In the golden autumn of October, two “single and accomplished” young men at the Zhikun Law Firm found themselves faced with a formidable assignment: accompanying their boss to fetch his bride.

Chen Hui had initially been disgruntled about working as a groomsman on National Day. But on the morning of the wedding procession, when he and Liu Mao arrived at the new apartment Xu Huaisong had purchased in Hang Shi’s city center and did the math on the red envelope — five times his monthly salary — he cheerfully declared that he was very much open to being called upon for this kind of work in the future.

Which naturally earned him a sharp look from Xu Huaisong. “The future? How about the golden fiftieth anniversary — if you’re still single by then, I’ll invite you to be my groomsman again.”

Chen Hui closed his eyes in profound suffering, stabbed right through the heart.

Zhou Jun, also dressed as a groomsman and standing nearby, smiled quietly.

Liu Mao nudged Chen Hui with his elbow. “Don’t disappoint Attorney Xu’s high hopes for you. I won’t be in a position to keep you company by then.”

“Mao-ge,” — rank meant nothing on a day like this, and Chen Hui took the liberty of teasing him — “you’re the oldest one in our groomsman party. Shouldn’t you be the most desperate to find someone?”

Liu Mao clicked his tongue in displeasure.

The fourth groomsman, sitting at the far end of the sofa, finally reached his limit. He let out a long, deep sigh.

The two men looked at Zhao Yi simultaneously, and heard him declare with great world-weary wisdom: “Brothers, let’s not have the pot calling the kettle black. They always say — the idle youth shall grieve in old age. Did neither of you think to plan ahead when you were students?”

The two of them faltered. Xu Huaishi, sitting beside Zhao Yi, raised her hand and knocked her knuckle against his head. “Is that even the right way to use that phrase? Do you think everyone was like you — spending their entire school years chasing after girls?”

Zhao Yi choked.

Liu Mao sighed and fired back: “It seems young Zhao here is going to be firmly under the thumb of his wife one day too.”

Xu Huaisong, sitting in the middle, suddenly joined the fray: “What do you mean by ‘too’?”

“Whoever feels the shoe fits — it means exactly what they’re thinking.”

Xu Huaishi said cheerfully: “Gege, don’t bother fighting it. If you like, I can call sister-in-law right now and have you tell her to her face that you’re not henpecked — and we’ll see whether this wedding still happens today.”

Xu Huaisong looked at her with an expressionless face. “You can stay behind when we go to pick up your sister-in-law.”

“Why? Mom assigned me the job of carrying the ceremonial copper brazier!”

Zhao Yi explained on Xu Huaisong’s behalf: “Look at whose side you’re already on. The moment the bridesmaids come at us, you’ll be the first to turn coat — and then we’ll all get massacred.”

Xu Huaishi shot him a look. “They’ll be coming after you specifically — you’d better be ready to take a few hits for my brother later, understood?”

Zhao Yi gave an “oh,” lowered his head, and murmured: “Today I take hits for your brother — I wonder who’ll be taking hits for me one day…”

When the auspicious hour arrived, the group piled into the wedding cars and made their way to the Ruan family home in the suburbs. Getting through the front door alone took half an hour.

The Ruan family’s welcoming crowd was considerable. A swarm of children blocked the entrance demanding sweets, and Xu Huaisong distributed red envelopes like flyers, while Zhao Yi beside him called out to the crowd: “No need to push, no need to push — there’s enough for everyone. Any problem that money can solve is no problem at all!”

Xu Huaishi pressed her hand to her forehead.

The group eventually made it upstairs, only to find an answer board positioned at the top of the second-floor staircase. Shen Mingying appeared in her bridesmaid’s dress and announced: “If you want to see the bride, you answer questions first. Answer correctly, come up. Answer incorrectly, thirty push-ups.”

Zhao Yi waved his hand dismissively. “Easy. Brothers, you handle the questions — I’ll cover all the push-ups!”

Chen Hui glanced at him sideways. “Little brother, do you know what you’re saying? Is there even a question our Xu Huaisong-ge couldn’t answer?”

Xu Huaisong said nothing — and privately thought that was actually not guaranteed.

Liu Mao caught his somewhat uncertain expression and quietly tugged at his sleeve. “What kind of questions are they? Didn’t she give you any hints?”

Xu Huaisong had certainly tried. A few days earlier, he had seized the moment while Ruan Yu was in the bath and sneaked onto her laptop to steal a look at the questions — fought through layer after layer of security, and finally cracked open an encrypted file, only to find on the Word document, in enormous bold Song typeface: Shame on whoever reads this.

The shame of it had pricked his conscience, and he hadn’t had the nerve to ask her to leak the questions.

