matter, the Song household was filled with warmth and liveliness. Old Madam Song smiled as she watched Song Chuyan, bundled up like a New Year painting doll, perform her greeting, then smilingly had Nanny Qin lead her to the inner room to eat fruit and drink goat’s milk.
After dismissing the children, she laughingly instructed First Madam: “Since all the uncles are here today, let’s simply set up several large tables in the covered walkway. Display some narcissus flowers, arrange a few triangular vases as decoration, and warm up several pots of lotus flower wine and rice wine so they can eat to their hearts’ content.”
First Madam’s natal brothers had come to the capital to deliver New Year gifts. They had already settled into the old residence in the northern part of the city several days ago. Since they had personally delivered New Year gifts from such a great distance, Old Madam Song was truly touched by their sentiment and simply invited Third Madam’s brother and Cui Yingshu to come to the estate for dinner together, also to entertain these maternal uncles and let them keep each other company.
First Madam had been successful in everything recently, her eyes and brows carrying smiles. She nodded with a smile in agreement, then presented the menu for Old Madam Song’s review: “Including our own household’s gentlemen, setting up three tables total will be more than sufficient. This year the estate in Taizhou specially sent some red salted duck eggs, which Uncle Yun particularly loves. Additionally, there’s cucumber mixed with golden shrimp, red fermented fragrant oil crucian carp, sour bamboo shoot and chicken skin soup…”
Old Madam Song listened cheerfully. Seeing that Xiang Mingzi’s eyes were also bright, she suddenly remembered: “Haven’t heating wine gatherings become popular in the capital recently? Our household still has several three-tiered vessels—why not bring them out to heat up a hot pot? It would make the meal more lively.”
First Madam naturally had no objection. After adding and subtracting items, she finalized the list and took it out to convey to the kitchen.
Only then did Old Madam Song turn to look at the somewhat distracted Song Chuyi, asking with some concern: “Why have you had no energy all day? Did you drink that spicy beef soup for alertness this morning? Is your stomach uncomfortable?”
When Song Yan returned last night, it was already late afternoon. She had specifically waited for him at Chuzhou Pavilion to ask where he had been, but he refused to say. Early this morning he had disappeared again. Even knowing that First Madam’s natal brother, Third Madam’s brother, and Cui Yingshu were all coming as guests today, he still ran off and hadn’t returned to the estate even now. Song Chuyi was somewhat hesitant about whether to tell Old Madam Song about this. Just as she was hesitating, the young maids outside began calling in succession through the curtain that Second Master had arrived. They then lifted the curtain to welcome Song Yi inside.
Song Yi had been ill for some time and seemed to have aged ten years all at once. White hairs were actually appearing faintly at his temples. Upon entering, he didn’t first look at Song Chuyi and Xiang Mingzi who had hastily stood up, but instead greeted Old Madam Song, then covered his mouth and coughed several times: “The cold hasn’t passed yet. I won’t attend tonight’s banquet…”
He was still afraid of Cui Yingshu’s blame. Last time when he had privately accepted gifts from Shen Xiaohai, the heir of Duke Yingguo’s estate, Cui Yingshu had been extremely angry with him, practically pointing at his nose and cursing. Even when Song Yan returned, he was cold and distant to him, detached in a way that didn’t seem like father and son.
Old Madam Song felt somewhat pained seeing him like this. Thinking of how stupidly he had been used by others and was walking step by step further from his children made her heart ache with sorrow. With a stern face, she rebuked: “Nonsense! Your brother-in-law has come—how can you not receive guests? You’ll make people think you’re arrogant. Moreover, your father and brother will both be there. Are you saying you’re so grand that you cannot be summoned?”
Song Yi glanced at Song Chuyi who was standing properly with her head lowered, pressed his lips together, and only after a long while uneasily responded yes.
Old Madam Song sighed, then told Song Chuyi: “Escort your father out, and while you’re at it, go to Chuzhou Pavilion and call A’Yan over. Why is he never to be seen lately? Apart from morning and evening greetings, not even a glimpse of him—what’s he doing holed up in his room all the time?”
Song Yi secretly looked at Song Chuyi’s expression. After leaving, he hesitated for a long time before mustering the courage to speak to Song Chuyi: “I heard from the gatekeepers outside that A’Yan always runs to teahouses and theaters? This ultimately isn’t a good thing. A’Yan passed the child scholar examination at ten years old…”
He couldn’t continue. Every time he encountered Song Chuyi, somehow he always unconsciously felt lowered by a head, as if he had done something too shameful to mention. Although he indeed had done such things, in the past he hadn’t felt this strong sense of shame and difficulty.
Seeing him stop speaking, Song Chuyi looked up at him somewhat surprised and nodded to indicate she understood: “I know about this matter. Thank you for your concern, Father. I will properly guide A’Yan.”
As if this father of his might as well not exist—Song Yi’s lips moved, but thinking about how he truly hadn’t contributed anything to Song Yan’s upbringing, he could only mutely close his mouth. Seeing there was still a long stretch of road to walk, he felt his heart sinking straight down. He sighed and began making conversation: “Your grandfather has started arranging viewings… for a second wife for me… But don’t worry, I will never do foolish things again in the future…”
He couldn’t remain a widower forever. It had been nearly five years since Li Shi passed away—eventually he would need to add a new person. When he occasionally chatted idly with Fifth Master, they both greatly feared that remarrying a second wife would make his relationship with his children even more distant.
Before Song Chuyi could respond, she heard Song Yi suddenly choke up and say: “Xiaoyi, the past matters were my wrongs to you all. Don’t hate me… I… I wronged you all…”
Song Chuyi recalled how well Song Yi had treated her in her previous life—at that time, she was detested by everyone, and only Song Yi, whether out of guilt or some other reason, treasured her like a jewel in his palm, agreeing to whatever she requested and indulging her. Even at the end when she insisted on marrying Shen Qingrang, though Song Yi was heartbroken, he did his utmost to fulfill her wishes.
But she also couldn’t forget that in this life, when Song Yan was on the brink of death, Song Yi had still protected Song Chuning.
Some fractures, once formed, could never be restored to their original state, whether in familial affection or anything else.
She looked up at Song Yi and spoke to him seriously for the first time since learning the truth about Cui Shi’s death: “There are no parents who are not right in the world—we dare not harbor resentment. But as I said to Father before, I also hope Father will no longer concern himself with our affairs. Since Father didn’t manage them before, there’s no need to manage them in the future. We are still father and daughter, and A’Yan and Father are still father and son. It’s just that from now on, regarding matters concerning our futures, I beg Father not to interfere anymore.”
Song Yi felt as if he were stepping on cotton, unable to find his center of balance. He only felt dizzy and disoriented, and after quite a while, he stumbled away.