They had agreed on one thing beforehand: when he left tomorrow morning, he wouldn’t wake her up—she didn’t want to see him off.

That night, Jin Yiken didn’t sleep.

He inevitably had some parting emotions toward her, and these emotions were carried into his actions, causing him to refuse to let her go the entire night. Long Qi was especially agreeable that night; she was willing to go along with whatever he wanted. Her fingernails dug into his skin, her gasping breaths released by his ear, making his desire grow stronger and stronger.

She gave Jin Yiken the most satisfying and most unforgettable night before he went abroad. He said she was quite calculating—even if the two of them didn’t end up together in the end, no second woman could surpass what she gave him that night. He would remember this night for his entire life.

Long Qi was tying up her hair at that moment.

The rubber band wound round and round, cleanly binding her hair behind her head. After Jin Yiken finished saying this, she wordlessly sat on top of him, used her hands to hook around his neck, stroked his face with her thumb, then kissed him. That moment was five in the morning; outside the window curtain the twilight light faintly appeared. There were still four hours until he went abroad, and over twelve hours since his phone had been on silent. Jin Yiken pulled off her rubber band, returning her to a state of long hair draped over her shoulders, then circled her waist with his arm, holding her as he turned and lay down to sleep.

He left around seven o’clock.

When he left, he truly kept his promise and didn’t wake her, but he bought her a breakfast and left it on the coffee table, then took away one of the black rubber bands she used to tie her hair.

When he closed the door, Long Qi slowly opened her eyes. She didn’t do anything, just listened to the sounds of him gradually moving farther away and leaving, then continued to close her eyes again, treating it all as a prosperous dream.

“Will you miss me?”

The day before winter break, Jin Yiken had asked Long Qi this sentence at the male students’ farewell banquet in their class.

At that time, Long Qi really did answer.

While wiping his neck, she looked toward him because of this sentence. His eyes were a bit red; he looked quite drunk. She didn’t speak, just placed the wet napkin on her knee and arranged it. After quite a while, she slowly opened her mouth: “Jin Yiken, what do you think my answer is?”

He didn’t answer.

She continued arranging it and said: “I thought before about you asking me this kind of question.”

“Actually the relationship between us two is quite strange. At the beginning I didn’t like you, so I kept being accustomed to this state of not liking you, and you also got accustomed to this state. So many times, for some questions that should be answered seriously, I brushed them off perfunctorily. Just like before when you brought up the matter of going abroad, I was always quite indifferent about it, and over time you stopped bringing it up.”

“But now I feel my mindset is a bit different. These past few days, my feelings toward you have been a bit different. I still like Dong Xi, but I somewhat don’t want you to go abroad. This kind of ambiguous thinking is especially bad.”

“But I can’t ignore this feeling,” she finally finished folding all the wet napkins and said, raising her head to call him, “Jin Yi…”

Jin Yiken had fallen asleep on the chair.

Long Qi’s words slowly stopped. She looked at him, and after looking for a long while, she continued to lower her head and unfold the napkins she’d folded, not speaking again.

So that day, what Jin Yiken missed was the words he most wanted to hear.

At eight fifty, Long Qi checked out of the room.

She wore a thin outer coat, her face clean of makeup, carrying the breakfast he’d bought as she sat by the fountain pool outside the hotel. It was her favorite crab roe soup dumplings; the nearest branch was at least a half-hour drive from here, which also explained why Jin Yiken had gone out once at six thirty and then come back.

After her gaze fixed on these soup dumplings for a while, she took chopsticks from the plastic bag and took a bite in the cold wind, silently eating.

The weather was very gray, the clouds pressed very low. The snow in this city hadn’t melted yet and was still drifting with fine small snow particles. She vaguely saw the flight traces of airplanes thirty thousand feet above, which in a flash were buried by thick cloud layers again. She ate the soup dumplings bite by bite, slowly and unhurriedly, without making a sound.

The phone in her pocket was vibrating; she didn’t answer it either.

Nine o’clock sharp, airport waiting room.

The flight was delayed half an hour due to weather reasons. Outside the hall circled the tremendous sound of airplane engines. Jin Yiken sat soundlessly; Bai Aiting sat beside him.

All procedures were completed, all luggage checked. Behind the seats were the two families’ mothers who had temporarily decided to accompany them on the flight to England, currently chatting. Jin Yiken’s elbow rested on his knee; he lowered his head rubbing his face after staying up all night. Bai Aiting said softly beside him: “You didn’t go home last night, did you?”

He ignored her.

“You didn’t change your clothes, and your phone is almost out of battery too.”

After rubbing his cheeks, he stared at the floor in a daze, still not answering her.

She also quieted for a while. The two families’ mothers were discussing the climate differences between London and here. She occasionally joined in with a sentence or two, was lightly praised a few times by Aunt Jin, then continued sitting quietly. Occasionally she would also look toward him; he didn’t show any sign of interest in this topic.