The bridesmaids behind Shen Mingying began urging the groom to pick a number. She told him to choose between one and ten.

Xu Huaisong said: “Seven.”

Shen Mingying flipped open the answer board. “Groom, please answer: from the back door of Class Nine, Year Three, at Yi Zhong to the front door of Class Ten, Year Three — how many floor tiles does it take to cross?”

Zhao Yi blinked, and immediately dropped down into position, ready to do push-ups.

Xu Huaisong blinked, and looked at Xu Huaishi.

“Don’t look at me, gege — Zhao Yi and I were in Class Seven. And besides, who in their right mind would stand around counting floor tiles?”

Xu Huaisong blinked again, and looked at Zhou Jun.

“Look, Huaisong… I was in Class Nine, but I didn’t have anyone I was secretly in love with in Class Ten.”

The bridesmaid party had already started counting down.

Xu Huaisong thought for a moment, and when they reached “three,” said: “Twenty-three.”

This time it was Shen Mingying’s turn to be stunned. She checked the answer. “How did you guess that right?”

Xu Huaisong smiled. “I didn’t guess. I had too much time on my hands back then.”

Zhao Yi got up from the floor. “Then why did you keep us in suspense, Xu Huaisong-ge?”

“If I’d answered too quickly, she wouldn’t have felt a sense of achievement.”

“…”

Everyone rubbed their own arms, smoothing down the goosebumps that had risen from sheer second-hand sweetness.

Xu Huaishi sighed and turned to Zhao Yi: “Take notes.”

They made it smoothly up to the bride’s room on the third floor. Xu Huaishi caught sight of Ruan Yu sitting on the bed in her red wedding dress and immediately exclaimed: “Sister-in-law, how on earth did my brother manage to marry someone as heavenly as you?!”

Ruan Yu looked at Xu Huaisong — standing tall and straight, bouquet in hand — and smiled. “Well, he hasn’t quite married me yet, has he?”

Shen Mingying took charge again: “Exactly — if you want to take the bride, find her shoes first!” She pulled out her phone and started the timer. “Two shoes, this room, five minutes.”

The groomsmen scattered in every direction, each claiming a corner to search.

Only Xu Huaisong stood motionless in front of Ruan Yu’s bed.

Shen Mingying looked at him sideways. “Not very enthusiastic — changed your mind about marrying Yu Yu?”

He smiled mildly. “They’re using their hands to look. I’m using my eyes.”

Ruan Yu was irritated by his air of absolute certainty. “I dare you to find them within two minutes.”

Xu Huaisong gave an “oh” and decided to let a couple of minutes pass in conversation: “The question you picked just now — was number seven the easiest one?”

“How did you know that?”

“Because last year, when you asked me to work through the bar exam practice sets, I picked the seventh one. By that logic, I should have assumed you might have set a trap in question seven — and avoided it.”

“So this time?”

“I still picked seven.”

Cunning.

Ruan Yu shot him a resentful look, then turned her head to see Zhao Yi pointing at the bag on her nightstand. “Senior, can I look through your bag?”

She blinked at him, momentarily blank.

Zhao Yi’s expression said it all: found it. “One of them is in the bag.”

Xu Huaisong glanced at his wristwatch. Only a minute and a half had passed. “Not my fault.”

Ruan Yu let out a low hum. “There’s still another one, isn’t there?”

The second shoe was genuinely nowhere to be found.

The group rummaged through everything — upended the room, crawled under the bed — and found no trace of it.

With thirty seconds left on the clock, Xu Huaisong checked his watch and told the groomsmen: “Everyone stop looking.”

The moment Ruan Yu saw that certain expression on his face, she knew she was about to lose — and sure enough, he looked at the bridesmaid beside Shen Mingying whose dress reached the floor, and said: “The other shoe is tied to that young lady’s leg. Whoever’s willing, please retrieve it.”

The girl in question showed no trace of embarrassment at being found out. She smiled and lifted the hem of her dress with a graceful hand: “Whoever takes it has to take responsibility.”

Zhao Yi immediately pressed himself close to Xu Huaishi. “Xu Huaisong-ge — I’m taken, this puts me in a rather inconvenient position!”

Chen Hui’s face had already gone red. “This — this doesn’t feel right…”

Zhou Jun scratched his head. “Maybe Liu-lü should go.”

Liu Mao looked at the girl across from him — whose expression plainly said come and get it if you dare — and his face took on a look of extreme wariness.

Author’s note: Liu Mao: Helping a brother marry the woman who was set up as his own blind date — and then ending up being offered as the sacrificial lamb himself. 🙂