Shortly after, as if after deep deliberation, Bai Aiting spoke again: “I know you’ve had strong rebellious feelings toward your family recently, so you don’t want to be with me.”

Then, this helpless tone gradually changed to a “it doesn’t matter” sense of destiny as she said: “But I can endure.”

Jin Yiken narrowed his eyes and turned his head to look at her.

She also looked at him.

“You like Long Qi now, that’s fine. You despise your family’s decision, that’s also fine. I can endure. No matter what decision you make now, I will always be good to you. I will endure until the day you see yourself clearly, endure until the day you mature. Four years is neither long nor short, enough to let you grow into a steady and responsible man.”

“As long as I don’t give up,” she continued, “as long as I don’t give up, one day I can wait until you change your mind. And you’ll also discover by then that long-distance foreign relationships are useless. As long as you and Long Qi can’t see each other, that kind of passion that’s as insubstantial as foam will immediately dissipate, because for you, she—and for her, you—are nothing more than momentary novelty and mutual exploitation, Jin Yiken.”

When Bai Aiting said these words, he didn’t interrupt. At that time, the two families’ mothers behind them had already moved on to topics about summer. He just moved the corner of his mouth noncommittally and slowly asked her: “You know everything, so do you know how many times she and I did it last night?”

Bai Aiting had a moment of shocked surprise, but this emotion was quickly suppressed. Her lips were trembling, while her gaze and expression forcibly pretended to be calm, replying: “I didn’t ask you, so don’t say it.”

“I can’t count it clearly myself either, but even now I still remember her breathing sounds. I’m very tired, I miss her very much, I want to go back right now to accompany her for a return-to-sleep nap, or do it one more time.”

“Jin Yiken!” Bai Aiting called his name in a low voice, frantically glancing back at the two families’ mothers who were still chatting, covering her hand over the back of his hand. “Quiet down, don’t let your mom and my mom hear.”

He pulled his hand out from beneath her palm.

On his hand was a black rubber band. Since entering the airport, he’d been playing with it the whole time, winding it around. Now after scaring her, he lowered his head with satisfaction and continued patiently winding this rubber band.

***

At nine thirty, when Jin Yiken sent a text message that he’d already boarded, Long Qi looked at the airplane figure in the gray and dark sky.

This city was over nine thousand kilometers from London, with an eight-hour time difference and a round trip of twenty-six hours. She sat in front of the fountain pool mottled with rain and snow, looking for a long time. After her eyes became sore from looking, she slowly withdrew her gaze.

At that time, Lao Ping had already called her five missed calls, continuously maintained from eight thirty until now, and was still calling.

She wasn’t in a hurry to answer.

Later she walked out of the hotel, wandering aimlessly into the most flourishing commercial district in the city center, pausing in front of a coffee shop’s hiring sign on the pedestrian street.

The weather was cold, the wind strong, blowing her long hair loose, blowing snow particles onto her face. She touched the meager cash in her clothing pocket, looked at the salary introduction on the hiring sign, breathing the raw, raw cold air.

She hadn’t told Jin Yiken about her strapped circumstances. She wanted him to go abroad with peace of mind, not worry about her at all, and not consume funds on her, not consume his family’s tolerance toward him.

So she also hadn’t told him that while preparing for the college entrance exam, she needed to do proper part-time work to support herself. When accompanying him, she was a queen held in the palm of his hand, eating well and sleeping well; after he left, she returned to the shabby student appearance of fighting alone.

She’d disappointed his hopes.

When the phone rang for the seventh time, across from the coffee shop, the LED screen of the central plaza’s building was playing a music program. The host was using grand wording to provide pre-broadcast buildup for a single that was coming on strong. She took out her phone from her clothing pocket and lowered her head to look.

Still Lao Ping.

At this moment, the coffee shop’s door opened with a click. The server perhaps seeing her standing outside for a long time looked at her with an inquiring gaze. She immediately put her phone back in her clothing pocket and asked: “Hello, is your shop still hiring?”

“Oh…” The server looked her over. “It’s about this matter? Come in and talk.”

Long Qi walked up the steps.

At the same time, the LED screen on the central building began playing the single. The intro was shocking and ear-catching, causing the server to glance over there, but after just one glance, the person froze, immediately turning back to stare at Long Qi who had just entered the coffee shop. Long Qi was receiving a new text message at that moment; she lowered her head to look at her phone, the light from the screen shining on her face.

The text was from Lao Ping. He said: Next time answer my calls promptly. Clean yourself up and put on light makeup—I’m taking you to discuss several contracts.

In less than three seconds, a second text followed closely: PS. Today is your MV premiere day, remember to watch it. Even you will fall in love with yourself.

She had no emotional fluctuation.

It was just that the server hadn’t closed the glass door for a long time; the wind outside kept blowing in gust after gust. Long Qi was cold and looked over with furrowed brows. And in that second when she looked over, she happened to see on the LED screen of the central building across the way, herself staring at the camera lens right as she accompanied the lead singer’s roar of the first strong note.

Only then did her body go numb.